The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Knockouts Go Cold Turkey

Posted by Tiffany on November 28th, 2009
Categories: Diva Dirt TV, TNA iMPACT!, The Tiffany Guide

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With the quality you’ve come to expect and the enthusiasm you’ve come to enjoy, the Tiffany Guide to Impact helps you come down from your cramp-inducing turkey high: with a steaming plate of reheated Knockout action, and a side of stale competition.  In perhaps the greatest Knockout tradition of all, this TNA Knockout battle royale is brought to you by yet another hair extension malfunction.  (Hint: it’s a dark track this time.  Not to fear, Lacey Von Erich.  You’re in the clear this time).  Aw, who’s to say TNA never gives us anything during the holiday season!

As the Knockouts file in, the taste for blood is almost overpowering.  Meanwhile, the angled bad blood between Traci Brooks and Alissa Flash has yet to either settle or boil over.  “Alissa showing no mercy or respect for Traci in recent weeks.”  Yeah.  Okay.

With a few Knockouts out of sight, this appears to be an exclusive beating of the minds.  Supposedly, no one bothered to send Christy Hemme or Awesome Kong the Thanksgiving invite.  Talk about getting  banished to the little kids’ table…

The match kicks off, and the eliminations pile in rather quickly.  (Not really an issue.  Quick eliminations are a staple for most battle royals, aren’t they?) Mere moments into the match, Daffney is tossed over the top rope by Hamada.  The honorary official and Knockouts Champion, ODB, doesn’t hesitate to pour salt on open wounds.  Meanwhile, Taylor Wilde attempts to dispose of Traci Brooks without much luck.  As expected, the feud between Alissa Flash and Traci Brooks comes to a head in the center of the ring.  Alissa lifts and plants Traci onto the apron, but Traci hangs on.  She fights back and, with a little help from Taylor Wilde and Sarita, is able to level the Future Legend.  Though still entangled on the apron, Traci Brooks and Alissa Flash are eliminated by the TNA Tag Team Champions.  It appears no grudge goes unsettled as Traci continues to unleash her frustrations upon her rival on the outside.  As Impact fades to black, Tazz pays homage to his former broadcast partner: “Cat fight!”  Indeed.

During the break, Tara takes it upon herself to cut the proverbial fat by knocking Lacey Von Erich out of the match via a baseball slide.  Just moments later, Sarita is bamboozled out of the ring courtesy of the remaining Beautiful People: Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky.

Back to the match, Taylor Wilde catches Hamada in the corner.  She eliminates them both with a hurricanrana to the floor.  In the meantime, Taylor Wilde takes this defeat on the chin.  Literally.

Realizing this, the Beautiful People take the opportunity to double team Tara.  However, shortly after opting for a tandem clothesline, Madison and Velvet are taken down by their opposer.  Tara takes the fight to 2/3 of Mi Pi Sexy, but she is briefly overpowered once again.  Tara is Irish whipped into the corner.  Madison Rayne charges at Tara but is sent over onto the apron.  Clearly thankful for her catlike reflexes, Madison takes a moment to regain herself.  However, this relief is short-lived as Madison is accidentally expelled from the ring by her beautiful partner.  It is now down to the final two between Tara and Velvet Sky.

When Velvet Sky leads Tara to the ropes, Tara reverses and sends her out instead.  Velvet hangs on, catches Tara in the midsection with a shoulder, but is ultimately sent to the floor by a superkick.  The last Knockout standing, Tara, wins the battle royal and an opportunity to face ODB at Final Resolution.  All business, ODB refuses any and all gestures of showmanship or affection from Tara.

It’s hard to believe how long ODB has been champion.  It’s been three months, but it feels like an eternity.  It goes without saying that Tara will be headlining yet another pay per view.  Shades of their last bout, an ODB vs. Tara feud is not one I necessarily look forward to.  Though, I would like to see Tara pick up the championship soon.  At least this time around, there will be little basis for complaint about Tara not earning her title match opportunity.  Between that and the stale rivalry between Alissa Flash and Traci Brooks, these next few weeks look rather dim.  Hopefully, things will pick up in time for Final Resolution.

