Impact Write-Up (May 19th, 2011): Keep Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’…

First and foremost, I am very sorry this is late. I’ve had a rough couple of days between a good friend’s father passing away and then “Macho Man” Randy Savage, in a very odd and twisted way, both the exact same way. I have just been an emotional ball of mess. Between worrying about my friend and her family and losing such a huge chunk of what made me fall in love with this business. But, I love you guys so I am going to give it my best shot. Bear with me and hopefully this won’t be as lackluster as I feel.

We start this week out in the ring, with the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions, Sarita and Rosita. They’re taunting Christy Hemme and she is just playing along like nobody’s business. Out next is their tag team partner, Madison Rayne and this looks to be a six Knockout tag team match. Oh boy. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Madison comes out, atrocious fence of a crown on top of her head and looks aggravated, as usual. She stops to wave to her kingdom before making her way down to the ring, grinning to bare it. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Their opponents Tara, Miss Tessmacher and the TNA Knockouts Champion, Mickie James pop out next. Literally if you’re Tessmacher. Mickie flashes that gold strap up to the crowd and Tara just looks like a bouncer from the club down the street. This should be a rather fun loving match-up.

I gotta say, Mickie looks like she’s toning up and I’m actually loving her outfit. Tess, naturally, starts taking off her clothes while Tara just wants to get her hands on Madison Rayne. But, before this match can start, the men of Mexican America make their way onto the stage and then over to the announce booth, apparently going to translate the commentary into spanish. Or spanglish. I’m not sure but all I know is, I’m pretty sure after the beatdown they gave poor Willie Urbina, he’s in need of a replacement. Nonetheless, the official finally calls for the bell and when Tara declares she’s starting this match, Madison is quick to retreat to the outside. Instead, she tags in little Rosita in her place and starts barking orders like the wicked stepmother.

On the other side, Tara switches it up with Mickie while Rosita takes out her hula hoop earrings and attempts to get in Mickie’s face, shoving at her. However, she gets knocked back on her ass and flipped around into an arm wrench turned headlock. But the little fireball manages Mickie back in the corner and Madison tags herself in, starting the triple beatdown on the champion. Tess and Tara attempt to come over to equal things up but Earl Hebner backs them into their own corner. Well, that’s no fair, old man. Come on!

And just like that, Madison has the upperhand, thanks to Loco Latinas. She lays a foot to Mickie’s throat and then steps to the middle of the ring, tossing words over at Tara. However, when the former bodyguard gets in the ring, Madison is quick to back up. This gives Mickie James just enough time to come out of the corner and nail Madison right in the face. She twists her arm and points at Tara, tagging her in but again, Madison runs away like a scared child, tagging in Sarita. I realize she is sporting her true Mexican colors but she looks like a Christmas decoration. It’s May. Give it up.

Anyway, she shimmies her way in and shows it off to Tara, giving her a dropkick into the corner. She charges but Tara goes up and goes for the roll up, dropping her with a clotheslines. Her eyes are on Madison but the “Queen” isn’t getting in. Instead, Tara backs Sarita up and allows Tessmacher to tag in, pulling off a double team clothesline/dance break. Then Tess does some weird ass break dancing/stripper move that turns into an elbow drop. A pin attempt and gets a two count but Sarita kicks up, comes up but Tess stays on her, dancing through the forearms. An attempted rebound on the ropes and Rosita grabs her hair, leading to yet another beatdown in the corner, this time on Tess. Meanwhile, Anarquia won’t shut the hell up on commentary.

Back to action, Tess comes out of the corner and goes for a roll up on Madison but doesn’t quite cut it. However, this gives Tess the space to head over to her corner and tag in Tara, but not without futile attempts from Madison to keep her from reaching the corner. A push kick and the tag is made, which slowly brings Tara in. Madison is down in the corner but she rolls out, tagging Sarita in the process. Jesus. Just deal with it Madison. Tara’s gonna whip your ass eventually. But right now, she’s going to take her frustration out on Rosita, knocking her down with a large spinning side slam. I definitely have to say that Rosita took that like a sumbitch!

