Well, I’ll be a coal miner’s daughter! It is that time again, people. The time of glorious wrestling drama and kinky Knockouts action! Alright. I’m a little bland when it comes to introductions this week so I’ll just get straight to the technical stuff. I promise, next week, I’ll do better!
Last week on Impact we saw the return of the flawless Karen Jarrett, hellbent on making her ex-husband’s life a living hell. We also saw a rather mediocre yet quizzical tag team match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles which gave Winter her first TNA submission victory. This week, Karen is back and ready to strike while four of the other Knockouts are set to take action in the ring, fatal fourway style. Plenty of action and lots to cover so it’s time to jump on the train and speed on the down the track. Let’s do it!
Our beloved Knockouts action starts out this week with a non-title fourway Knockouts match-up. Out first is Sarita, who gets a short yet hip shaking entrance, donned an orange version of her wrestling attire. Just once, I’d like to see her look as fierce in the ring as she does out of it. Speaking of fierce, out next is the lovely Velvet Sky, sporting brand new hot pink and silver attire that I have to say definitely flatters her. Similar design but thank cheese, she got rid of that crushed velvet material. Haha. In true fashion, Velvet “lets the pigeons loose”, playing it up as always. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Third to the ring is Mickie James, looking like she just stepped out of the barn in that lumberjack flannel. Nice to see she’s recovered from that concussion. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Finally, last but not least, comes the Knockouts Champion herself, Madison Rayne. Now, the title of this week’s Impact is coined “Dirty Laundry” and rightfully so, considering our self-professed queen is donning that same damn beer wench outfit. I was really hoping she’d burned that but instead, she covered it up with a sash and accessorized…with a crown and side ponytail. Oh Madison.
Staying true to character, the champion screeches at SoCal Val, who is nice enough to hold onto the Queen’s items while she’s performing. Obviously just doing her job, poor Val just looks so confused as she walks away. Thank heavens, this match is finally going to kick off. Let me remind you, this is not a tag team match. Two in ring, two on the outside and tags must be made but there are no teams. The first Knockout to score a pin fall or submission walks away the winner. Madison and Sarita are the first to step out of the ring while Mickie and Velvet are both roaring to go. Velvet can’t wait to get her hands on Sarita while Mickie isn’t quite ready to give up her chance either. The two pull back and forth for a moment, trying to determine who will start things off but instead, come to a great compromise. Let’s just fight each other! Whatever happened to just flipping a coin? Is all the shoving necessary? Can’t we all just get along? No? Okay then. Lock it up!
And they do but not even twenty seconds later, they go barreling after their two other opponents, taking them down to the outside. Mickie on Madison and Velvet on Sarita. There’s action on both sides, definitely giving the official Earl Hebner a rough task. Hair pulls, chest chops, chokes and screaming, oh my! At some point, Madison crawls back into the ring but she gets a rebound dropkick right to the face for her valiant effort. Mickie pulls her to her feet and slams the champ’s face right into the top turnbuckle. Just as she bounces off, Madison scurries away like a beaten puppy to tag in Sarita, quick to roll to the apron aka the safe zone. I still hate those damn blurred gold shorts. Cover that up or the FCC will do it for you!
As Taz referred to her, Muy Caliente herself, Sarita, gets into the ring and she’s ready to square off against Mickie. She goes in but Mickie is quick on the draw, giving her a nice kick to the midsection. On the outside, Velvet starts her little potty dance, dying to get at Sarita. A jumping flapjack later and Mickie kips it up, ready to fight. Just a little too close to the corner and SLAP!, Velvet tags herself in. She wastes no time spearing her worst enemy to the ground, slamming Sarita’s head against the mat repeatedly. I’m pretty sure that since Velvet has done this so many times, it can now be considered a signature move. You listening Wikipedia? Moving along, Sarita is against the ropes and Velvet slaps the taste out of her mouth. Round and round we go, they move across the ring and Madison gets in her cheap shot but a palm to the face gives Velvet a little retribution. So catty. So very, very catty.
