Oh boy! That moment is finally here. It’s Hardcore Justice! Okay. I’ll turn off the country music superstar and just be plain ole me. Tonight, in an action packed pay-per-view event, we’ll see two extremely chaotic Knockouts finally tear each other apart for the coveted gold strap. We’ll also get to see two pairs of Knockouts who have had their fair share of exchanges in recent weeks, one pair battling for the possible chance to regain their precious prizes. I don’t even know where to begin on this so I am just going to dive right in and hope I don’t hit my head on the bottom. You with me? Synchronized swimming! Ready! Break!
The action starts off backstage where Jeremy Borash is standing with the Knockouts Tag Team Champions, Tara and Miss Tessmacher. They’re looking pretty snazzy in their matching black and red, a favorite color combo. Tara is looking fierce as always and well, Tessmacher just goes without saying. They look pumped and ready to go, yet extremely annoyed. JB makes a statement about this match being personal and Tess decides it’s time to finally speak up. She reminds her opponents of the night they jumped them in the parking lot like a couple of thugs. Why everybody gotta be thugs, huh?! *puts the blade away* Pfft.
Tara, ever so rowdy, says that they proved themselves in the ring and she doesn’t care of Sarita and Rosita bring Hernandez or that freakin’ puppet, they are leave freakin’ champions! Come on, Brooke! Um…..about that, someone obviously forgot to send Tara the memo. Anyway, I’ll let that settle and we’ll skip to the challengers making their way to the ring. They’re sporting their native colors and well, Sarita looks like a stand-in for a Cannibal movie. I’m sorry. I know why she’s wearing the mask but seriously, Abyss called. He really wants it back. You know he gets angry when his belongings go missing. They are accompanied to the ring by Hernandez and the puppet, Anarquia. This could get interesting.
Out last is the team of Taramacher, riding in on the crotch rocket and Tess wastes no time disrobing this evening. She takes it all off before even getting in the ring. You mean, no makeout session?! The audience is heartbroken. And so are Hernandarquia because Earl Hebner just kicked their ass to the back. Obviously, this doesn’t sit well with little Rosi because she starts taking off those twenty pound earrings, getting all up in Tara’s grill. She ain’t scared of you! She ghetto! Hold these, Earl! SLAM! Tara pushes her little feisty ass into the corner like a scolded step-child. The crowd is all over the veteran’s side and the chants start but the tag to Sarita is made and the tide could turn.
She bumps up against Tara and off the rebound, gets a back body drop for her efforts. Up by the hair and the tag to Tessmacher. Forearms shots from the bootylicious Knockout, going right after the injured face of Sarita. That doesn’t last long because Sarita is quick to tag in her cousin but WHACK! Tess takes her down without a breath of hesitation. A wristlock into the corner and Tara is begging for a piece of the little chili pepper. She’s in, hands around Rosita’s throat and she just slams her down against the turnbuckles. But a hurricarana from little Rosi and…*deep breath* I gotta remember to breathe when I write these matches.
Tara is in the corner and Rosita runs in, getting a big boot to the face which knocks her for a fruit loop. Not so much so that she can’t knock Tara to the outside, giving Sarita ample room to catch her with a running roll drop. Rosita takes to Tessmacher, distracting the referee just long enough for Sarita to roll Tara back in. Rosi, trying to maintain momentum, gets dropped cold with a suplex when Tara rebounds and tags in Tessmacher. Back up with a dropkick and again, another tag to Sarita. Tessmacher is on fire tonight and is oddly impressive. She’s staying tight…well, until her back snaps and her face slaps the top turnbuckle. Ouch. I guess this calls for a ping pong tag between the Loco Latinas.
I think Sarita just pulled a triple whipper snapper. I do believe so. Add that assist splash and I’m seriously starting to get dizzy. All these tags back and forth. It’s all a blur. Wait! A rollup attempt but it’s no good! Sarita kicks out and goes for a clothesline but Tess ducks, tagging in her partner. Right hands from Tara to both latinas, finally taking Sarita down with a dropkick. A potential Widow’s Peak but Rosita tries to interfere, getting dropped by Tessmacher. And now we’re in a big heap of a mess. All four Knockouts are in the ring and it could get ugly. Point in concept, Rosarita just slammed into one another with an assist from Taramacher. But Hebner easily conducts order and Sarita hits some odd looking, nasty landing double underhook. The impact seems to even knock Sarita back because she doesn’t go for the pin.