Tara goes for the pin but Sarita puts a boot to Tara’s back, breaking up the pin. This brings everyone but the former champion into the middle of the ring. However, Tess and Mickie both go after Sarita, tossing her out of the ring while Rosita slowly gets to her feet. With Tara’s back turned, Madison looks to troll up on her but Tara flashes around, catching her in the act. Brattycakes quickly changes her story and puts her hands up in innocence, taking hold of Rosita and tossing her into the angry Tara. A very nice chokeslam powerbomb leads to a pin and Tara gets the three, winning this match for her team. But her eyes stay on the retreating Madison Rayne the whole time and as soon as Hebner’s hand touches for the three, she shoves Rosita off and uses the ropes to hold her back. YOU BETTA HOLD HER BACK!

A little later in the show, Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle are throwing out insults and setting up matches for Slammiversary. However, the important part is, Jeff’s music hits and rising from the stage ala Kurt’s signature entrance, is Karen Jarrett. And she’s in a wheelchair, basking in her own glory. Kurt looks like he wants to vomit while Jeff looks like a kid in a candy store. Karen has a microphone, a bandage on her foot and again, she looks like she’s going to the prom. She tells Kurt that Big Daddy isn’t going to be alone at Slammiversary either. She asks Kurt repeatedly if he’s happy to see her while meanwhile, coming up from the shadows, is Velvet Sky. You remember her right? The one Karen tortured for weeks about being Kurt’s mistress when all along it was Chyna. That one.

She’s shaking her head, hands on her hips while Karen tells Kurt that while his plan may have knocked her down, he will never EVER take her out. Meanwhile, Kurt is giggling like a girl and Jeff is trying to get his wife’s attention. Did you seriously think the crowd was cheering for you, Karen? Honestly? A wicked little laugh and Velvet snatches the microphone from Karen’s hands, calling her a gremlin and counting as she asks the crowd if she wants to see Karen go for a ride. Karen tries to put on the brakes but Velvet pushes her on down the ramp, causing her to collide with Jeff Jarrett, crashing to the floor. Kurt Angle is nearly in tears with laughter and Velvet is jumping up and down on one leg. Oh Vel Vel. I love thee.

Jeff is just near distraught, checking on Karen, who is down on the floor. Kurt Angle’s gold medal is on the line and Velvet is happy as pie. But again, Big Daddy reminds us that Karen is a mother of five but do we care? Hell no. Velvet just pushed her ass down the ramp in a wheelchair. I’m ecstatic.

Now, I know we’ve taken a break from the Twilight Zone of things in the last couple of weeks but this week, it comes back with a vengeance. Winter is sitting backstage with the Zombie Terminator, Angelina Love. She asks her if she’s ready but naturally, she has no response. Winter says that tonight is the night and after tonight, Velvet will never bother them again. It will just the two of them, just like before, but a different time and place. Do you remember, Angelina? DO YOU REMEMBER?! I don’t either. But, sealing with a creepy obsessed kiss, Winter puts her lips to Zombilina’s and takes her hand. Let’s go love, she says. Right.

She’s a supa-freak, supa-freak! She’s supa-freaky! …In the Frankenstein’s bride kind of way.

Continuing on with introductions, looking lovely as ever, is Christy Hemme. She states that the next match is a 2-on-1 handicap match and out to the ring first is the team of Winter and Angelina aka Morticia and Frankenstein. It’s a little early for Halloween, don’t you think? Winter steps out first and beckons Angelina to the stage. They slowly make their way to the ring and Angelina even crawls into the ring like a monster under control while Winter basks on the turnbuckle. Out next, at a disadvantage apparently, a knockout favorite in Velvet Sky. She hits the ramp and smirks as she shakes her head, shooing her opponents back as she enters the ring. Poor Tazz, missing his pigeons as Velvet simply steps in the ring.

