Wrestlicious TakeDown Breakdown (Episode 11): Mafioso, Table for Two

The new episode of Wrestlicious is up! And you all know what that means – some camp, some competition and some crazy conundrums! Which women on this expansive roster will be featured tonight? Watch below…

We open in JV’s Crib (where the women don’t seem to wear anything but bikinis….), finding Jimmy Hart ironing one of JV’s shirts as Paige Webb, Boot Camp Bailey and an unidentified lady surround him. Enter JV with a blonde on his arm, asking Jimmy what he’s doing. Jimmy says he knows JV likes his shirts pressed. JV says he’s doing a great job – then asks him to get his car next. After he walks off, Hart takes off his jacket and huffs off, saying that he doesn’t have to take this – he’s a hall of famer! He exits and the women look at each other. I’d leave too, ladies.

After the intro runs, we see Jimmy again, this time backstage at the club that Wrestlicious is taping at. Enter a young woman (on the marquee, her name’s not given just “Random Fan.” That’s nice, they couldn’t take the time to find out her name? Sigh.) who asks how is she to know if she’s a wrestling fanatic? Jimmy thinks for a minute then responds that you know you’re one if you are wearing a wrestling mask in your driver’s license photo. She responds that she thinks she’s a wrestling fanatic then, and Jimmy groans in dismay. Womp womp.

Today’s episode of Wrestlicious Heroines features Toni the Top. Basically it shows Toni making a deal with a shadowy figure to have her back. Both women are drawn like your typical comic book woman – with big boobs. (Hey James Hornsby! Maybe you could try drawing these women with normal proportions? I’m just saying.) However, this segment will make more sense later on…

The next segment features Felony being asked why she’s behind bars. She responds it was the way she was brought up – on charges. Heh. Now it’s time to play everyone’s favorite game, “Are You Smarter than a Male Wrestler?” Glory faces off against one half of the Nasty Boys (truthfully, I can’t be arsed to look up which one). The question: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? The Nasty Boy answers first, and I admit I laughed – his answer is “Betty White’s house!” Although funny, it’s not the correct answer, which Glory supplies, “My hometown, Philadelphia.” The Nasty Boy protests then storms off, prompting Jimmy to shout behind him, “You spent twelve years in the fifth grade, what the heck!” That got another laugh from me, hah.

Then we get some campy segments featuring Savannah and her trip to the doctor; a customer trying to order a well-done hamburger at Bandita’s Cantina (to which Bandita replies, “Are you kidding? Nothing in this joint’s well done!”); a Country Quickie with Tyler Texas and Cousin Cassie (not that funny); a new segment called “Voodoo You Love” starring White Magic and Johnny C (honestly I couldn’t make out what either one was saying, but it ends with WM using her voodoo doll on Johnny); however, my attention was caught by the next segment.

It’s not really a segment, but a small clip featuring two new females who’ll be arriving to compete in Wrestlicious very soon. We see their names are Beatrice and Penelope Bristol and are warned: The Bristols are Coming! We fade in to the two newcomers and I do a double take. Literally. It’s Hannah and Holly Blossom, the Blossom Twins from Ohio Valley Wrestling! Having never heard them speak before, I was charmed by their English accents (heck, I didn’t know they were originally from England until Stew told me! I fail.). Dressed alike, fortunately someone thought to put their initials on the screen – Bristol is on the left, Penelope is on the right. A slight jab to BP is apparent by the design at the bottom. P asks B what she’s got in her hand. B replies it’s a cupcake of course, and they go into their Wrestlicious Rap:

B: Because they’re oh so yummy.

P: And oh so delicious!

B: That’s because

Together: We’re Wrestlicious!

Cute! Hopefully this will get them a bit more exposure and open up new opportunities for the Twins.

Takedown spotlight is Sierra Sheraton, who’s frolicking on a beach in a bikini. What is it with this show and putting women in bikinis? Anxiously waiting for a match…

Here we go, Johnny C., Jr. is out to announce the match. Toni the Top’s out first and she announces that everything’s going well for her, so she decided to expand her family. The newest member? Tina the Trigger. A quick search tells me that she’s played by indy wrestler Sammi Lane, who’s been wrestling since 2006. Tina comes out with a baseball bat in hand. She takes the mic from Toni and proclaims that together, “they are TNT.” She says something else but between the shoddy audio and the crowd’s boos, I can’t make it out. I believe it’s an open challenge, which is taken up by Tyler Texas and Cousin Cassie. The commentator makes a line about them not being meatballs but maybe being a little cheesecake. Note to self: tune out the commentary. This guy is worse than Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler combined.

However, Tyler says her partner’s not her Cousin Cassie. Nope, it turns out to by the Wrestlicious Champion, Glory! Out she comes, draped in an American flag cape and wearing her Crown. Toni wasn’t expecting to see Glory but she’s more than willing to get an early crack at her. She wants the crown at all costs. The Wrestlicious Rewind takes us back at the last time Glory faced off against Toni, a match that was thrown out due to both women disregarding the rules and the referee’s calls for order.