This match is wearing me out. Love it but damn. I’m not even in the match and I feel beat up. Haha. Regardless, Tara slowly crawls her way over to Tessmacher but Rosita’s sneaky little ass on the outside drops her to the floor. This leaves Tara vulnerable and Sarita takes advantage with a pin attempt but no! Only the two count but the punishment is over. A tag into Rosita, double team attempt but double arm clothesline from Tara to the latinas. Sarita rolls out and Tara sets little Rosi up for the Widow’s Peak but she counters into a roll-up. Sarita on the outside with the assist but Tessmacher flies from out of nowhere, breaking it up. This is insane. My attention span has apparently dwindled because all I can do is blink.
A powerslam on Rosita from the fierce veteran but the momentum gets cut off at the quick with boots to the chest. It sends the bigger Knockout down long enough for Rosita to crawl to her corner for a pin but Tessmacher is on a mission. She’s on the outside and drops Sarita down, out of the way. No tag. No exchange. Tessmacher back up on the apron, making sure no funny business is going on and Tara finally locks in that Widow’s Peak. DAMN! Rosita hits hard and I’m pretty sure she just died on the inside. A very harsh, violent cover with the hand and knee smashed against the face. 1…2….3! Taramacher retains their Knockouts Tag Team Championships, the perfect accessory to their new attire! It’s asstastic!
And the moment we have all been waiting for….the Knockouts Championship match. Oh yes. It’s been building up for weeks and weeks now and tonight, it will finally come to a head. In a challenge to the champ, Winter will be facing off against Mickie James for the beloved golden strap. Out first, the queen of the wicked herself, Winter accompanied by Angelina Love. Morticia is sporting new duds with a gypsy/belly dancer feel and she looks fabulous, aside from that fur shrug. Angelina, on the other hand, looks just like its any other night. No fierce new outfit? Come on now. HARDCORE COUNTRY! The defending champion knows how to change it up and bounds out, sporting new attire and new hair. This is definitely something I can support. Love that caramel/blonde mix-up on Mickie and the gingham is actually really cute. Way to go, girl.
Mickie looks ready to do this, regardless of the slight reluctance at Angelina at ringside. The duo of the dark side look to start their antics early, Angelina with the distraction. She holds the belt up and taunts Mickie while Winter sneaks in for the roll-up. Almost but it doesn’t count. If it isn’t three, it isn’t enough. But Winter reminds her how close it was, seeking refuge outside the ropes. However, when she comes back in, Mickie is on her, locking her into some weird submission. She contorts Winter’s leg, putting a boot between her shoulder blades and even pulling a little hair in the process. That costs her the hold and Winter crawls to the apron, giving Mickie a boot when she comes after her.
Cue the awkward moment when you think you’ve got your opponent around the waist and then they do-si-do, heel toe and you end up in the corner.
Mickie bounces Winter back by holding tight on the turnbuckles but the dweller of darkness comes back, getting a pair of legs around the throat. A slip-up, slide-in pin attempt and no! A clap to the head and it’s broken up. But Mickie isn’t giving up and she sticks to Winter like glue, keeping her from escaping to the outside. Right forearm shots to the jaw and the champ looks to put a little hurtin’ on her opponent. However, Angelina Love has other plans. For some reason, she sees fit to get on the apron and talk a little trash, then jump down when the heat comes her way. Okay. I get it. Classic move of distraction, giving Winter the chance to sneak in but you’re kinda knocking your credibility. You could have at least dropped her across the ropes while Hebner wasn’t looking. Just saying.
Regardless of my opinion, Angelina steps back and when Mickie turns around, Winter is on her like nightfall. A club to the back and a slam attempt but Mickie fights back! A low dropkick and rebound sliding dropkick, into the pin attempt but it’s no good. Winter, like a cat, rolls to the outside to regroup and strategize with Angelina. Mickie is oh so kind and invites her back but it is disrespectfully declined. In true fashion, the cat and mouse game ensues and Mickie eventually steps outside the ring, chasing Winter around. We see Angelina crouched in position but when she goes for the clothesline, the champ ducks out of the way and nails her with a hard elbow. And what does she get in return? She gets a huge bite of the metal ringpost. Hope you’re hungry, Mickie.
