The bartender could tell something was wrong. “You doing OK, man?”
I just kept shaking my head and staring at the ground in disbelief. Finally I said “Man, this started out as such a perfect night…” but it was barely loud enough for him to hear.
“What’s the matter dude? You’re in New Orleans…laissez le bon temps rouler!” I wanted to have fun, I wanted to “let the good times roll”, but instead I felt like I just got “coups de pied dans les noix.” (Translation – if you’re a guy that hurts.)
Seriously, it should have been a perfect night. I was strolling around Bourbon Street drinking a cold beer, the weather was beautiful and life was good. No problems at home, the job was fine, and Beth was the WWE Women’s Champion (I have always contended we are co-holders of the title, but that’s just a technicality). Then I thought I’d jump into a local bar, grab a refill, and check the Diva Dirt SmackDown spoilers. Just wanted to make sure my girl was still the champ after the Tuesday night tapings. Then I read the news… a 2-on-1 title match, Vickie’s back, a confusing ending, Michelle or Layla wearing the belt… what?!?! All I knew was that Beth wasn’t the champion anymore and I felt like my heart would explode from my chest. Not so much because she lost the title…but because I knew what this really meant – something was seriously wrong with her knee. “OH MERDE!” (Translation – very, very not good!)
The bartender said, “Hey, umm, can I get you a beer?”
I put my head in my hands and said, “Nah, I’ll take a Johnny Daniels over ice.”
“You mean Jack Daniels, right?”
I looked at him and mumbled, “He may be Jack to you, but when you’ve known him as long as I have…”
The bartender poured the drink and said, “Wow, you must really be upset about something.”
“You don’t understand, man, it wasn’t supposed to go down like this…I didn’t even get to write my Extreme Rules column yet.” Being that we were in New Orleans, lord knows what the bartender thought that meant. But I thought I had a few weeks you know? I wanted to be able to let the moment sink in and then write a coherent, entertaining column about one of the most exciting nights of my life. Now, the moment had passed, Beth had a severe knee injury, and Baltimore, MD seemed like a 100 years ago. The bartender said, “OK, then this one is on the house, you look pretty bummed out. Decu dans le Big Easy.” (Translation – I’m the only loser in New Orleans not having fun.) I looked back down at the floor and just kept thinking, “Did I jinx her? In some cosmic supernatural way did writing that stupid column about Melina’s injury cause Beth to blow out her knee?!” I don’t know.
I felt my eyes fill with tears. I took a few sips of my drink and then I got up and stammered out into the street, barely able to get my bearings. The rest of the night was a blur. Nothing made sense, and it still doesn’t several days later. All I know for sure is the Glamazon is going to be off TV for a long time, the championship belt is gone, and I feel disoriented and nauseous (which is typical after spending 3 days in NO, but this time it had nothing to do with drinking hurricanes.) By the way, I think Bourbon Street is WAY over-rated. All you see are bars, strip clubs, and cheesy gift shops and after awhile it is kind of depressing. Plus the whole area smells like Mike Knox’s gym bag. Of course, I am scheduled to go there for a bachelor party later this year. And if you think I am missing that, well, you don’t know me very well. “Laissez le bon temps rouler!” (Translation – I’ll need a new liver.)
This week’s column was supposed to be about Beth’s championship victory last month. I even started writing it. Here was my opening:
I feel like Tom Cruise right now. Sure, I’ll never fly a jet fighter or drive a race car or flip bottles in Jamaica…but because of the new WWE Women’s Champion I DO feel like Tom Cruise, because Beth – “you…complete…me!” She makes me so happy I wish I could jump up and down on Oprah’s couch. I might even dance around in my underwear. Cue Jerry Lee Lewis! “Just take those old records off the shelf!” I wish I could tell her this while wearing Ray-Bans. “Beth, you complete me.” Fist over heart. (And if you’ve never seen “Jerry McGwire”, please stop reading now…we can’t really be friends.)
