Friday, June 25, 2021

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Impact Write-Up (March 24th, 2011): Take a Step Into The Twilight Zone…

Oh here we go! It is that time of the week yet again and I am back with another rendition of the Impact Write-Up! Yes, it is yours truly and I can definitely say that after last week, I’m hoping TNA went for a little redemption factor this week. Last week, we saw a three minute “streetfight” between four of TNA’s Knockouts and their respective male partners. We also saw a flash in the pan(har har) return from former Knockout Alissa Flash in a very unsuccessful try against the TNA Knockouts Champion. This week, we’ve got a match between two women who just can’t seem to get enough of beating the hell out of each other. And..we are also going to explore another chapter in the new developing saga of the troop of Mexican Americans looking to stake their claim on the company. Buckle up, strap in, do whatever it takes to secure yourself to your location. You’re in for a ride.

HARDCORE COUNTRY! Our first glimpse of Knockout action comes in the form of Mickie James, bounding to the ring in those classic daisy dukes and a teal fringe top with gorgeous red hair. She is set to take on Tara, who we see backstage, straddling her crotch rocket. Out of nowhere, Madison Rayne storms up and demands that Tara destroy Mickie, or else! Tara questions it but Madison is quick to let her know that this isn’t a classroom, she doesn’t need to ask questions. She just needs to go do her job. Job? Yes. Go do your job, Tara. Do all of Madison’s dirty work so she can squash Mickie at Lockdown. Winning. Duh. BROKEN! BROKEN! And out she rides, complete with the giant bow on her backside and no sooner than she can climb the apron, the veteran is flipped over to her backside. Good thing she brought that extra cushion, huh?

It is no secret, the history between these two and Mickie James doesn’t look like she wants to take the time to go back over it. She is quick to put the attack on Tara, taking her down twice before she starts laying in the fists. Tara somehow manages over to the ropes and lays a thick one into the side of Mickie’s face but little Pocahontas isn’t one to stay down for long. She lands a nice flapjack to Tara and kips up, getting pumped up from the crowd. A couple stiff shots and Tara comes back with a giant knee to the face, knocking Mickie back. In a very Tara-rizing show of disrespect, the bodyguard steps on Mickie to get over her and with a little grunt towards the crowd, lands her shimmy standing moonsault. I’m not sure why there was a grunt but I’m guessing it has something to do with that bow. Just saying.

A quick cover and only a two count, much to Tara’s dismay. Into the corner they go, Tara charges at Mickie only to get a stiff elbow to the chin. However, when Mickie goes for the headscissors, Tara reverses and slams her down with a nice powerbomb. Another pin attempt but Mickie is quick to kick out this time, which gives Tara the smart idea to head back to another corner. It doesn’t take Mickie long to get up and she staggers into the ropes, dropping Tara unceremoniously on her feminine areas. We all know the history of Tara and her women parts. That girl is none so lucky. Nonetheless, it doesn’t stop Mickie from laying a sharp slap to Tara’s face, getting a bank reaction from the fans. Gotta love when the crowd gets involved.

With people behind her, Mickie goes up to the middle rope, standing over her long time foe. But it doesn’t take long for Tara to cut her off at the knee, dropping her down to sit in Tara’s lap. A few exchanges of chops and right hands leads to Mickie falling backwards, allowing Tara to drop her down to the mat. I’m pretty sure that’s gonna leave a mark. Even Tara fell forward on that one but she keeps her hold and tightens her grip on the double leg Boston crab she has on Mickie. Pocahontas, who screams like her life depends on it, isn’t giving up and the crowd gets behind her. Tara is ruthless but Mickie is somehow able to crawl her way to the bottom rope, which breaks the hold, for those of you paying attention. Tara, disgruntled as usual, backs off and yells “Come on, you bitch!”, which just shows how classy she truly is.