Unceremoniously, Winter picks Mickie up and tosses her off the barricade, dropping her to the cement floor. It takes Miss James a minute to gather herself, obviously feeling the harsh reality of hitting that surface. Meanwhile, Winter is in the ring, down in an Elvis style pose to help the official start the count-out. But Mickie fights hard and eventually works her way back over the barricade, still down on all fours. So what does Angelina do? Gives her a nice swift kick to the midsection, of course! Nothing like seizing the moment, right? Winter, playing smart, is quick to go out and grab Mickie, rolling her back into the ring. Angelina, on the outside, skips off like Little Bo Peep only..not. Why did you skip? I mean, yeah…there are no words.
Into the back arm stretch from Winter and Mickie is not having it. She comes back with elbows and flips Winter over, going for that jacknife pinning bridge but no! Not even a two. Sticking to harsh tactics, Winter goes for the choke and then leads into a dropping backbreaker stretch. There’s hair pulling, knees to the face and major boos from the crowd. What the hell you jeering for? Shame on you. Into the corner the ladies go, Winter using her boots against Mickie’s throat and Mickie using her boots to crack Winter down. Insert a rolling headscissors and Mickie is feeling the momentum now. A faceplant on Winter with a kip-up, heading to the top rope. A nice thesz press from up high but there is no pin attempt this time and that could be a major mistake. While Winter is down on the mat, she distracts the referee and Angelina sneaks her little ass into the ring. BAM! She drops the champ with that knee drop backbreaker, or as Mike Tenay calls it “Break-a-Bitch”. I died. I seriously choked for a moment. I can’t.
But I must because this match is still going on. Multiple shoulders and stomps to the midsection in the corner and the official pulls Winter out but she goes back in, sitting Mickie on the top rope. But that gives her just enough of a window to fight back and WHAM! nail that tornado DDT. However, it doesn’t work in her favor because Winter’s momentum carried her to the outside, leaving no room for a pin. Dammit! Here comes that pesky Angelina again, trying to break a bitch. Always trying to break shit. But Mick ain’t having it this time and drops her with a neckbreaker, pushing her back to the outside. Immediately, her focus goes to Winter and she rolls her opponent back into the ring, trying to finish this thing off. And, of course, there’s Angelina again. Someone call the police because we need a restraining order against this one.
WHAT THE **CENSORED**!?!
Did Winter just spit red shit in Mickie’s face?! Someone call MsChif/Tajiri/Kool-Aid Man! We got a gimmick infringement on our hands! Quick to seize the chance, Winter goes for the sneak pin, covering Mickie’s face and Hebner counts the three. We have a NEW Knockouts Champion, who has this creeped out look on her face. I swear, it’s like she drank a glass of evil Kool-Aid. And Mickie looks like her face is bleeding in places we didn’t know existed, screaming that she can’t see and just completely freaking out. She can’t see and when the trainers run down, he asks her where it is. Um..that would be in her eyes. You know, those round things in her eye sockets THAT HELP HER SEE! All the while, Angelina and Winter are celebrating like they just won the lottery, short of nothing but balloons. Regardless of blind spots, we have a new Knockouts Champion in Impact Wrestling and you had better believe this changes things quite a bit.
Thoughts: I was very impressed with the action at pay-per-view. Very solid matches from all Knockouts involved. I am happy to see a new Knockouts Champion in Winter. I think she has major potential and where I didn’t think she would win, given Mickie’s fighting side, I am intrigued to see her pull it out. I’m curious to see where she’ll take it from here. I am also curious to see if Mickie will ever get her sight back. She’s clearly blinded from the jello mixture that Winter spit in her face so we’ll find out soon, I’m sure. As for the tag team match, I think Taramacher are really developing into a hell of a team. Tara is a great point of reference for Tessmacher and I’m glad to see them working together so well. It also seems like Rosita is coming along a bit better in the ring as well. Glad to see that Sarita’s current medical condition isn’t stopping her. Anyway, all-around great night from the Knockouts. Major congratulations to Winter, who came off with the hugely deserved win. Double champion! Hey hey! Until Impact, my lovies! xoxox
Rating: 4/5 stars
What did you guys and gals think of Hardcore Justice? Let me know in the comments below!