Whew. Insert foot into groin. Now I feel like Rocky Balboa in the first Clubber Lang fight. What a ride the past 3 weeks have been. I guess that is what makes professional wrestling so much fun to follow…the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows. This is not life or death. I understand that. But this just feels a little….heavy. Did you see the look on Beth’s face when she won the title? She looked genuinely happy and appeared to have tears in her eyes. I feel so badly for her especially now after news broke that she has a torn ACL and will undergo surgery this coming week. Did you read in Beth’s WWE blog how she heard a “crunch” when she injured her knee? I’m telling you, she’ll always hear that sound. Yuck! Similar to Melina she will eventually recover and be back in the ring one day. But the timing could not be worse considering the care and feeding given to her character these past few months. I mean, the Glamazon was actually…over…with the crowd. “Très cool!” (Translation – yeah baby!) And kudos to Beth for her performance this past week – valiantly defending the title and pulling off a double Samoan Drop with both members of LayCool on her shoulders. Epic!
By the way, I’d like to thank Google Translate for helping me speak French this week. I tried to get a hold of Gail Kim but she didn’t return my tweets. “C’est la vie!” (Translation – you win some, you lose some. Or for Rosa…you lose some, you lose some. PS – I know it is not Rosa’s fault Beth got hurt, but I might hold her guilty by association. I need someone to blame other than myself.) I should mention that I have zero aptitude for foreign languages. I could probably learn to build nuclear reactors quicker than I could learn the Spanish alphabet. I still remember getting caught cheating on a grade school French test because I couldn’t memorize 10 vocab words. (I actually wrote the words on the desk…brilliant huh!? Apparently the other choice was just sitting next to the teacher and copying the answers.) I ended up taking 2 years of Latin in college and I needed all the…ummm…help…I could get to make it through those classes. I don’t feel too badly though. It’s not like I’m a doctor and I need to know the roots of every word in the English language. Plus I’m not a big fan of liberal arts colleges requiring me to take 2 years of a language yet having no math requirement (my major). So bite me Gettysburg College, and stop calling for donations. “E pluribus unum!” (Translation – who knows and who cares. Nobody understands Latin.)
So where was I going with that whole “You complete me” nonsense? See, I firmly believe in the “Rule of Five”. When you are counting down a list you always give your “Top 5”. Such as, “These are my Top 5 favorite movies.” Nobody tells you their Top 8 movies of all time. It somehow makes sense to count to 5, or a multiple of 5, such as your Top 10 favorite songs. Sounds right, feels right. Just ask our own Cryssi, she is always talking about her Top 5 favorite WWE stars (and by favorite, she means “hottest”. On second thought, forget about that, she squeezes 20 guys into that list…sorry).
I have been searching and searching, looking for THE one to complete my Top 5 Favorite Athletes of all time. I have always had 4, and as a huge sports fan this has been bugging me for years. I can easily name my Top 5 movies of all time (Bugsy, Star Wars, Fletch, Grease, and A Few Good Men), my Top 5 TV shows of all time (Dallas, Seinfeld, Golden Girls, Wings, and LA Law), my Top 5 singers of all time (The Bangles, Madonna, Cher, Debbie Gibson, and Shania Twain – I like chicks with guitars, so sue me). Anyway, you get the idea. But for the longest time I have had just four favorite athletes (Troy Aikman, Larry Bird, Fred Lynn, and Monica Seles). I could never find number 5. My “Rule of Five” was not complete and it stayed like this for years. By the late 90’s all of my favorites had retired and I’ve missed feeling connected to an athlete. I missed that excitement of seeing them on TV or buying a ticket to their games. I started to think I would never feel strongly about an athlete again. 10+ years is a long time. (Yes I know Seles didn’t officially retire until 2008 but after getting stabbed in 1993 she was never the same. To this day I can’t believe my favorite female athlete of all time got stabbed during a professional tennis match while she was #1 in the world. “Vous avez obtenu d’être freakin te fous de moi!” (Translation – I mean, really?!?) I love Beth, but I LOVED Monica Seles.)
