Elimination Chamber in Review: Divas Deliver 100% Stratusfaction (That’s a Guarantee!)

It’s funny how things work out sometimes, isn’t it? You take a throw away pay-per-view like the Elimination Chamber, the show that’s get stuck between the big two, and you put together a rather weak card of five matches that leaves so much to be desired. For Diva fans the show appeared to suck even more because there wasn’t a match announced at all. I can’t speak for everyone, but I didn’t really want to watch the show. All day I debated whether or not to order it and my gut kept telling me to do it; give the show a chance and you won’t be disappointed. The show ended up getting ordered and low and behold it blew the Royal Rumble completely out of the water. Not only did the matches deliver, but the show was full of surprises. New champions were crowned, both Elimination Chambers far exceeded expectations, and the WWE continued their theme of shock/awe returns. That Diva match never happened but if you want my humble opinion (and you know you do), what we got was much, much better.

When an announcer gets in the ring for what seems to be no apparent reason, I, like all Diva fans should, cringe because it usually spells bad things for the girls. Diva dance offs or bikini contests, or something that’s not a match, usually ends up taking place. So when Booker T got in the ring, my reaction was natural. Booker T has a microphone and he says that he wants to introduce somebody and that this somebody is going to be a trainer on the new season of Tough Enough along with himself and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. He glances in the direction of the stage and a few seconds later some very familiar theme musics begins to play.

TRISH STRATUS WALKS OUT!

To be completely honest and break kayfabe for a moment, I truly marked out. Trish Stratus on Tough Enough? Seriously? Wow.

Trish, as a stunning brunette, makes her way to the ring to a delicious pop from the fans. She looks great, her smile is genuine, and once she gets in the ring she plays to the crowd and embraces Booker for a friendly hug. Booker welcomes her and compliments her on how amazing she looks, then he asks her to tell everyone what she’s been up too. Trish says that she’s been hanging out with the kids from Tough Enough, possibly looking for the next WWE Superstar or Diva, and then she teases that being around the ring has gotten her to the point where she’s come up with a new catchphrase. She slyly takes the microphone and spoofs The Rock, saying that finally THE Trish has come back to Oakland! She continues on by saying that she’s come back to deliver stratusfaction to the millions… and she encourages the crowd to follow-up with “and millions. And to cap it off, Trish pays homage to Booker by ending her little improptu skit with “SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKA.” She drops down a la Booker T and he just shakes his head. He wants to know if she really just said that, and yeah Booker. She totally did.

Booker plugs Tough Enough and announces that it will be airing the night after Wrestlemania, right after Raw, on the USA network. He turns back to Trish and asks her why she’s in attendance tonight. Trish says that she’s in Oakland to see one of her personal favorites, Jerry “The King” Lawler win the WWE Championship. Booker agrees and caps it off with his signature catchphrase, and he gives Trish a final shout-out. Her music starts to play and as she exits stage left, we fade into a promo for that Z-List movie starring Triple H.

Seriously, wow. Who better to teach the women of Tough Enough about what it takes to be a Diva than Trish? She embodies everything that being a Diva stands for. She’s basically the mold for the perfect Diva. The WWE is not about wrestling, it’s about entertainment and Trish is one of the most entertaining performers the ‘E has ever had. She’s got spunk, personality, charisma, and her matches always told a story. This is great for Tough Enough and even better for Diva fans because for awhile we will once again get to see Trish on a weekly basis. Amazing.

And as amazing as the announcement of Trish being a trainer on Tough Enough was, the night wasn’t finished.

Later on in the night a very somber Vickie Guerrero walks to the ring. She excuses herself all the way down to the ramp and once inside, she starts speaking about the situation that happened with Dolph Ziggler on this past episode of SmackDown. She calls it a horrible tragedy that Dolph was fired and she wants to explain why her man attacked SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long. She says that they had issues as a couple and that Dolph’s temper is really bad. She claims that his state of mind, when the attack happened, was confused and that he did what he did out of his love for Vickie. He committed a crime of passion and Vickie apologizes on his behalf.

The heat is just raining down on Vickie at this point and she’s milking it for all its worth. She begs everyone to show compassion to her and to plead with Teddy Long to bring Dolph back. She asks the WWE Universe to get on Twitter and Facebook in an attempt to get Dolph rehired. She even tells them to call Teddy. She really wants Dolph to get his job back. Vickie says that she and Dolph deserve a second chance and as if on cue, Teddy Long’s music starts to play. The popular authority figure struts out on stage and he tells Vickie to just stop, she’s embarrassing herself. Vickie starts to plead with Teddy, apologizing for Dolph again. She apologizes for herself and then she starts using compliments to try and soften Teddy’s tough exterior. She flat out asks him to do the right thing and rehire Dolph.

