Last week on NXT, Jamie Keyes and Kaitlyn secured their statuses as NXT winner worthy. Jamie shined in the ring and on the mic, and Kaitlyn came off as a homewrecker who could kick some ass and do an obstacle course. You gotta love this show. This week, we were treated (or not) to a game of musical chairs, a Talk the Talk challenge, two matches, and of course, the goddess-like presence of the self-proclaimed co-Unified Divas Champions, Michelle McCool and Layla. How did the show play out? Well lets take a look!
Josh Matthews is seen at the broadcast booth all by his lonesome when NXT starts tonight. Michael Cole left the show last week and everyone rejoiced. Matthews says we can take our televisions off mute tonight. The theme music of CM Punk (which I like to sing every morning on my way to school) starts to play and he walks out in his ring gear and this hideous brown jacket. He walks to the broadcast table, tells Josh to shut up, and announces himself as Cole’s replacement. He tears up Josh’s autograph picture and says that he loves women, then throws it up to our blue eyed host, Matt Striker. Striker introduces the rookie Divas: Kaitlyn, Maxine, Aksana, AJ Lee, Naomi, and Jamie Keyes.
CM Punk: “I thought she won NXT season two…my bad. I thought she was Kaval.”
Tonight is going to be epic.
The girls, who are all in street clothes, are now settled in the ring. Striker welcomes them to the show and he says that in two weeks time we will have our first elimination. Striker talks about Jamie’s accomplishments from last week and then he turns to Kaitlyn and says that she had a big week as well. He starts to bring up the obstacle course but he is quickly interrupted by Vickie Guerrero. She starts to walk down to the ring much to the crowd and Kaitlyn’s chagrin. Vickie talks about Kaitlyn being impressive last week and that’s all thanks to Vickie’s leadership skills. Vickie says that she has arranged for Kaitlyn to prove she had the better night last week when she takes on Jamie. Vickie says that to make sure Kaitlyn doesn’t screw up she’s going to invite some of her friends to help coach Kaitlyn.
Lay-Cool get in the ring and they cut the best promo they’ve ever done. They tell off everyone and tell Kaitlyn to trust them because they’re the co-champs and the sole reason Kaval won season two. Michelle tells Kaitlyn that between Lay-Cool and Vickie, Kaitlyn may very well end up a winner. Layla turns to Jamie and ponders what her name really is. She finally does call her Jamie and Michelle tells her to just go with it. Layla rips on Jamie’s pros, the Bella twins, and it’s hilarious. Michelle then moves on to the other girls.
Michelle tells Maxine that she can’t even look at her because she’s frightening. Layla tells Aksana she needs to speak English. They liken AJ to a mouse and Layla starts screaming “do you want some cheese?!” They call Naomi Miss Goldy Pants and bring up “Smelly” Kelly Kelly. They accuse Naomi of looking at their man Kaval last week and tell her that he is property of Lay-Cool. They tell Naomi to move her big booty to the side. Ohmygod!
Kelly stalks towards the ring and she taps her microphone before going ghetto on all of us.
Kelly Kelly: “Excuse me Dumb and Dumber!”
Kelly says that Lay-Cool can not come back to NXT and act like they own the place. She gets in the ring and says that the Bella twins may not be here tonight, but Naomi and herself are. She suggests that the main even be a six Diva tag match featuring herself, Naomi, and Jamie against Lay-Cool and Kaitlyn. Lay-Cool accept and start picking on the rookies. Striker interjects himself into the mix and calms things down, then says that when NXT returns we will have our first challenge of the night.
The show returns after commercial and our challenge is musical chairs. Every rookie girl but AJ are sporting stiletto heels which are highly inappropriate for a challenge of this caliber. The order of elimination is as followed: Kaitlyn, Jamie, Maxine (who attacks Aksana immediately afterwards), Aksana (who nearly dies thanks to Naomi’s booty), and Naomi. AJ is declared the winner but it’s controversial! AJ is announced the winner and she starts to act like she won the World Series, Stanley Cup, Super Bowl, and NBA Championship all in the same year. AJ celebrates right up the ramp and a match between AJ and Maxine is announced for later.
