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Impact Write-Up (February 21st, 2013): Forget the Golden Goose, Meet the Championship Pigeon

What’s up Knockout fans and welcome to this week’s Impact Write-Up. It’s TNA’s final week in merry, old England and tonight’s blockbuster contest will surely be fit for The Queen (not Madison Rayne, Queen Lizzie!) as Knockouts Champion Tara is to defend her title in a Four-Way Elimination match against Brooke Tessmacher, Gail Kim and Velvet Sky. After a rough few weeks either being pinned or outshone by her opponents for tonight, can the record-equaling five-time Champ keep hold of her gold, or will a former Champion relive their past glory?

A swooping crane shot welcomes us into tonight’s London Impact Zone and the glorious music of Velvet Sky plays, which signals that some pigeons are about to be let loose! Velvet is wearing her “Often Imitated, Never Duplicated” attire and it’s incredibly sad that I know the name of the font that is used on Velvet’s clothes (it’s ‘Ravie’). Velvet flutters her way to the ring as I contemplate the thought of Dixie Carter designing Velvet’s attire whilst messing around on Microsoft WordArt. Velvet’s worthiness of being involved in this match is reminisced upon as we take a look at how she bested Tara 3 weeks ago in mixed tag action. Next, the greatest entrance music in all of wrestling fills my ears and out comes the Kimpactful Knockout herself, God Kim. ‘The Holy Gail’ (see what I did there) is surely hoping to make her foes act like puppets on her strings tonight, and footage of Gail is shown from last week and how she made The Blossom Twins dance like marionettes for the world to see! Ok, I’ll stop with the lyrics now.

Out next is Brooke Tessmacher and you guessed it, we see as to why she qualified for this title match. Unlike the other girls, Brooke managed to best Tara in singles competition whilst in England, so surely she’s the favorite right? Loved how Brooke threw her top on the camera which made it cut to the replay from two weeks back – nice editing TNA! Out finally, after a slightly interrupted entrance is Knockouts Champion Tara, who is under more pressure than being sat on by a Snorlax. Finally, Knockouts VP Brooke Hogan manages to walk down the ramp without tripping and she’s going to be overseeing the action, and making sure that there’s no funny business going on! Before the action starts, we have a commercial break, and thank god it’s not going to interrupt the match!

We’re back from the break and Jessie is backing up the ramp; he’s been banned from ringside! With his odious little self away from the ring, Tara will hand to fend for herself, and after the last few weeks, it’s not looking good. Tara immediately goes after Velvet as Tess launches herself at Gail. The chaos continues for a short time until Tessmacher reverses an irish whip attempt from Gail and rolls her into a victory roll for a two-count. Tara then schoolgirls Brooke for two before Velvet does the same to Tara and also gets two. Gail then turns her attention to Velvet as Brooke tries yet another victory roll, this time on Tara. The Widow’s Peak Freak stops Tess in her tracks with a reverse electric chair, which sends the Teasin’ and Touchin’ Texan to the outside.

The heels now begin to team up and work over Velvet Sky with a series of kicks, punches and face-first slams to the ground. Vel Vel attempts to make a comeback but Gail charges towards her from behind, bending her back and forcing her to the mat. The heels whip Velvet into the corner before Tara hits a stinger splash and Gail rampages into Ms Sky with her signature corner crossbody. Gail begins showboating on the apron as our Champion hits a stunning Spider Web sideslam, which she only gets two with because Gail decides to break it up. Regardless of the elimination rules, Gail is like Britney Spears in ‘Scream & Shout’ and wants all eyes on her, and if an elimination is going to happen, she is going to make it.

Ontario squares off against California now as the heels come to blows. Tara gets the best of the exchange and manages to hit a big back body drop on Gail. Tara works on Gail in the corner, but hits the turnbuckles when Gail manages to evade one of Tara’s attacks. Gail goes to traverse the ropes but Tessmacher appears out of nowhere and pulls her to the arena floor. Gail gets a bit too close to Brooke and Mizz Hogan shoves Gail away from her (LMAO). Gail looks to send Brooke into the ring post knees first, but Tessmacher reverses it and hits a lovely springboard bulldog to the arena floor – ouch!

