Sunday, June 13, 2021

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Raw Redux (December 11th, 2012): If Raw Were Like General Hospital, AJ Would Be Sitting in Shadybrook Right Now

You know, it may be a random Tuesday morning, on a random cold day here in Random, Alabama, (after it was 75 degrees all last week and yesterday -_- [that’s like 24 degrees for all you Europeans with Celcius as your temp scale…]), but I discovered something so beautifully random this morning in my haste to wake up, get ready for work, and throw the Redux together before I had to leave. In my intense search for YouTube videos and doing my best to piece together results, I paused. In my kitchen was the most wonderful thing I could ever imagine; a Little Debbie chocolate Christmas tree cake. Everyone knows that Christmas tree cakes are the best snack cake ever. They’re simple little cakes shaped like a Christmas tree with sparkly sprinkles on them. We also know that Fudge Sticks are the best regular Little Debbie snack cake on the market. So what do you get when you get the bright idea to put them together? You get a box of five individually wrapped cakes that are like Heaven in your mouth. I’m not kidding. Their perfection brings tears to my eyes. So while you people are upset because Hostess is going out of business and you’ll never be able to eat a Twinkie again, ever, I’m going to sit back and enjoy my Christmas tree cakes. They’re only available to me one time a year and that’s just as heart-wrenching for me, as it is for all of you Twinkie lovers.

I just felt the need to get that off my chest.

Anyway, Happy Holidays, readers! Let’s get right into the action from last night’s edition of Raw. It’s truly a pain trying to find videos of this stuff now, especially when I’m not able to watch it the night of. So I truly hope you appreciate the lengths I go to to put these recaps together. I’m a woman of the people, and it’s my duty, but still. When you give your thanks during this time of year, take time out to be thankful that you have someone like me, your Khaleesi, working diligently to put together a post for you to rip apart in comments.

You’re welcome.

Kicking us off today is an out-of-ring segment featuring the head honcho of the WWE, Vince McMahon, with our favorite cougar, Queen Vickie Guerrero. He tricks our poor Queen into booking Prince Dawlf against that soul-less, sexy Irish ginger, Sheamus. But that’s not the only idea Mr. McMahon has.

So Queen Vickie versus AJ Lee, eh? I’m thinking it’s a little to early in this feud for that, but I’m willing to keep an open mind. I highly doubt it’s going to be much of a match either way you slice it. This crowd already seems kind of dull, so that’s going to work against them unless it heats up later on in the show. But the match announcements, Vince, and Vickie didn’t get the reactions they usually get it. I absolutely hate when crowds suck the energy out of the arena. Fingers crossed it picks up. Vickie and AJ have a great thing going right now, and I don’t want the crowd to ruin what should be a pretty hot little encounter.

The announcement might not have been what Queen Vickie wanted to hear, as her reaction makes that pretty obvious, but it certainly made AJ’s day. She didn’t hesitate to let people know about it, either.

Not only does AJ feel the need to talk to Aksana about her feelings, she also runs up and hugs her former bestie, Kaitlyn. AJ is over the moon and foaming at the mouth at the chance to get her hands on Vickie in a legal match and she even goes as far as telling Kaitlyn that she is going to rip the Queen apart. AJ also wants to tell her “friend”, Captain America John Cena, about what’s going on. Kaitlyn points out that Cena is in the locker room, and AJ just beams. AJ, being AJ, waltzes right up into the lion’s den, and Cena immediately goes to shield her from all the naked men that I can only imagine are walking around in there. He seems kind of interested, but more horrified she would invade their privacy like that, but he takes her outside to talk.

What else do I need to say?

I feel like AJ and Cena have some weird relationship going on. I think he’s attracted to her crazy, and I think she’s playing a character that needs the attention of a man. It sorta works for me. I may not understand it, and I may still question it, but hell, I’m just going with it. It is what it is, and since I no longer get to watch One Life To Live and General Hospital (thanks ABC… I’m still bitter especially since you didn’t even bring Natalie to General Hospital with John), I’ll just sit back and watch. Maybe John Cena can be the Johnny Zacchara to AJ’s Lulu Spencer? The Brody to AJ’s Jess/Tess/Bess?

In the midst of the madness, there’s a Diva’s match. Our champion, Eve Torres, takes on Alicia Fox.

Not sure if I can even properly judge this match since it was so short, but Alicia (despite her ring gear) looked great against Eve. They were pretty spot on, and didn’t seem to be trying to cram in as many moves as possible like some do in the short allotted time. That was nice to see. I think Alicia is really underrated when it comes to wrestling and Eve has kind of taken over Beth’s roll as the girl who can make anyone look good in the ring. I don’t like the neckbreaker as a finisher, but the aftermath of the match was BRILLIANT.

Oh man, I got such a laugh out of Eve posing with her title over Alicia’s fallen body. That was incredible and just so damn heel of her. I think I want to start randomly posing in the midst of chaos with my Divas Championship. I just need to find my own ringside photographer now…

Hmmm.

Solid little match, I guess. I would love to see something lengthy from these two. I want to see how well they work together in more than a 45-second time frame.

Speaking of matches, AJ versus Queen Vickie is up next but not before Vickie gets a little help warming up. Sadly for me, and probably the rest of you who read my stuff, it’s not Prince Dawlf who’s helping her get ready. It’s Hornswoggle and The Great Khali. Yes, you read that right.

“I thought this was supposed to be a family show.” – Vince McMahon.

Beautiful.

Let’s get on with the match now.

When Vickie brings out Brad Maddox to ref this match, you instantly know how it’s going to end. It ended with a screw job and that shocks no one. It was an entertaining segment and you know, I think it ended how it should have. AJ clearly got cheated out of a win and that just adds more fuel to this fire. It’s far from over between Vickie and AJ, and I like that. They are both doing so much for each other. I loved AJ’s breakdown at the end. She plays the most interesting character. I love how she seemingly has a split personality. One minute, she’s nice and calm, sweet even – and you know she’s living on the edge. Then, she just snaps all of a sudden. She tears things up. Justin Roberts, bless him, gets slapped in the face just because.

I love this.

I never, ever thought that a three-second WrestleMania kiss between Daniel Bryan and AJ Lee would evolve into this. I don’t think I could love it anymore if I tried. The great thing about this, is that isn’t even over. Guess who was there to console AJ after her loss and her breakdown? Mmmhmmm!

Well, I don’t guess her breakdown was over seeing as how Cena had to calm her down. Give that man some kind of badge of honor. He certainly didn’t hesitate to wrap AJ in those strong arms of his and let her cry into his broad, massive chest. Oh God. This storyline… I can’t.

This episode of Raw, oh my. I watched nothing of it but the Diva bits and I have to say that all of it just left me wanting more. As a Diva fan, I’m used to this but it sucks being so used to it, you know? TLC could be an interesting pay-per-view, that’s for sure. The pre-show will feature a Divas battle royal that will determine the number one contender to Eve’s championship and I would love for that title match to also take place on the show. It would be cool to see AJ win, then somehow get screwed mid-match by Vickie and/or Tamina. It would kind of give us a chance to see Eve and Vickie work together a bit, and it would open up a slew of possibilities.

That said, I also want to see Kaitlyn get another crack at the belt. I think she deserves it after working with Eve so well. She doesn’t necessarily need to win the title, but I want the WWE to keep Kaitlyn relevant and winning that battle royal will do her wonders. AJ doesn’t need to win it, she IS relevant. Kaitlyn needs to continue to emerge as a force and a star, and she’s my pick to win.

That’s it for now. We’ll be back come Sunday for TLC. Until then…

Khaleesi, out!

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