- Total Divas
On the heels of last week’s shock announcement that season three would consist of nothing but rookie Divas, controversy has reigned supreme. From the internet backlash and scrutiny, to the firing of the six foot nine woman beast known as Aloisia, season three hasn’t been given much of a chance to succeed. It debut last night and instead of an epic failure of a program, we were treated to two fun challenges, some comedy, great ring debuts from the two season favorites, and the reveal of Vickie Guerrero‘s new rookie. The show was campy, a tad ridiculous, and yes, it was messy in a few spots. But above all else, the show was entertaining and has given us a lot to hopefully look forward too.
Here we go!
NXT kicks off in grand fashion with a hot entrance video for all the rookie girls and their pros, as well as a pyro, and to my delight, a lot of pink. The fans seem really excited for the all Diva show and that in turn, makes me excited! Josh Mathews and Michael Cole introduce themselves and talk about how excited they are for this special NXT season. They shoot it to Matt Striker, who looks so damn delicious I wanna take him home with me, and he says it’s time to meet the pros! Kelly Kelly walks out first and she officially introduces us to Naomi Night. She calls her rookie sassy, fun, and feisty! The Bellas come out next, and Brie Bella says that last season we watched their rookie do her thing on the mic. Nikki Bella takes over and says that this season, their rookie is going to do her thing in the ring. Why are they using their sex voices?! Jamie Keyes walks out after Nikki talks about how tight her (Jamie’s) body is. Oh Lordy.
Primo has to follow that and he gets no reaction what so ever. Maybe it’s because everyone is disgusted over his awful entrance music. No one should ever walk out to something that could be played during a ballroom dancing competition. Primo says that is rookie like a firecracker; she’s small but she will light you up. He brings out AJ Lee and wow, she’s peppy. Alicia Fox struts out to the stage after AJ and Primo, and she introduces her rookie as the meanest of the mean. Maxine walks out and immediately my eyes start to bleed. Homegirl clearly got dressed in the dark today. Yikes. Thankfully GOLDUST comes out and gets a nice pop from the crowd. He says he is going to premiere the next breakout star and he breathes Aksana‘s name out in a real creep voice. I love it so much. Aksana walks out in a hot ass gold dress and she just looks perfect next to the Golden One.
Vickie comes out last and she’s already screaming “Excuse Me” into the microphone. Michael Cole has an orgasm over this and Vickie says that she fired Aloisia because Aloisia needed to learn the hard way that she could never, ever upstage Vickie. Vickie lets that sink in and then she introduces her new rookie, Caitlin! Vickie says that Caitlin is almost as pretty as she is. Caitlin walks out wearing a dress that seven sizes to small but that’s okay. She probably had to borrow it from Rosa Mendes or someone. Josh tells us that earlier today he was hanging out with Matt and that Striker saw Caitlin and was absolutely smitten with her.
Striker and Caitlin should totally date!
Anyway Striker welcomes the girls and says they have a long, arduous three-month journey ahead of them. He says that being a Diva is a great achievement in the entertainment word and he says all the rookies will be tested on how smart, sexy, and powerful they are. He reveals that like last season, the votes will be split fifty/fifty between the pros and the fans. He tells Caitlin that she is up first and she uses the opportunity to flirt with Matt and tell him how handsome he is. A girl after my own heart! As far as her promo goes, well it’s not great. She’s not making a lot of sense with her speech about being the girl who gave you your first kiss and then gave you a wedgie two seconds later. When she’s done, Vickie’s not really impressed and she makes Caitlin go back and do it again. Caitlin puts on a fake front and says that she is SO EXCITED to have Vickie as her pro.
Aksana is up second. She talks in her broken English and in third person no less about being a billion dollar baby from Lithuania. She rambles on and eventually switches to her native tongue, and then back to English. Aksana loves her dog, going to the gym, and the colors black and gold like her pro, Goldust. They exchange air kisses and Aksana flirts with the crowd and asks them to let her entertainment them. How perfect is she?
