Raw Redux (April 5th, 2010): All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go
Last week’s Raw brought a level of disappointment that made me vow to never again underestimate the WWE’s ability to undervalue the Divas. So, maybe that’s why I’m not as disappointed by Raw as I normally would be. Sure, the match this week was based on a lame and degrading idea, but at this point I’m not expecting anything better.
I’m sure most of you have heard the saying “all dressed up and nowhere to go”, which means, in a fashion, that you’re prepared for something that’s not going to happen. This applies pretty well in this case, as Diva fans, the gluttons for punishment that they are, are continuously hoping for the best. They’re prepared for something interesting, exciting, or at the very least respectable. But if you look at the last few months of booking for the Raw Divas, you would know that it’s not going to happen–at least not anytime soon. Unless they take a hard left turn, it’ll be a while until we’re treated to something that demonstrates that the Raw bookers have an ounce of respect for the Divas. Until then, we’ll be treated to matches like the one that took place tonight. Don’t get me wrong–it wasn’t a trainwreck, but the whole idea of it speaks volumes about the respect (or lack thereof) that the Divas receive. It was close to being a perfectly acceptable match, but one addition, one finishing touch, threw it out of whack. That “touch” was totally unnecessary, and served to pretty much ruin the match for me.
The match in question was a “Dressed to Impress” battle royal, in which the winner would earn a shot at Maryse‘s Divas Championship. That’s a great idea, because we all know that the only thing that could top the awkwardness of a battle royal is a battle royal where the competitors have to wear dresses. Why were they wearing dresses! Why, to fit in with this week’s GM of course! Who is he? I don’t know, but who gives a shit, right? I say bring on the hot mess!
We’re joined at ringside by Maryse, who takes her spot at the commentary table. Surprisingly, each Diva gets her own entrance, which I assume is an effort to show off their fancy dresses. I can’t say I like any of them very much, but I don’t blame them for not pulling out the good duds–you wouldn’t want to risk ruining them when you’re tossed over the top rope. Anywho, we’re joined by Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendes, Jillian, Katie Lea Burchill, Brie and Nikki Bella, and Eve Torres. Maryse trashes all of their looks, but puts special effort into dogging Eve. It’s not secret that she’s going to win this match; she gets the last entrance, a stare down with Maryse, and special emphasis on commentary. If that doesn’t allow you to telegraph Eve’s win from a mile away, you’re just not paying close enough attention.
The match starts and the Divas break off into pairs, all except Rosa, who charges at the Bellas and pretty much jumps out of the ring. It’s a messy exchange, but the Bellas eventually complete what’s left of her journey and heave her over the ropes and out of the ring. Rosa is eliminated. Soon after, Brie and Nikki are eliminated, with Katie Lea and Alicia doing the honors. Brie & Nikki Bella are eliminated.
Katie Lea whips Gail into a corner and Gail performs her sneaky slip-through-the-ropes move, all the more impressive in a floor-length dress. She battles Katie Lea on the apron, hitting her sit-down attack on the back of Katie’s neck and trading blows until Kelly comes out of nowhere and dropkicks the both of them off the apron. Gail Kim & Katie Lea are eliminated.
Alicia attacks Kelly from behind, and the two battle, Kelly hitting her whirlybird headscissors and sending Alicia flying. I’ve gotta say that it’s impressive that the girls are able to do most of their regular moves in such awkward clothing–it’s not a pretty sight, but it’s still impressive. But hey, they’re working with what they’ve got, right? Kelly celebrates, and Jillian simply walks up to her, hoisting her into a fireman’s carry and walking to the ropes, tossing her out of the ring. Now there’s a “no frills” approach. Kelly Kelly is eliminated.
Alicia and Jillian proceed to double team Eve, bashing her against the turnbuckle. They hit a double suplex, irish-whipping her hard into the corner. Continuing the teamwork, Jillian whips Alicia into Eve, but Eve moves, leaving Alicia to hit the steel pole shoulder-first. Eve pushes her the rest of the way out of the ring. Alicia Fox is eliminated.
Jillian attacks Eve and goes for her handspring elbow, but Eve telegraphs it and hoists herself up, latching Jillian into a headscissors and sitting on her shoulders as Jillian wanders around the ring. She leans against the ropes and Alicia pops up, trying to pull Eve backwards over the ropes. She does, but Eve hangs on, staying on the turnbuckle. Jillian thinks she’s won, but turns around to see Eve still in the game. She charges, and Eve pulls down the second rope, giving her a clear shot to soar out of the ring. She does just that, and leaves Eve alone, giving her the victory. Jillian is eliminated.
