- Total Divas
Good afternoon, everybody. It is I, the great Bobbito here to bring you your Impact greatness all in this recap. On a day where I should be thrilled due to the worldwide trending of (Miss) Karen Jarrett last night, I am not… but we’ll get into that later. We also had a 10 Knockout gauntlet match featuring the likes of Velvet Sky, Rosita, Brooke Tessmacher, Angelina Love, Mickie James, Sarita, Tara, Winter, ODB, and Madison Rayne to crown the new number one contender for Gail Kim‘s newly won Knockouts Championship, and Miss Karen made her presence known in a segment to tear Jeff Hardy a new one! So much to discuss, and so little time, but why don’t we get started with the segments involved in the match.
First up, we head backstage where we see Miss Karen walking into the official “Karen’s Krusaders” dressing room and greeting both Madison Rayne and the new TNA Knockouts Champion, Gail Kim! Miss Karen seems very pleased with Aunt Traci for finally covering up, but to her disappointment, Aunt Traci spins around to reveal a spot cutout for her girls to breathe. Miss Karen gives up on trying to convert Aunt Traci, before giving Gail Kim the night off due to her wonderful actions at Turning Point. She then goes to instruct Madison on what to do tonight, but Madison already knows so she walks off as Miss Karen orders some champagne. Aunt Traci seems to think this includes her as she gets a glass for herself that Miss Karen proceeds to give to Gail. The two classy ladies toast in a celebration, as Aunt Traci looks on in disapproval.
As we head right to the ring for the upcoming number one contenders gauntlet bout, we spot the fiery Latina, Rosita, standing in the ring. Resident redhead ring announcer, Christy Hemme, then proceeds to announce her opponent, Velvet Sky! The former champion (who really should get a rematch clause) has a stare off with Rosita, who then proceeds to take out her big hoop earrings to show she means business. Before she can properly unhook them though, Velvet kicks her in the stomach and drops her with the double underhook facebuster for the quick elimination! Rosita has been eliminated!
As Velvet moves on, out comes her next challenger, Brooke Tessmacher! Brooke slides under a clothesline attempt and drops Sky with one of her own, followed up with a nice dropkick. Velvet make this awesome loopy reaction as she stumbles backwards into the corner where Brooke takes control with some kicks and the Ass-tastic! She takes too long to capitalize on this though, as Velvet gets back up and plants her with a huge bulldog for the second elimination! Brooke Tessmacher has been eliminated!
Angelina Love then makes her way to the ring as the next challenger, which means the two former BFFs will face off. Velvet takes control from the start with a few kicks, before sending Love into the ropes. Love comes back with a kick, and some clotheslines, followed up with a front slam for a two count as Sky scurries into the corner and boots Angelina in the face. Some chops soon follow, along with a pair of jawbreakers to the knees and a clothesline! Velvet then sets up for the double underhook facebuster again, but Angelina quickly rolls her up and grabs the tights for the win. Velvet Sky has been eliminated!
HAAAARDCUURRRR COUNTREHHHH erupts, as our checkered queen of the Knockouts division, Mickie James, two-steps her way on down to the ring. Before she can reach it though, Angelina Love attacks her on the ramp and lays her out with the Botox Injection. (Okay, that’s awesome to say if you don’t know it’s the name of her finisher.) We return from a commercial break to see Angelina Love dominating Mickie James, but Hardcore Country tries to make a comeback. Angelina sends her flying into the corner and drops her with a nice sidewalk slam, before Mickie starts to make a comeback with some clotheslines! Mickie proceeds to go for the DDT but Angelina escapes… only she soon gets introduced to Mickie’s boot with the Mick Kick for the victory! Angelina Love has been eliminated!
Up next comes a new and improved maskless Sarita, who manages to avoid a quick roll up attempt from the get go and plant Mickie with a sick dropkick. Sarita does some flashy handstand, following it up with a little dance (oh how I’ve missed her dancing), before applying a torture rack submission. Mickie reverses it into a roll up, but only for a two count. Sarita with a knee to the face, before landing a snapmare into a near fall. Mickie starts to fight back, but Sarita continues her domination. She goes to Irish Whip Mickie, only James reverses it and Sarita goes for a springboard crossbody… however Mickie manages to duck out of the way. From there, she plants Sarita with a SICK Mickie-DT for the win. Sarita has been eliminated!
Out comes Tara who runs down to the ring and takes Mickie down. She proceeds to apply a chinlock submission, but Mickie counters it into an armbar that Tara reverses into an armdrag. Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak, but Mickie changes it into a sunset flip attempt… only Tara stops herself from falling backwards and applies a nice leglock. Mickie crawls towards the ropes and manages to grab hold of them, but Tara doesn’t let this stop her as she pulls her to the center of the ring and executes a shimmysault for a two count. Tara chants erupt as she locks Mickie into a tree of woe, before slamming her head into Mickie’s stomach a few times. Mickie then rolls backwards off Tara’s back and hits another Mickie-DT for the win! Tara has been eliminated!
My personal god of life (other than Miss Karen, of course) Winter is out next! As I relish in getting to hear her perfect theme song on TV for the first time in what seems like eternities, she quickly runs down to the ring and drags Mickie into the corner before hitting a Northern Lights Suplex for a few two counts. Winter proceeds to beat Mickie down and tell the referee to shhhhh, as she rightfully should. Mickie goes for another comeback, but Winter takes control with an awesome back-breaker that makes me proud. The crowd begins to get behind Mickie, as she knees Winter in the face but soon gets face planted into the ropes. Winter goes for a Samoan Drop, but Mickie drops out of the back and gets the victory with another Mick Kick! Winter has been eliminated. (I couldn’t show any excitement in this with an exclamation point.)