Maxine goes third and she immediately calls Aksana out on her promo. Maxine says that she has three senses: business, street, and common sense. She says the average person is lucky to have those qualities. She says that she isn’t average. She’s a triple threat and not only that, she’s a triple threat in a skirt. She says that the only position for her in the WWE is a position at the top.
AJ goes next. She turns to Maxine and goes “First of all, someone seriously needs to hug you.” AJ talks about how she’s been dreaming about being a Diva for the past thirteen years and that she can’t wait to have her own action figure with exaggerated body measurements. She says that she is going to win NXT and that there’s not a girl or a damn thing that can stop her. Then she giggles. How gross.
Jamie goes fifth and she starts to read from her imaginary teleprompter. She recites Martin Luther King’s famous “I Have A Dream” speech. Well, not really but it sure sounds like it. Talk about being forced and fake. She may as well just have brought her script with her to the ring. She does say she is going to win and being the next breakout Diva.
Naomi goes last. HEEEEEEEEY WWE UNIVERSE! Naomi says that the WWE Universe has been missing something for a long time and that something is her. Naomi says that she’s a fighter and that she will not back down or be intimidated by anyone of any size. She continues on by saying talk is cheap and that actions speak louder than words. She says that she won’t babble about her accomplishments because when all is said and done, her actions will allow her to become the next NXT breakout star.
Striker says that the girls are smart, sexy, and powerful and that is going to be to the test next. The first rookie challenge of the season is going to take place right after commercial break!
When NXT returns, Striker announces the rookie challenge. This time it’s a Diva Dance Challenge and he tells us that the first elimination will take place in four weeks time. He also says that the girl who has the most wins in challenges will be immune from elimination. Naomi is told that she is first but before she begins Striker says she needs a dance partner. Low and behold, Cole stands up and my God, he is wearing bright red leg warmers. This is going to be nothing more than insanity. Cole puts on a stupid little hat and Striker makes jokes about him being that girl from Dirty Dancing and Fred Astaire. This stupid little music starts to play and Naomi busts out her dancing skills. Cole just kinds of dances around like a jackass and Naomi is just well fierce.
After Naomi, Jamie goes and she gets to dance with Cole as well. Jamie is not a dancer, needless to stay. She sort shakes her hips and whatnot, but it’s just real painful to watch. You know it’s bad when Michael Cole manages to come off better than someone. Jamie doesn’t get a very good crowd reaction either.
AJ is up third and instead of dancing with Michael Cole, she gets Tony Chimmel! Tony puts on the creepy little hat and stares at AJ like she’s a tiny piece of meat. Anyway, the dancing gets underway and AJ tries to get aggressive and grabs Chimmel by the tie. She dances around him and it looks like she’s choking him to be perfectly honest. He damn sure doesn’t care, that’s for sure.
Maxine has to follow that up and she tries to be sexy. She even starts to peel off her suspenders. It doesn’t work, really. In fact, it’s just hurts me to watch her. Striker sends Chimmel to his seat and calls for Aksana to come on. Striker gets her a special dance partner and gasp, it’s Josh Mathews! He grabs Aksana and they share a sweet slow dance. Awww! Aksana really likes it. She looks so happy. Striker calls it a bad bar mitzvah! Caitlin goes next and she hands off her shoes to Striker. The music starts playing again and Caitlyn busts out the robot. Then she does the Carlton. It’s beautiful. Josh tries to keep up but he is failing. Caitlin definitely has fun with the dance contest.
At long last, it’s over and Striker turns to the crowd for their reactions. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who is winning this. Naomi takes the first ever rookie challenge of the season! Naomi celebrates in the ring and the first match of the night is promoted. When NXT returns it’s going to be Kelly and Naomi taking on Alicia and Maxine.