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  • theregoeskitty
    November 28, 2009 at 12:28 am

    it seems the tag titles have faded on the story aspect
    there isn’t anyone after them right now XD
    even TBP aren’t acting interested right now

    i like ODB shes funny and original,
    but her title reign should have been long ago back when gail kim was still there,
    now it just feels like its not really a title reign, after all Cody deaner won the title 4 her

  • kerry246
    November 28, 2009 at 12:39 am

    Not impressed about Daffney being eliminated first, hopefully that isn’t going to be an on-going trend in TNA. She is too talented not to be given more of a chance in the Knockout’s Division.

  • adifferentsame
    November 28, 2009 at 12:52 am

    Match was okay. Shame the underrated Daffney was eliminated so quickly. The battle royales in TNA are usually executed better than the WWE’s, even if it has become a tired trial in which the next challenger to the title is announced.

    As much as I appreciate Traci Brooks’ history with TNA, I don’t see any substance in this rivalry with Alissa Flash. Both are on completely different playing fields as far as wrestling goes. If they can somehow build Traci to look like an even competitor, then perhaps the feud could be more than a one dimensional burial.

    The absence of Awesome Kong was a clever thing. After the loss to Tara, the gestation will lead to a re-emergence where she’ll automatically be the biggest threat in the division again. Having her lose a match Tara needs to win for a title shot would only hurt her when the two square off again. I think once ODB loses the title to Tara, she will be put in a tag titles program with Hamada against Saritaylor (whose entrance really grates me – Sarita has such a manly swagger about her.)

    Madison Rayne’s pastiche of Angelina Love’s hairstyle isn’t flattering in the slightest. What happened to the vaunted individuality the TNA Knockouts purported to have? Since Rayne seems like the stand in until Love’s return, I don’t understand why they’re trying to morph her into someone with ten times her character. I do think Madison Rayne will make a great babyface one day.

  • Ana_Nattie_rules
    November 28, 2009 at 1:13 am

    Im kinda tired of Battle Royals and I wasn’t surprised with this one. But maybe will see a war in TBP. After all, Velvet accidently eliminated Madison. So it would be easy for Lacey and Madison to turn on Velvet and if the rumors of Love’s return are true, this would probably mean the return of the Original TBP against the Newbies TBP.

  • adifferentsame
    November 28, 2009 at 1:27 am

    *shudders at the thought of Madison Rayne solely trying to carry Lacey Von Erich*

    The original Beautiful People versus the lesser Beautiful People? Hmm.

  • igotthatpma123
    November 28, 2009 at 5:49 am

    Tna is so damn dumb at times, they have the top three female wrestlers in the world and yet they consistently drop the ball with them, they have three women who could fill the void left by gail kim because we all know tara isn’t doing it at all,because her matches have been so damn lackluster. They have cheerleader melissia, sarita and hamada AND THEY ARE NOT BEING USED RIGHT AT ALL.

    Yet they put sarita in a tag team that is totally dragging her down,if they were going to do a womens tag team division they should have brought in the canadian angels to fued with sarita and taylor but the women tag belts don’t have any importance whatsoever.

    alissia flash is in a pointless fued with traci brooks, and other than that when you do see her she is losing every single match. And everyone knows she’s worth so much more than that.

    Then you have hamada who has no direction at all when we all know if her and kong got in that ring we would see main event caliber matches like we did in the kim-kong era.

    But i come to expect that maybe we will never see matches like kim and kong because instead of making a homegrown talent, they will forced feed us tara until they realize oh shit we have the most amazing talent in the world lets use them.

  • iLUVMARYSE
    November 28, 2009 at 7:42 am

    Does anyone else agree with me when i say that Velvet Sky is probably the sloppiest women’s wrestler? she always talks about the ‘models’ WWE hires yet they can wrestle & sell a whole helluva lot better than she can..that kick at the end of the match that got her eliminated she basically fell down to the mat & rolled outta the ring..OMG Kelly Kelly could have sold that better!

  • Johnny_91
    November 28, 2009 at 8:12 am

    who had the weave malfunction?? 0_o

  • Ashleigh
    November 28, 2009 at 8:46 am

    @iLUVMARYSE
    not only can Kelly sell it better, i believe she did, in the Kelly vs Alicia vs Beth vs Gail match
    and im a fan of Velvet! :o

    and @Ana_Nattie_rules
    I would love to see the Original Beautiful People come back
    mostly because i miss Angelina :(
    but Lacey Velvet and Madison need to learn to wrestle!
    Angelina would be the ONLY talented wrestler in that fued
    but good thought :)

  • Mikas
    November 28, 2009 at 9:47 am

    Ashleigh wrote:
    “but Lacey Velvet and Madison need to learn to wrestle!”

