Wrestlicious TakeDown Breakdown (Episode 10): Bad Girls Gone Wild!

Wrestlicious has now put up episode 10 online, so those of us who are unable to enjoy it on tv can partake here! Will Glory, the newly crowned Wrestlicious Champion, find herself putting the title on the line? Will Felony be out for revenge? Will that horrendous commentator be fired? We’ll find out!

We open with Cousin Cassie standing with the ring announcer (Johnny C, I believe?) and his son (who remains nameless). Johnny tells his son that he’s retiring from ring announcing and wants him to take over. He just got married (“That’s right!” Cassie chirps) and wants to spend time with his new wife. His son didn’t think he’d ever stop announcing. Johnny replies that his new love has cast a spell on him and it’s just magic what’s happened between the two. From stage left comes White Magic (aka The Lovely Lacey), who just about tackles Johnny. With a shriek, Cassie takes off. White Magic starts to cackle as Johnny squeaks out a “Hi honey.” His son backs away, looking apprehensive. “Do I have to call her mom?” is what he wants to know. And with that, the show is underway.

After the opening scenes, we come to Jimmy Hart who welcomes us to the show and says that things are just getting better. Enter Savannah, who apparently has taken Brooke Lynn’s place as co-host. Savannah claims she likes Jimmy because he’s a real southern gentleman. He proceeds to make a comment about having a drink with her later and hoping she’ll lose her inhibitions. And I’m reminded of exactly why I find Jimmy Hart so greasy.

Another break and we’re back with a new segment entitled “Country Quickie with Cousin Cassie and Tyler Texas.” (Tyler being SHIMMER’s Lorelei Lee.) Oh dear, I’m hesitant to watch this due to the title but being made of sterner stuff, I forge on. Cassie & Tyler are infront of a cornfield backdrop. Cassie goes first, “Tyler, you might be a down home wrestler if your dinner bell and ring bell are the same thing.” Tyler: “Cousin Cassie, you might be a down home wrestler if your energy drink is moonshine.” I admit, I chuckled.

Next, we cut to the ring where Johnny’s son has dutifully taken up his father’s job. They’ve taken the show on the road to a club in Minneapolis and thanks in part to the crowd and in part to the commentator, I can’t hear the first woman introduced. Turns out to be Juvi Hall (the daughter of Roxy Astor, a part of GLOW, Kayla Meltzer). Juvi’s out in a pink corset top, black ultra-shorts, and her hair is blonde, black and purple. Nice! Playing up her naughty girl character, she sits in the lap of an older man in the audience but immediately gets back up and heads into the ring. Commentary man remarks, “I hear she’s a runaway. If my hair was that many colors, I’d run away too!” So wonderful to hear his voice again. Gonna have to tune him out like I do with Lawler.

She will be facing off against Cousin Cassie, who, as far as we know, has no previous wrestling experience. I’m laying odds this match will be short and possibly painful. But I do learn that the ring announcer’s name is Johnny C, Jr. Originality must run in the family. After much pandering to the crowd, the bell rings and the two lockup in a collar and elbow tieup. Juvi gets Cassie into a headlock. As the camera angle switches, we see Naughty School Girl Faith (one half of SHIMMER’s Canadian Ninjas, Portia Perez) come to ringside. Cassie manages to push Juvi into the ropes but as they collide, Cassie gets knocked to the ground. Juvi whips herself off the ropes but Cassie gets a hiptoss in, followed by a snapmare. A dropkick and Cassie’s jubilant at getting this run of offense in on the newcomer. Whipping Juvi into the corner, she goes for a running forarm but J-Hall is quick to dodge, allowing Cassie to run into the turnbuckle. As she turns around, she’s met by two kicks to the midsection, followed by a fist to the stomach. Juvi moves to whip her into another corner but Cassie reverses, sending Juvi into the corner. But Cass is slow to follow up and as she moves in, she’s met by an elbow to the jaw. A clothesline follows, then a few kicks while Cassie’s down. Juvi’s extremely cocky, mocking the crowd for cheering the southern gal.

Juvi chokes Cassie on the middle rope but when she turns her back on Cassie, the blonde puts a finger to her lips. She’s apparently playing possum…and as Juvi Hall turns around, she’s met by a flying headscissors! A cover only gets two. Commentator, “Shades of Rene Goulet!” Somehow…I don’t think so. Cassie’s up first and as she goes to pull Juvi up, she gets a rake to the face.  As Cassie stumbles around, Juvi nails a very nice springboard enziguri (not unlike Allison Danger’s Shimmering Warlock). Pulling Cass up by the neck, Juvi twists her arm in an armbar then sends her off the ropes, but as she bends over for a backdrop, Cassie executes a sunset flip and somehow gets the 3 count! As Juvi exits the ring, Faith comes in and starts in on Cassie. It’s not long before Tyler Texas hits the ring, sending Faith scurrying to the outside. Tyler and Cassie celebrate the latter’s win.

