Wednesday, June 16, 2021

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NXT Lay-Kav-Ool Watch (August 3rd, 2010): Wasting Away In Margaritaville

Last night’s episode of NXT was a hot mess, and I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good or bad thing in this case. I knew something interesting was going to happen when the Mediacom digital menu said “the first ever kissing contest is held.” What I didn’t expect was the sheer hotness that was Layla/Kaval, the pure joy of seeing Michael McGillicutty and Percy Watson lose, and the weird, overwhelming urge to make out with Alex Riley take over me. I experienced many emotions last night, as did a lot of you who are going to read this. With a lack of anything else to say in this introduction (because words can’t truly describe how epic NXT was… ) I say we get right on down to business!

NXT kicked off with the introduction of the pros and then the rookies. The rookies all went to the ring where Matt Striker basically addressed the situation from last week and told the rookies that tonight they all had to get on the same page. He told them that their challenge for tonight is a kissing contest and while they looked confused/stunned/shocked, he introduced the sexiest women on television, the self-proclaimed co-Women’s Champions, Laycool! Michelle McCool and Layla slowly stood up and looked at each other, before making their way to the ring. Each woman had her own tube of lipgloss and they both took the time to generously apply a new amount using Michelle’s belt for a mirror. Eventually, Laycool end up in the ring and Striker happily tells them that the show is all theirs.

The girls politely thank him and hand their belts over to Kaval so he can hold them while they host this segment. The girls say that they’ve already seen the guys fight it out in the ring. Tonight, they want to see a softer, more gentle side of the remaining NXT rookies. They want to see them as LOVERS. According to Layla, how the guys kiss is going to determine how well they’re going to do as a WWE superstar. Cue random shot of Lucky Cannon not looking convinced. Michelle jumps in and clarifies that kissing actually has nothing to do with how amazing of a superstar the guys will be, they just want to kiss them. Layla nods her head in agreement and demands to know if the guys want to kiss them too. Laycool don’t seem to care about the answer because they’re convinced that everyone wants to kiss them anyway because they’re FLAWLESS.

The rules for the kissing contest are simple; the guys just have to kiss the girls for as long, as soft, and as passionately as possible. After that, Laycool will decide who is the winner is based on their overall ability and that person will win a whole slew of prizes. Husky Harris is up first. Michelle seems like she wants a piece of the army tank with the Ferrari engine and she tells Husky that’s she’s always wanted a whole lot of lovin’. Husky seems reluctant to kiss Michelle and she reaches out and aggressively grabs his shirt to pull him towards her. Finally Husky closes his eyes and he’s primed himself for the kiss of his life when suddenly…

REAL TALK!

Of course there had to be a catch to this segment because there’s no way on Earth Michelle and Layla were going to make out with all the NXT rookies. They introduce the 1993 Laredo Homecoming Queen… Margarita! Of course, Margarita isn’t exactly a looker and judging from the looks on the faces of everyone, Margarita is meant to be a disgusting individual. Alex Riley doesn’t find her very bad, in fact when Layla and Michelle demand that someone help Margarita into the ring, Riley nearly fights with Lucky Cannon for that honor. That’s certainly interesting. Riley also can’t keep a straight face during the Margarita in-ring introduction. Husky is made to go first and when asks Laycool for a microphone, they refuse to give it to him and hide them behind their backs. Kaval finally steps in to keep Husky from accosting Laycool and finally Husky goes in for the kiss. He grabs Margarita, bends her back, and plants a pretty decent little kiss on her. He’s pretty horrified after the fact and the second rookie is up.

Michael McGillicutty walks towards Margarita and he doesn’t look happy. In fact, the newly ranked number one rookie looks sick to his stomach over this challenge. To his credit, he quickly gets into character and twirls Margarita around, all the while looking at her with sex-filled bedroom eyes. He grabs her, pulls her into his body, and then starts to lick her face right where all her facial scabs are.

Thank you NXT for making me throw up my morning Diet Coke with Lime.

Everyone is completely disturbed with what went down, but Margarita looks excited. McGillicutty is just freaking out and making Husky check his teeth for extra bits of scab. Puke. Moving on, the resident pretty boy is up next. The girls tease Lucky and say this is his one chance to actually get LUCKY! Lucky just laughs and strolls up to Margarita. He takes her hand and caresses her cheek with his free hand, then he sweetly kisses her on the lips. Awwwwwww! Margarita is fanning herself. Reckon she liked the kiss from Lucky?

Percy Watson is up next and he’s being a real dick about things. He doesn’t even want to get close to Margarita, let alone kiss her. The girls mock Percy’s little shimmy in only a way they can and they encourage him to get in there and go for it. He slowly removes his glasses and makes his God awful face as he closes in on Margarita’s lips. As Percy gets closer, all the NXT rookies lean in to see if he actually does it. Right as Percy gets close enough, Michelle pushes his head forward and his lips land on Margarita’s! Layla squeals and all the NXT guys jump back, feeling nothing but sympathy for their fellow rookie. Brilliant.