Mickie climbs up, trying to gather herself but Tara isn’t waiting. She pulls Mickie in, looking to go for that Widow’s Peak finisher but Mickie reverses and lands a HUGE DDT to secure the pin and her win for this match. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Mickie, still feeling the effects of the match, manages to her feet and beings celebrating. However, on the ramp is Madison, in all her hoochy dress glory. She glares at Mickie like she’s trailer park trash, but if you ask me…ahem. I’d just like to mention that I caught Madison mouthing words to Mickie’s theme song. At the 5:30 minute mark, if anyone was interested. I found it quite funny myself. On another note, the match is set. We are going to see these two go at it once again but this time, I think things will be a little more interesting.


skip to the 7:44 minute mark.

Later in the show, we see the new TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions, Sarita and Rosita, escorting Hernandez and his new partner in crim to the ring. They’re matching in their jeans, red tops and black boots. Still not sure how I feel about them looking like the idiot American’s idea of Mexican Americans. I think it pretty much has set the standard pretty damn low. All the portrayals in moronic movies about the “typical Mexican”, yeah, there you have it. Way to build yourselves up. I know you say you’re taking over but I think you’ve just set yourself back about twenty years. Anyway, they make their way to the ring and pose for the crowd, much to their immense dislike.

Hernandez, the supposed leader, says that he knows everyone knows who Rosita y Sarita are so now he is going to introduce his newest addition. I do speak a little spanish but I still, even going back over it a few times, have no idea what the guy’s name was. I think it was Anarchia..or something. Can I just point out that when everyone else speaks spanish, it looks like little Rosita has not a damn clue what anyone is saying? She looks so lost. As does everyone else, when Hernandez starts talking about how they’re taking their jobs, money and women because they are the superior race. And after all that talk of equality for so long, again I stand, you have set yourself back about twenty years.

Well, apparently Rosita can speak Spanish, at least a little. She seemed to hesitate a little so I’m still standing by my opinion that she isn’t fluent. Now, coming from someone who is more than for equality amongst a mix of races, but for Hernandez to say that soon we will stop “worshipping” the United States flag and will soon start “worshipping” the Mexican flag…I doubt it. I can’t speak for everyone but I don’t know anyone who has gone to Mexico and demanded the Mexicans “worship” the US flag. I just find this whole thing ridiculous. It says very little about how far I thought we’d come as a society in this regard.

Cue the U.S.A. chants from the crowd and Hernandez changes his topic to Matt Morgan. Anarchia demands that Morgan give them an answer and the Blueprint comes to the ring with Brother D-Von in tow. He says that as far as the challenge, they accept. And this is where the point of interest goes from the Knockouts to the TNA Superstars. All Sarita and Rosita can do is scream at Morgan and D-Von, getting in their faces and trying to distract them.

However, out of nowhere, runs down Velvet Sky who is quick to go after Rosita. She lays a slap into her and this catches Sarita’s attention. This begins the double team and poor Vel Vel lays waste to their attack. They talk trash in her face and lay the boots into her, all until Angelina Love appears on the ramp. Dun..dun..dun…She looks stoned or completely zonked out. I called it last week when I said that Angelina was being brainwashed by Winter and sure enough, here are the after effects. Even the Loco Latinas can’t seem to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. At least she looks gorgeous, right? She slowly descends the ramp, watching Velvet as she lays on the ground. However, no sooner than she reaches the bottom does Winter come out, screaming her name like a wild banshee. Angelina stops and slowly turns around, beckoned by a simple bend of the index finger. She slowly walks back up the ramp toward Winter and they walk into the back, ever so creepy. And then the attack continues on Velvet until Matt Morgan muscles his way in, distracted by the cousins.

Nevermind his partner in the ring, who gets pounded and pinned by Anarchia and his brass knuckles, who picks up the win for his team in this supposed Mexican streetfight.

Thoughts: Well, it was definitely more interesting than last week. I should have put money on the Angelina Love/Winter mind control line. I would have made bank on that. haha. I’m very curious to see where it goes with Velvet involved. As for the actual match between Tara and Mickie, it was pretty good. They work well together and I’m glad TNA gave it a little time between their singles matches before we had to see one again. Now, I’m not sure where these Knockouts have been shopping but they need to remember they’re wrestlers, not pole dancers. Ahem. Need I remind you all again of Madison’s dress, or lack there of? Yeah. Until next week, my darlings. xoxo

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