This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Cassie is improving, slowly but surely, and it looks like Juvi has some skills (courtesy of her mother, perhaps?). Will this lead to Juvi becoming an honorary Naughty Girl alongside Faith, Hope and Charity? We’ll have to see where this leads.

A break, then we come back to Wrestlicious Rewind. It shows parts of the crowning championship matchup between Glory (SHIMMER’s Christie Ricci) and Felony (SHIMMER’s Rain). A leaping leg lariat and leg drop enable Glory to come Wrestlicious’ first Champion! As JV Rich awards her the crown, she says she’ll defend it anywhere against anyone. Prophetic words?

Switching to a diner, we see Sha-Na-Na (indy wrestler Kristin Flake) on a bar stool, surrounded by the Be-Bops, sipping on a milkshake. She says her date told her to meet her at the diner and that they would be working on her ’57 Chevy. How does she know? Apparently her date said he wanted to take care of “the junk in her trunk.” “Ohhhh!” the Be-Bops nod seriously. And I’m shaking my head. Next!

Wrestlicious Spotlight is on Kickstart Katie (SHIMMER’s Nevaeh). Which by spotlight, they mean gratuitous shots of her in a bikini on a beach. Which, she’s lovely but no thanks. Next!

The next segment is entitled, “You’ve Got Male.” We see Paige Webb (WWE’s Serena Deeb) seated at a computer in her ultra cute blue & black top. She loves to get email so lets see what the fans have sent her. This week, someone writes, “I heard you were a Girl Scout. How do you like my cookies?” Before I can warn her, Paige clicks on the attached picture and immediately regrets it. Ew! She quickly deletes the not-quite-cookies picture. Maybe next time she’ll get something better.

A graphic shows that tonight’s Main Event features the Naughty Girls Faith & Hope (Canadian Ninjas Portia & Nicole Matthews) taking on Marley (SHIMMER’s Daizee Haze) and the debuting Coco Montego (OVW & SHIMMER’s Josie)! Awesome, four women who are solid in the ring! This is what I love about Wrestlicious. Makes sitting through the camp worth it.

Quick break and it’s time for the main event, whoo hoo! Introduced first are Faith and Hope, but Faith comes out alone. When J.C.,Jr asks where her partner is, Faith claims Hope’s parents sent her away to boarding school. But not to worry, she has a partner! When she whispers the name to J.C.,Jr, he can’t believe it. Reluctantly he announces Faith’s tag team partner – White Magic! Out comes Junior’s new step-mother, with something that looks like a vine with a mace at the end in her hands. She shows Faith how to do her voodoo dance in the ring. Should be a very interesting pairing!

Out second are Marley and Coco Montego, who (seeing her for the first time since leaving TNA) looks extremely fit and ready to go! She takes the mic and makes a prediction: “Miss Coco predicts we’re going to kick your butts!” The crowd likes the sound of that! But whats this? White Magic has a doll that resembles Coco! She has Faith take hold of it and stab it with a needle. Coco’s driven to the ground, clutching her chest! Magic’s voodoo is taking effect! While Coco rolls out of the ring in pain, Magic takes out another doll that resembles Marley. She has Faith stab the doll, but to no effect! Marley’s doing yoga in the ring and apparently her yoga is shielding her from the voodoo! White Magic is enraged and, taking the doll back, stabs it multiple times – no dice. Marley is in Warrior’s Pose I before moving into Warrior Pose III. The voodoo cannot penetrate Marley’s Nirvana!

(Did I just type that? This is so campy, it’s hilarious!)

As Coco applauds, special guest referee Austin Aries (from ROH), grabs both dolls and gets them out of the ring. This sends Magic into a fury. As both Faith and Magic blast Aries, Marley has completed her yoga. Together, they attack F&M, whipping them off the ropes and connecting with two sharp elbows. Faith and Magic roll out of the ring as Marley and Coco celebrate. After a moment, Marley heads to the outside, getting Faith in the back with a forarm before rolling her back into the ring. Coco and White Magic take their places at opposite corners.

