- Total Divas
- Bell to Bell
For the second time this week the WWE managed to render me speechless with just how incredibly epic their program was. This week’s SmackDown left me unable to speak. It left me unable to think. In fact, the only thing I was able to do after watching the first 26-minutes of SmackDown was tweet about how amazing it was and then immediately go to HotTopic.com to see if they still had those red shorts AJ was rocking. Have I ever said how much I love that girl?
Last night’s SmackDown brought me back to the glory days of the blue brand and when I looked forward to writing about it every single week. When spoilers came out on Tuesday, I knew we would get something brilliant. I knew that I would end up high-jacking this Redux. The greatest thing of all is that I didn’t even have to use brute force to get my way. Stevorah Cormont, hand to Khaleesi, is making his way to Deer Park as we speak to watch WSU live in person, and asked me to take over for him this week. Lord knows we couldn’t give this to Bobrick Bayne. He’s had quite the emotional roller coaster this week.
I think I’ve babbled enough in my post hangover haze. Before I get into the recap, let me give you kids a piece of advice. Don’t go out, act like a badass, and do tequila shot after tequila just because they’re three dollars apiece. That’s unhealthy, unnatural, and you will pay for it the next day.
SmackDown? Yes, please!
To start us off this week, we have AJ coming to the ring, microphone in hand. I can already tell this is going to be amazing because how long has it been since a Diva actually kicked the show off by talking? AJ lets the crowd know that she’s going to explain her reasons for kissing Kane this past Monday but before she can clue us all in, Vickie Guerrero interrupts. She tells AJ that tonight Prince Dawlf is going to be the star. She introduces the newly crowned number contender to the World Heavyweight Championship, and our blond bombshell makes his way to the ring. Prince Dawlf reminds us that he’s the show off and then runs down AJ. He pokes fun at her style by calling her a Hot Topic employee and points out that she is indeed 95-pounds. AJ is like whatever and insinuates that Prince Dawlf is a dumb blond, then she calls Vickie his grandmother. Okay that’s amazing. Vickie hauls off and slaps the crap out of AJ, and AJ smiles. It’s creepy.
Punk comes out to save the day and he goes off on Ziggler and Vickie. Not wanting to be tardy to the party, Daniel Bryan comes out as well. He gets his turn to talk about AJ, No Way Out, and name drops Kane. The Big Red Machine continues to be conspicuous by his absence. Sheamus shows up and after being his jolly, Irish, sexy self, he decides that they should just have the main event match right now. Everyone seems to agree, except for AJ, who asks if she can finish up some old business first. She lunges for Vickie, ready to absolutely claw the Cougar’s eyes out, but Punk and Sheamus are able to restrain her. Prince Dawlf is holding his Queen back. But the greatest part of the entire exchange is Daniel Bryan, leaning against the ropes, and laughing at the whole scene.
The match itself is pretty fantastic. These four men are the cream of the crop in the WWE right now, and it’s easy to see why. Vickie involves herself, which brings AJ in, and both women factor into the ending. AJ inadvertently causes Sheamus to get pinned by Prince Dawlf. Prince Dawlf ends up getting chased to the back. Vickie and AJ are left alone in the ring, and that’s when all hell breaks loose! The two women finally go at it with Vickie escaping through the ropes. AJ goes after her and tries to drag her back to the ring. Vickie kicks her off and AJ takes a brutal hit against the ring. She goes down, Vickie gets away, and Kane’s music starts to play. He comes out, scoops up AJ, and heads to the back with her. Punk decides this is not okay, attacks Kane from behind, and forces him to the ring. Daniel Bryan tries to get involved with the action but Kane chokeslams him. Then Kane chokeslams Punk. Then Kane looks at AJ, who looks to be in some type of, erm, orgasmic state.
No words. Really. There are no words to describe what a wonderfully hot mess this storyline is. Whenever you pair three random guys, a random girl, and a championship belt you have magic anyway. But these three guys, this one girl, and that tacky spinner belt have managed to make this storyline my all-time favorite. It does surpass Kelly Kelly defending the World Heavyweight Championship on my list.
I finally said it. Wow.
It’s a shame the match was so short because Alicia and Beth work well together. But at the same time, it was used to put a point over. It was booked the way it was to make Beth look dominant and that’s what happened. I don’t necessarily agree with it but I’m not upset with it either. I know Beth and Layla will get a nice amount of time come Sunday, and at least they did something to follow up Monday.
I really love what WWE did with their television this week. More than anything I hope this trend continues. I’m excited to see what happens with No Way Out Sunday. I’m going to go out on a limb and make my predictions right now. I feel that Layla will retain her championship and that Kharma will return. I believe that Vickie and Jack Swagger will cost Prince Dawlf the championship and he’ll turn on them both. Swagger will get laid out, Vickie will be fired, and our Show Off will turn face. And I also still believe that AJ will cost Punk the championship, reunite with Daniel Bryan, and they will go on to rule the WWE and have an absolutely massive reign of terror.
I love it.
Until next time… Cryssi out.