- Total Divas
Let’s be honest, shall we? The minute spoilers came out on Tuesday all of you knew that a SmackDown this epic could only have the most epic Redux writer of all covering it. And yes, that’s me, Cryssi. So here I am, taking over Steven’s SmackDown Redux and bringing it back to the greatness that I built it up to be. With Night of Champions only a few days away, it seems like the blue brand decided to pull out all stops to try and get some momentum going. Beth Phoenix, our gorgeous number one contender to the Divas Championship, took on AJ, our resident adorable Diva. And yes people, Beth and AJ’s respective BFFs were at ringside; Natalya and Kaitlyn.
Also, with SmackDown hailing from Toronto, former seven-time Women’s Champion and Diva of the Decade, Trish Stratus, made not one but two appearances, and she joined seductress Aksana in one of those! Why waste any more time? Lets take a look at how all the SmackDown drama unfolded this week.
Our first taste of Trish this week comes in the form of a backstage segment. Teddy Long and Zack Ryder are chatting, when Aksana comes into the picture. She looks smoking hot this week (the black hair is totally growing on me) and she asks Teddy what’s going on. Teddy says that he was talking to Zack about Zack taking responsibility for his actions. Aksana askes Teddy if he wants a massage and says that in her country, it was basically her job to give men massages after a long work day. She begins working over Teddy’s shoulders and when she starts to go lower, he bends over, so of course it turns into something slightly perverted! Teddy is making these noises of um… pleasure when someone else walks into the scene.
Aksana and Teddy jump apart and Teddy claims that it isn’t what it looks like. Trish agrees that it never is. Hilarious! Poor Teddy, he sticks his foot in his mouth and feeling like he’s suffered enough mortification, Trish just leaves. LOVE it!
Wonder if Trish had flashbacks of when Triple H had her bent over, showing her some wrestling holds, and Queen Stephanie walked in and had a mental breakdown?? Pretty sure the segment with Aksana/Teddy was meant to sorta spoof that in a weird 2011 way and it absolutely worked. Again, Aksana and her black hair are growing on me, and Trish, like always, looks fab. Wonder who else Trish might run into backstage this week? Hmmm….
After a well done video package featuring Sheamus, we’re taken to the backstage area once where Trish is standing with her fellow Canadian, Edge. She’s fitting a pair of gloves on his hand, no doubt part of her new yoga fitness line, and Edge admits to her that he hasn’t done much yoga in his day. He strikes a pose, and the old friends share a laugh, but that’s quickly broken up by the appearance of Edge’s former best friend and the greatest World Heavyweight Champion to ever grace the squared circle, Christian!
For some ungodly reason unbeknownst to me, Christian presence is greeted in the arena by a chorus of ungrateful boos from the Canadians who do not respect their hometown hero. The delicious yet arrogant Christian smirks at the two people he knows very well. He asks them what’s going on before turning to Trish and looking her up and down. Christian tells her it’s nice of her to show up when she has something to sell, and calls her selfish. Then he turns his attention to Edge. Christian is extremely peppy given the circumstances and tells Edge that it’s good to see him again, and that’s so great to be reunited. Edge seems confused, and says that they apparently missed phone calls to one another after SummerSlam, given what happened between the two of them.
You know, when Edge cost Christian the World Heavyweight Championship.
Christian brings that up, but not in blunt terms. He says that perhaps Edge did cost him the title, because he maybe blew Christian’s concentration, but he actually says he can’t really fault his bestie for that. All he was doing was speaking his mind, and that’s what friends are supposed to do, right? Be honest with one another? They hug it out, and Christian gushes about how good it is to see Edge again. They break apart, and yes Trish is still standing around what this moment unfold. Christian eludes to the fact that it’s a big night for Edge, and that since this is basically Edge Appreciation Night, Edge should go see Teddy Long and do Christian a favor. He owes him after all. He wants Edge to go tell Teddy that he (Christian) deserves ONE MORE shot at the World Heavyweight Championship.
He totally deserves it, by the way.