Here is a depressing side note – all my favorite athletes had their careers dramatically altered by injuries: Aikman (concussions), Lynn (back), Bird (back), and Seles (stabbing). And now Beth tears her ACL just weeks after winning the championship. To cheer myself up I might go stick my head in the microwave.
Because of today’s media access many athletes greatly disappoint their fans because we come to find they are fundamentally not good people. (Steelers fans are shaking their head in agreement.) Right or wrong we usually hold athletes to a higher standard, turning them into heroes. I understand this and normally just try to enjoy athletes for what they do on the field. But when the Glamorous Amazon entered my life I suddenly felt whole because I had my Top 5. I knew Beth was the missing piece. I can’t even really explain the excitement. Those of you who treasure an athlete know what I am saying.
Hero. That’s an interesting word. By definition it means “an object of extreme admiration and devotion. A mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability. An illustrious warrior. A person admired for his or her achievements, noble qualities, and great courage.” So taking it literally, yeah, I would say that Beth Phoenix is definitely a hero of mine. I admire everything about her…her achievements, her qualities, and her courage. But more than anything I admire her kindness. I have been fortunate to meet Beth several times and every time she has been warm and friendly. Not just to me, but to everybody. She seems to be a beautiful person with a real appreciation for her responsibility as a WWE Diva. So…finally…I have another hero to love. One day when my daughter Morgan Phoenix asks about her middle name, I’ll tell her she is named after an illustrious warrior, someone who daddy admired for her great strength and ability (and rocking Glamasuits). I want my little girl to grow up to be just as fierce and fabulous.
We use the word “love” a lot in our culture. I know I don’t REALLY love Beth. Not the way I love my wife and kids. But…I DO kind of love her, you know? I think there are all different kinds of love in this world. I think that is healthy, to have heroes that you allow to impact your life. Extreme Rules 2010 was one of the most important nights of my life. April 25, 2010. Before that night I had never been in the stands to see a favorite team or favorite athlete win a championship. When Beth hit a beautiful Glam Slam on Michelle and pinned her for the victory, I felt pure and utter happiness (even though the match was a little goofy). I screamed out loud. I jumped around like a little kid. I hugged my buddy so hard he could barely breathe. It was my moment. Our moment. Beth won the women’s title and I was there to see it. I remember saying to my friend, “Whatever happens after this doesn’t matter because nobody can ever take this away from me. I know she’ll lose the title someday, but for now, Beth is the champion.” It was magnificent.
Three short weeks later the Divas landscape has changed dramatically. To me the most interesting thing will be where Smackdown goes from here. Maybe this is why Vickie “returned” to Smackdown after becoming the GM on RAW for 1 night (even Bob Barker was given more time to be RAW guest host…jeshh.) Putting the title on Layla this past week was an interesting twist and keeps her and Michelle McCool as the focus of the program. I’m OK with this because Smackdown needs to maintain some consistency until they figure this thing out. And I’m personally thrilled for Layla…I swear I might become Mr. LaylaEl soon if she keeps rocking those Flawless hoodies (I’m such a sucker I even like LayCool’s entrance, spins and all.) But what does this mean for Rosa? What does this mean for Tiffany? And especially, what does this mean for Kelly? I wrote a long column about Kelly and her importance to the Divas, I guess now we’ll see if she is ready to grab the ball and run with it.
Next time I see Beth I’ll ask her about her knee, about the surgery, and about the recovery. Sadly we’re part of the same fraternity now. In her WWE blog she seemed hopeful and determined to come back stronger and more powerful than ever. I feel better knowing she is in a positive frame of mind. Still, “ca craint!” (Translation – don’t look that up.)
