The Tiffany Guide to Impact: Knockoutpalooza

impact16july09

This week’s installment of TNA Impact was jam-packed with Knockout action, including two promos and the debut of Sarita and Alissa Flash.

First, Impact delivered a promo setting up Sharmell vs. Jenna Morasca. Both Sharmell and Jenna hold nothing back in expressing their ill feelings towards one another. Jenna does not seem intimidated at all by Sharmell, but appears to overcompensate with words what Sharmell has in experience. I’m not exactly sure where Sojourner Bolt and Awesome Kong fit in at Victory Road, seeing as the match is still advertised as Sharmell vs. Jenna. Given the impression that each competitor will have her own lady in her corner respectively, it doesn’t do much to level the playing field. Jenna would easily have the edge with Kong at her side. Though, what’s most amusing is that TNA seems to be really treating this as a serious match. Well if you’ve got to admire anything about TNA, it’s got to be their ability to hype anything. Just as I anticipated, this will be only one of two Knockout matches. So, it’s nothing for fans to pull their hair out or souse their eyes out for just yet. I fear it will be that unimpressionable.

Watch the video below:

Further down the lineup, the Beautiful People make their way to the ring with some choice words in mind.

Watch the promo and the Sarita-Alissa match after the cut:

Back in the Impact Zone, as Angelina Love sports a ridiculous beekeeper outfit, Velvet Sky keeps some repellent in hand, and Madison Rayne opts for a broomstick. What’s a patented Beautiful People entrance without some gratuitous props? Perhaps, in the future, they can learn to incorporate this type of weaponry to ward off the advances of creepy, horny cameramen.

Angelina Love explains her displeasure toward Victoria and the “fluke” that was her victory. Angelina still considers herself the Knockout’s champion and deems their past match-up as “unofficial.” However, a belt-toting Victoria arrives to dispute her claims. The new Knockouts Champion announces a rematch at Victory Road to put the allegations to rest. Yet again, Victoria continues to toy with Angelina’s blatant fear of spiders. Angelina takes offense and “stops, drops, and rolls” herself across the mat. Who knew amateur fire safety tecniques were so effective against arachnids?

Victoria approaches a mortified Angelina from behind and sets her up for another devastating Widow’s Peak.

This promo does virtually nothing besides give Victoria some momentum going into Victory Road. A push the new champion hardly needs. This close going into the rematch, I would have liked to see Angelina gain a little offense. Though, you can always count on Angelina Love to deliver a humorous promo, squeaky voice and all. Consequently, I think we may all just have a good idea of the result of their impending match. If anything, this has just given us a clear-cut winner.

Now, in a highly anticipated debut of two of the newest Knockouts, Sarita and Alissa Flash, TNA delivers in promising a future division we can all be proud of.

Alissa Flash first approaches the six-sided ring and makes crystal clear of her preference of reference as “The Future Legend.” Next, a fairly excitable Sarita makes her entrance under the watchful eye of Alissa Flash.

Alissa starts of the match by spewing saliva in the face of Sarita, followed by an onslaught against the ring ropes. An irish whip to the corner and Sarita executes series of impressive moves including a flipping ropewalk armdrag and a dropkick that sends Alissa to the outside. Sarita launches herself through a suicide dive onto Alissa in a manner that can rival that of TNA’s X-Division.

However, Alissa Flash does not stay down for long. She pushes Sarita into the turnbuckle post, shoves her into the barricade, and slams her onto the floor.

Back into the ring, the crowd begins to get behind Sarita as she endures a few vicious kicks from Alissa Flash. Alissa again takes control of the match. She goes for cover, but Sarita tries to fight back. Alissa then leads her into the corner and presses her boot against the side of Sarita’s head. An irish whip later, Sarita counters with an impressive springboard crossbody into a pin. The attempt is unsuccessful and Alissa takes her down. Sarita gains the advantage again, this time with an MMA-type submission move. Alissa somehow manuevers herself out of the hold and enflicts a standing deathlock surfboard, driving Sarita into the mat. “In my neighborhood they call that a curbstomp,” Don West so comically chimes in.

Sarita goes for a reversal, but Alissa slams her with a lateral press. In a attempt to reverse an irish , Sarita goes for what could be a wheelbarrow bulling, but Alissa suplexes her back into the turnbuckle. Sarita’s head bounces off and Alissa goes for the pin, only rendering a 2-count.

Alissa goes for a finish, but Sarita ends the match with victory roll. At the end of the contest, both Sarita and Alissa tease a sportsman-like finish, but Alissa exacts revenge.

This match surpassed so many levels of remarkable, and it was only just a taste of what both Sarita and Alissa Flash can do. Although Sarita solidified her debut with a win, both ladies made a lasting impact. These are definitely two Knockouts to look forward to in the title picture, as either one would make a make credible contendor. The Knockouts division has been TNA’s saving grace for quite some time and it’s only fitting that they’d showcase some of their best female talent to break new ground.