Maxine and Alicia are already in the ring once we return. Good Lord at Maxine’s outfit. What discount store did she get that rejected ice dancer costume from?! Cole calls it “unique.” I call it “ugly.” Kelly’s music hits and she walks out with Naomi. Naomi is dressed in her Jazzercize best and it’s fantastic. Kelly and Alicia begin the match, and Kelly is immediately on defense. She deflects some Alicia offense and takes her down with a spinning head scissors. Alica goes back at her and Kelly ends up back-flipping over Alicia and getting her into a pinning combination. She only gets a one count but bounces up, takes Alicia by the arm, and drags her to the corner.
Naomi tags in and takes over. Alicia tries to force her into the ropes, but Naomi is able to step on them and flip over Alicia. She pins her shoulders to the mat, but Alicia kicks out so Naomi goes back at it. Alicia catches her with a forearm and then sends her into the ropes. Naomi baseball slides under Alicia’s legs, and when Foxy whirls around Naomi leaps up and plants her with a sick drop kick. Naomi jumps in the air and spins around, hitting Alicia with a fun butt bump that sends the former Diva’s Champion to the mat. Both girls get to their feet at the same time and Alicia manages to use Naomi’s momentum to send her into the ropes. When Naomi reaches her, Alicia basically turns her inside out with a back breaker. Naomi is down and Alicia tries for a cover. Thankfully, Naomi is able to kick out after the two. Alicia responds by grabbing Naomi by the weave and dragging her to the corner. Maxine gets the tag.
Maxine comes in and attempts to take over where Alicia left off. She grabs a handful of Naomi’s hair and drags her over to the corner. Naomi gets her head slammed into the turnbuckle and then Maxine rams her shoulder into her opponent’s gut. Naomi shoves her off, but Maxine comes running back towards her at full force. She goes for what we know is a bronco buster from the spoilers, but that part was clearly edited out. It’s a bit of awkwardness before Naomi shoves Maxine off of her and to the mat. Maxine rebounds and she and Naomi head towards the corner where Alicia is waiting. Maxine hits a nice suplex on Naomi and goes for the cover. Naomi powers out. Maxine gets up and drags Naomi to Alicia, who makes the tag.
Alicia returns to action by flipping Naomi down into an almost sitting position. She grabs around the neck and applies a sleeper. Naomi is able to fight out of this by locking her arm around Alicia’s neck and going into a split. We’ll call it the jawbreaker split because I like that! Alicia crawls away and gets up, and walks over to Kelly who is begging for a tag. She slaps the shit out of Kelly and infuriates the blond to the point where the referee has to restrain her from getting in the ring. Alicia drags Naomi back to their corner, and Maxine comes back into the ring.
Maxine begins nailing Naomi with a host of shoulder blocks and then flips her down into a sitting position. Things get real, real confusing because Naomi reverses it into a small package and Alicia runs in and just stands there. Kelly comes in and attacks Alicia, and Naomi has picked up the win. The bell rings and Maxine looks so confused as to what just happened. Like she looks baffled. It’s plain as day that the ending wasn’t supposed to go like that and with Alicia and Kelly fighting on the outside, the two rookie girls decide to continue the match. Naomi hits a beautiful suplex on Maxine and flips over her for a cover. Of course, she’s already won the match. But whatever. Things happen, just wish the WWE would have cut that out.
Kudos to Cole and Mathews for blaming it on Chimmel!
Kelly and Naomi celebrate, while Alicia stares down Kelly and walks off with Maxine. Another rookie challenge is announced and NXT goes to commercial break.