PS – What movie is that John Daniels joke from?? That’s one of my favorite movie lines of all time. One of my Top 5 anyway.
PPS – If you want, follow me on Twitter: @dlb19338. I promise to be neither funny nor interesting. You have my word.
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16 Comments
You love Beth David and I love your blogs the exact same way. This was a hilarious, insightful and honest account and I loved reading it. Your as funny if not even funnier in your blogs than you are on the audios.
Great as always!
As happy as I am for Layla, my heart breaks for Beth. When that match ended on SD, the shocked silence in the audience spoke volumes. The only thing you could hear was Laylas hysterical shrieks of joy and Matt Stikers cheesy one liners (I just dont like the man. Sorry, Cryssi.). The look on the Glamazons face was…..Wow. There was no acting there. No playing off of her injury to get sympathy. That was pain. Real pain. That totally over-shadowed Laylas victory for me. Can you imagine what that must feel like? To reach your goal that you have been working so hard for, for so long. Only to have it snatched away due to circumstances beyond your control. I know that Beth will be back. I know that I am probably being kinda over dramatic. But I feel sad for her and pray that her recovery will be a speedy one. Great article, Glamadude. BTW if you do decide to dance around in your shades and underwear when Beth returns, please be sure to tape it and send us a link. Now that would be a great addition to Against The Ropes.
^^^ I mean Hitting The Ropes. Sorry.
David that nearly brought tears to my eyes it was so beautifully written! Seriously. I love your mix of humor and genuine emotion. When it comes to legitimate top five lists based on a non-superficial criteria I had one person at number one who was my absolute favorite wrestler of all-time. The man’s passion and love for the sport combined with his true athleticism and grappling technique were second to none. There is no one I followed more closely than this man and when he was found dead, I lost it. I cried and cried, and was so upset that I didn’t even want to watch Raw that night.
Then as the week’s progressed news about his death begin to make headlines and not in a good way. The first wrestler I ever watched, the first wrestler I ever truly cared about and allowed myself to get emotionally invested in was a murderer who killed his wife, little son, and then himself. I felt like I lost a piece of my childhood in the wake of the Chris Benoit saga and what happens to people you care about on that level does affect you.
(I know how to pick them, don’t I? lol)
I completely understand where you’re coming from. I knew you would be upset about Beth and for some reason, whenever I think of Beth, I think of you. It just goes hand-in-hand now. When Melina went out with injury I was horrified. She’s my all-time favorite diva. But like Melina, Beth will come back stronger and more determined than ever. When Beth had her jaw broken she dropped off the radar and we didn’t even know if we’d hear from her again. She returned and became one of the best divas to ever grace the WWE ring. One little surgery isn’t going to do the Glamazon in. She will come back, win that title again, and you will get to celebrate even harder. And I’ll be right there with my Coke Zero toasting to the Glamazon with you!
Wow I’m sappy today.
Cryssi, i feel your pain with Benoit. I didn’t cry but god it was one massive and shocking tragedy. I suppose I can say my most emotional moments were the death of Eddie Guerrero and the retirement of Ric Flair, the latter has been tarnished by his horrendous comeback.
Eddie’s death was awful for me, I was 12, and I really liked him, such an awesome star and I remember watching his final match vs Mr Kennedy and I thought he looked quite pale and white, I’m guessing nothing to do with his death, maybe he felt unwell, I don’t know. But then 2 days later, he was found dead. The tributes on the next RAW were heart breaking, and I found myself with a big lump in my throat, especially after seeing Stephanie McMahon’s comments. Thankfully, Beth’s situation is nowhere near in this league, so I’m glad that she’ll recover eventually, but whether she’ll be as agile as she was, only time can tell.