For those wondering and out of the loop, this is a product of Velvet’s earlier antics. Jarrett went to Eric Bischoff and this is the result of punishment. But Velvet is just going to brush it off her shoulder, until Winter yanks Velvet over in the corner close enough to tag in Terminator. Angelina slowly steps in the ring, stoic as ever, wrapping her fingers around Velvet’s throat. But Vel Vel bounces off, going right after Winter in the corner, knocking her back. A comeback attempt at a flying clothesline but Angelina barely budges while Velvet gets a slap from behind from Winter. Back in the corner and Angelina tags in Winter. She won’t budge or even show emotion but she knows how to tag someone in….

Whatever.

Winter wraps her arms around Velvet but the only remaining BP tells her it ain’t happening and she hits her with an elbow to the jaw. A flip, a kick to the back with a rebound low dropkick and Velvet gets a near fall on Winter. A nice headlock that had potential gets shoved into the corner where Morticia tags in Frankenstein, bringing out the double team action. They go for a double team clothesline but Velvet ducks, getting a double takedown of her own. Hebner rules Winter out of the ring and Velvet gets Angelina, the legal zombie, into a headlock from behind. Velvet demands that Hebner ask her but naturally, she feels nothing and throws elbows into Velvet’s midsection, knocking her into the ropes. A knee from Winter and Velvet’s momentum just downshifted. A drop down on the top rope leads to a clotheslines from Frankenstein. But the crowd is behind Velvet! Listen to that!

A glare from Terminator and she mounts Velvet, laying her with right hands until she tosses her back in the corner, making yet another tag. A double team and Winter is in but she doesn’t stay for long. Another tag to Frankenstein, who honestly needs to pull her pants and seriously, just make up your mind. All this slap happy shit is making me nauseous. Another tag and Winter is back in, laying boots and doing interpretive dance moves. Velvet crawls to the middle and Winter snags her up, dropping her down with a swinging backbreaker. A little flutter over to Frankenstein and she’s in the ring, slowly but surely. Too slow if you ask me. It earns her a roll-up and Velvet the victory for all the show.

Velvet almost can’t believe it and neither can Winter but Velvet is on the outside, gripping at her throat. But while her attention is on the livid Winter, a giant beast attacks her from the side. Well, it looks like a giant but I think I’ve got the beast part right. Out of nowhere, ODB pummels Velvet into the steel steps then mounts her, screaming like a banshee. She lays fists into Velvet and chokes her, calling Velvet a whore and telling Earl Hebner to kiss her ass. Um…no thank you. She slaps at her hamhocks and whips out her flask, screaming at the dirty whore to kiss her ass. Seriously…what in the hell? Honestly, if anyone is dirty, it’s obviously you. I’m just saying.

Thoughts: Well, that was…I don’t even know the word. You tell me. Haha. Always intriguing to see a returning Knockout to TNA….err, Impact Wrestling. Funny how it’s Impact Wrestling now but the titles are still called TNA titles. Oh well. I don’t have a whole lot to say this week. Fun show all around. I’m still emotionally exhausted but I can definitely say that this week was not boring. I’m pretty sure we’ve all wanted to shove Karen down the ramp in a wheelchair, or down a well. I prefer that option but Velvet got there first. I am very curious about this push that Velvet is getting. She’s all over the place. I love it. As for ODB, I feel dirty just looking at her. I may even go take a shower. Until next week, my lovies! xoxo

What did you guys think about this week’s Impact? Tell me about it!

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  • xXxUniquelyiXxX

    Lol. I’ve never watched TNA, but they have wayyy more segments/matches than wwe O_O

  • http://twitter.com/EnvyFYI Envy

    “She’s a supa-freak, supa-freak! She’s supa-freaky! …In the Frankenstein’s bride kind of way.”

    You are my new favourite, April. ?

    VELVET SKY FOR KNOCKOUTS CHAMPEEEEN!

  • Rhawk

    So Team WWE beat TNA… talk about irony. x-P
    And its GREAT to see ODB back in TNA, the more women the better, especially if they are TNA originals or fresh faces, BAAAAM!!! Shame they won’t make this fued interesting either.