Toni and Glory face off but having a sudden change of heart, Toni tags in Tina. (Try saying that five times fast!) The two lock up, trading wrist locks until Glory gets Tina in a headlock. Tina pulls on Glory’s hair to release the hold, then whips her into the ropes. She tries for a clothesline but Glory gets a side headlock takedown. Tyler wants in, so Glory pulls Tina up, tags in Texas and together they land a double hip toss. Tyler goes for a pin but gets two. Another side headlock into a takedown gets Tina back on the mat, but this time she rolls Tyler over, going for a pin that Texas easily shoves out of, going back into the headlock. Tina manages to roll Tyler over again, a pin that’s good for two, and forces Tyler to change her tactics. Pulling Tina up still in the headlock, Tyler runs to the corner, up the ropes and flips Tina over in a harder variation of the headlock takedown! Very smooth move!

Tagging Glory back in, Tyler holds the arm out and Glory connects with a sledgehammer to Tina’s arm. Another headlock until Tyler signals to Glory she has an idea. Putting her boot up on the ropes, Glory slams Tina’s head into Tyler’s boot, then tags Texas back in. Tyler gets a forearm in, then two nice arm drags and a dropkick! Tyler Texas is on fire and Tina the Trigger is re-thinking her career as Toni’s associate! Having enough of this, Toni enters only to get nailed by an arm drag and a handspring forearm in the corner! Tyler whips off the ropes, twists and synches her legs around Toni’s waist but apparently Toni can’t hold her – they both go down hard, Tyler getting the worst of it. Forging ahead, Toni goes for a pin but Tyler’s too close to the ropes.

Getting Tyler up, she kicks her in the gut before attempting to whip Texas into the opposite corner. Tyler reverses, slamming Toni into the corner, following up with a running bulldog. A cover gets her two. Gathering Toni up, a knee catches Tyler off guard, allowing Toni to grab her by the hair and slam her backwards. Toni tags in Tina who puts the boots to Tyler before simply grinding her boot into Tyler’s throat. This takes the wind out of Tyler’s sails long enough for Tina to tag Toni back in. (Too many T’s out here, oy!) Gathering her up by the neck, Toni gets a smooth suplex in, followed by a cover which is only good for two. Pulling her up into a seated position, Toni plants her knee into Tyler’s back, stretching her back via hands to the jaw, as Texas flails for a tag. A moment later and Toni gets Tyler back up, snapmares her down and follows up with a dropkick to the back! Toni goes for a pin but somehow Tyler kicks out! Toni’s showing her fustration at this point.

Toni gets Tyler up by the neck and whips her off the ropes but somehow, Tyler reverses it, and gets a sunset flip! Not enough to put Toni away and as Tyler gets to her feet, Toni lands a stiff kick to her back. Backing Tyler into her corner, Toni tags in Tina, who clubs her back with a forearm. It’s back to choking her on the ropes but now Glory’s had enough – she tries to come in to help out her partner, but taking advantage of the referee’s distraction, Tina and Toni doubleteam Tyler, choking her out on the middle rope. Toni scuttles back when the referee turns his attention back to the action in the ring. Tina gets Tyler to her feet, then slams her head into the turnbuckle. Another choke as she stretches her boot into Texas’ throat, counting along with the referee as he counts to four each time. Having enough of that, Tina tosses Tyler down to the mat and goes for a cover. Somehow Tyler kicks out! Tina can’t believe it!

Toni wants in so grabbing Tyler in a headlock, Tina backs up so Toni can tag herself in. She clubs Tyler in the back with a forearm, then ties up her arms in a submission. A figure four armbar, then a Japanese Cobra Hold (if this commentator is correct), trying hard to get the Texan to give up. Tyler tries for a jawbreaker but Toni blocks it. She doesn’t block the second jawbreaker though, and Toni releases the hold to stumble back in pain! Tyler makes the tag to Glory – but the referee is busy holding Tina back! He doesn’t see the tag! Glory is furious but the referee forces her out as Toni puts the boots to Tyler. Tyler’s not going down yet though as she fires back with forearms to Toni’s gut. A hard club to Tyler’s back knocks her down again. Tina comes in and the two set up Tyler for a double suplex. Tyler blocks – and hits a double DDT on Toni and Tina!

This time the tag’s made to Glory in full view of the ref. Glory gets a clothesline on Tina and whips Toni into the ropes, but Toni grabs the ropes, unwilling to face off against her. Instead, Glory wraps her arms around Tina, Bob Backlund-style, but now Toni chooses to strike, pounding on Glory’s back until she releases Tina. Another club drives Glory to her knees but Tyler’s got a second wind – she races in, a diving club on Toni’s back! All four women are in the ring and now Glory has Toni in a corner, Tyler has Tina in another corner, and both are pounding away on the Mob Madams! However, Tina reverses, sending Tyler into the corner and giving her forearms, while Glory backs Toni out into the middle of the ring! The match has completely broken down, and here comes the calvary! Cousin Cassie has recruited Coco Montego and Marley to help break this thing up! The match is declared a double DQ, more refs are coming in to help separate everyone – it’s chaos! Abruptly we fade to Brooke Lynn who says that although tonight’s show was good, we should tune in next week to see more of her!

OKAY! Had to put up with a ton of campy segments but the match was pretty darn good except for that one spot with Tyler and Toni. I’m still not sure where Toni’s come from but she’s pretty good in the ring. Maybe it’s because I’ve got Italian blood, maybe it’s because I’m fascinated by the mafia or maybe it’s because I was a Gangster for Halloween last year – whatever the reason, Toni the Top and Tina the Trigger were who I was rooting for tonight. LOVE the outfits and the accents! The wrestling and the characters are what drive this show, and it’s a nice alternative to have available. I guess you could say…

When it first started,

I was suspicious

But now I can say

Jennifer Lynn is Wrestlicious!

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