- Total Divas
What’s up Diva fans and welcome to this week’s WWE Main Event Redux! It’s been quite a while since we’ve had Divas action on Main Event and I am glad to report that it’s been worth the wait. I don’t know what was in the air or what has been slipped into my drinks but I LOVED this week’s match. The match saw Aksana and Alicia Fox face-off against Layla and Natalya. Will the team that I have christened with the portmanteau ‘Foxana’ get the win or will the English Muffin and the ‘Total’ Diva come out on top? I know you’re gagging to find out and have ignored the foreshadowing of the title of this Redux, so let’s go! THE SUSPENSE!
WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, DUGUBUDUBYDWAAAAAAA! No I haven’t been hit with a blunt instrument, that was my impression of the guitar riff in Natalya’s entrance theme! Was that accurate? Didn’t think so. Out first this week are Natalya and Layla and both look fantastic, especially Natalya. That attire of hers makes her look like a buxom raspberry with all the right curves in all the right places and DAYUM, if she was sitting on top of a pavlova, I would race to beat Tyson Kidd to that buffet!
P-P-P-P-P-Partay! Once again, no I have not been hit with a blunt instrument, nor am I impersonating Goldust when he had his electric-shocked gimmick – Alicia Fox’s theme is beaming through the arena! Alicia is in a brand new soft pink attire and has thankfully ditched the Long John Silver skull and crossbones for this week’s action. Random note: If Alicia is staying as a Heel, she needs a new theme. Shake Yo Tail or a new theme altogether would be great. Thanks WWE.
Alicia is joined by Aksana. Now, I’m one of the major critisizers of Aksana because after FCW and to some extent NXT, she’s went for hero to zero in-terms of both her in-ring work and look in my opinion. Yet holy cow, for once, Aksana doesn’t look like wrapping paper this week! Her attire looks like a wrestling attire, she doesn’t look bad in it and I prefer Aksana with blonde hair, yet her black hair looks great! Again, I still have no idea what has been slipped into my drinks to make me feel this way (I’m looking at you Bobby) yet I am pleasantly surprised. All girls look great, so will the match live up to their aesthetics?
A global battle of Canada versus Lithuania starts the match, with Natalya performing what I can only describe as a schoolgirl leg lock. Even though it’s an incredibly simple move, I’ve never seen it executed like that before. That’s why we love Tal! Aksana boots Natalya’s left cheek off and then applies a headlock, and she wrenches it for quite some time; is this the never-ending headlock Part II? Thankfully not, as Natalya shrugs Akky off with a armdrag. Nattie then goes for the Sharpshooter and Aksana is in hysterics! Her screaming is hilarious as she makes it to the ropes to break the hold.
Like the cocky and clumsy heel that she is, Aksana thinks time out is allowed in wrestling. Been hit with too many shovels recently, Aksana? (There’s somebody who has been hit with a blunt instrument!) Aksana then extends her hand for a handshake. Like the veteran that she is, Natalya can see right through Aksana and before Aksana can get crafty, Natalya pulls Aksana to the ground ans tomps on her hand – oww!
Alicia Fox, rivalling Natalya for looking pretty in pink, makes her way into the ring. She checks on Aksana first like the dominant leader that she is and then she turns her cold stare towards the woman whom she has lightning chemistry with, Natalya. Alicia dives right at Natalya yet the Dungeon Diva palms her off and goes for her signature submission yet again. Nattie is pushed off by the Foxy One but not for long as Natalya capitalizes with a shoulder block. Alicia then comes right back at Tal as she ducks and dives around her Canadian foe before backward rolling into a lovely headscissor takeover.
Alicia delivers a forearm before posing for the crowd. “I’m athletic, too” beams Alicia, as she struts towards Natalya. Lic’ extends her arm for a handshake, and she tries to give Nattie the same treatment that the ‘Total’ Diva gave Aksana, yet Tal is too quick and she stomps right on Alicia’s hand. YEAH BABY!
Layla is tagged into the match for the first time and delivers a solid dropkick after Nattie flips Alicia with a fluid snapmare. Layla then controls Alicia like a puppet by takcling her with a hairgrab takeover, a clothesline and a forearm shot. Lay rolls Alicia up Infinity style yet only manages to get two. Undeterred, Layla decides to have some fun and as usual, looks like your drunk Aunt at a family party. Shimmying, spanking and butt bumping ensues and everyone ends up face-palming. Aksana starts to mouth off and Layla shuts her up with a rectum to the face. Ms El’s next plan of action is to flatten Alicia with her LOL, yet Alicia batters her like a piece of meat with a stellar dropkick. She tries to get the win twice yet as both of those pin attempts fail, she tags in Aksana to see what she can do.
Following a stomp, Aksana drops Layla with a sideslam and then proceeds to do her sexy slug crawl across the mat. I still to this day have absolutely no idea what Aksana is doing and why she thinks it looks good. She looks like she’s on mushrooms! Aksana accentuates her sexiness(?) with a stiff kick to Layla’s mush before hilariously covering her. Seriously, what is this girl smoking?! Whatever that is, it’s not making her timid by any means as tells Natalya to “SHUT UP!” Following a cover, Aksana repeatedly chokes Layla in the corner with her foot, telling the crowd to be quiet in the process. The second choke around, Layla uses her legs to bend Aksana’s away from her and Layla pushes her adversary away. Can Layla make the tag?
Not quite, yet apparently, she doesn’t even need to!
After Aksana slams Layla by the hair, she tries to handle two Divas at once, turning her attention to attacking Natalya on the apron. Aksana took her eye off the Bombshell and WHACK! The Bombshell blew up in her face. 1-2-3! The segment ends with Layla kissing a young girl at ringside. You normally kiss the young boys Layla – I hope you didn’t mistake that girl for a boy! Awkward. Regardless of the awkwardness, that was a nice moment that I’m sure Layla will Instagram in every filter possible. #LOL
Thoughts: I really, really, really enjoyed this bout. It was fluid, fun and not once did the girls seem lost or flustered. Aksana’s character was great and she seemed to have nice chemistry with those involved. What I particularly loved was the fact that the flow of the match wasn’t in anyway like that of a particular match. There was no major rest hold submission two thirds of the way through and no adrenaline-fueled comeback at the end, this was way different and quite refreshing. Up until Alicia’s lovely dropkick catching Layla in mid air, the match was back and forth, incredibly even and I appreciated that change. Good going girls, you ALL impressed! And with that, stay tuned, Jack will be back!