The Tiffany Guide to Impact – People Are Strange, the Knockouts Are Stranger

impact03sept09

This week on TNA Impact leads us into Round Numero Dos of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament (say that five times fast): Victoria & Christy Hemme vs. Hamada & Sojourner Bolt.  Talk about a tag team thrown together at the last minute…

As a precursor to the match, the Beautiful (Velvet Sky and Angelina Love) film a backstage segment further discussing Madison’s “mystery” partner.  More Lauren-pwnage arises.  “We no speak-y, ugly!”  I think that just about synopsizes that segment.

The contenders of this round of the tag team tournament make their way to the six-sided ring.  Holy tye-dye, Batman!  Christy has either confused a bathing suit for wrestling gear or she is paying a cheap homage to Daizee Haze.  I can’t decide.

Onto the match at hand… Somewhat of a teaser for what could be a dream match of the ages, Hamada and Victoria start off the contest as both ladies lock up.  Victoria gets the upperhand early with a bridge into the 2-count.  Victoria counters an attempt by Hamada and goes for a second cover.  Hamada kicks out and manuevers into a pin attempt of her own.  When both women perform respective kip-ups into a fighting stance position, a foretold stare-down commences.

In either a show of respect or arrogance, Victoria bows down to Hamada only to receive a kick to the shoulder in retaliation.  Following through on an Irish Whip, Hamada effortlessly springs off the middle rope and into a moonsault.  I blinked twice and almost missed it.  Victoria kicks out just as swiftly.

Sojo and her two-toned tracks get tagged in; she follows up an armbar with a kick.  Taking a bit of time to do a little trash talking, Sojo pays for it with a drop toehold from Victoria.  Victoria takes Sojo down again with a scoop slam.  Christy flails around a bit until Hamada gets tagged in.  Some brief tandem action, and Christy eats the bottom of Hamada’s big boot, followed by a series of headbutts.  TNA takes a needed break, and I’m left to amuse myself with Christy’s selling “ability.”
Back from commercial break, Christy scurries out of Sojo’s reach and quickly tags Victoria back into the ring.  Taken down by a few shots to the face, Sojo runs right into a nearly decapitating clothesline.  Sojo struggles to gain her composure and suffers a superkick a la Victoria.

After quickly disturbing the pin attempt, Hamada falls victim to a neckbreaker by Christy Hemme.  Better a neckbreaker than a face full of “firecrotch,” I suppose.

Once the ring is cleared, Victoria sets Sojo up for a devastating Widow’s Peak that brings it home.  The team of Victoria and Christy Hemme advances.  Victoria takes a moment to celebrate with her tarantula.  In an interesting development, a perturbed Hamada puts the final nail in the coffin and blindsights her partner with the Hamada Driver.  Mind you, this all takes place while Victoria and Christy Hemme (and Poison) watch.  Way to step up, ladies.

Decent Knockouts tag team match.  There was a good balance between the “lesser-acclaimed” wrestlers and what I’d refer to as the “big dogs.”  Some “dream matches” at play here, specifically between Victoria and Hamada.  These two were easily the big players in this match, and I’d like to see TNA explore that more some time in the future.  In more superficial thoughts, will someone please hook up our girl Sojo with a new wardrobe?  Nothing wrong with a bit of gold, but it’s just better received in smaller doses!  Think Sojo was who Jimi Hendrix had in mind when he wrote, “Black Gold?” (cue the ’60s inspired title)  Irish Dance Barbie Christy Hemme, on the other hand, just might be beyond saving.

  • PedroPedroso17

    It was a good match, Hamada keeps the amazingness. Victoria is just beeing herself…AWESOME.
    Sojo is really generic, extremely generic, I don’t think she’s a bad in-ring worker, but she’s really generic. As for Christy Hemme, I simply can’t stand her…

  • MarBu13

    I’m like one of Sojo’s only five fans. I figured she was over as soon as TNA gave her that sucky name. But she’s solid in the ring and has more personality than half the division roster. But she’s still a jobber. :[ There has to be a better worker (TRACI) for the (VELVET) jobber role (SKY).

  • PedroPedroso17

    @ MarBu13 – I’m so one of those 5 fans :P I don’t think she’s a great in-ring worker, but I do think that other Knockouts are waaay worse in-ring wise.

  • Luis

    pretty ok match
    i really wish we could see Tara vs Hamada that would be awesome!
    oh and im one of those 5 fans =)
    Sojo rocks!

  • Steven_D

    I’m slowly growing to like Hamada on every outing, despite being teamed with Sojo. Not to knock Sojo but it was thrown together and the styles didn’t compliment each other well.

    My main gripe with the tag team match is that they put a commercial right at the point when Hamada comes back into the ring. I’d much rather seen Hamada vs Christy and then a commercial instead of Sojo vs Christy. Maybe I’m picky but yeah.

    Another great piece Tiffany

  • WWEDivaFan09

    MarBu13 – Sojo has more fans than you’d think. It’s not really her fault that TNA used her talent wisely at first, then turned her into a lacky for Kong’s group, and then made her a complete jobber. She is a very talented girl, and I would LOVE to see a Hamada and Sojo feud, just as long as they give Sojo an opportunity to display the talent that most TNA fans knows that she has.

  • Mace

    Poor Sojo, i think she’d be better in WWE tbh.

  • RKOyou

    I agree,WWE would use sojo better but TNA could also Jillian hall better so it looks like it’s a double standard

    sojos character has really been destroyed by TNA and I actually feel sorry for her,she’s nothing but a jobber,she gets no crowd reaction,TNA doesn’t even show her entrance,she switches between face and heel every week depending on her opponent and she gets humilated every week,look at this match,she loses and then Hamada kills her,poor sojo

  • jcristo

    Hamada and Tara were amazing! Christy’s awful wrestling attire blinded me from what she was doing and Sojo has fell off my radar completely…sorry Sojo…

  • Tunccy

    That kick from TARA was SICK@

  • mah

    good match..i wanted tara to win tht tag title with christy but as i know they lost in the other taping :(
    sojo didnt sell both widow’s peak and hamada driver as good as i thought she would do!!