Welcome, everyone, to another chilling, thrilling Raw Redux!~ Unfortunately Cryssi’s work schedule has taken it’s blasted toll, and therefore, I am here to take over in what was a pretty interesting night for the ladies of Raw. We had a rematch from the Royal Rumble which saw Tamina, Kelly Kelly, Eve, and Alicia Fox take on Brie & Nikki Bella, Natalya, and our reigning Divas Champion, Beth Phoenix! Resident Pocket Rocket, AJ, also accompanied Daniel Bryan to the ring for his ten millionth match against the Big Show, and Eve closed the show in a haunting segment with Kane backstage.

Without any further ado, let us kick off this Raw Redux with some action.

We head to the ring, where Justin Roberts announces the following 8-Diva tag team match, and since there are only eight Divas that WWE regularly uses on TV programming, I think it’s safe to assume who is involved. Nonetheless, “She Looks Good to Me” starts up, and out walks Alicia Fox, Tamina, Kelly Kelly, and Eve! As the four Divas strut into the ring, we get a video recap of last week’s antics involving Kane, Eve, and John Cena before heading back to the classy tune of our Glamazon’s theme. Natalya and the Bellas step out to the ramp by her side, and together the four ladies hop into the squared circle as we get a nice video recap of Beth Phoenix saying there’s no competition for her. Could WWE truly be building to Beth vs. Kharma?!

The bell sounds, and hey, we’re already two minutes and thirty three seconds into this video which on any given night, is the time given to their entire segment. Progress is being made! Nonetheless, the bell sounds as Eve and Beth start things off for their teams. Eve goes for a headlock, but Beth sends her off the ropes and Eve beautifully glides off the Glamazon’s back. She goes for a kick, but Beth DRILLS her in the face with the soon-to-be infamous clothesline that has since possibly broken Eve’s nose. She goes for a cover, but Torres kicks out and Beth bodyslams her before viciously striking Brie Bella in the chest and ordering her to show the Glamazon what she can do in the ring. I have to say, I’m absolutely loving this new version of Beth where she bosses people around “her” ring!

Brie walks into the ring and drops Eve with a neckbreaker, before slamming her head into the canvas and asking Beth what she thinks about that?! Suddenly, we see Nikki Bella scream out, “BRIANNNAAAAA” like any good twin would do, as Brie turns around and gets dropped with a Samoan Drop by our Warrior Princess, Tamina. Nikki hilariously shrieks for Tamina to “leave her alone”, but Tamina refuses to listen and heads to the top rope. Nikki B starts to walk over towards her, but Kelly and Alicia Fox take her off the apron and to the floor. Tamina then proceeds to set up for it… and yes, Superfly Splash connects as Tamina picks up the win for her team. She and Beth then exchange glares towards one another, as the Glamazon seems pleased with Tamina…hmm.

Later on in the night following Chris Jericho’s victory in a six pack challenge, we begin to hear a loud female scream that I assume is a fan with a loud voice, until the camera suddenly cuts backstage to see that it is none other than Eve Torres! She cowers in fear, as Kane walks into her dressing room and proclaims that he can’t stand the hate pouring out of his soul. He continues that John Cena is beginning to embrace the hate, but that he’s not all the way there yet. Kane proclaims that when Cena embraces the hate, he will be in a better place but that if he doesn’t get there soon, he fears for Eve, Cena, or anyone that steps in his path. From there, Kane ends that for the first time in his life, he is afraid of himself! Eve cries in fear, as our horror movie saga comes to a brilliant end for this week.

Also, check out the phenomenal duo that is Daniel Bryan and AJ, as she joins him at ringside for his match against the Big Show:

Thoughts: Pretty unique show tonight. The 8-Diva tag was what it was, in that they still didn’t get a good amount of ring time, however I like that nobody got a commercial entrance. It’s also very intriguing to me that we got to see a recap of the WWE.com segment featuring Beth because we all know the website posts numerous segments involving the women that never translate to TV. I refuse to believe WWE is considering Kharma vs. Beth for ‘Mania because it’s always a let down in terms of booking. The only way I can see it happening is if the dreaded lumberjill stipulation makes its ungodly return, however, they really are building Beth up as this dominant force and I honestly love it. She’s becoming more entertaining to me because she is getting to show some character such as ordering the other females to impress her or get out of her ring. It’s planting the seeds for WrestleMania and I can not wait.

It also looks as if Tamina could be the challenger to Beth heading into the Elimination Chamber, which is pretty interesting considering I remember recapping her and JTG every week on NXT just a few months ago. It’s very weird seeing them actually utilize someone that’s not Kelly or Eve, and while Tamina isn’t everyone’s favorite, she’s one of mine because she is so unique in every way possible. I like that she isn’t cookie cutter, and yes, she’s not the greatest wrestler in the ring, but she and Natalya had a great outing on Superstars, therefore I have no doubt she and Beth could do the same on a pay per view. I’m assuming she is going to be used solely to bide time for Kharma’s complete return heading into ‘Mania, which is fine with me and it provides us with a fresh match that we have never seen before.

Eve’s segment with Kane was killer as well. I love that she is getting so much exposure on Raw with the top caliber stars, and tonight was the icing on the cake in that she actually got to close the show. You had Chris Jericho win a six pack challenge in the main event, and he is interrupted by a segment involving Eve… now that is phenomenal. (Note from Melanie: Backstage segments are pre-taped before the live show, so that’s why Eve looks fine here. The segment was recorded before her injury in the Divas match.)