Marley gets both of Faith’s arms in armbars, manuvering her to the mat. Somehow Faith grabs Marley’s hair and yanks, but although they stand up, Marley still has one of Faith’s arms. She executes a nice armdrag, cranking more pressure on the arm before backing up so Coco can tag herself in. Whipping Faith off the ropes, Marley gets a drop toehold on her, and Coco follows up with an elbow to Faith’s back. Getting her back up, Coco whips her into the ropes, leapfrogs over Faith then nails her on the return with a beautiful dropkick. Putting Faith into a front facelock, Coco tags in Marley, who gets a hard forarm to the back. Shoving her into the ropes, Marley lets loose with a knifedge chop, then a second. She goes for an Irish whip, but Faith reverses, sending Marley into the ropes where White Magic grabs her leg. While Faith distracts the ref, Magic gets a neckbreaker off the second rope on Marley. For the first time, Faith takes control of the match and after dragging Marley to her corner, tags in White Magic.

White Magic hits her with a hairmare then a sharp kick to the hippy’s head. Gathering up Marley, the voodoo queen clubs her back before choking her on the second rope. Tagging Faith back in, Marley tries valiantly to fight them off but the dastardly duo get a double suplex on her. Faith goes for a cover but Coco is quick to break it up. Faith locks in a rear chinlock that looks suspiciously like a choke. After a moment, she simply grabs Marley’s hair and yanks her head backwards, taunting her. Stomping her back onto the mat, Faith simply sits on Marley and chokes her whilst jawing at Aries. As Faith breaks the hold, she goes to pull Marley up but the hippy lady rolls her up into a pin! Faith reverses it into a pin of her own but it’s only good for two. Marley tries to get to her corner but Faith’s on her like a pitbull, dragging her back to tag in White Magic.

Magic lands another hard neckbreaker, cackling at Marley’s pain. She crosses Marley’s arms across her chest, holding her down for a two count. (Gimmick infringment! You’ll hear from the Undertaker and WWE’s lawyers, Wrestlicious!) Marley and Magic have a test of strength, with Marley slowly driving Magic towards her own corner. But just as a tag is made to Coco, Faith distracts Austin, so that when he turns around to see Coco enter, he kicks her out, not having seen the pin! While Coco argues, “Evil” and “Naughty” double team Marley, kicking and choking the cannabis outta her. When Aries finally turns around, he sees Magic exiting the ring whilst Faith chokes out Marley. He breaks that up and oddly enough takes Magic’s word for it that they tagged out. Double standards, he has them.

Faith whips the blonde off the ropes and lands a hard elbow to Marley’s chest. She goes for a cover but again, only good for two. Another pin, another two. Faith gathers her up, pushing Marley into a corner where she gets a chop. Whipping Marley into the opposite corner, she charges but is met with an elbow! Another charge – she meets Marley’s foot this time! A final charge and Marley deftly dodges and rolls up Faith into a bridging pin! Faith kicks out but unforunately for her, Marley is able to tag in Coco! White Magic comes in but Coco takes both Faith and Magic down with several elbows! Grabbing Magic, she whips her into the corner where Faith is, sending Faith down to the mat and Magic stumbling out in a daze. She turns – only to be met by a hard missile dropkick from Marley!

Coco hoists Faith up on her shoulders and performs a rolling fireman’s carry. Leaving Faith on the mat, Coco climbs up on the turnbuckle and jumps from the second rope, twisting in midair to nail Faith with a beautiful senton! (And you released her TNA? Great job there.) She goes for a cover – but Faith kicks out at two! Coco can’t believe it and neither can I! Fustrated, Coco tags Marley back in, then hauls Faith back onto her shoulders for a fireman’s carry takeover. Marley’s up on the turnbuckle and Coco helps launch her off and onto Faith, a monster crossbody! She covers and the ref counts but before he can get to three, White Magic’s in and pulling Aries to his feet. She WHACKS him on the head with her Voodoo Mace! (Different from a normal mace..?) Aries calls for the bell, holding his head in pain as another referee comes out to help with the carnage. Magic’s on one knee, whirling her mace maniacally. Faith’s still down, Coco’s on the apron, Marley’s checking on Aries and the second ref is afraid to enter the ring while Magic’s still armed! It’s chaos!

While this is going on, the screen shrinks and we see Cousin Cassie and Tyler Texas telling us to “come on back now, ya hear?” They blow us kisses, at which point Wrestlicious comes to a close.

Not gonna lie, I enjoyed the whole thing. I can easily overlook the too-campy scenes in exchange for great matches featuring experienced women. Wrestlicious doesn’t have their talent locked up, so the women are still able to perform on the indies while fulfilling their obligations to Wrestlicious. They’re given the chance to grow as actresses/characters as well. I know I’ve been skeptical in the past, but I love the chance to see good wrestling – in this regard, it’s better than GLOW since the wrestling wasn’t nearly as good. I hope somehow or another Wrestlicious continues to give us good shows like this. Cheers!

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