- Total Divas
Greetings all, and welcome to this weeks trusty Impact Write-Up. Unfortunately, I couldn’t locate any videos whatsoever from the show until about 2:30pm Eastern time, so if this is a little late or seems a bit rushed, that’s precisely why. But anyways, to get to the reviewing at hand, let me first enlighten you all with tonight’s action. Now apparently there was a backstage segment to set tonight’s match up involving Brooke Hogan telling Knockouts champion, Tara, that she would be facing her old friend, Brooke Tessmacher tonight with Jesse barred from ringside. The reason I’m telling you this here is because the only video I could find was the match itself, so if you’re at all curious towards Jesse’s absence (which I’m sure all of you are), that is the reason.
So if I didn’t already give it away, tonight we see Tara go one on one with Brooke Tessmacher as Impact Wrestling kicks off its second show filmed in the United Kingdom. Are you excited about this? Personally, anything that gets Tessmacher on TV is a win in my books, but let’s see how the actual match plays out below:
We kick things off with a list of Knockouts appearing in lingerie for one of Impact’s trademarked holiday themed commercials. From what I can see, the group includes Gail Kim, Taryn Terrell, SoCal Val, Brooke Tessmacher, Tara, Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, and ODB. I guess Mickie James drew the short straw and had to sit this one out? Nonetheless, we head to the ring where Christy Hemme (sans slow-mo pan up camera shot this week) welcomes Brooke Tessmacher to the ring for her big shot against Tara.
Following her ass-tastic entrance, out comes Tara… sporting a plaid shirt. Well that’s different. (Note: I didn’t see the backstage segment which may provide an explanation) I feel like this may be Jesse’s shirt, but then I noticed it had sleeves which now makes me even more confused because knowing him from Big Brother, I don’t think I’ve ever remembered him wearing a shirt that wasn’t sleeveless. Seriously…
Taryn signals for the bell to ring, as Tara doesn’t seem amused with the fans. Tessmacher is firing her ass up in the background (literally), before running forward with a quick roll up for a near fall. Tara now gets the upper hand by slamming “Tessy’s” face down (oh wait, she was saying Jesse) and repeatedly keeping the up and comer from getting to her feet. Brooke finally fights out, but only momentarily as Tara takes her down with a shoulder tackle. Tessmacher trips her up quickly after, then following it up with a dropkick as Tara crawls to the corner. Irish whip sends Brooke flying, but she dodges getting trapped on the turnbuckle and instead does a nice roll backwards which lands her to connect with a wheelbarrow faceplant. One… two… NADA!
Brooke hits a set of kicks that keep Tara grounded in the corner, and then she gets to the center of the ring and prepares to connect with the trademarked ass related signature move! She aims, and she scores as Tara crawls onto this odd entrance ramp that goes right up to the ring. They now fight on the ramp before Brooke flips her back inside and heads to the top. The crowd gets behind her, but unfortunately for her, Tara is one step ahead and grabs her into the spinning sidewalk slam. As Brooke kicks out, our coveted champion begins to grow impatient. She simply throws Tessmacher across the ring by the hair, before grabbing onto it in a submission move. Since she has the hair in her hands, Taryn realizes that she gets to count to five and if Tara doesn’t break the hold, she will be disqualified.
After letting go, Tara locks in a full nelson and the crowd fires Brooke up. She uses her bottom to fight out, but before she can capitalize, Tara has her back down. A few chokes take place, and then she begins doing the ultimate unthinkable! She hits her own version of the Ass-tastic on Brooke, but this does nothing but allow Tessmacher to roll her up for a quick pin attempt. (Now we all see why Brooke does this move in the corner… tut tut Tara) Tara kicks out and decks Brooke with a clothesline, as Tessmacher just continues to kick out.
Tara with another choke hold, and once again the crowd gets behind her protege. Brooke finally starts to fight out… but again is taken down with a clothesline. She goes for the hair submission again, but Brooke flips out and finally gets the comeback! Some shots to the face, then scoring with a few clotheslines and a running flipping fist. Brooke follows it up with her great Ass-a-can-rana (yes, I’m trying to see how many of her moves I can add the word “ass” to), and then leaps onto the middle rope and… does not get the facebuster as Tara stays put. She tries for it again, but Tara throws her up and drops her face first onto the turnbuckle. Both women down now, as Tara starts crying for what I assume is her prestigious title, but ultimately it distracts her long enough for the Tess-Shocker to connect and get the upset over the Knockouts champion!
Thoughts: What a lot of time! I know that shouldn’t be my first thought, but I mean it in the best of ways. This video was nearly ten minutes long, and granted a few minutes were entrances and the commercial, it’s so cool that the Knockouts can score 7-8 minute matches on a week to week basis. Brooke and Tara did great together, and it felt cool seeing them wrestle with a larger crowd. Tessmacher just impresses me every time she steps into a ring, and it’s still so weird to think that she was once dancing on ECW every week when you look at her now. I won’t rank how she performs amongst the other Knockouts, but I will say that she’s one of the knockouts I get excited for when I hear they have a match. I think it’s sort of like what I said about Gail Kim in that they excite me when in the ring, and none of their matches feel like the same thing I’ve already seen before.
Not to no sell Tara by any means, because the entire reason Brooke has gotten to this level is because she’s gotten to work with so many women who have been wrestling multiple years and can help her get better. These two always mesh well, and I enjoyed the match overall. There were a moment or two where I felt Brooke’s comeback should have happened a little sooner, but that’s just nitpicking and doesn’t take away from my enjoyment in the least. I wish I could’ve seen the backstage segment because I thrive on the entertainment they bring, but alas the video Gods were not in my favor this week. So until next time — peace!