  • wwedivaTamina

    Tbh i prefer the divas the ko’s are messy in my view but im happy they’ve got a new ring it looks less rough And OBD Wellcome back >:}

  • Mooyses

    I love that ODB come back and finnaly a Angelina/Winter lesbian angle but make it looks that this is the Trish/Mickie storyline supernatural version.

  • number1AngelinaLovefan

    Great write up April

    Well i am lovin the Knockouts they got so much in ring time but i am really not a fan of the whole LESBO angle nothing against them or nothing i just really dont like how they are trying to make that happn with Angelina and breaking up TBP for the 8th time in a row

  • http://www.facebook.com/mikeybicycle Kaledrina

    i’m not that pleased with odb’s return. i mean, she’s grreat and all but there’s not been much progression in the roster as a whole. they’ve given, what, at least five or six, maybe even more women try-outs the past six months, but they keep on bringing back oldies. i want new faces.. which is probably why i like tessmacher so much, regardless of her current ring skills.

    nice to see velvet pick up her first solo victory in almost four months :) hopefully this isn’t an end to that feud but more of a hiatus from it, although with how most commenters here have been hating the feud, calling it boring, wanting it to end, i doubt it really matters if it does continue.

  • DIVAsupporter

    weak kiss from winter.. boo

    i dont normally watch or read tna stuff i was just bored waiting for the SD redux…
    I’m kinda liking Brooke though she wasn’t really that good in the match thought she did good.. wonder what she’d be like being in wwe? hmmm

  • Rhawk

    Oh yeah U forgot about the supernatural version of Mickie and Trish storyline, this is basically that storyline reused in TNA, but giving it a supernatural gimmick to it. Winter starts out as a ‘fan’ of Angelina, as Mickie did with trish. Then next thing you know, both of them start snogging with their dream inspirations.

    #Typical TNA…Impact, Typical Impact

  • darkangels

    i love odb but that gimmick has to go i would love for her to be like a female version of Batista IC really needs a moster heel right now sense Kharma has really taking the wrestling world by storm right now and brooke does have that wwe look dont be surprise if wwe steal her away from IC soon

  • BillyGP

    Team WWE? So they not under contract with tna? plus Mickie was tna original LOL

    Good night for KOs all around

  • The Kharmic Heel

    Brooke was in WWE, but released. I doubt they’d take her back. She’s doing okay in TNA so far. She’s learning well apparently, hope it continues.

    Mickie definitely looks like she’s been toning up. She’s looking great. Madison looks good too and I loved Sarita’s interaction with Tara. Would love to see them go one on one.

    I missed the Beautiful People/Winter, ODB stuff.

    April I’m sorry to hear about your loss, I hate death myself. Just take comfort in knowing they’re in a better place and no longer in pain. Keep them in you’re heart. You will be okay. Great write up and entertaining as always.

  • bxradimus

    Both of these matches were pretty bland. There just wasn’t anything special in either, kinda disappointing considering all of the talent there.

    I really wish they’d stop pushing Velvet already. She’s terrible at everything she does.

  • WWFoverWWE

    @Rhawk Typical response from someone who I bet hasn’t even watched every segment involving winter and angelina, and just assuming like a troll. Winter clearly says that she knows angelina from another time, way before TNA, did mickie ever know trish from another time?? NO she was just an obsessed fan. WInter is not a fan smart one, she knows angelina

    Did mickie ever drug trish and end up controlling her?? NO ONCE AGAIN. Seems to me your one of those people who keeps thinking TNA is copying when you don’t even know what is going on, I suggest you take a hike back to your diva videos and go enjoy that, but we all know you’ll be thinking about TNA the whole time

  • http://RobertoCanuonFacebook Kenu91

    I’m sorry but I don’t like this write up…..I think we’re using different type of judgement for WWE and TNA, if WWE will ever make a show like this everybody will make a standing ovation for sure….but we’re talking of Knockouts…..so it’s not important how they can put themselves every week in TNA, they’re always underrated from the writers, and I don’t know why!!! Maybe they should break a table from the top of a cage for a good review!!! Maybe because in past TNA had Kong, Gail and Jackie and now has Madison, Tessmacher and Rosita??? this is not important, ok maybe before TNA had some great names that now miss to this company, but c’mon you should admit when a show is very good or not, Knockouts or Divas, think about it (plz sorry for my english I don’t speak it very well)