A forearm to the back and Sarita is all over Velvet, tossing her over the ring like a rag doll. A little shimmy for good luck and the Loco Latina yanks Vel Vel back up, snapping a harsh slap across her chest. Back across the ring, I’m getting dizzy and soon, so will Sarita. Using her own momentum against her, Velvet rushes under Sarita’s would-be clothesline and slaps on a whirling headscissors takedown. This gives Madison a chance to rush in, taking down both Velvet and Mickie with cheap shots. She goes right back after Velvet and then the double team begins, or so you thought! Mickie is back in and now, the ladies are split back up. Mickie on Madison and Velvet on Sarita. There are Knockouts bounces around everywhere. I see a flying clothesline, a reversal turned wheelbarrow arm drag counter that sends Sarita to the outside. Now I’m really dizzy.
Mickie is on Madison in the corner but Madison clammers out, not wanting to get caught up with Mickie again, I’m sure. She sends Mickie’s face right into the middle turnbuckle and tries to go at her again but Mickie counters with a fluid hangman neckbreaker. Madison rolls to the apron and Mickie sees the opportunity to go up top. Apparently, Tara also saw an opportunity and with one swift swing, WHACK! Down goes Mickie after that elbow brace knocks her off the top! A brace to the face would have rhymed, but we didn’t see that. Too bad the official never saw it either because he was wrapped up with Velvet and Sarita, trying to get them back in the ring. They finally manage back in but in a major uh oh move, Velvet bounces Sarita off the ropes and they bash heads, both going down. Way to go, ladies. I know where that clip is going. Ahem.
All four women are down but Madison is quick to rise to her feet, ready to seize her own opportunity. She raises that gloved hand to the sky as if conjuring some type of Dragonball Z power. Maybe she’s a Super Sayan now, I’m just sayin’. Haha. I made another funny. No, I am not a fan but if I see lightning shoot ouf of her fingers, I’m done. She shakes that glove out, as if loading the gun and there’s that smile. Her eyes are on Mickie James. It’s clobberin’ time! A swing, a duck and a miss or so it seems. It looks as if Velvet Sky might have been the one to take the blow this time. She’s down, Sarita is down and Mickie James takes Madison down, rolling her over for a sneaky three count!
HARDCORE COUNTRY! Madison cannot believe what just happened and she starts freaking out, getting a kiss from Mickie as she exits the ring. Tara runs in, trying to calm her BFF down. Madison looks to be blaming her for what just happened while Tara tries to blame Sarita. Either way, Mickie James just pinned the TNA Knockouts Champion!
Take a deep breath, things are about to get interesting. Where I thought I was set to watch TNA Wrestling, not Days of Our Lives, it is that time. Last week, Karen Jarrett promised us she was going to make tonight a night Kurt Angle would never forget. Here’s hoping it leaves the same for us. Coming out together, dressed in semi-formal fashion, Karen and Jeff Jarrett make their way up the ramp. I definitely have to say that I loved Karen’s dress last week a lot more than I do this week. The pattern is just not flattering but the cut of the dress is wonderful. Last week would have matched Jeff’s shirt better as well. Just saying. But she’s working it! Stepping away from the fashion world, the heat these two are getting is just fabulous. I am a sucker for a good heel and these two have it. Smiles and blowing kisses as they work their way down to the ring, keyed off by burning pyro and you’ve got gold.
The star couple of TNA make their way to the ring, as Mike Tenay points out that Kurt’s son and daughter are being raised by the Jarretts. Taz chimes that he could not fathom another man raising his son with his wife. I imagine it would sting a bit. For those clueless, Kurt cut a promo earlier in the show talking about his children. He also just slipped back into the Impact Zone after he was escorted out by security. Oh noes! Another deep breath and Jeff Jarrett grabs a microphone. Oh boy. He tells everyone that they are witnessing a lovely wife and a caring mother, someone just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. And that is saying a hell of a lot! I think I gagged a little. Let me just make sure you are all paying attention to the crowd because this is where one of my favorite chants begins. SLOPPY SECONDS! SLOPPY SECONDS! SLOPPY SECONDS!
As normal, Jeff continues on like the true heel he is, telling the crowd they’re gonna love what’s next. He says that they are also witnessing a victim of Kurt Angle. And it’s time for Karen to finally have the floor. Thanks and shut it, Jeffrey. She is who we are all here for. Although, I’m pretty sure she’s been in Nashville too long because she busted out the “ya’ll”. I kid you not. She says she had a presentation but since arriving, she’s heard a few comments that she needs to acknowledge. One key point, she says that Kurt was right. Her husband is part owner of TNA and guess what that makes her? Haha. Sloppy seconds? Ahem. I couldn’t resist. I love you, Karen. I really do. I love how you go back in time to 1997 when Kurt was a puppy with no home, only a gold medal.