Eve celebrates, and Maryse immediately starts with the trash talking, in a sense reiterating her usual spiel: “I’m sexy and she’s not.”. They have a stare down, and Eve departs.
The match, as far as Diva battle royals go, wasn’t bad at all. It definitely wasn’t a clusterfuck, like I had feared. It was awkward, sure, but most matches like these are. I think this proves, more than anything, that the problem with the Raw Divas division lies in their booking, not in the Divas themselves. They’re either given laughably little time to wrestle or told to wrestle in dresses, but they try to make the best of it, and it shows. Most everyone put in decent effort into this match, but it was completely overshadowed by the mere fact that they were wearing dresses. I mean, was that necessary? I know this NXT rookie’s gimmick is that he’s “A-List”, but who even cares or knows that? This was just an excuse to get the Divas to wrestle in dresses and flash a few upskirts to the crowd. I suppose that was enough to convince them to give the Divas more than the requisite 3 minutes of screen time.
The match’s real purpose–crowning a #1 contender–was entirely overshadowed by that, but it’s not like there was any suspense in that either. We all (or most of us, anyways) knew that Eve was going to end up facing Maryse. They’ve been hinting at that for a while, even before the WWE decided to go inter-brand in the weeks leading up to WrestleMania. So, it was no surprise to see Eve win, but that’s another thing to blame on the bookers. There’s literally nothing compelling about the Divas on Raw. The most compelling they get is hoping that their screen time breaks the 3-minute mark. Shockingly, it did this week, but I have a feeling that the dress wrestling was a significant driving force in that. I just wish they could have had a normal battle royal, because then we would be talking about Eve vs. Maryse, not how ridiculous they looked wrestling barefoot. But their priorities are obviously out of whack, and I’m guessing this is the best we could have possibly gotten at this point.
As for the actual story development, we only moved forward about an inch, but it still counts as forward momentum, yes? Maryse’s commentary was entertaining, and shows that she can be an entertaining heel capable of more than just hitting a DDT and sneaking out a win in match after match. That doesn’t mean next week’s title match will be great–Eve is still pretty limited in the ring and Maryse hasn’t wrestled fully since her return–but I’m just glad we have we have an actual title match to look forward to. Now, I’m not going to delude myself into thinking that they’ll get decent ring time, but I’m willing to let myself hope that the girls will do their best, that it will break the 1-minute mark, and that they will be dressed in regular ring gear while doing so. See people? That’s how you keep your expectations low. Now, the only way I could be disappointed next week is if they have a pudding match and Hornswoggle runs in in a bikini and steals the title. Oh shit, did I just jinx it?
Bryan
April 6, 2010 at 6:59 am
I enjoyed this weeks Raw, Its not much but as you said its the best we can get at this point. Maryse was so entertaining on commentary, She is still feuding with Michael Cole over the simplest things :).
MickieFan226
April 6, 2010 at 7:00 am
Nice redux, Erin! :)
The Divas actually got around 7 minutes of TV time. Definitely an improvement from what we have got these past couple of weeks. I hope Eve & Maryse get this much time next week so they can breathe and not rush through the match.
The whole “Wrestling in Dresses” is stupid in my opinion. And if there wasn’t a gimmick for the match, I doubt all the Divas would have got their own entrance.
bortman
April 6, 2010 at 7:03 am
erin.. you cracked me up on your last paragraph ! lol.
both raw and impact today were pure crap… smackdown better not disappoint this week.
Paparazzi8o8
April 6, 2010 at 7:07 am
So basically…
MARYSE – looked great
KELLY – looks like shes going to prom in the 80′s
ALICIA – looked like a bumble bee with a wig on (lol)
GAIL – looked like the nbc logo
ROSA – looked like she was wearing a lamp shade
JILLIAN – she’s whiter than sheamus
KATIE – shops at the goodwill
BELLA TWINS – dresses looked cheap
and EVE – was the worst looking of the night
RAW is a hot ass mess… but tonight it wasent half bad.
Ayzali
April 6, 2010 at 7:16 am
It was….interesting Otunga’s a pain in the bum for causing the dress factor… Seeing as that watered down the entire match. Nonetheless I’m looking forward to Smackdown. And I hope Eve and Maryse can put on a good showing. (yes I’m a optimist)
rodneyclint
April 6, 2010 at 7:21 am
For a Battle Royal in dresses, it was pretty good. Maryse looked the best though, and did you guys hear the (small) pops for Jillian and the Bellas? Gail got one too, and they were loving her moves when she was battling Katie Lea in the corner. Gail needs some gold, she is too good and can carry the division until either the draft or until Melina gets back. I love Maryse but since they aren’t really using her to wrestle I’m getting bored, and I don’t want the title on Eve. She’s gorgeous and I’m glad she’s trying but I’m just not a fan yet.
