Welcome, Knockout fans, to this week’s Impact Write-Up. Last night, Brooke Hogan made a ‘state of the Knockouts division’ address, which left fans both happy and confused, especially given the state of the division and some of its aspects. Namely, the tag team titles. Everybody buckled in? Alright then, let’s go!

We begin with Brooke making her way to the ring. She looks excited, and I would be too. I want to know what she’s got to say. There are several issues within the division right now that need to be sorted out, so hopefully this segment will do just that. Brooke enters the ring, where there’s a podium waiting for her. She begins by saying that she’s “so, so proud of the knockouts division.” She calls for the crowd to give it up for the Knockouts, which they do. I feel warm and fuzzy; I love when the women of this industry get the respect they deserve.

“But there are a few issues going on with the knockouts right now that I would like to address,” says Brooke. Awesome, let’s get to it!

She invites the Knockouts out to the ring, and here they come. First we have ODB and… Eric Young. One half of the Knockout tag champs, yes. Knockout? No. But this means good things, I hope, as the tag titles are on display. I’d almost forgotten what they looked like. Next we have Velvet Sky, Taryn Terrell and Gail Kim, who looks fierce as anything. She’s a little reluctant to get in the ring, but Brooke persuades her before saying that, apparently, Mickie James needs her own introduction. Damn right she does. Brooke introduces the Knockouts champ, and here she comes!

Mickie thanks Brooke for graciously letting her speak on the state of the division. Somehow I’m not sure that’s what Brooke had in mind… Nevertheless, Mickie goes on to say how proud she is to represent the division not only in the arena, but on red carpets, at awards shows, music videos and national commercials. Modest, she is not!

“It’s a full time job just to be me!” says Mickie. I love her.

But she just wants to reassure Brooke – whom she calls “Sugar” – that carrying the weight of the division on her own wee little shoulders is not nearly as hard as it is on Vel Vel’s knee. Brooke reminds her that the Knockouts division is not just about one person. It’s about the collective efforts of all these women that are Mickie’s equals. Ooooh.

In the meantime, Brooke’s got some business to attend to. First on her list? The Knockout Tag Titles. Thank goodness. These titles have had no direction for so long now, and it makes me angry that TNA has capable women who could be carrying them through great matches and rivlaries. TNA has the tools, they’re just not using them. Frustrating. I’m glad ODB is one half of the champs because she deserves that and more, but the fact that they’ve put the other half on a guy is infuriating. To me it just takes away from the credibility of the belts, because now they’re just a punchline. But I’ll get back to my write-up…

Brooke asks EY if he remembers a conversation the two of them had about a year and a half ago… Sure. EY then takes the mic and I kind of zone out a little bit. Something about him being a woman (duh), and technically she and ODB were never Knockouts champions so he’s just gonna hand those over to Brooke. Not even a fight from ODB? Not even a little bit of anger? Really? Well I guess even she realizes how redundant the titles are now. The good news? It’s national kissing day, apparently, and EY plants a big old slobber knocker on ODB. They roll out of the ring.

Back to business, thankfully. Seriously, Gail Kim’s face right there says everything about that. Anyhow, Brooke turns to Velvet and thanks her personally, calling her the heart and soul of the division after fighting through thick and thin, through injury and everything else. Brooke is proud of her. She knows Velvet has been hankering for her rematch and it seems as if she’s right about to grant it when…

“Wait, wait, wait!” says Mickie. “Need I remind you that the little pigeon is hurt, she’s a wounded warrior and she cannot fly this coup.”

Oh, Mickie. Too bad, because Brooke has spoken to Velvet’s doctor, and she’s been given a clean bill of health! Mickie and Velvet will duke it out next week on Impact! Gail takes the mic from Mickie and begins ranting about how she’s been forgotten about. I was distracted by Mickie in the background, posing for the camera and giving us some smiles. She’s adorbs!

Gail wants her rematch, she wants what belongs to her. NOW!

Brooke says everyone is talking about Gail’s match with Taryn. She says it was a great match that goes down in Knockouts history. Mickie in the background once again, and she’s not looking too impressed. Seriously, I love this new side to her. Brooke says Gail’s rematch will be in Las Veeeeegas baby, and it will be against Taryn, and it will be a ladder match! Whew, that will be good! Now that Brooke has handled her business, they are all free to go!

Later on Twitter, Brooke confirmed that Gail and Taryn’s ladder match will be a number one contender’s match! Check it out:

Thoughts: Why has it taken this long for the tag titles to be dealt with? Did management forget about them like the rest of the fans? Still, I’ll try not to be too negative. Hopefully we’ll have some kind of tournament to make them relevant again, or maybe they’ll be retired ot something… I don’t know. As for the segment itself, I didn’t mind it. I loooooved Mickie James; she was probably the most interesting part of it, let’s be honest. I hope next week marks the end of her rivalry with Velvet, though. I’d be pretty excited to see Taryn take the number one contender’s spot. It’s new and fresh and could be something brilliant!

For now, Eleri out!