Kaval is up next and Michelle and Layla are both upset that he has to kiss Margarita. They take their titles from him (Layla even tells Alex that he can’t touch it after offering to hold it) and tell Margarita that Kaval is their man and that she has to go easy on him. They feel really bad about their contest now because it dawns on them that they have to subject their precious Kaval to Margarita and it seems like they even think about pulling him from the contest. He’s begging them too, to be honest. Michelle asks the fans of Kaval should kiss Margarita, and they enthusiastically scream that he should. Kaval is not happy about this. Both girls feel bad, but they tell Kaval he has to win. Layla looks especially  upset and Kaval just seems scared for his life. Layla taps Michelle on the shoulder and when she turns around, Layla grabs Kaval and starts making out with him. They almost fall to the ground, and wow. Talk about a sexy kiss. Kaval looks stunned speechless and Layla turns to ask the crowd if that kiss counted. Sadly, it doesn’t. Kaval still has to kiss Margarita. Layla pushes Kaval towards the waiting woman and finally he awkwardly kisses her. Laycool seem very proud of their man, but he immediately goes off to drown himself in spearmint Tic-Tacs.

Alex is the last rookie to go and in a contrast to everyone else, he seems more than excited to make out with Margarita. Alex is rubbing his hands together and smirks arrogantly when Michelle points out that he has a varsity jacket and now he has his homecoming queen. Alex motions for Margarita to come towards him and he grabs her and, for lack of a better term, kisses the shit out of her. After the completion of the best kiss throughout this entire competition, Alex passes out with his hand over his heart. Wow. That basically concludes the kissing contest. The girls ask Margarita who the best kisser was and Laycool look stunned at her decision. LUCKY CANNON has won the kissing contest but now he has to share the prize. All the guys have won tonsillitis, gingivitis, something I did not understand, athlete’s foot, and COOTIES! They ask the crowd to give it up for the NXT rookies and their theme music starts to play. The camera pans around the ring and Kaval is still gagging in the corner, McGillicutty is looking disgusted with himself, and Lucky is trying to pry Alex off of Margarita because he has gone back for seconds at this point.

Wow.

NXT goes to commercial break but when it returns, we have a rematch of last week’s Kaval/Husky match. Laycool and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes are on the apron, as usual, and the bell rings to begin the contest. Kaval and Husky circle one another before Husky takes charge and bullies Kaval over into the corner. The referee begins the count and Husky takes a step back so he doesn’t get disqualified. Kaval is able to take a cheap shot which sends Husky reeling, but he is able to gather himself quickly and knock Kaval off his feet so the Brooklyn boy can’t do anymore damage to him.

Husky wraps his arms around Kaval to keep him grounded, and Michelle screams at Husky to get off Kaval. He doesn’t pay her any attention but Kaval is able to fight back, and eventually out of Husky’s grip. They stand up and Kaval is able to kick Husky squarely in the face which knocks the larger man to his butt. Husky is back up and he and Kaval begin fighting for control. Husky gets Kaval up in the air, but Kaval somehow gets himself on the shoulders of Husky and launches off, kicking the other man right in the chest. Laycool mark out on the apron, and Husky ends up on the outside to regroup. Cody jumps off the apron to offer his rookie some words of encourage and Kaval takes a chance and launches himself over the top rope. Husky catches him and slams Kaval into the guardrail. AWWWW!!!! (I bet Husky did that for Eric.) All Laycool can do is watch in horror and scream at him to get back in the ring as the referee nears the end of the ten count. Kaval forces himself back into the ring at the nine and Husky happily greets him with a kick to the chest. He hooks the leg and covers Kaval, but he only gets a two count. Husky starts stomping away on the lower back of Kaval and then drives his knee in the same area and starts to bend Kaval back. It looks incredibly painful but Kaval’s fighting spirit will not allow him to give up.

Laycool get the crowd behind Kaval and he fights to his feet. Husky whips him into the corner and charges, but Kaval gets the feet up. Husky is in trouble, but Kaval is unable to capitalize at this point and lumbers over to the other corner to try and collect himself. Husky gets down in the three point stance and tries to tackle Kaval, but Kaval moves and Husky’s head bounces off the turnbuckle. Kaval starts to beat down on Husky, but Husky uses his size and strength to over power and launch him up. Kaval gets his feet on the bottom rope, scurries up to the middle one, and plants his feet in Husky’s chest. The big man has the wind knocked out of him and goes down. Kaval tries for a cover, but Husky isn’t having it and crawls away. Kaval tries to set Husky up for one of his signature moves but Husky moves out of the corner and Kaval’s face slams off the turnbuckle. Husky sends the smaller man down with absolutely brutal slam and then goes for the Army Tank. Kaval is buried for the second millionth week in a row and I get to listen to Cody’s stupid addicting theme song once again.