JuicyJuiceBox
April 6, 2010 at 7:38 am
I’m gonna go with positives this week:
- It was actually well done and followed exactly how battle royals should go: a couple of quick eliminations to weed out the long shots, a couple of close calls, a battle on the apron, double elimination, and to end it off, a false finish followed by a pretty nice elimination
- It was very quick but everything flowed well and everyone did their job so that wasn’t an issue for me..
- It was somewhat exciting to watch, there were a few different things going on simultaneously that you zone in on different parts of the ring.
- Kudos to all the girls for performing in that attire. Gail Kim especially, she was FLYING out there!
- the result: FINALLY, A NEW CONTENDER! Someone new gets a chance to (potentially) shine, if only for a few minutes. Congrats to Eve, make the most of it! I beliEVE!
PedroPedroso17
April 6, 2010 at 7:57 am
This match probably looked a lot better then it should, mostly because I’m so used to 1 minute matches on RAW that a nice battle royal comes like a breathe of fresh air. I think the wrestling-in-dresses is weird, especially since they’re barefoot, that makes me cringe harder then when I watch Sanda Bullocks “acting”.
What I loved was that all girls got a chance to do their own entrance thingy, it’s here where you see who the crowd is supporting, who they dislike and who they don’t even know. Kelly got a big face reaction as always, Alicia actually got a few hearable boos, which is a good thing since she’s a heel, Gail got the silence treatment with some pops probably from the hardcore fans. Rosa got crickets. Jillian got the best heel reaction of the night (as she always has). Katie got the same hearable boos as Foxy, which is nice. The Bellas actually got a face reaction?? That’s great for them. And then, the obvious winner of the match comes to the biggest snorefest ever heard that night, which is irnoy at it best.
I don’t see what WWE sees in Eve at the moment, the crowd can’t tell her from the next diva, she hasn’t been keen in the ring lately (lots of botches, sloppy basics), I’d rather see Kelly, Gail, heck I’d rahter see the Bella getting a push over Eve. At the moment, she’s the worst in-ring worker on WWE in my book (next to the gaylicious, dragqueenamazonia Rosa Mendezzzz).
Seriously, since when did a diva acted as flamboyant as Rosa, I’d say, maybe tone down the make-up and the slutty “my hips don’t lie” moves.
Paparazzi8o8
April 6, 2010 at 7:57 am
But do you know what would have been cool. since they already had the red carpet made it a 10 diva battle royal and then the last diva had been MELINA! oooo now that woulda made it an even better RAW.
mpezza
April 6, 2010 at 8:19 am
I actually enjoyed it, especially compared to the 10 second matches of late. ;)
Jim Molloy
April 6, 2010 at 8:22 am
ERIN, I AGREE WITH YOUR ANALYSIS OF THE CURRENT SITUATION RELATIVE TO THE DIVAS. THE PRODUCERS & WRITERS DO NOT GET IT. THE DIVAS HAVE SOME REAL TALENT, BUT THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE IT. AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE, THE DIVAS SHOULD START THEIR OWN PRODUCTION COMPANY. I WAN’T SURPRISED THAT EVE WON THE BATTLE ROYAL. SHE IS SUPPOSE TO SUCCEED MARYSE AS DIVA CHAMPION. TAKE CARE.
daemonicwanderer317
April 6, 2010 at 8:28 am
The match was… special… I think that is the best word for it. I must say Maryse’s commentary was rather funny (and she got to trot out her HOF dress again I believe). Eve’s winning was a “DUH” moment, but the ending was pretty good (oh Alicia and your sore losing).
I like Maryse’s constant sniping at Michael Cole, it reinforces her “screw the little people” attitude. And I think Maryse has another catchphrase/nickname available. She said that Eve is like a sister, but she isn’t the girl you fantasize about. Is Maryse not only the Sexiest of the Sexy, but the Girl You Fantasize About too?
SoRandy4Rosa
April 6, 2010 at 9:38 am
@PedroPedroso17
What the hell is a gaylicious, dragqueenamazonia?
Also those werent “hearable boos”., those must of been the voices in your 12 year old head
NT86
April 6, 2010 at 9:43 am
It was not that bad really for a gimmick match. Maryse on commentary was just gold. Very entertaining talker, she is! Kelly Kelly needs to just STOP screaming everytime she hits a flashy move already. It’s annoying.
Gail Kim #1
April 6, 2010 at 9:48 am
Again it was OBVIOUS who would win. Eve Eve Eve.