ODB then makes her grand return and destroys Mickie right off the bat. She nails the fallaway slam, before pounding her down in the corner and hitting a huge splash that looks like it kills Mickie. ODB then executes a bronco buster before dragging the lifeless country gal to the center of the ring and covering for another close call. ODB lifts Mickie up onto the top rope, but Mickie fights her off and lands a huge Lou(ise) Thesz Press for the victory! ODB has been eliminated!
Madison Rayne’s music then hits, but a furious ODB attacks Mickie from behind and hits a nasty TKO. Forgotten Child Madison Rayne makes her way out to the ring, waving to all of her glorious fans as I wave back at my computer screen as if she can see it. Once Rayne steps into the ring, she slowly goes to pick Mickie up, but James manages to roll her up in a quick victory roll for the overall win! Madison Rayne has been eliminated as Mickie James wins the gauntlet! Mickie celebrates, as Madison looks pretty upset with this and heads to the back to claim Miss Karen’s approval like we all should do.
As we head to the ring once again, Jeff Hardy is there discussing something of unrelated note to this website, therefore we will head on over to the grand entrance and surprise of the night… MISS KAREN APPEARS AGAIN! As I’m sure you all jam out to her symphony style entrance music, Miss Karen walks to the ring and says that she was in the back watching him walk out here and all she could think was “My God, somebody with some balls around here needs to put you in your place”, and Miss Karen has the biggest set here!
Miss Karen says what we’re all thinking, only she makes it sound more classy and sophisticated as she claims that Jeff thinks he can just walk in here with his puppy dog eyes and beg everyone for forgiveness?! She questions if he thinks that’s what a man is, as he DISGUSTINGLY takes his eyes off of Miss Karen while she is speaking. Rule number one, Jeffrey, you DO NOT take your eyes off the prize standing before you. I’m legitimately sitting here in shock over the fact that someone had the audacity to do this… however, I then perk up due to the fact our gracious VP of the Knockouts called him out on it and forced him to make eye contact like the educator she is.
Miss Karen wants to make one thing perfectly clear, in that she is not here to fight Jeff Jarrett’s battles because he is the one who wears the pants in their family. She continues on that being a man, or a role model, is not his forte until he can step up and do it right for himself first. As this fool takes his eyes off Miss Karen once again, (seriously, If I was in that ring I could never even fathom doing this) she instructs him back to her sight and explains how her husband is a real man because he started a company to give disrespectful wrestlers like Jeff Hardy a line of employment!
Miss Karen then asks Jeff Hardy if he remembers when she and his wife Beth were friends… or rather, she played the political game and pretended to be her friend. She says that Beth sat at home while Jeff was on the road and needed a friend, so Miss Karen was there like the amazing person she is, and even states that one detail she found out is that Jeff Hardy couldn’t quite deliver the goods or complete the deal! She challenges Jeff to hit her, but even he knows that he better not DARE do anything of the sort while I’m watching this. Jeff Hardy calls himself more than human, as Miss Karen chuckles at the thought.
This nasty fool calls Miss Karen a word that I refuse to repeat, and as she goes to rightfully slap him, he blocks it and… what the hell? He grabs Miss Karen?! Someone get his hand off of her perfect self! Thankfully, Jeff Jarrett shows up and all is right in the world until Miss Karen goes to low blow Hardy and he puts his grubby mitts on her again! Jeff Jarrett then takes control of Hardy until the two Jarretts escape ringside and have a stare off with that pitbull who couldn’t keep his hands to himself.
Now it’s time for the part of the night which dampened my spirits. As Robert Roode leaves the ringside area after a promo, he takes his attention to ringside where my fellow god of wrestling, TNA President and wonderful human being, Dixie Carter, is sitting with the fans. He grabs onto her as I notice a hole in the back of his shirt (we can’t all afford the finer things like Miss Karen or Queen Dixie, I guess), when AJ Styles makes his way back out. This awful person puts Dixie in front of himself as a shield, before shoving her into AJ and hitting Styles with the belt and Styles HE FALLS ON DIXIE! My face becomes upset, as Roode continues to beat on AJ as he lays on top of Dixie (uhh… probably should reword this sentence), before walking up the ramp as officials check in AJ, and more importantly, the incredible Dixie Carter.
Before I get into what I thought of tonight’s actions, I want to take a moment to acknowledge someone very special to me because she managed to do what so few have before… Ladies and gentlemen, MISS KAREN TRENDED WORLDWIDE!
Thoughts: Quite the week of Knockout related segments, might I say! The gauntlet match was top notch material, and although I’m not sure I liked Mickie going through so many women, they did build her up in a great way and the finish was done perfectly. I am looking forward to seeing her face off against Gail Kim in the future because it used to be my dream match way back in WWE and needless to say, we won’t get into their first meeting *cough*. Hopefully it can be redone in a way that will do the Mail (Mickie-Gail) fans proud and deliver the match we always wanted to see.
Miss Karen… need I say more? The name alone is perfection. She is the best thing to happen to the Knockouts division in a long time, and even if she doesn’t wrestle, she makes me look forward to the show every week. I actually have begun to watch the full airing on television again since I don’t want to miss a moment of possible Miss Karen screen time. I know you all must look forward to hearing me gush over how phenomenal she is weekly, so imagine if I missed a backstage segment and forgot to include it in this write-up?! I don’t think I would ever forgive myself…