Btw David, I don’t know what movie that John Daniels joke is from, but it’s awesome. :)
Too much Glamazon love. But no matter how creepy that can sometimes be, I find myself always loving your blogs, lol. Awesome work. :)
Whoah, that was like reading a chapter of Harry Potter! Loved it. Good luck with your liver! haha
@ Cryssi- Beautifully put. What you just wrote about Chris reminds me alot of how I felt about Owen Hart. I was just 11 when he died, but I have been watching wrestling since I was a toddler. I adored Owen. Even when he was feuding with Bret. He was always the overlooked brother. He was just as skilled as Bret, he was better looking and he was just as charismatic. I thought so, anyway. But he always did his best and loved and supported his brother with not a drop of bitterness or animosity. When Bret left the WWF, Owen finally had his time in the spotlight. He was funny, awesome in the ring and great on the mic. The perfect token white boy in the Nation Of Domination. And who can forget his hilarious stint as The Blue Blazer? And then he was gone. I dont think that I will ever get over his death. He died over some dumb stunt that he didnt even want to do in the first place. But there was something that Debra said during Owens memorial that I will always take with me: Always let the people you love know what you feel about them. You never know if you wont ever see them again. Sorry for being so bleek. I just felt like sharing that for some reason.
I hate you because your so amazing lol! I’m a journalism major and your column just kicks arse seriously! Humor. wit, and passion, are three words I think of when I read your columns. Like RHV said I was so happy for Layla but that was overcasted by the pain I felt for Beth. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and launch my hand into the TV! It’s so frustrating being an athlete who loves your sport and everything comes crashing in at your peak. I knew though, by her blog she’ll return stronger and more intact. I still wonder if I hesitate doing risky moves after my tear will she carry that doubt with her? I guess her return will dictate that, she’s an amazing women and my amateur and pro wrestling hero. @Cryssi I felt it too when he passed, I almost felt guity for caring I cant even speak about it. Also Eddie man you can never understand how hard my best friend and I took that… everything we own for 8th grade showed some kind of tribute… We still discuss him and our eyes swell up. He was the reason we grew into bff….OY! -sighs-
@RHV Ouch tugging on the heart strings! I didn’t remember that statement until now… Flashback
As always, appreciate the nice feedback everybody. Cryssi…here is a quick Benoit story – Jamie and I were at the Marriott hotel bar in Baltimore in 1997 or 1998 after a WCW show…all the wrestlers were there. Aside from seeing Scott Hall dragged out by 3 people cause he was so smashed, the other shocking thing was on our way to our car we heard Chris Benoit outside yelling into his cell phone “I’m a sensitive guy! I’m a sensitive guy!” over and over. He seemed pretty out of it. I always remember that story when I think about that tragedy…seems he had demons for a long time. :-(
PS – RHV, I’ll definitely post a link if it is appropriate. LOL!
That moment you got when Beth won the title? Yeah all the jumping and excitement… I never got that moment… never. Why? Because WWE never gave Torrie Wilson the Women’s title… ugh. I remember when she moved to Raw too and turned heel, it made me soooo happy. I thought a title win was bound to happen, but noope…
The quote about the Jack Daniels was from ”Scent of A Woman”; here it is;
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Clear them little bottles off. And when I get off the phone here, call up Hyman and tell him I want it wall to wall with John Daniels.
Charlie Simms: Don’t you mean Jack Daniels?
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: He may be Jack to you son, but when you’ve known him as long as I have… that’s a joke.
you know is really hard to find a guy like you who is not afraid to share his feelings. I felt the exact same way when i read the SD spoilers in here. i was speachless, i couldnt believe it i just wanted to tink positively and when i was reading the comments on here where people where like “ok im confuse who won layla or michelle” all i wanted to write was “forget about those B****** dont you see the glamazon just lost her title? who cares about those 2???” i was really upset and all i could tink about was “this is not happenin it must be a joke this is a lie i refused to believe it.” but most importantly all i could tink about was Beths feelings. i though “how can this happen i mean i knew some day she was going to lose the title but why does WWE does dis to her? is her hometown for gods sake… how can they make her lose in her hometown in front of her people?”
