Alicia Fox on her career: “I feel embarrassed”

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The latest guest on the Lilian Garcia Podcast is WWE’s Bona-fied Superstar Alicia Fox!. The former Divas champion discusses her career with Lilian Garcia, detailing how she feels “embarrassed” about it. Throughout the podcast, Fox discusses her difficult upbringing with divorced parents, personal insecurities and more. Below are the highlights:

On the topic of her starting days in WWE, Alicia discusses what it was like to earn respect in the locker room, and what she learned:

“It was more of the culture in wrestling that we were educating ourselves through experience to understand and respect because wrestling’s been around forever. Wrestling in Jacksonville, like going back to my childhood, I don’t ever remember really having a time where I witnessed it or understood or saw it highlighted. I felt really insecure being around all of these very driven people that worked hard, and did their indies and this, and did their research and did their diligence to get there. I felt very insecure about whenever I had an opinion about something, or even when it comes to putting a match together, or even speaking about what I know from the experience I pulled. I’ve been in the locker room with a lot of greats – Mickie James, Melina, Gail Kim, Beth Phoenix, Katie Lea, ODB – come from a lot of experience of their own. And they also have experience from how this environment has affected them as an individual. They’ve overcome that. I’m very blessed to have been in the business early to really see what wrestling in itself, it seems like a very small bubble in a weird way, but you’re lucky to be in that bubble.”

Her family is brought up, and Fox describes the difficult life with her parents:

“My dad has seven master degrees. He is so smart, he is genius. The interesting part that makes him so stupid is the fact that he’s got all of these degrees, however, not a job, not a nothing, not s***. He’s always had the drive to go forward, but he’s also very self validating. It still bothers me, he’s still a bum. He’s still bumming around Tampa somewhere like – my dad was physically abusive to my mom, so getting a divorce was not really an option. My mom is such a beauty, and she knew, and we were close from the day I was born, in a sense of when they were going through their problems – she trusted me with that at like five, six years old, so I felt like, you know – I’m a team player – so I take friendship very serious, and I take being a friend very serious. I feel as though from that experience that I have with my mom and my dad, maybe I take it a little too serious so if I see danger I’ll just naturally… not do that.”

Garcia asks the former Divas champion if she’d seen the abuse between her parents, and she discusses one of the most memorable nights of it:

“I don’t really know if I understood at that point what I was really witnessing, so I just remember one night – my sister and I – one of the last nights we were at my house, and my mom was like, I could hear her crying in pain or sadness, or something, it was just very violent, very bad. I remember my sister and I not knowing what to do, ‘cos we shared a room – and I remember my sister and I deciding that we were gonna open the window and just start screaming for help. And ‘cos I’m a spiritual person too, I believe in God and everything else as well, it was the first time that I, for what ever reason, that my mind saw myself and my sister screaming out that window from above in a very weird, meditated state. I recall screaming out the window, it was like, we wanted so bad for somebody to come help my mom, so bad that we almost [went] into a trance. We [either] fell asleep, or the night was over, and we just eventually woke up in Florida in a weird way.”

On the topic of relationships, Foxy brings up her past with former WWE Superstar Wade Barrett, and how she can’t deal with being on the road with a partner 24/7:

“After Stu [Bennett] and I broke up, that was a mess. It was so stupid. Whatever, everyone’s watched Total Divas but no one really understands what it’s like. The thing is, I really cared about Stu a lot, and we were together quite a while. And on the road, with being together all the time, ugh. It’s just like, nah. It’s too much. You can’t be around someone that much. I don’t understand how people can do that! I’m like, “are you guys working me?” like, I don’t get it!”

The topic of her career is a big one. Alicia goes into detail about insecurities regarding her place in WWE:

“Sometimes I feel embarrassed of my career in a sense. Because sometimes when the fans come up and they’re like saying “underrated” or this or that, I never really realized until social media really popped up. Then I’m left thinking, “am I underrated?” or, like… I’m one of the only girls that don’t have any merch. Never had any merch, even when the Bella Twins and I were together it was still “Team Bella”. But I never complain about any of those things because in my head I’m like, “well, it’s okay,” you know, a lot of fluffy content thinking. But you know what? Maybe it’s not okay. But then it gets me upset and angry, ‘cos I’m thinking, “what will my next chapter look like?” – is it gonna be okay if I’m not putting food on my table, or whatever, or giving [that] my career’s at the control of someone else?”

After being asked if merch would count as her having “made it”, Foxy immediately responded with a “no,” continuing to say:

“Not at all. There’s really nothing that I feel I want or crave out of more than where I’m at. I just feel that insecure habit of comparing gets in my head and I get to work and it weighs on my shoulders, and I start feeling a little embarrassed.”

Noticing the insecurity in her guest, Garcia attempts to give Foxy some inspiring words of wisdom. She quickly takes this opportunity to ask her about being the first African American Divas champion:

“Back then I was like 24, I was a kid. I don’t think I really was able to appreciate that moment the way I would today because I didn’t really even know what was going on. I still can’t believe they’d give me the title, and still had no idea of the responsibility – how I could have taken it further. Between then and now, the experience I’ve collected, I feel like that would’ve been done a lot different. But I didn’t believe in me. Up until, probably a year ago, [I] didn’t believe in me, until I had to sit with myself and we talked it out. And the thing that I realize I was struggling the most with, is I had all these goals, all these things, but I didn’t realize that I didn’t have a very vivid, painted picture that land of milk and honey looked like. Whereas, it would’ve made the journey, and certain things along the journey easier because I would be able to identify them.”

Alicia also discusses how being in WWE validated her insecurities, joining the industry with Kelly Kelly and more. This can be listened to here.

What do you think of this interview? Has this changed your perception on the WWE Superstar? Let us know your views in the comments below!