    Madison Rayne needs to learn how to wrestle?!? Maybe check out some of her SHIMMER matches.

  • boi213
    November 28, 2009 at 10:49 am

    where was christy hemme? is she gonna get released soon too?

  • ahlanthony
    November 28, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Velvet can really wrestle. She can take bumps and stuffs. Her wrestling style is so girly compare to the other knockouts. I’ve seen her wrestle as talia madison and she still wrestle like this tho she does more moves. Im not sayin her girly wrestling style is bad tho coz she never botches a move but she looks really weak inside the ring. I think someone like michelle can beat her but infareness to her, She knows the basic fundamentals of wrestling like takin a bumps which is important for a wrestler. Every wrestler has a different wrestling style! :)

  • Ana_Nattie_rules
    November 28, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Ashleigh: Yeah you’re right. If the original TBP fight the new ones, Angelina would easily own the place, but that is actually a good thing for the newbies. When you’re weak, the best thing someone can do for you (besides training) is to put you to work with more talented co-workers, in order for you to improve.

  • darkmarvel
    November 28, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Johnny_91: It was Tara with the hair malfunction. You can see it in the ring when she took on both Madison and Velet.

  • RKOyou
    November 28, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    The tag titles are useless honestly,while the titles did create a star in sarita and made taylor wilde relevant again,they have no challengers besides TBP and we all know TNA is not going to put a title on madison rayne,they won’t even let her win a match without someone else helping her which is a DISGRACE

    alissa flash is another knockout that is being wasted,i’d rather have alissa vs. ODB then Tara vs. ODB,Tara already got plenty of titles shots, but I guess the ex-WWE talent will always get pushed,I like Tara but TNA has put more effort in her then any of there own homegrown knockouts

    Velvet sky is like worst wrestler in the KO division(except lacey),the quality of any knockout match goes down when velvet is in the match,while she isn’t horrible,her lack of moves and constant screaming has gotten to me

  • RKOyou
    November 28, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    I agree that ODB’s time for being champion has passed,she should have been champion when gail was still around,back then ODB was one of the hottest/most popular knockouts,now her title reign seems like a joke because she won it from deaner,TNA dropped the ball with ODB IMO,no one really cares about her anymore

    the Traci/Alissa fued is okay with me as long as alissa wins it,we all know traci doesn’t have the looks or the skills to compete with alissa

  • adifferentsame
    November 28, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    Ironically, Traci Brooks might have made a fair partner for Alissa Flash in the hunt for the tag titles. Brooks would have been Velvet Sky to Flash’s Angelina Love.

  • RKOyou
    November 28, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    adifferentsame-that would imply giving traci a title,something I don’t think anyone wants to see,she’s not good enough

  • VelvetLove
    November 28, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I don’t think that was a hair extension, it was pink. If you look closely you see it come off of Velvet’s pants.

  • Tiffany
    November 28, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    You would be incorrect. A chunk of hair does, indeed, fall out at one point in the match. It’s sort of hard to miss. If you can’t find it, you’re probably looking in the wrong place. I’m not going to point it out to you, however. I prefer to have you search for it, for the interest of keeping the mystery alive. Consider it like an extreme level of Where’s Waldo.

  • VelvetLove
    November 28, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    Ah, I see the black thing now after the double clothesline, but it hardly looks like hair.

  • Tiffany
    November 28, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Right, it must be Tara’s other tarantula. The one we never hear about.

  • Weirddork
    November 28, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    you guys are stupid its not hair, it from her knee brace, if you noticed when she stands up it looks funny and weird, like it could fall off.

  • Tiffany
    November 28, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Thank you for infinite wisdom, Weirddork. You sure have an eye for such trying matters. I never knew a chunk of hair and a piece of ‘knee brace’ were aesthetically identical – technology sure is advanced these days! You know, nevermind that it dropped out of her head, or anything… I’ll be sure to relay your enlightening sentiments to Inspector Gadget and the Scooby Gang.

    The way you guys are analyzing this, you’d think I told you her liver fell out or something. Though, continue to pry. You know how that thrills me.