A capture the flag challenge is up immediately upon resumption of the NXT and all the rookie girls are lined up on the stage in their ring gear. Striker singles out Naomi as being one step closer to immunity and tells the girls that positioned around the arena are five stations, all with flags. The object is to grab a flag to move to the next station. At each station, the girl without a flag will be eliminated from the challenge. Striker tells them to get ready and actually, they false start. Striker coyly tells them that he didn’t give the signal for them to start so they all retreat back to the top of the stage. He gives them the command and they take off running. Several girls get a flag prettily easily but it’s a nice little fight between Caitlin and Jamie for the last one. Caitlin finally gets her hands on it and Jamie becomes the first rookie eliminated from Capture the Flag. The girls line up again and Striker tells them to go. They take off and this time they have to scale the barricade. Naomi easily grabs a flag and she’s followed by Maxine, Aksana, and Caitlin. AJ fails in her quest to move on and Striker sends her back to the stage. For the third round, the girls remain in the crowd and poor Aksana, she is the last one to make. She gets eliminated so Maxine, Naomi, and Caitlin move to the second to last round of the challenge. Round four starts and Maxine takes a hilarious, yet sick spill. She just hits the steel like a ton of bricks and goes down. She gets right back up and jumps off the barricade, grabbing a flag in the process. Wow! She moves and Naomi does as well!
The final round is Naomi against Maxine. Striker asks Maxine is she’s okay, and she shrugs off what just happened to her. Hardcore. The final phase begins and Naomi edges out Maxine and grabs the last flag with an impressive leap! The crowd totally erupts and Naomi is so excited inside the ring. Striker goes to her for an interview. He’s running down everything Naomi has accomplished tonight and he’s freakishly happy over it. Amazing. Naomi is smiling and takes the microphone from him. She says she is so excited and then pauses, telling everyone to give her a second. The crowd is so into her and they’re smiling, and finally Naomi is able to compose herself. Naomi says that her athleticism gives her the advantage over the other girls but that there’s still a long way to go. She says that she hopes she keeps going up. The NXT music starts to play and the main event for the evening, a mixed tag match featuring the male pros and their rookie Divas is revealed. NXT goes to commercial.
A long promo for Legendary is aired, and then the Night of Champions card is discussed. After all that, Mathews sets us up for the first rookie Diva video package of the season and it belongs to Jamie. Jamie credits her mom with getting her into fitness and she tells us that she did dance, cheerleading, and track. Jamie goes on to say that she first got into weight lifting when she was a cheerleader and that she fell in love with it. She says weight lifting is a big part of her life and as if we didn’t believe her, she shows us her biceps. Girl is ripped. Jamie tells us that before she decided to become a Diva, she was in nursing school and that she never had a passion for that. What she does have passion for is the WWE and she’s completely addicted to everything about it. Jamie says that ring announcing has given her an advantage because the crowd already knows her. She strives to be greater, though. She wants to get in the ring and she wants to start winning. She says that her diverse athletic background, as well as her drive and determination will set her apart from the other girls. Jamie says that Trish Stratus is someone she wants immolate, and she ends her by saying that she is sexy, strong, and she wants to be a role model.
Shattered Dreams Productions are cued and Aksana and Goldust make their way to the ring for their match against AJ and Primo. Aksana and Goldust already look perfect together and they’re getting in the ring as NXT goes to commercial. When the show comes back, Aksana and Goldust are posing in the ring while they wait for AJ and Primo. Primo’s terrible music starts to play and the two walk out. AJ and Primo get in the ring and a few minutes later, the bell rings to start the final match of the night. Goldust and Primo lock up with Goldust taking Primo down with an arm drag. The Puerto Rican not so hottie is slow to get up and that gives Goldie a chance to engage in some mind game shenanigans. Primo shoves Goldust, who responds by slapping Primo in the face. He rolls up the former tag team champion, but only gets a two count for his efforts. Primo starts pounding on Goldust and sends him into the ropes. Goldust uses it to his advantage and he is able to send Primo crashing into the mat. Primo rolls over, tells Goldust to back off, and makes the tag to AJ.