It was refreshing and incredibly fulfilling to watch such a Knockout-heavy Impact. I’m very pleased to see that TNA is just as capable, if not even more capable, to bring up its women’s division to the level even higher than it was a couple years ago.

Gail…who? Nah, just joking.

  • http://www.diva-dirt.com Melanie

    I felt like I was watching a whole new division this week, Sarita and Alissa were amazing and I really hope they get pushed to the top of the card with Victoria, TBP & Kong.

    I love high-flying lucha style and Sarita definitely fills that quota. Meanwhile Melissa is so unique in the ring, her moveset is definitely different and it’s just so intense, which matches her equally intense ‘deadpan’ characteristics.

  • http://www.stratusfacts.com C-Ray

    I enjoyed every single minute of this match, from start to finish. It beats every single Diva match in WWE this week, by far.

    Last night’s match is what the Knockout Division should be all about, and I have a feeling we’re going to see that untouched division again really soon. ;)

  • shannymac

    Last night’s match was amazing! Melissa and Sarah are two of my favorite wrestlers, and I really hope that TNA sees the potentially great feud that they could have together.

  • Felipe

    This match was freakin awesome, it should be a nominee for best female match of the year. I was thinking the same thing as Tiffany “Gail Who?”, only difference was I wasn’t joking. I’m a huge mark for highflyers( and submissionist) that’s why Gail Kim, Angela Fong, and now Sarita are my favorite female wrestlers.

    Sharmell is pretty good in the ring, so for people who never seen her wrestle, they should watch some of her matches on youtube. Another example of why WWE doesn’t showcase real talent.

    As far as Jenna goes “we’ll see”.

  • Luis

    last nite TNA totally delivered
    the promo with Jenna and Sharmell was funny and Awesome Kong looked great hehe

    the Tara and Angelina segment was also amusing
    but i do wish Angelina would get at least some momentum heading into Victory Road

    Sarita vs Allysa was absolutely amazing
    from start to finish it was such a good match.

  • Rob

    Both matches were fun. Angelina really kow her role well and plays a comedic heel role better than anyone else in TNA or the WWE. Sarita and melisa showed what two skilled performers can do if they are given enough time and don’t have to bother with gimics or distractions. Both set themselves up as creditable holders of the knockouts title. I still don’t see Lisa holding it for long especially if her MMA career gets going. What I can see is a new series of matches where the belt changes hands frequently because although Kong has the advantage of strength, Lisa, Angelina, Sarita, Melissa all have the skills to beat each other. Then you throw in the other knockouts and what was once a stale division now has new life.

  • dunk20

    WOW That’s all I can say!

  • TaylorJade

    I thought she was going to go by Melissa Flash.

    But, that was an awesome match. It seemed like brawling, high flying, and submissions all in one. I had seen a decent amount of Melissa before and was definitely a fan. I hadn’t seen too much of Sarita, but I now am a fan. I think that with these two new additions the Knockout Division has nowhere to go but up.

  • http://www.myspace.com/afemata_blood boi213

    both of the new knockouts were great last night but whose the new chick in raisha sieeds costume now???

  • http://www.myspace.com/afemata_blood boi213

    oh yeah and did sharmell really wreslte agains melina??? im trying to find out where the video is….cant find it on youtube

  • spiffy

    who the hell designed sarita’s outfit???

  • Luis

    @boi213
    wasnt it Booker T and Sharmell vs Melina and Mercury or Nitro?

  • PedroPedroso17

    Gosh, I really liked the match, the girls were awesome in-ring wise, but…I was a little blinded by those arse fugly attires and the horrid make-up. Oh well, they both are awesome in the ring, much better than most women on WWE.
    I never thought the Knockout could act that good, Jenna V.S. Sharmell as a possibility to be an average match :O, Id like to see WWE build a feud as good as TNA (women divison only), All 5 girls acted nicely, on WWE many of the girls suck at builidng up a feud and delievring a good showing of their acting capacaties (Mickie, Kelly, Michelle, Maria, Eve, Tiffany…), of course there is the awesome “OH MY GOD, IM SO EXCITED” by the lovely Alicia…

    SILENCE ( I found that barely racist, but it was kind of funny…)

  • Tremble

    Stop hating on Sarita’s outfits!! I mean crap is THAT important anyway? Seriously at least she doesn’t dress like a cheap ho like say the Beautiful People. Who btw are so not beautiful it is laughingly ironic. Velvet is kinda cute but Angelina looks like a walking ad for plastic surgery. Sarita has them both beat with in and out of ring style and gorgeousness. As well as wrestling ability and that fact is just so obvious it’s ridiculous.

    Love it cuz there WILL be lots more of it.
    Peace my Geeks.