She will lose anyway, she can’t drop-kick so she can’t beat Maryse, who is also below average in ring.
Gail was great but WWE find such stupid ways for her to be eliminated, and by K2 aswell.
K2 and Gail are meant to be like friends.. I HOPE Gail turns heel soon and attacks that stupid prom queen wannabe piece of trash.
Maryse was VERY funny tonight however.
THETommyTommy
April 6, 2010 at 10:22 am
I’m hoping next week has some form of storyline forming and not with Eve becoming champion, I like Maryse as champ.
dan333
April 6, 2010 at 10:55 am
The match was good. I wasn’t surprised with Eve winning the match. I hope that Eve takes the title off Maryse. I can’t stand the woman she is useless in the ring. At least Eve is good in the ring.
Evan
April 6, 2010 at 10:56 am
Here’s an Evan fun fact that not many people know: Jillian is my favorite Diva behind Beth Phoenix and I looved how she got the best crowd reaction during her entrance (Behind Kelly Kelly) And I loved how her and Alicia were working together :D Go Jillian!
I loved everything about this match except for Eve winning.. I would’ve settled for anyone winning except her.. (Or Alicia :x)
.MCH
April 6, 2010 at 11:01 am
Steven better not win next week.
Also, what the fuck is it going to take to see Alicia have a title reign? I’m sick and tired of waiting for it. Just make it happen already. It’s the damn divas title, how much more fucking work does she have to do in order to get it?
Zephyr5326
April 6, 2010 at 11:03 am
RAW was fine for what it was, just watching that video again made me relive some of Maryse’s one liners. I particularly liked the Lamb Shank one and the one were she said The Bellas shopped at Walmart. All that mixed in with her broken english was quite funny, and the whole thing with her saying Michael Cole is getting better at pronouncing her name was funny aswell.
Let’s hope the Hoff doesn’t ruin next weeks title match, but I think we’ll get a 2nd Divas match to host the Baywatch gimmick.
Gail Kim #1
April 6, 2010 at 11:09 am
@Dan333 – Maryse is better in ring than Eve. But they’re still both useless.
@.MCH – It should be Gail vs Alicia by now, Gail should have beaten Maryse and Alicia should be the #1 contender to Gails title, Gail should hold for a few months and then Alicia should take it off her before Melina returns. But nevermind, let’s just hope the draft puts Maryse up against McCool and Phoenix/Mickie then I doubt she’d hold a title.
DAMN I hope next week its a BAYWATCH divas match! OH MY LORD! GAIL KIM AS A LIFEGUARD :-D!!!
RedHotVixen
April 6, 2010 at 11:14 am
I hate how they just pushed Gail Kim aside after that never ending saga of a Divas tournament. It was like they said to her, ‘Look, Gail you served your purpose and we no longer need you. Now go job to some undeserving girl or stand around and look pretty.’ The E is trying to shove this Maryse-Eve fued that no-one really cares about down our throats in the most ridiculous manner possible. What is so difficult about giving the Divas a real feud? You know, 3 minute promos, 6 minute matches, an actual storyline? If you just cut 5 minutes off of Boretistas and John Cenas endless bitchfest you have more than enough time to do their thing. But what am I saying? That would require the writers to actually DO THEIR JOB!! How dare we demand such an absurd from them?!
DPWE1111
April 6, 2010 at 11:20 am
Maryse’s commentary was absolutely terrible! I wouldn’t've minded if she spoke in French. WHY have Eve win the match, when the only Divas that got a reaction from the crowds were Kelly (which was quite quiet this time) and Jillian (who, let’s face it, actually got the biggest pop out of all the Divas). I was quite excited when it came down to Eve & Jillian, and Alicia’s intereference, but still, it wasn’t to be: Jillian can’t be a 2 time Divas Champion…
Surprising to see Rosa & Katie Lea on RAW: I completely forgot Katie was on RAW, and I thought that Rosa was a part of SmackDown now.
Ever noticed how the WWE always places the Diva they thinks will get the loudest pop (or is supposedly over with the fans) as the final entrant into the Battle Royal? e.g. Trish Stratus, Melina.
theregoeskitty
April 6, 2010 at 11:29 am
Maryse embarrased herself on commentary at the end, the match was ‘Meh’ at best
didn’t the Bella twins win a title shot last week?
LaceyVonErichFan
April 6, 2010 at 12:08 pm
we all knew eve was going to win at least it was a decent match way better than last week. last time we saw a contender battle royal was when alicia fox won i remember how every other 3 weeks they would have a battle royal for number one contender spot. Its hard to say who is going to win but im most likely go with maryse because she’ll reign as champ till melina return.