  • B_Fizzle
    November 28, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    Tara and Lacey are fighting in the corner. Tara clocks Lacey, and after a well timed camera angle change, we switch back to see that a clip on has wandered from someone’s scalp. Further inspection reveals it to be of a maroon tint. Something tells me it didn’t come from Miss Von Erich, but from the woman who was indeed rocking red extensions. How appropriate for this debacle to happen when those two were squaring off.

    Oh, and if that’s what Tara is using to support her bum knee these days, times must really be tough.

  • Ashleigh
    November 28, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    @Mikas
    Madison is a good wrestler, but compare her to Angelina if TNA did do an Original BP vs new BP Velvet Lacey and Madison would need to get better
    Madiason IS a pretty good wrestler but it seems she is having troubles bringing her Shimmer days to TNA if that makes sence :)

  • Macho Madness
    November 28, 2009 at 10:57 pm

    Tara has had quite a few instances as of late where one of her hair extentions has fallen out.

    I don’t think it is a big deal if these broads hair falls out…its mostly funny if anythings…LVE”s at turning point was pretty funny

  • Looking Glass
    November 29, 2009 at 5:28 am

    The one thing I dislike about TNA Knockout Battle Royals is the fact that they seem to be eliminated really stiffly, I mean WWE isn’t exactly throwing them around like ragdolls but at least when they’re eliminated it doesn’t seem to be from patting them on the back, which it does seem a bit from this one, especially with Sarita’s elimination, I did like the end however Velvet might seem sloppy usually but Tara eliminating her did seem realistically tactical. It’s been mentioned but I’ll stress it again, Daffney was eliminated first AGAIN from the match like she was from the MEM membership battle royal, this may have been because she’s still relatively fresh back from injury, but I hate the fact they’ve made her go from psycho to some pathetic wreck by constantly jobbing her, yet then make her seem vendictive when it comes to managing.

    I’m glad others agree about this Traci/Alissa feud, its confusing seeing as Traci seems to have turned again , despite the fact they solidified her as a heel not that long ago. Alissa is capable of much more than some D-List rivalry who doesn’t equalise her talent. Hamada also is a bit iffy it seems, TNA one moment try and sell her off as amazing and picking up wins, then she loses and its a bit of an anti-climax, is she going anywhere? Is she? There’s keeping you on your toes and then there’s just confusion. I do like how she is one of few Knockouts that seems more tweenerish than anything. She is well recieved, yet has a few arrogant moments.

    The Beautiful People just seem a bit of a joke these days, Velvet should be leading yet she’s being walked over by Lacey, who quite frankly wouldnt be given the time of day had her surname not been of a famous wrestling family. It appears she’s trying to represent a family by doing something for that she doesn’t really want much to do with, other than the eye candy side of it, which differs from Natalya who seems to honour her name by actually wrestling and not focusing on amateur dramatics. Also, the fact they’ve made Madison go from underdog to bodyguard of the Beautiful People in a few months seems a bit bi-polar of TNA. I would’ve just split the group up after Angelina left, instead of wasting money on Lacey.

    Also does anyone know where Christy is these days? I use to see Christy as the locker room leader or top face of TNA after Gail left but then since she’s been injured it seems she’s just fine for gimmick matches, which is a shame seeing as how she’s grown through her career. The result of this match, predictable and very drab, Tara vs. ODB? Its not like we havent seen that two months ago, seriously it seems to be ODB, Kong and Tara on a rotar and no doubt Tara will win the title this time seeing as they’re putting her over again these days. I’m not going to enjoy this feud, its going to be more of the same but minus Kong, I’m not a fan of Tara these days. Whilst she jobbed in WWE towards the end at least she had a loveable heel side to her, TNA just makes her seem dull and reliant on her WWE career by constantly blasting them.

    Hmmm with this in mind, who Saritaylor be up against now TBP have been poached? Unless TNA have well and truly assumed we’ve all had short term memory loss and continue the feud for another few months until they think of something new.

  • kerry246
    November 29, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    One thing I kept noticing in that match was the group of airheads all sitting in a line together wearing the same black t-shirts with writing across it in the audience. For some reason I kept noticing them and thinking, if I was there watching that show and was sitting next to them, I’d end up wanting to punch their lights out!

  • adifferentsame
    November 30, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    RKO — Hence my Velvet Sky comparison.

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