Teddy says that luckily for Vickie he’s in a hiring mood tonight. Vickie’s face lights up like a kid’s on Christmas morning and she starts freaking out about how excited Dolph will be. She thanks Teddy but he is quick to burst her bubble. He tells her that he hasn’t rehired Ziggler, but he has rehired someone who wants to personally thank Vickie for her time as acting SmackDown General Manager. Teddy steps back and another familiar Diva theme song begins to play. A radiant Kelly Kelly steps out to absolute thunderous pop and Vickie’s face suddenly turns Sheamus White. Smiley Kelly makes her way to the ring and it doesn’t take long for Vickie to try and bolt. Kelly seems amused and goes after the woman who fired her, catching her and backing her into the corner as Vickie gets back inside the ring.

Kelly wants to know what’s up and Vickie tries to laugh at the situation. Kelly isn’t laughing and she catches Vickie with a boot to the stomach. She kicks her down and the catfight is on. Kelly starts slamming Vickie’s face into the mat, flips her up, and mounts her. She goes cray cray on Vickie and all of a sudden she is pulled away by an interfering Michelle McCool and Layla. Michelle has her arms locked around Kelly’s waist with Layla helping. Kelly manages to kick Layla away, but Michelle slams Kelly down. Lay-Cool begin a double team beatdown on Kelly and after wailing away on her for a few seconds, they kick her out of the ring. They slither out of the ring and hit the ground, and Layla ends up throwing Kelly into the guardrail after they trash talk her for a few minutes. A groggy Kelly slowly sits up and Michelle ends up slamming her knee into the side of Kelly’s head.

Thank goodness for Kelly’s sake someone comes running to the rescue. Trish flies out from the back and chases Lay-Cool off. Michelle and Layla jump in the ring and roll out, and Trish immediately begins checking on Kelly. Lay-Cool start to head to the back but they stop and glance at each other. Nodding their heads they turn around and run towards Trish. Michelle and Layla rip her from Kelly and slam her down onto the mat. Michelle starts screaming at the Diva of the Decade and they toss her into the ring. Michelle goes in first, with Layla following, but a crafty Trish is able to get to her feet and I think headbutt Michelle off of her. Layla comes to Michelle’s defense but she ends up getting Thesz Press-ed and beat on. Michelle pulls Trish off Layla and throws her across the ring. She goes after her and helps Trish to her feet. Trish eats an uppercut and Michelle motions at Layla to get in position. Michelle nails Trish again and Layla goes to the top rope and waits. Trish is fighting back for all she’s worth at this point and she’s able to muscle Michelle off of her. Michelle slams into the ropes and nearly knocks Layla down, but she collects herself and goes back for more. Trish is waiting and after months of seeing Michelle kick the snot out of people, she ends up getting destroyed with a stiff Chick Kick to the skull. Michelle goes down hard and Trish sees Layla and runs for the corner. She’s tries to go for the Stratusphere but she slips in the heels she’s wearing. Layla ends up catching one leg and once Trish gets the other up, Layla is sent flying into the center of the ring.

Michelle has gotten back to her feet but Trish is just on fire now. She scoops Michelle up and perfectly executes her trademark springboard bulldog (The Stratusfaction!) on not just Michelle, but Layla too! A double Stratusfaction! IN AT LEAST FIVE INCH HEELS! Lay-Cool is done and Kelly finally makes her way back into the ring. She and Trish embrace and both girls celebrate as Kelly’s song begins to play.

What a beautiful moment.

It’s hard to describe the feelings that ran through my head when this happened. A Trish/Michelle match is a dream match, and when Layla and Kelly get to play too, it’s just makes for great Diva television. I don’t care that Trish slipped up when doing her move in the corner. It happens and the woman was in a fierce pair of stiletto boots after all. You try it. What I do care about is the potential this has and what it could possibly mean for the Divas as the road to Wrestlemania continues to head towards Atlanta. Having Trish back as a trainer is one thing, but giving her a storyline is even better.

Michelle and Layla are classic heels and I love the fact they didn’t give a crap about Trish. It was like her name and her legacy meant nothing to them. All they cared about was that Trish got involved in their business and they attempted to take it to her. Unfortunately for Lay-Cool it didn’t quite work out. Kudos to Layla for being able to work with that spot in the corner despite the slip in the corner. True professional.

Kelly’s return was about as great as her firing. This girl is a complete gem right now and I’m so incredibly glad she got to have this particular moment with Trish. Kelly went after Vickie full throttle and like always, she sold her beating from Lay-Cool well. I hope this leads to something spectacular for Kelly. The pop she got was one of the loudest of the night and the WWE needs to build on this.

Diva wise, the Elimination Chamber was a complete success. I truly hope the division gets a huge rub from this. The girls deserve it. The fans deserve it. The crowd in Oakland was hot for the segment and I’m definitely glad they didn’t bother to announce a match for the show. What we got was a whole lot better and more importantly, it brought the surprise element. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in recent weeks is that not having something spoiled makes wrestling much more fun, and the Elimination Chamber was truly one of the funniest pay-per-views I’ve ever seen. Thank you Trish, Michelle, Layla, Kelly, and Vickie. I’m pretty sure most Diva fans will echo my sentiments.

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