After another break, Matthews and Punk are shown and they basically banter back and forth before leading into Aksana’s video package. Aksana is adorable and she talks about being from Lithuania. She moved to the United States in 2001 and had no clue how to speak English. She competed in fitness competitions and she butchers the English language in such a beautiful way. She was so “exciting” to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger. Askana says that competing in fitness pageants is a lot like being a WWE Diva. You have to be fit and beautiful, and work hard. She claims that she is usually shy but when she gets in the ring she is completely different. She loves to “entertainment” people. She never stops “believe” in herself. She is the next double double E Diva.
Aksana is seen backstage after her video concludes. Goldust walks up to her and asks her if she saw the impressive package that was put together for her. Aksana just looks stressed. She reveals that immigration called her a few weeks ago and she is having Visa issues. She said that a couple of days ago she got another call that told her if she doesn’t get her issues fixed she will be deported. Aksana almost starts to cry. She says she can’t go back home. It will kill all her hopes and dreams. All she wants to do is entertainment people and if she goes back home she will get beat with shovel. Goldust tells her everything will be okay. They will fix it. She’s got to get her head into this season because she’s already lost her first two matches. Goldust says she can still win and she has to believe in herself and in him. Together, they can do anything and conquer the world. They can sail across the seven seas and run up mountains. They can walk on water and ride unicorns across the deserts in search of a rare and mystical oasis. You get the point.
They should get married.
It cuts to Matthews and Punk and Punk says that apparently Aksana is having issues with her green card. Then he says that subtitles would have been handy. They lead up to the Raw Rebound annnnnnnnnnnd we don’t care so much about that. After that, Alicia Fox and Maxine make their way to the ring. Alicia is looking hot in the cutest little dress ever and the show goes to commercial.
When it returns Primo and AJ walk down to the ring. What happen between AJ and Maxine last week was highlighted and that’s apparently why they’re facing each other tonight. Maxine starts the match by kicking AJ in the stomach and pulling her down by the hair. She pounds on AJ for a little while and throws her into the ropes. AJ is able to come at Maxine and knock her down. For whatever reason she does a cartwheel into an arm drag, and Matthews gets super impressed. Punk, not so much. AJ follows it up with a spinning heel kick but Maxine starts to fight back. The burst of offense is short lived because AJ kicks her opponent right in the chest area. Maxine is in pain but she has enough sense to drop AJ into the ropes with a drop toe hold. She places AJ across the ropes and drives her knee into the smaller woman’s back. Maxine continues on with a headlock and the crowd starts to get into it.
Punk says this is “vintage Maxine.” Can you please come marry me now, Punk?”
AJ fights to her feet but Maxine knocks her down again. Maxine tries for a cover but AJ kicks out. Maxine puts more pressure on AJ and then she attempts to pin her again. Once again, Pocket Rocket powers out. Maxine is annoyed and she throws AJ into the corner. When she charges AJ, the savvy little Diva throws her feet up. Maxine is knocked down and she grips her face in pain. AJ flies at her with two big clotheslines and a drop kick, and Maxine gets taken down thanks to all three of them. AJ gets Maxine in a good finishing position and lays her out with a brainbuster. She makes the cover, gets the pin, and picks up a great win. Maxine is in disbelief over what just happened, but AJ is elated. She celebrates with Primo while Alicia pouts.
“Can I have your attention please?”
Cue Michael Cole!
Saint Michael of the Cole Miners walks out onto the stage, mic in hand. He really wants the crowd’s attention and he encourages them all to boo… several times. He says the haters are in the minority. The vast majority of the public wants him to return to NXT. That gave Saint Michael an epiphany. NXT without Michael Cole is like Bristol Palin trying to dance. It just doesn’t work. It’s bad. He says that for the Cole Miners, CM Punk, and Josh Matthews he has decided to bring journalistic integrity back to the show. Punk is standing and clapping, and he tells Cole that the show is bad with or without him. Cole, meanwhile, continues to speak. We’re just going to fast forward.
The Talk the Talk challenge is next and the last challenge of the night. This challenge has been seen numerous times before so we kind of know what to expect already. Striker gives each Diva a random topic to cut a promo about and they have sixty seconds to deliver it. The topics this week range from “teeth” to “ignition”. Jamie, Naomi, and Maxine end up DQed for not staying on topic. Instead of talking about “teeth”, Jamie gives us another campaign speech as to why she should win. Naomi completely brushes off her topic, which is “toupee”, and says that she just wants to wrestle. She received a nice pop for that. As far as Maxine goes, her topic is foot. She just starts talking about how she belongs on top. She says that she will use her foot to squash AJ if she gets just one more match. This is pretty painful.