Speak of the devil, there he is! A suplex to Jeff Jarrett and Karen scrambles, unsure of which side of the ring she wants to go to just to remove her shoe. Wielding it as a weapon, she whips her ex-husband around, bringing them face to face. She taunts him, staring him down like a boss! SLAP! And she backs up, keeping Kurt at bay but never truly backing down. It gives Jeff just enough time to get up and OOF! deliver a low blow. The crowd is eating it up, flooding the arena with jeers. You gotta love the heat. Jeff feeds off of it, removing his jacket because it is just too damn hot to wear any longer. Karen struts her stuff across the ring and watches her husband go in for the kill. She walks around the ring, clapping and cheering Jeff on. He is relentless and she is loving it, especially when he goes in with another low blow. Well, at least he’s already got three children. No need for anymore, right?
For the crowd’s sake, thankfully, they are finished(for now) and exit in radiant fashion. As they step up the ramp, Karen throws her little remarks at Taz, asking him if he liked what he saw. Jeff follows it up, telling him not to even think about cutting his eyes at him. I’m pretty sure he’s wearing sunglasses but okay. Poor Kurt.
skip to the 5:10 mark for continuation
Given its relevance to Karen’s angle (har har), Kurt Angle and Jeff Jarrett are apparently going to square off in a confrontation, after Angle demanded it from Ric Flair. Kurt is ready but Jeff is just going to send his goons into the ring. As soon as they get the upperhand, Jeff slides in and gets involved. It eventually leads to holding Angle back as Jarrett throws the fists but one mishap and Jarrett’s goons go flying to the outside. It comes down to just Jeff and Kurt, who slaps on a grapevined rear naked choke. This is what prompts Karen to come screaming down to the ring, demanding her ex-husband to leave her former husband alone. She yells for help, trying to pull Jeff away but we know that isn’t going to work. Without fail, Immortal fills the ring and Karen is finally able to pull her man to safety while half the squad checks on him. Everyone takes their shots at Angle but all I care about is how doting Karen is towards Jeff. It takes a real woman to stand on the outside while all the crap is going on in the ring, just looking after her man. Not to mention, the horror on her face when this weird, horror movie-esque scenario happens that I won’t mention. All I know is that next week, this soap opera will continue and I will certainly be tuning in!
Thoughts: Well, I can say that considering how much of a mess most four-way matches tend to be, this one wasn’t that bad. I wasn’t lying when I said I was dizzy because there were certain spots that I had to go back and watch. It was just two much for one pair of eyes. I was certainly impressed with Velvet Sky, busting out a couple of new moves. I am so happy that the Elbow of Tara did not end yet another match. I like the Fist of Fury from Madison a lot better. That little conjuring spot she did just killed me. I had a serious moment and almost thought she was going to turn into Vegeta. I know there are some of you who know what the hell I’m saying. Haha. I’m going to assume that there might be some tension building up with Sarita, Tara and Madison which could have a bright future for Sarita. I know some of you are hoping for that title reign for her. We shall see. I’m not sure what this match was for or what the winner will receive but I’m pretty certain Mickie and Madison will be going at it for the title again soon. A Mickie and Sarita feud would definitely be interesting.
Karen is a boss! I have a feeling that she and Jeff Jarrett are going to be my new favorite in TNA. Haha. I loved the look on her face when she stood up to Kurt. She can really hold her own when it comes to character and the segment was just classic, in my opinion. I miss the days of Stephanie McMahon in WWE and honestly, this almost ALMOST makes up for it. We may not have gotten all that information we thought we were but I know this mess isn’t over. The little confrontation at the end proves that. It is definitely something to look forward to in upcoming weeks, considering Karen is now an official part of the TNA roster again. Woo! I am definitely excited.
I know the little business at the end didn’t have much to do with her but I had to include her. Female counterpart run-ins are always interesting and I just love her reaction while Angle was getting the beatdown. Haha. Where I know she still has a soft spot for her baby’s daddy, I think it’s great that she can pretend she doesn’t. Anyway, I want to thank you all for tuning in with me on this week’s Impact Write-Up. I appreciate you all and I can’t wait until we get to share this again. Until next week, my darlings! May you all be blessed with lemonade and sunshine because all I have is ice and snow!