AJ coming into the match brings Aksana into the match as well. The bodacious blonde springs into action and takes AJ down with a series of clotheslines. She continues on her offense by struggling to bodyslam a twenty-three pound woman, but I’m not here to judge. Aksana follows it up with a leg drop to AJ’s face and goes for a cover. She only gets a two count. She sends AJ into the ropes but the move gets lost in translation because AJ blocks a hip toss takedown attempt. Aksana thinks on the spot scoops up the smaller competitor, then lays her out with a backbreaker. She goes for another cover but she still can’t get that three count. The match starts to break down from here. Aksana hits a bad forearm that doesn’t even connect with AJ’s face and they both end up screwing up AJ’s finisher. Instead of freaking out like Naomi/Maxine, Aksana and AJ simply set things up again and Aksana ends up planted with an absolutely sick bulldog. AJ goes for the cover and she gets the three count, winning the match for her team.
AJ and Primo celebrate in the ring while Goldust starts to check on Aksana. Vickie comes out and interrupts their celebration, dragging Caitlyn along with her. Caitlin looks petrified and Vickie starts screaming into the microphone. She forces Caitlin into the ring and tells everyone that she wants to take this opportunity to have Caitlin say her introductions one more time. Caitlin doesn’t want anything to do with this. Primo is furious and he gets on to Vickie for sucking the fun out of AJ’s celebration. He tells her that she has no right to ruin the moment and Vickie fires back that she basically doesn’t give a damn about AJ’s moment. Vickie tells Primo that he may be okay with living with failure, but she lives with and demands success. Vickie turns to Caitlin and yells at her to say it.
Before Caitlin can speak, AJ jumps into this hot mess and tells Vickie that she needs to go away. Vickie screams at AJ that she needs to learn who she’s talking too and then screams at Caitlin to sic AJ. Everyone looks confused but Vickie is adamant, and Caitlin has no choice but to attempt to attack AJ. Caitlin goes for a body slam, but AJ wiggles out of it and sends Caitlin flying into Vickie. Vickie goes down with Caitlin on top of her and oh man. Vickie is not a happy camper. Primo and AJ are beside themselves with laughter and Caitlin is freaking out and trying to apologize. Vickie is screaming and breaking down, and she eventually rolls out of the ring. Like a true lady, Vickie regains her self control, sticks her nose in the air, and walks off. Caitlin timidly follows behind her and yes, she’s still apologizing. She knows that she is going get reamed for this. The fallout is not going to be pretty. AJ and Primo start celebrating in the ring again and episode one of season three comes to a close.
The show was everything I hoped it would be and then some. It was a lot of fun and it was entertaining which is what the WWE is all about. It’s not about the wrestling and those who watch it for five star Diva matches are going to set themselves up for disappointment every single time. The WWE isn’t going to let their girls go like that. I think the majority of the Diva rookies did great tonight. A couple of them (AJ and Jamie) came off as to fake and way to forced. AJ seemed like she was trying way to hard to be this peppy, cute personality and it really made me sad. The first Aksana promo on television was beautiful. I love people who aren’t really that fluent in English. Hearing them talk is amazing. Their accents are so cute and Aksana is no different. She looked stunning last night and so effortlessly flawless. She came across as adorable when she was speaking and I love how she cut her promo in third person.
Caitlin was a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting much from her and got a pleasant surprise. She seemed to be the most natural of the girls, with the exception of Naomi, and she just went out there and soaked in the moment. She really had no time to prepare herself and like I said on the Post NXT show last night, I have nothing but respect for what she managed to do last night. She took the ball and ran with it, and that’s all you can want from someone who has absolutely zero experience in this type of environment.
Naomi was just solid. I was shocked at how over she was, but it’s so, so deserved. She made everyone, pros included, look bad last night. Her ring work is amazing for someone who’s been doing this for like a year and she was so polished with her promo. She stunned everyone in the challenges and she was the most over in the dance contest. Not sure why people seem to think AJ got a bigger pop.
The match botches were what they were. Personally, I didn’t expect everything to be brilliant. I expected a mediocre show and it went above my expectations. I’m not going to complain. I’m super excited for next week’s episode and I can’t wait to see how everything plays out next week. More Caitlin/Stiker please! Until next week, Cryssi… out!