An awkward silence falls over the group and Edge doesn’t really have anything to say. He just sorta makes these weird, painful facial expressions. It doesn’t really settle well with my boo, and he starts flipping out. Christian not so politely reminds Edge that back at WrestleMania he was in Edge’s corner did everything he could (i.e. look smoking hot while he was just a few feet away from me) to make sure Edge retained the title. And basically, you know, it really is all Christian’s doing that Edge retired as champion. Edge can’t take it anymore and he tells Christian that thanks to him he now has a headache and there’s something he’s been wanting to NOT tell Christian. He basically calls him a little bitch.
Christian of course gets upset and storms off, and when Edge turns back to Trish, she’s speechless. She’s not really sure what to say and before they can resume their yoga talk, Zack Ryder rushes up. He forgets to breathe and tells Edge to please tell Randy Orton and Mark Henry that there is a no contact policy for the Cutting Edge segment later on tonight. He runs off before Edge can protest and Trish just blinks. She asks Edge if that was the Internet Champion and neither one of them really knows what just happened. They shake it off, Trish goes back into yoga mode, and Edge suddenly finds himself learning the proper way to breathe.
Greatest. Segment. Ever.
If there’s anything better than Trish, Christian, Edge, and Zack Ryder in one segment, then let me know, because honestly there isn’t. So much history between the three, and throw in Ryder whom everyone loves… it’s perfect. Dolph Ziggler perfect.
And you know, SmackDown still has a match. As promised, Beth takes on….
What in the world?! Steven, what are you doing?! THIS IS MY SMACKDOWN REDUX! GO AWAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how long it took me to get out of the trunk of that car, Cryssi?! And how did you get chloroform anyway?! Anyway, while Diva Dirt security takes care of Cryssi, let’s move onto our match between AJ and Beth Phoenix, shall we?
We come back from commercial to find AJ in the ring along with her BFF, Kaitlyn. AJ is sporting a new version of her signature gear, this week in green. I approve. Not to be outdone, Beth makes her way to the ring next, accompanied by her BFF, Natalya and is also rocking new gear. Beth makes her way to her ring and poor AJ looks absolutely terrified, but the Geek Goddess isn’t about back down from the Glamazon. The official signals for the bell and our squash… um… I mean our highly competitive, evenly matched contest is underway… Yeah… That’s what I meant…
The ladies start off with a basic lockup, but Beth immediately gets the upper-hand, muscling AJ into the corner. AJ cowers for a moment, but snaps right into action when Beth comes charging at her. AJ slides between Beth’s legs and lands a kick, which slows Phoenix down a bit. AJ tries to capitalize on the moment and goes for a wheelbarrow bulldog, but Beth reverses it into back suplex, laying AJ out.
As AJ writhes in agony on the canvas, the #1 contender lifts AJ and gorilla presses her a few times, before dropping her right into a kick to the gut. AJ attempts to make a comeback with a flurry of strikes, but she’s floored once again by a big boot to the chest by the Glamazon. Done playing games with AJ, Beth picks AJ and plants her with a BRUTAL looking Glam Slam to pick up the win.
Post-match, Beth gets on the mic and says the Kelly Kelly and all the other ‘Cinderellas’ in the WWE are going to have their fairy tales ended on Sunday when she wins the Divas Championship. So… does that make her and Nattie and ugly stepsisters? Analogy fail, much?
As for the match, I liked it. It was fairly short, but it did exactly what it was meant to do: make Beth look strong going into Night of Champions. Gotta give credit to AJ, as well. She knows how to take a hell of a beating. I thought she sold everything Beth threw at her very well. Hopefully, one day she’ll be in the title picture, as opposed to being fodder for the #1 contender…
All in all, it was a good night for the Divas. A solid match going into the next PPV, legendary Diva appearances, green plaid… what more could you ask for? Hopefully, the Divas can keep this momentum through Night of Champions.
And that’s it for this week’s SmackDown Redux! See you all next week! If I don’t get kidnapped by a crazed Christian fan again, that is…