Sunday, June 13, 2021

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Total Divas Redux: Episode Two, ‘A Tango With Fandango’

So last week, Total Divas debuted on E! and not only did it slay all your faves, it completely surpassed expectations and delivered a big, manicured middle finger to all the haters. This week, it promised to do much of the same and man, it didn’t disappoint! The clips and previews that we posted were full of juicy tidbits and the episode proved to be EVERYTHING! The teasers of the Eva Marie and Fandango saga were amazing, and her confrontation with Stephanie McMahon, the Executive Vice President of WWE Creative, proved to be even better. Naomi (Trinity) and Cameron (Ariane) had more wardrobe drama with Sandra, WWE seamstress extraordinaire, which resulted in Cameron delivering the ultimate slap to the face. Oh yes, she totally went to another costume designer, and it wasn’t “da bomb dot com” like she thought it would be. But seriously, we will get into that. In addition to all of that, the Brie and Nikki Bella and their boyfriends spent some time together, and oh my God. John Cena lives in a freaking palace.

Eva Marie was definitely the star of this episode, and not in a good way. Of course, depending on how you look at it, being the most memorable person from the show certainly shows that this fiery red-head has star quality written all over her. In the wrestling business, as John pointed out at one point, you have to stand out. Eva is definitely doing that. As someone who watches wrestling religiously, every single week, I have seen all of Fandango’s dance partners. The original Mrs. Fandango ballroom dancer, Andrea Lynn, can never be replaced to be honest. The current Mrs. Fandango, Summer Rae, has been slammed time and time for her lack of dancing ability. Last night, Eva Marie made Summer Rae look like a Dancing With the Stars pro with several mirror ball trophies under her sparkling belt and that’s sad.

At least Eva Marie was woman enough to admit she was lying through her teeth about her dancing ability to JoJo. She also thought of telling the truth several times, but in the end she ended up digging her own grave. Personally, I don’t blame her for wanting to do whatever it takes to make the main roster, but she ended up crossing the boss, and man oh man. Stephanie McMahon is one woman I would never want to have a run in with. She is scary and now Eva Marie has two strikes on her. At least something good came out of it, unless you could Fandango thinking of you in the shower as good. Eva Marie’s boyfriend of TWO AND A HALF MONTHS flew all the way to Florida to pop the question with a beautiful ring and a box of gourmet donuts from the shop they went too on their first date. Awwwwwwwwww!!!!!

Double Awwwwwww when Eva Marie was kissing her ring goodbye for now when she took it off to have a lunch meeting with Fandango. Best. Scene. Ever. 19-year old JoJo freaking out about that was totally classic. When that girl grows up she will learn that a woman has to do what a woman has to do to get ahead. I have seen grown ass women, to quote the great Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson), take their wedding sets off in the club to get a free drink. All is fair, and men do the same stuff! Boom.

Another brilliant part was a Vincent cameo. He was chauffering around his love while Cameron made the call to another wardrobe maker. The costumes this guy came up with were beautiful, but when Naomi put hers on, those censors had to blur out her “cookie.” Wow. Needless to say, it wasn’t flattering to Naomi’s body type at all, and Cameron had the nerve to go to Seamstress Sandra and ask if she could fix it. Sandra wasn’t in the mood to play games and even when they forced an apology out of Cameron, Sandra still said no, she would not fix what someone else didn’t make right. Love it!!!

Didn’t exactly love Nikki Bella last night, that’s for sure! Spoiled rotten and snobby. Okay, who am I kidding. I LOVE Nikki, and once I saw the size of John’s personal closet, I wanted to cry tears of bitterness and hate because I will never come that close to luxury ever. It’s a shame because I would be the perfect trophy wife, but we’re not going to get into that. Casa de Cena was beautiful and I’m so glad we got to see Nikki and Brie Bella do a life swap so to speak. We know Brie is mother Earth and would be perfectly fine living off the land, but even she enjoyed her stay in the Cena castle, and when it was put up against Daniel Bryan‘s childhood home, she came to a huge realization that scared her. Brie finally realized how much she was willing to sacrifice for Daniel, because she loves him just that much. I definitely think there’s going to be a long discussion next episode about where Brie and Daniel end up raising their family. It made me kind of laugh when Cena asked Brie if Daniel’s childhood home was even big enough for two kids.

Oh and just to touch on the superficial, the wood chopping contest had some eyecandy. Totally swooning and drooling over John and Daniel. Totally hating on Brie and those abs. Girl has got it going on and I’m totes jelly. Seriously.

The lack of Natalya (Nattie) was rather depressing but next week should give us more of our favorite Canadian Diva. It also seems that JoJo is going to get a harsh reality check with what she’s signed up for. Total Divas is my FAVORITE addiction and I’m totally counting down the days until the next episode airs. It totally triumphs everything on the WWE’s actual wrestling programs, Monday Night Raw and Friday Night SmackDown. This week better fly by fast!

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