Kaitlyn’s topic was the word “ignition.” She’s nervous and she’s picturing everyone in the audience and around her in their underwear. She believes Striker is a white cotton brief sort of guy, and then she starts to flirt with the audience since she clearly has no clue what else to do. Kaitlyn concludes by saying they’re getting her ignition going and she clearly knows she’s bombed this challenge. It’s hilarious but not as hilarious as this little gem given to us by CM Punk; “Right now I’m not wearing any pants and that’s how I watch NXT every single week.”
Aksana and AJ are the standouts in this challenge but for different reasons. AJ’s topic is “caffeine” and she cleverly cuts a promo about how she of all people doesn’t really need caffeine. She comes off as pretty good on the microphone for a change and the crowd seems to enjoy her. Her promo highlight comes when she says she doesn’t need caffeine to get her natural high. She has the ring and she has passion. She says she loves the business and she’s been trying to make it here for years. To continue on, AJ says that the other girls are only there because they had a check waved in their faces. BAM!
Aksana’s topic is “llama” and bless her. She doesn’t know what a llama is. She asks Striker what it is and he tries to explain to her that it’s an animal. Aksana doesn’t understand what he’s saying but she tells him he has pretty blue eyes. She asks him if he can show her what a llama is and of course Striker can’t because there is no way for him to do that. He tries to save the segment by asking her to talk about a camel, but Aksana is lost and confused and finally her time runs out. This has to be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen on WWE television.
AJ is definitely the clear cut winner of this challenge and the crowd seems to whole-heartily agree. Thankfully she doesn’t have a seizure after winning this time.
Up next is the main event of the evening.
Kelly comes to the ring first and she looks radiant. Jamie and Naomi are waiting for her and Kelly is getting a nice pop. Once Kelly gets done doing her thing, Lay-Cool come out. Vickie greets them on the stage and the three walk to the ring together. Lay-Cool bask in their own greatness and once that dies down, Layla starts the match off against Kelly. She makes fun of the Barbie blond for being smelly and Kelly slaps the living hell out of Layla. Layla tries to fire back but Kelly Kelly hits a Thesz Thesz press on Layla, beats her down, and makes the tag to Jamie. Layla is highly amused by this and she rips the flower right out of Jamie’s hair and sticks it in her own. She then begins to make fun of Jamie’s physical appearance and basically, it’s a riot. Jamie stands there and tries to act insulted. She even tries to bulk up. But in the end, she just stands there doing nothing until Layla goes after her and they lock up.
Jamie forces Layla into the corner and backs off, throwing her fists up. Layla isn’t impressed and shoves Jamie back then begins to clap for herself. Jamie uses her super human strength to smash Layla into the corner and Layla’s had it after that.
Did You Know: Jamie has more muscles than the Big Show.
Credit CM Punk for that astonishing fact.
Kaitlyn comes into the match and Jamie grabs her in a headlock. Kaitlyn tries to fight her way out of it and eventually she is able to shove Jamie into the ropes. When Jamie comes back at her, Kaitlyn literally breaks her in half with one of the sickest spears ever. Jamie does a terrible job of selling it because when Kaitlyn goes to follow up with an elbow, Jamie quickly moves out of the way. To her credit, Jamie does get up and grip her lower back in pain. She drags Kaitlyn to the face corner and makes the tag to Naomi.
Naomi comes in but Kaitlyn ends up powering her to the heel side. Michelle makes the tag and she begins to take Naomi to school. Naomi is not to be denied of this moment, however. She drops Michelle into the ropes and the co-Divas Unified Champ comes flying back. Naomi quickly rolls her up but Michelle is able to get out of that. Both women are up but it’s Naomi who starts to fly. She takes Michelle down with an impressive ariel display of dropkicks. Things get insane. Naomi has Michelle reeling and flips over the top rope after nailing a huge kick. She lands on the apron. Kicks Layla to the mat. Gets smacked by Michelle. It’s so fast and awesome. Michelle drags Naomi into the ring and Naomi ends up getting thrown into the ropes. Layla starts to harass the other woman and Naomi whirls around and takes a wild swing at her. Layla jumps down. Naomi turns around. Michelle brings her down with a belly to belly suplex. She tells Kaitlyn its time for her to make the pin and Kaitlyn comes running in. Michelle screams at her to get out and make the tag first. Kaitlyn obliges, runs into the ring, and covers Naomi. Naomi almost immediately rolls over on top of Kaitlyn, pins her down, and steals a victory.