Back inside the squared circle and now the faces are ganging up on the lone wolf, Tara. The former Victoria is rocked with an array of punches and clotheslines before trying to make an exit to the outside. Velvet grabs Tara on the apron, yet the San Bernardino native hangs Velvet up on the top rope. Tess proves she’s not to be messed with by doing what Velvet couldn’t do as she throws Tara back in the ring. Tara begs for her former TnT tag partner to stop, and this lulls Brooke to come closer, meaning Tara can trap Brooke in her arachnid-like clutches, a.k.a, Brooke’s throat is walloped into the bottom rope. Tara hits a scoop slam on Brooke before going to the top rope, an area where she’s not normally successful. Tara then proves me wrong and hits a picture-perfect moonsault, which looks very impressive. Tara’s hurting from the move herself and she’s unable to make a cover on Brooke. Velvet enters the fray again and hits an ‘In Yo Face’ on the Champion! She goes for the elimination but the attention-craving Gail shoves her off the Champion’s fallen body. Gail pins Tara herself and we’ve got our first elimination – Tara has LOST her Knockout’s Title!

After we see a gutted Tara walk to the back, we return to the ring to see that Tessmacher has a lot of momentum going. After a flurry of offense, Brooke hits her awkward Russian Leg Clothesline thing (excellent analogy from me, I know) before climbing to the top rope. Brooke has less success than Tara as she is cut off by a stiff kick from Gail. The true Canadian Ninja then tries to superplex Tess but Velvet also wants a piece of the action – we’ve got a tower of doom on our hands people! We then see Brooke Hogan completely no sells that spot as a fan (she’s getting paid to act, not be interested) and I’m sure her expression is still the same as Velvet fails to put either woman away. TNA chants are erupting in Wembley Arena as Velvet tries to hit her double underhook facebuster again. Tessmacher halts this and tries to roll Velvet up, but the leader of the #PigeonArmy uses her own momentum to roll over Brooke herself and pin the former two-time Knockouts Champion!

We’re now down to Gail and Velvet, two women who have so much history with one-another. Gail launches at Velvet like a rabid dog as Taz says something horrendous on commentary (when doesn’t he?).  Gail then runs into a boot from Velvet and the former Beautiful People member then begins to pick up the pace! The one-time Knockouts Champ hits two clotheslines followed by a sweet hurricanrana. Gail then reverse a bulldog attempt before knocking Velvet’s socks off with a dropkick. The first ever Knockouts Champion goes for the pin, but referee Taryn Terrell spots Gail’s shenanigans, which makes Gail fuming! Gail gets in Taryn’s face and although she should be careful of not being too distracted, this is Gail Kim we’re talking about, and Gail just nonchalantly goes back to her assault on Velvet with a hard kick to the midsection. After a few corner shoulder tackles, Gail charges at her foe, but Velvet sunset flips her way out of danger, or does she? Gail grabs the ropes for leverage in her attempt at a reversal and Knockouts Official Taryn has had enough of her Gail’s cheating and backchat. Taryn forcefully shoves Gail back into the mat, which allows Velvet to hit her second ‘In Yo Face’ of the night, which nets her her second Knockouts Championship of her career!

Thoughts: This was a competent, exciting, long, engaging, awesome match. From the tower of doom, to Tara’s moonsault and from Tessmacher’s outside bulldog to Gail and Taryn’s brewing rivalry, this bout packed in some much, and it’s definitely a TV Match of the Year candidate.

Now onto where the division goes from here. We have a face Champ in Velvet Sky (congrats!) but we don’t have many heel challengers. Tara will no doubt get her rematch clause and probably nothing else, Gail will be inevitably feuding with Taryn Terrell and Madison has had a title run in the last year (albeit a short one) so to be honest, I only see one logical next move.

Heel. Mickie. James.

Mickie has a new album out and she certainly could do with some promotion, and that plus the fact she’s not held the belt in a while, I think those are two solid reasons for her to be the next challenger. Whilst I and most fans love Mickie as a face, she has been a fan favorite for a long time now, and she hasn’t been a heel whilst in TNA, so in terms of logic, this could and should be the next move. Next week’s Impact is the first on the road in the US, so let’s see what excitement is in-store for the division now that the show is on the road with it’s brand new champion, Velvet Sky. And with that, stay tuned, Jack will be back!


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