In other NXT happenings, Lucky and Michael end up getting in a bitch fight over who hates The Miz more. The Miz and Kofi are giving an interview to Ashley Valence over The Miz’s comments about Michael being mediocre when Lucky and Mark Henry show up to interrupt. Lucky respects the fact Michael has an issue with Miz, but he has one as well and he wants to settle the score with the mouthy MITB winner. They bicker back and forth over who is going to face The Miz and finally, Miz has had enough. He’s sitting on the stage with the rest of the pros, but he stands up and begins to mock the rookies. He tells the two to face each other and perhaps the winner will actually get a chance to step in the ring against him. Kofi steps up and calls out The Miz on his nasty attitude and manipulates him into agreeing to face the winner of the match. The Miz gets furious and screams that he will eat the rookies for lunch before storming off the stage. NXT goes to commercial again and when it returns, Kofi and Michael are in the ring. Mark and Lucky make their way to the ring and the match begins. Lucky had the early advantage and showed off some impressive mat wrestling skills. He went for a move in the corner, but Michael was able to fend him off and Lucky ended up slamming the back of his head into the mat. Michael followed it up with a dropkick to the face and that set Lucky up for his finisher, which I swear Kofi called it “McGillicutter.” McGillibuddies everywhere rejoiced because their man’s perfect record remained firmly intact.

Matt decided to put the pros on the spot tonight by asking each of them which of their colleagues they felt were doing the worst job. Kofi went first and basically ripped Laycool for not doing right by Kaval, because he is the closest thing to a legit ninja Kofi has ever seen. He tells the girls it was awful to have Kaval in a pink Snuggie for the first part of the competition. Laycool are not pleased. They defend their actions and claim that the WWE Universe loved Kaval’s pink shirt (they don’t) and strike back by saying Kofi is the worst pro of the moment. Mark goes next and says that the worst pro is the man who’s rookie ended up eliminated first and that was none other than Zack Ryder. Cody goes next and agrees with Laycool that Kofi is the worst rookie on this season of NXT. Zack finally gets a chance to defend himself, but he decides to check his cellphone first which gives The Miz ample opportunity to interrupt. He tells Zack to get off Twitter. The Miz declares that everyone but himself is the worst pro. John Morrison jumps in and begins to have a go at The Miz. The former tag team partners get into a screaming match and The Miz just ends up going off on a tangent and introduces Alex.

The Varsity Villain and Percy Watson faced off next. Before the match, Percy had his own promo which was gross. Alex rightfully won the match by making Percy his woman, and that led right into The Miz versus Michael McGillicutty. Their match was really well done. The Miz has come a long way and Michael is so talented in the ring. The Miz ended up winning a hard fought match and celebrated with Alex as the show came to a close.

There was totally something for everyone on this episode of NXT. The kissing contest was amazing to me. It was so great to see Laycool in the spotlight and the guys were absolutely hilarious tonight. All of them showed that they could do comedy if asked too. Michael was just full of personality tonight and that face licking… UGH! My stomach is still queasy from that! God help me, but Percy showed a new side to himself tonight that I found quite funny. He was probably the rookie most disgusted over Margarita and his facial expressions, especially the one when Kaval was forced to kiss Margarita, were absolutely priceless. Kaval and Alex also stood out in this segment. I keep saying it, but no one can touch Alex Riley in this competition. He is the total package and his comedy tonight was spot on. He plays his character, an arrogant jackass frat boy, so damn well. He didn’t give a shit about Margarita’s looks. He just wanted some quick action and dammit, he liked it. It was basically perfect and Alex Riley looks like he is one hell of a kisser. I think he’s my Justin Gabriel of this season.

The Kaval and Layla kiss was so hot. I feel so bad writing this but they are the cutest couple ever. I can’t wait for them to have little Laval babies. Michelle would be the best godmother ever. As far as the other guys go, Lucky was far to sweet for me but those women who love romantic men, I suggest you get Lucky on Twitter on start pleading your case to him. Personally, romance is not my thing and Lucky’s smooth little cheek caressing and hand holding just didn’t do it for me. Husky, well… he’s hot to me. I’d totally make out with him. I just thank God (I’m talking to you again, JBL) that Eli Cottonwood was eliminated. I don’t think I could have handled seeing him try to make out with someone.

The Kaval/Husky match was great, but it’s irritating to see Kaval lose every week. I reckon he is the Bryan Danielson of this season, I just hope Kaval doesn’t try to choke anyone with a tie during a segment or something.

This was a great episode of NXT to me, and no doubt my favorite of the whole season thus far. Next week we have another elimination and I see Lucky Cannon going home. Until then…

Cryssi out!

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