Screen Sirens: The Women of “Mad Men”

We’re resurrecting an old beloved feature: Screen Sirens! If you’re not familiar with it, what we do is take a female role in any field of entertainment, be it a television show, film, or even a book, and cast a Diva or Knockout in the role based on her personality, looks, and some good old-fashioned imagination. Oscars may not be in their future but the women of wrestling, in all their shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds are surely diverse and interesting enough to make the speculation nearly as fun as seeing them on the big screen.

Mad Men, the show that has been dubbed the “most critically acclaimed series on television” is now in its third week, so I’m a little late to usher in the new season with this post. But hey, better late than never, right? For those of you unaware of the show’s premise, here’s a quick plot synopsis:

A drama about one of New York’s most prestigious ad agencies at the beginning of the 1960s, focusing on one of the firm’s most mysterious but extremely talented ad executives, Donald Draper.

Long story short, it’s a 60s-based show that revolves around ad men and their world. It features fabulous fashion and even more fabulous women. From sexy secretaries to classy wives and powerful career women, there’s not a sector of the female population that the show doesn’t touch on. Is it a wonder, then, that the show is written and directed largely by women? I think not.. (Click here for more on the show.)

We’ll be focusing on the show’s main three women: Betty Draper, Joan Holloway, and Peggy Olsen. Let’s take a look at which Divas or Knockouts would best fit these roles:

Character: Betty Draper, housewife and significant other of Don Draper, the show’s main character. She’s often depicted as unsatisfied, unhappy, and trapped into a homebound life by her unfaithful husband. At times, she sticks up for herself and puts Don in his place, but an unexpected pregnancy put a hold on whatever liberation she had planned.

Trademark: Platinum blonde hair, glamorous Jackie O-esque style, perma-frown
Played By: January Jones
Signature Quote: “[My mother] wanted me to be beautiful so I could find a man. There’s nothing wrong with that. But then what? Just sit and smoke and let it go ‘til you’re in a box?”
Diva: Maria
Why?: What Diva is more unlucky-in-love than Maria? She’s been taken advantage of more than most Divas, and seems destined to have a man like Don for a husband, always fooling around behind her back. Now, I’m not equating Dolph Ziggler with Don–the two couldn’t be less alike–but you can’t deny that her relationship with the platinum blonde kind of mirrors Betty’s with Don. Here’s hoping Maria doesn’t end up with an inconvenient pregnancy.
Alternatives: Angelina Love, Kelly Kelly, or Tiffany.
• Click here for more on Betty.

Click to see our castings for the other two characters..

Character: Joan Holloway, office manager at Sterling Cooper. She heads the secretarial pool, and exudes a sense of confidence and collectedness that puts her above the other women in the office. Always turning heads, she uses her eye-catching curves to her advantage, but does not put herself out like some decidedly “looser” women. Her long-term affair with Roger Sterling, part head of the company, was cut short when he suffered a heart attack. She is now engaged to a doctor who has shown a domineering tendency that in a way neuters Joan’s sense of independence and self-confidence. She, truly, is the definition of “fierce”, no matter how overused that term is.

Trademark: Firey red hair always neatly piled on the top of her head, jaw-dropping curves, ever-present gold necklace
Played By: Christina Hendricks
Signature Quote: “Sometimes when people get what they want they realize how limited their goals were.”
Diva: Natalya
Why?: Women in wrestling are never short of a few curves, but few are built like Natalya. She’s got a figure that commands attention, and when you see her in photoshoots wearing decidedly sexier clothing, you can see it. In the ring, you probably wouldn’t think of her as a sexpot like Joan, but don’t judge a book by its cover–her photoshoots tell me that she’s got a sass like Joan and would have no trouble being the HBIC that Mad Men’s signature redhead is known to be.
Alternatives: Beth Phoenix, Maryse, or Traci Brooks.
• Click here for more on Joan.

Character: Peggy Olsen, mousy, determined, and naive secretary-turned-copywriter. She is one of the show’s biggest success stories, having come into Sterling Cooper as a lowly secretary, using key moments of brilliance to propel her into a seat of power in the company, finding herself completely in the company of men not conditioned to be working side-by-side with a woman. She often sacrifices her personal life in order to improve her work, constantly coming up with winning ideas for big accounts. She is arguably better suited for her place than some of the more conventionally educated men. A hidden scandal darkens her life, though– she gave birth to coworker’s secret lovechild and gave it up in order to save face and keep her professional and personal lives in order.

Trademark: Bookish choppy bangs, conservative attire, naive and innocent demeanor
Played By: Elisabeth Moss
Signature Quote: (to a man hitting on her) “Eugene, I’m in the persuasion business, and frankly I’m disappointed by your presentation.”
Diva: Mickie James
Why?: It’s tough to picture a bookish Diva, but Mickie kind of exudes an attitude that could be translated into a sense of innocence. Clearly, she’s not an innocent little girl, but neither is Peggy. She just has a professional mindset and steers clear of the frivolity of her coworkers. Similarly, Mickie isn’t really in line with the more T&A-focused Divas, and seems a bit above it all when she takes part in silly gimmick matches. She just has a look that could easily translate to that of a naive, well-meaning girl. I could easily picture Mickie in the buttoned-up attire, intent on seeing that her vision is seen and appreciated, all while the men around her stare at the skirts and the women blush and giggle.
Alternatives: Taylor Wilde, Michelle McCool, or Eve Torres
• Click here for more on Peggy.

Which casting do you agree with most? If you don’t agree with a casting, which Knockouts or Divas would you rather see in those roles? Express your vision in the comments!

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Tags Maria Kanellis Mickie James Natalya