Lay-Cool and Vickie are furious. Michelle and Layla start having a go at Kaitlyn and all Kaitlyn can do is try and defend herself. When Lay-Cool close in on her like a pack of wild dogs, all she can do is shove Michelle back. The crowd gasps and Layla dives at Kaitlyn’s feet and grabs a hold of them. Kaitlyn tries to pry her off but she’s nearly knocked out with the stiffest kick from Michelle ever. Kaitlyn is done for and she rolls around on the ground in pain. Lay-Cool get massive heat from this and Vickie climbs in the ring. They all get in Kaitlyn’s face and yell at her, and Lay-Cool’s theme song starts to play. The last image we have is of Lay-Cool standing tall and Kaitlyn in a whole other world.
Tonight’s show was amazing in so many ways. From CM Punk on commentary to the hot mess rookie girl promos, to Lay-Cool just being Lay-Cool. Everything worked in some way. Because there’s so much to cover, starting this week I’m just going to list what I feel were the top five moments of NXT from fifth all the way to first.
At number five this week was the match between AJ and Maxine. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in this match because Maxine is just dreadful in the ring, but it was okay. AJ showed us all why she is the best wrestler on season three and how did she do that? She made Maxine look pretty darn decent. Maxine isn’t a real wrestler to me. She’s more of a talker. But AJ bumped for her and carried her, and I appreciate the way the match came off. There weren’t any real mistakes and it had a nice pace to it. AJ’s brainbuster finisher was pretty and Maxine’s drop toe hold on AJ into the ropes are the best single moments in the match.
Coming in fourth was the backstage segment featuring Aksana and Goldust. It was even better the second time around. I have no idea if Aksana is going to make the main roster when this is said and done but I’m begging the WWE to make it happen. Please for the love of God let this woman stick around because when she said that if she were to go back to her country they would “beat me with shovel” I nearly died. Goldust was so amazing during this. He was so sweet and so encouraging and I can’t wait until they have a golden wedding so Aksana can stay in the country. It was amazing. I haven’t been this entertained by a simple backstage segment in a long time.
The Aksana theme continues in the countdown because her talk the talk promo comes in at number three. Language barriers are a funny thing and tonight definitely exploited Aksana’s limited knowledge of the English language. She may or may not have been acting, but it was funny regardless. I was dying during the segment especially when she asked Striker to show her what a llama was. Striker didn’t know what to do and he tried so hard to save the day, and Aksana when he switched the word to “camel”. It just didn’t work with either word but it was still tragically funny to watch.
The main event match featuring Team Kelaomie and Team Laycoolyn was amazing. It ranks as second tonight for good reason. Naomi Night is an amazing competitor. She’s so firey and so athletic inside that ring. Her exchange with Michelle tonight made me want to see them in a one-on-one match. She really and truly does everything right. Kaitlyn delivered a great spear to (insert name here). As green as she is in the ring she comes off pretty well. She got her face kicked in by Michelle at the end of the night, but whatever. It happens, right? These girls have to be prepared for everything that gets thrown at them and stiff shots will happen. I don’t know if it was intentional or if everyone just got caught up in the moment, but it look great on television. The main event was definitely a highlight Diva match if for nothing else Layla hulking up and making fun of Jamie.
Last but not least we have the moment of the night. Ranking as the number one NXT moment is without a shadow of a doubt the opening segment of the show. From Lay-Cool ripping the rookies a new one to the shock of seeing CM Punk walk out wearing his ring gear and a hideous coat everything was flawless. Michelle completely stole the show and if people still doubt her on the mic, go and watch how effortlessly she delivered her lines tonight. She and Layla truly bring out the best in each other and tonight was no different. Vickie was Vickie and we love her. And as amazing as everyone was, I thought Kelly shined the most here. She summoned her inner strong black woman and got right up in the middle of this mess. She told off Lay-Cool and she laid down a damn fine challenge that set up the beautiful main event. Lay-Cool seemed shocked that “Smelly” Kelly would involve herself in their busy but Kelly was ready to cut a bitch. And honestly, I wanted her too.
Loved NXT tonight. Can’t wait for next week’s show. Spoilers are up so check them out and prepare yourself for another amazing edition of season three. Until then, Cryssi…out!