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Impact Write-Up (February 03rd, 2011): The Queen Raynes Supreme!

Oh skittles! Here we go again! It is that time again. That time where you sit down, curl up with a nice warm blanket and join me for yet another lovely entry into the TNA iMPACT Write-Up vault. Last week, we got a show full of Knockouts, bouncing all over the place. We saw a boiling rivalry finally come to a head between Winter and Velvet Sky, not to mention a certain champion getting a taste of her own medicine, self delivered. We also saw another few pages written in the saga that is The Jarretts versus Kurt Angle. Deep breath!

This week, we are subject to a ridiculous video ensemble from the power couple of TNA, which I don’t recommend watching before eating. We also have the saving grace of a true Knockouts match between two polar opposites when it comes to the squared circle. So I tell you what, take a seat in the back, settle with your popcorn and get ready for a cinematic feature. Okay. So it isn’t the Masterpiece Theatre but dammit, it’s TNA! It’s Diva Dirt! It’s the Write-Up! Let’s do this!

Our first glimpse is a video package with Karen Jarrett and her husband, Jeff. They are allowing the TNA audience into their home, cheesy MTV Cribs style. They talk about how they met, Karen being just a random employee but then Cupid stuck his arrow right in Jeff’s heart. We weren’t lucky enough for it to do any actual damage but we can hope, right? Karen says that she was married before for twelve years, but she was alone. Now she isn’t alone and she’s got Daddy Jeff to thank for that. Granted, their home in Hendersonville, Tennessee is very nice but is it really worth exploiting your children over? Karen walks around the house, dressed in all black, looking like a gothic character from an Austin Powers movie. Yeah. I said it.

Long story short, the kids come in, dressed like they’re ready for a Christmas photoshoot. Karen is showing off the pictures in Jeff’s office when the kids point out their favorite picture. It is one of everyone in TNA, with Jeff Jarrett standing next to TNA President, Dixie Carter. The girls call her “Aunt Dixie” and their father is quick to correct him. All the kids apologize, calling him Daddy Jeff which makes me sick. Then picking on Kurt Angle’s little boy, with his mother urging him on. Someone call child services. Seriously.

In the second hour, we’re taken back to the Jarrett house and the parents are cooking dinner. Don’t forget to save some spaghetti for your boy, Matt Hardy. We see them all sit down at the dinner table, going around to say what they are thankful for. Jeff tells us that he teaches his children to be the best. But I’m pretty sure all the kids are brainwashed because they’re all thankful for Daddy Jarrett. Again, we’re back to the Daddy Jarrett and now, Momma Jarrett? I was shaking my head through this whole thing. In little hints, Jeff keeps talking about a surprise and Karen pretty much can’t wait. He tells the kids that he knows there is a lot of talent in the house and he wants to see singing, dancing and POP! Little Cody Angle just tossed the Double J action figure to the hardwood floor. Atta boy!

Thank God for this match, which seems like our saving grace for the evening. Set to take part in a first for TNA, Mickie James will face Sarita in a Taped Fist Match and it’s bound to be interesting. Beforehand, we got a dose of the Loco Latina backstage, saying that she isn’t worried about Mickie. She’ll take care of her and then maybe flap around Velvet a little bit. Flap? Haha. She also lets all of us know how excited she is that her cousin, un miembro de la familia!, will be joining her in TNA. Muy bonitas! Rosita will be joining her in the Impact Zone next week! Orale!

Okay. So I got a little festive in my fiesta. Sue me.

A bit later, we saw Mickie taping her wrists in the locker room, talking to the film crew. She says she hasn’t been in any of those matches before but she has been in a couple of bar fights. Mickie James? In a bar fight?! No way! I guess that’s what that song is all about. She says those have never turned out pretty and she doesn’t expect this match to be any different.

Finally, to the real action! Sarita makes her way out first, dressed in a blue and purple ensemble that I can get behind. She looks like she’s refreshed her blonde highlights and those wrists are taped tight. She shimmies and shadowboxes with the referee as she steps in the ring, true Sarita style. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Out bounds Mickie James, dressed in her daisy dukes and a recycled top from her WWE days, from the looks of it. She looks ripped, roaring and ready to go. Those wrists are taped, fists are clenched and this match is on!

Both women square up but Mickie takes the lead, quick to flip Sarita over and knock her with a low rebound dropkick to the chest. They both get to their feet and Mickie raises her fist but Sarita wants none of it. She backs into the ropes and Mickie takes advantage, pulling Muy Caliente out by her feet. Not exactly the most comfortable landing, that’s for sure. Mickie goes for another punch but Sarita catches her wrist under the arm, going for a swing of her own. It’s a no go due to the knee from Mickie to her abdomen. And now, it’s time for the gymnastics. A nice little monkey flip lands Sarita on her feet and she leaps across the ring on her stomach. Mickie rebounds off the ropes and pulls off a cartwheel to avoid her opponent. It’s like Cirque de Knockouts in the ring!

Mickie comes back with a dropkick and sends Sarita reeling, only to come back into a rough set of body shots. One shot, two shot, three shot, SPLITS! Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! All hype is on Mickie but Sarita needs a breather. The referee steps between them as the Loco Latina holes up in the corner for a moment. But, unfortunately, the break did her no good. Sarita runs at Mickie only to find herself scooped over with an arm drag. Back again and we’re going international with a Japanese arm drag. Insert the neckbreaker here and Mickie James is riled up! The crowd is behind her and she makes her way up to the top turnbuckle, coming down…on her feet. Sarita ducked out of the way just in time and comes back with a ghostly clothesline. She thought she saw it but it wasn’t really there. Mickie simply slid out of the ring but she received a massive kick to the shoulder for her efforts. Ouch. I felt that one.

