- Total Divas
Yes…I know what you’re all thinking; resident Redux jacker, Bobby, has taken over once more because of Steven’s computer and its anal bleeding mishaps. But it’s my duty to inform you that you would be incorrect this time. I mean let’s be real…did you really think I was going to let Steven cover SmackDown when both my NXT shining stars, Maxine and Tamina, made their presence known? I don’t think so. On last night’s Christmas in November themed episode, our match of the night was a nine Diva Mistletoe on a Pole match featuring the likes of Alicia Fox, AJ, Rosa Mendes, Aksana, Tamina, Natalya, Kaitlyn, Brie, and Nikki Bella. We assumed this would be for a title shot, but little did we know that was not the case at all. On top of that, we got some backstage segments featuring Maxine, Vickie Guerrero, and a few of the ladies from the match spread out throughout the show for our personal enjoyment.
Without any further ado, let’s kick things off with some Santa suits!
After an in-ring segment to open the show, Saint Mick declares that we will continue the night with a divas match, as he beckons for them to come out. Strutting their finest red and green is Alicia Fox, AJ, Kaitlyn, Rosa Mendes, Natalya, Aksana (who gets extra points for giving me Katie Lea vibes), Tamina, and the Bella Twins. We head to a commercial break, but upon return, Mick announces that this will be a Mistletoe on a Pole match where the diva to climb up the pole and retrieve the mistletoe will be able to cash it in before Christmas for a prize that he believes we can all allude to.
The bell sounds as all women go crazy. AJ tries to climb first, but Natalya manages to knock her down…as um…well…basically they all attack each other in the ring with various holds. Tamina manages to sweep Natalya’s legs out from under her as she falls to the canvas, and Kaitlyn tries to keep the Bella Twins away from the mistletoe. Everyone’s favorite mamacita, Rosa Mendes, makes her way towards the pole but she is soon taken down. Alicia Fox makes it up a few steps, but Nikki Bella manages to pull her off and toss her to the side. The Bellas look to work together, but Brie drop toe holds Nikki and climbs on top of her head to grab the mistletoe! The Bella Army rejoices as they believe Brie to be getting a future Divas Championship match…but what a scandalous surprise Mick Foley has in store for us all.
The Bellas attempt to celebrate Brie’s victory, before Mick cuts them off and tells them that he never said the match was for a Divas Title shot, but rather she will get to cash it in and kiss a Superstar of her choice. The Bellas try to argue over the Mistletoe, as we end this marvelous segment.
Backstage we head to Mick Foley standing by with Jimmy and Jey Uso practicing their entrance. He turns his attention over to Rowdy Roddy Piper as they embrace and chat up a few things, before Mick then focuses on the diva that I wish WWE would push to the moon, Maxine. He asks her if she has been a good girl this year, to which she replies that of course she has. That annoyance, Hornswoggle tries to serve Maxine a glass of Egg Nog, but she brushes him off like the perfection she is and walks off. After some chatter between a few of the superstars (featuring a cameo from Goldust!) Roddy Piper comes back on screen as he kisses Maxine’s hand and talks to one of the most underrated sports entertainers there is, Trent Barreta. (Note: Apologies if I begin to insert some opinions that I want to be taken as facts here) David Otunga interrupts my dream team scene, and blubbers about WWE music licensing with the Christmas tunes, before Mick Foley books him in a Miracle on 34th Street Fight against Randy Orton for tonight!
Up next, we open to…Hornswoggle trying to place an ornament on a spot of the Christmas Tree that he can not reach, which sparks the phenomenal brilliance that is possibly a new bad side of Kaitlyn to emerge and tell him that maybe he should ask Santa to be a little bit taller next year. (Note: Insulting Hornswoggle is only going to make so many people like you even more Kaitlyn) After some chatter between Teddy Long and Sheamus, the Lithuanian Beauty, Aksana (complete with saxophone music and pink lighting) walks into the scene with some mistletoe in her hand.
Teddy excuses Sheamus from the conversation, as Aksana apologizes for being late due to her match. T-Lo tells her that it’s alright, to which she can’t believe the size of this party. Back in Lithuania, all they got each year was a new shovel, (I’m assuming to beat people with) therefore Aksana does not quite understand exactly what mistletoe is. Teddy says that since they are standing under it, she should just do what comes natural. He puckers up for a smooch, but Aksana proceeds to tear a leaf off and eat it! She claims it tastes good and tickles her amazingly misunderstood pronunciation of tonsils, so let’s all hope that it’s non-toxic. We get some shots of Kaitlyn & Curt Hawkins (lighting the menorah) as well as returning backstage couple, Alicia Fox and Justin Gabriel, to close this segment.
We head backstage yet again, to see Ricardo Rodriguez chatting up the Bella Twins, as they ask what they should get Alberto Del Rio for Christmas. Ricardo suggests that the three of them go to dinner to discuss this, but Brie orders him to get them some egg nog. He begrudgingly takes their glasses and goes to fill them up, as Mick Foley, Dusty Rhodes, and Roddy Piper talk some. Saint Mick then heads over to Hornswoggle and gives him a hug which unfortunately gives him the gift of gab and he is able to finally dub the Bellas as being twins, and also states that Vickie Guerrero is a grandma. Natalya looks on in the background as if she is very unamused (Assuming because this is supposed to be a party, yet she’s not buying shoes or snapping Gismo photos), as Vickie and Hornswoggle engage in an Excuse Me-off until she walks off.
Finally, we round up this night’s events with a shot of Daniel Bryan preparing for his Cage Match where he could become World Heavyweight Champion, when he is approached by resident goddess, (Hopefully Tamina doesn’t see me use her title on someone else) AJ. She wishes him good luck and gives him a kiss on the lips before walking off and saying that she knows he can do this. Could D-Bryan be getting his fourth diva hook-up within the span of 11 months?!
Thoughts: To begin with the match, I was actually rather entertained. It was ridiculously short, but it was something different and I like different. I’m not a fan of seeing the same match week after week after week, so even if it was under a minute long, at least we got to see some fresh faces take the center spotlight. The segments were really enjoyable overall, and I think each had some standout moments. Clearly Aksana eating mistletoe was the highlight considering I love all unexpected, random moments, and if anyone tells you they thought she’d chomp down on it, they are lying through their teeth. I’m interested to see where this Daniel Bryan/AJ romance is headed, but anything that gets her airtime every week works for me. Heel Kaitlyn, I’m still bummed that you’re likely going to split from AJ, but like I said with her, as long as you get air time, I’m okay with it.