What’s is in a name? Does it define who and what we are? What we mean to people? Or what we mean to ourselves? In some cases I think so… Krissy Vaine was a character that I conjured up in my imagination about eight years ago. She’s been to a lot of places and done a lot of things. She has been a WWE Diva (for a hot second) and spent many hours on the road working the independent circuit. She has made friends and enemies. She has seen the good, the bad and the ugly (and has been ugly herself) of the wrestling world and still managed to come out alive, yet different if that makes sense? All of these experiences must have an effect and change a person, right? I hope so. Otherwise what has all this been for? Krissy Vaine, eight years ago and Mrs. Vaine of the present are two completely different people. I’m now older, wiser and much, much more patient. All of the ups and downs and the crazy rollercoaster was for the better good of my growth — at least that’s how I’ve come to look at it. Slowly but surely, I’ve begun to resonate less and less with ‘Krissy VAINNNNE’. After 29 years, I believe that I’m actually comfortable with looking in the mirror and saying, “Hello Kristin, how the heck are ya? Glad to have ya back.”
Krissy Vaine was a mask. A facade to cover up the fact that on the inside, Kristin was a real hot mess. Krissy Vaine had confidence, while Kristin did not. Krissy Vaine had many people who loved her, while Kristin did not, Vaine knew who she was and Kristin did not have a clue… I knew who and what I wanted to be, but I was far from attaining it. The thing about masks and facades is that they only last for so long. You can only attempt to be something you are not for a certain period of time before it’s so hard on your soul that you snap. I fortunately got to snap in front of the whole world… Yay me! Haha. Something else that began to happen was that I really started to believe I was the ‘fake replica’ that I had conjured up of myself and I became that monster. I was lost and needed to find myself again. And with a quickness.
If not, the gremlins were gonna have me for breakfast! This was the hardest thing to break free from, for me. To separate from the persona. But I have been/am determined to keep doing it. I don’t want to be Krissy Vaine anymore. Vaine, ala the name, only cared about herself. Was only affected by what what she looked like, what happened to her and certainly didn’t care about others. I do however care about others and I’d like to impact the world if only in the smallest of ways.
I would compare the last few years of my life to that of a butterfly. I have been in my cocoon, learning, studying and dropping all that which no longer serves my purpose. It’s important to get rid of any excess baggage whether it be family, friends etc. that can impair your growth. Though not easy, in the long run, it’s worth it. Energy vampires, as I like to call them, prey on those they can take, take, take from. Possibly even wolves in sheeps’ clothing — so be careful! I can’t tell you how nice my days are now, to not be bothered with useless nonsense. The last few years have been cleansing, rejuvenating and idle at times. Boring even, but I knew that one day I would be ready to leave the nest. I’m ready to drop the last bit of the old me and emerge better and stronger than ever before. I’m standing on the mountain I’ve built for myself. Ready to spread my wings and fly.
Letting go of Krissy Vaine won’t be easy, but I believe it’s the last step in this chapter of the journey. Vaine has alot of baggage, cords and unneeded scrap metal in her arsenal. KRISTIN ASTARA is a fresh start… a new beginning. One filled with light, a path of illumination and knowingness — not darkness. Astara reaches for the stars with integrity and vigor and believes she deserves what falls at her feet, but what doesn’t, must not have meant to be. I hope that the death of Krissy Vaine and the birth of Kristin Astara is as exciting to all of you as it is to me.
Until next time,
Well, this has been the last edition of Vainety Fair as Krissy Vaine is put to rest. Do you have a name suggestion for Kristin Astara’s new column here at Diva Dirt? Leave your ideas in the comments.