Trying to gain back some momentum, Sarita slingshots over the top rope but catches herself on the apron when Mickie moves to the side. A quick grab at the ankles and Sarita gets her face dropped right on the edge of the apron, rolling her to the floor. Mickie knuckles up again, ready to have at her but Sarita ducks again, causing Mickie to slam her right fist into the metal ringpost. Even the crowd had a reaction and Miss James is not a happy camper. But she shakes it off and gets back up, only to have her hand driven into hell by Sarita, who is back in the ring. This takes them both back to the mat and Sarita has Mickie in a wristlock that has her writhing in pain. Adding a rebound to the mix and something has to be broken at this point. Take it from me, a broken hand or wrist is not fun. And since we’re here, we might as well slam that hand into the ringpost one more time, right? Right.

Back in the ring, Sarita rewards herself with a nice little shimmy. Bringing Mickie back up, Muy Caliente stays on the hand and uses it to her advantage, slamming Mickie about. A hammerlock slam to the mat and Sarita is ready to put her opponent out or so it seemed. She danced about the ring, waiting for Mickie to give her, giving her too much time in my opinion. It only pays off because Mike Tenay claims it as swivel hips. Haha. Back into another submission, latching on an armbar/wristlock combination that has Mickie screaming in pain. A rollback, back around and Mickie is trying her hardest to fight out but Sarita is on like glue. Elmer’s glue, apparently. Mickie somehow manages away from her, fighting back with a lame arm that she uses as a weapon. Not a good idea, obviously because it keeps her from following through. Genius, I tell you.

Sarita is quick to pounce on her again, dropping her with a backdrop suplex that puts Mickie right back on the mat. Taunting Mickie, Sarita acts as if she is going to put Mickie’s lights out but instead, she picks her up and works her into the corner. A slam to the head, followed by boots to the abdomen that puts Mickie down. If it wasn’t for the saving grace of the referee, Mickie wouldn’t have had the chance to come back, which she does. She kicks her way out and goes up for that headscissors, that she never seems to connect with anymore and Sarita knocks her over the top rope. Mickie manages to land on the apron and Sarita comes back at her, only to be blocked by that bad arm. Double ouch. Another comeback and Mickie slides under Sarita again, somehow managing some type of sharp left hook that knocks Sarita straight on her back. She is out cold! The referee double checks and calls for the bell.

The winner of this match: Mickie James!

Mickie has obviously done some damage to both herself and Sarita, who was dominant for the majority of the match. But not all victories can come to a celebration. The camera pans to the crowd and in squeezes a hoodie clad Madison Rayne, headed to the ring. She quickly slides into the ring, jacks up that glove and nails Mickie from behind, flattening her on her face. Standing over her Against All Odds challenger, Madison gloats and smiles, talking herself up. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! She stands, waving to her royal subjects, bowing gracefully before spitting at Mickie’s fallen frame. Classy, Madison. Real classy.

Back again, the happy family, and the kids are back on the floor. Momma and Daddy are sitting on the couch and poor Cody is in his underoos. Suddenly, Jeff Jarrett’s theme song starts through the house and the synchronized dancing begins. The kids are ready and so is Karen, everyone wants to know what the surprise could possibly be. But, in true fashion, Daddy Jeff sends the kids up to the bed, telling them that they will find out in the morning. Prepare your gag bags. Karen says that the kids may call him Daddy Jeff but she calls him Big Daddy. Why? Because they are absolutely ridiculous? Haha. She says it’s because he provides for her, not only with the finer things in life but with her children as well. And what about their father? Yeah.

And now the moment of truth…dun dun dun. The Jarretts are out on the balcony, the night sky in the background. Karen tries to get Jeff to put his arms around her but he says he can’t, then we see the little black box. He asks her if she remembers what happens in August, right there in their back yard. Of course she does. Then Jeff pops the question…again. He gets down on one knee, reveals the box and Karen is soooo surprised! He says that he wants her to marry him again, renew their vows right there on Impact next week, in front of everyone. Everyone being Kurt Angle. Ahem. I’m willing to bet that Jeff Jarrett did NOT go to Jared.

Thoughts: First, just want to say that I can’t stand how they put a Jarrett video right before the Knockouts match. They were all sporatic and it was very frustrating. Haha. The clips should have been made a little longer and fewer in numbers but whatever. I’m a little bitter about it because, in my opinion, they’re exploiting their children and I can’t stand that. I’ll never understand bringing the real life kids into the mix. But nonetheless, it happened and, where I realize it plays into the storyline, it has gotten a little wild on that front. But again, just my personal opinion. I’m sure there is someone out there who feels differently.

Now, in regards to the Knockouts match, um, hello! Haha. We definitely need more matches between these two and with odd, possibly extreme stipulations. I think Mickie and Sarita have a good in-ring chemistry and together, they help showcase each other’s abilities. It wasn’t the longest match in history but it was consistent and I enjoyed the extra stipulation. I’m not sure if Mickie honestly hurt herself or how it goes but it worked for me. As for Madison coming in, I think this could lay prelude to a possible title change at Against All Odds. What do you guys think? You all know I’m loving Madison’s gimmick. She slays me. This could possibly be a turn around, where Mickie wins then battles Sarita for the title. Now THAT I can get behind. We shall all find out.

Until next week, when we see the debut of Sarita’s familia, Rosita! May you all be blessed with pinatas full of your favorite delicious candy! Much love!

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