i can honestly say i connect with u the most of all the Glamaddicts…why? becuase we tink alike we are Beth Phoenixs addict we love her n like you say i dont love Beth like i love my mom and dad or my brother or any family member but like a very close friend even thought i have never meet her. i just connect with her, her personality just speacks to me shes a hero to me and i admire her more that you can imagine shes one of those athletes or famoust stars you know they work their butts of to get where they are now. shes the only diva that i know has always bein a wreslter unlike anyone else ex: michelle was a teacher, layla was a dancer, mickie was a dancer too, and many more where models. i think Beth is the ONLY one that deserves any recognition by the wwe because shes the ONLY diva who has bein in this bussines her entire life. this is the thing she does best, and to me she is the BEST and to me she is still the champ no matter who hold the title to me to this point the title doesnt mean much cuz it keeps changing hands every month or so and no deserving divas get it (excluding of course Beth Phoenix and maybe Mickie James.)
PS and David keep on going with your colum, it amazing and i admire guys like you (cuz im a girl) who like i said are not afraid to share their feelings. plus i love the way you write it cuz you mix humour love pasion and personal stories which makes the colum even more interesting, i thing we could be really good friends becuse we have the same opinions, ideas and its like we share a brain (LOL :-P) we have the same love for Beth and some day i WILL meet her and show her ahow much i admire her. just like u i have not bein a fan of Beth (or wrestling for that matter) for a very long time. (probably i being a fan for a year or so) but shes just so easy to love she is amazing and a great person i felt in love with her the moment i saw her wrestle and i owe Santino for that beacause tanks to him i meet her and just automaticly became a GlamAddict4lyf.
PSS: take care David cant wait for your next issue and i will sure fallow you on twitter. :):):):):)
PSSS: please fallow me on twitter too please (@GlamAddict4lyf) tank you *GlamaHug*
xAzure gets it right! Movie was “Scent of a Woman”! :-)
David, honey, there’s this thing called AA…
No, I kid because if I don’t I may cry. This is a beautiful article you’ve written, so poignant and full of real emotion. I believe that we’re capable of loving, in some fashion, people we’ve never met before or don’t know on a personal level, like athletes. Like Beth. If you didn’t feel SOME type of love, you couldn’t have written this.
My heart just ached when I saw the look on her face after last Friday’s match. It was heartbreaking…I wanted nothing more than to reach through the tv and give her a hug, tell her it’ll be okay. I still do. It’s not fair when these things happen, especially given she was hitting her stride as top babyface and champion now that MJ’s gone. It’s an injury she’ll have to live with for the rest of her life. It’s not fair.
God grant that she recovers fully and doesn’t rush back to the ring. She doesn’t seem like the type that would do something foolish though. She won’t come back until she’s 100% Glam-tastic, and thats fine. Her fans will wait for her. ^__^
And Cryssi, although Benoit wasn’t in my top five, he was definately someone I admired and enjoyed watching. That whole week was so unrreal…I actually taped the Raw they did in tribute to him. I haven’t watched it since though. You lose a part of yourself when something like that happens I think…you can never look at his career, or wrestling as a whole, in the same light you once did. You just wonder what happened, what went wrong, and know you’ll never get answers.
I’d just gotten into wrestling two months before Owen Hart died. I was watching the PPV and it really shook me up. Eddie Guerrero hit harder, I can remember just staring at the computer screen re-reading the news, thinking this can’t be true. I cried so hard watching the Raw and SD tribute shows to him..hell its making me tear up writing this.
Our heroes become a part of ourselves, of our hearts. When something happens to them, we feel it acutely even if we don’t know them personally. I find nothing strange in your admiration and love for Beth, nothing strange in feeling this way about someone I don’t know in reality. It’s human nature, I think.
I’m rambling, damn it. Wonderful article David, your columns fit right in here at DD. :)