  • WWFoverWWE

    @Kaledrina I wouldn’t be surprised if they brought ODB back just for her to put over velvet, I mean ODB is a former KO champion so if velvet beats her, it would give her a boost

    did anyone see those amazing studio shots on madisons right side titantron?? They were so sexy. I hope TNA releases the clips soon, I WANT THEM!!!

  • MrAliciaFox

    I am really liking the new set design. The blue looks good.

  • spyderone1981

    Good point BillyGP…Mickie (then Alexis Laree) was in TNA long before she went to WWE!

    I agree with some that this Winter/Angelina angle is a bit boring, becuz they are dragging it out to long! There has really been no progression in the past few weeks! They need to do something with it…maybe make Winter forget to give Angelina her “zombie pill” and Angelina snaps out of her state for a bit…before Winter regains control of her!

    @ darkangels….what you see with ODB is not a gimmick…that IS ODB!

    This was a decent match…all the ladies did great work, Brooke still needs a bit of work, but she is progressing well!

  • Kharmaofficialfansite

    i actually like the new colors and icons for IMPACT WRESTLING and good knockouts time :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/StaceyJohnWood SJWood

    Loved Impact this week. Lovin’ Velvet more and more every week.

    Winter actually reminds me of Kate Middleton (her face and hair) She’s gorgeous. Both of them. P.s I’ve missed that back breaker!

    The match’s were nicely done. Tara’s chokeslam pin was really good. Tess is picking her craft up well. Mickie Looks great!! and as usual does a great job. Loved Madison here, and Sarita.
    The handicapt was nicely paced, not rushed.

    P.s April I myself had some bad news, today a friend of mine’s flat mate committed suicide.. very sad really :- (
    All we can do is support and wish the family and friends well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/StaceyJohnWood SJWood

    OHH MY GOD I forgot to mention ODB, she was funny as hell with those comments. She still got a good reaction even tho she attacked the popular VS!

  • adifferentsame

    Warm wishes, April. Savage passed away on my birthday yesterday, and it was definitely saddening. I have so many memories of he and Hogan as a child when I’d watch old wrestling tapes with my papa.

    You can’t teach what Velvet Sky possesses as a performer; this quality is probably why I can forget about her shortcomings in the ring. The storyline with Winter and Angelina had so much more potential, but unfortunately the quality of the writing and structure dipped when they involved Velvet in the Angle/Jarrett saga. (I actually would have given that role to Miss Tessmacher, even though Velvet was great.)

    Little undecided about ODB returning, but she could be a nasty foil for Velvet to overcome while Winter guns for the belt.

    All ladies in the tag match looked and did great. I’m slowly warming to Miss Tessmacher as a character. There are a few tweaks to be made on the gimmick, but that will come in time with the experience she accumulates in the ring.

  • The Kharmic Heel

    ODB can be Velvet’s Jazz and help her get better along the way. I can start getting behind Velvet if she can have some good matches with ODB. I hate her trashy character, but I’m warming up to her. She’s slowly turning into a bad ass underdog and I can get behind that.

    @ADifferentSame- Well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hopefully it was a good one. :)

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/LovableLittleRabbit?feature=mhum Megumi

    I love Velvet Sky, She’s one hell of a performer, if you ask me. Hate on her ring skills all you want, Everything else about velvet Sky is amazing, and once again, she’s carrying the division right now, At elast Until the Mickie/ Tara fued comes into fruitation. I was happy to see ODB back, she’s hilarious. I was upset when she left, she’s no ring god either, but her character, although stale at times, never fails to entertain.

  • adifferentsame

    @TheKharmicHeel: Thanks, buddy. It was a loud birthday. I never do things half-hearted.