AJ and Daniel Bryan work so well together too, it’s unbelievable. She plays the victim to a T, and he is the perfect person to work off of because he knows wrestling so well and is able to add in little quirks such as never saying he loves her back, and constantly persuading her to accompany him to the ring and use her to his advantage. I always wanted WWE to incorporate the females into male storylines, and judging from tonight, Eve and AJ are playing key roles on TV and I approve!

Discuss the show in the comments!

I realize that I’ve been absent from the Redux for the past two weeks, but I assure you guys that there is a perfectly good explanation for that. When I think of it, I’ll let you know, but as of right freakin’ now, I am back! And what a Raw it was, in every single way. The road to WrestleMania is arguably the best time to be a wrestling fan and last night was a good reminder as to why. The pieces slowly start to fall into place for the grandest spectacle of them all, and we’re treated with excellent matches, hot storylines, and our creative juices start to flow as we book our own personal WrestleManias in our head. Last night, I wanted more Kharma and after seeing her return the way she did at the Royal Rumble, I wanted her to have some type of epic confrontation with Vickie Guerrero. I wanted her to then make a beeline for Beth Phoenix and annoint herself as the person who was going to end Beth’s reign. I wanted Eve Torres to confront John Cena and blame him for not embracing the hate. It’s because of Cena that her man, Zack Ryder, can’t even lift his flip camera to film another episode of Z! True Long Island Story. I wanted Brie and Nikki, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, AJ to make a return at Daniel Bryan’s side. I wanted all of these things.

But I didn’t get any of it.

And as sad as it makes me, what we did see on Raw was so good I can’t find it in myself to be disappointed. We got a quick title match with an epic ending, and for the first time ever I’m finding a reason to like Eve and care about what happens to her. It’s pretty amazing and I can’t wait to get started so with that be-

Excuse me. I want to interrupt this very important Raw Redux with a very special bulletin. Sorry, Khaleesi!

Following a sure to be interesting “WWE: Did You Know” tidbit, we head to the arena as the angelic voices of Cameron and Naomi introduce Brodus Clay to the ring. They dub him the only living, breathing, romping stomping Funkasaurus in captivity… as what is this? A disco ball is shown hanging from the ceiling! Suddenly, the two ladies jive their way out to the stage in some new blue attires as the man of the night himself claws himself out from backstage. After an amazing shot of Cameron and Naomi as they pose under the disco ball, they help Brodus into the ring as the three slide from side to side showing off their overall funk-ness. The pyro goes off with the three posing in the ring, and his opponent for the night, Tyler Reks, climbs into the squared circle following a bad Jerry Lawler joke.

They go to lock up, but Brodus simply uses his brute strength to shove Reks backwards. Tyler tries to fight back to no avail, as Brodus takes control with his posed moves. Reks finally connects with a few kicks to the side, as he becomes the first person to show any type of offense against Clay! This seems to merely pump the giant up, with him hoisting Reks up for one of his Shee-plexes, before connecting with a strike to the back and finishing it off with “What the Funk”! Cameron screams her joy out, as the three all climb back into the ring and dance the night away with the crowd!

Thoughts: What a brilliant, phenomenal, heart wrenching, yet sensational segment from our resident dance trio. You can tell that WWE is seeing the potential in them with the added features weekly (from the Divas introducing him 2 weeks ago to the disco ball now). I love that there is finally something I love to watch that isn’t on internet programming because it really makes me look forward to Raw and SmackDown more each week. I do hope they begin to transition Brodus out of the squash matches soon before people start to get tired of them, but for now, I’m just enjoying finally getting to look forward to the televised shows again. Planet Funk forever!

Okay, seriously Bobby.

That ladies and gentlemen, is our own Bobby. How can I begrudge someone so innocent and happy?

Back to what I was saying now. The evolution of Eve.

It was announced earlier in the night that Beth would finally put her title on the line against Eve, which was supposed to happen weeks ago if you recall. Instead of a title match that night, we had to watch Ryder change a tire for twenty minutes while Kane lurked and our gorgeous Dolph beat up on John Cena. That’s pretty pointless but I seriously needed a reason to mention Dolph in this Redux. Now that it’s out of the way, lets go!

Eve is the first to head to the ring, and thank God she’s not smiling for a change. She’s visibly upset and rightfully so. It’s the little things that matter, and this is so good to see. Eve is looking over her shoulder, probably trying to make sure Kane isn’t stalking her, and once she hits the ring she doesn’t even play to the crowd. Beth follows her out looking like a dominate (albeit rarely seen) champion, and we get set for the match. King and Cole actually put over the Divas by saying a lot of them have several things going on right now (yay AJ mention), and they wonder how Eve will even be able to concentrate on this match. Once the bell rings, Eve goes crazy. She lights Beth up and gets her in the corner, kicking her down to the ground. She has to be restrained by the referee so she doesn’t get disqualified, and Beth comes flying back at her opponent with a clothesline that Eve sells so well that surely backstage Dolph Ziggler is proud. Beth picks up a defeated Eve and lays her out with a Glam Slam, picking up what’s no doubt one of the quickest championship victories ever.

Beth seems pleased with her effort and the referee goes to check on Eve. She’s suffering mentally and physically now, but our poor heroine gets no reprieve. The arena turns red, Kane’s music starts to play, and the Big Red Monster appears on the big screen. He calls to Eve and wants to know how she feels knowing everything that has happened to her man could have been avoided had Cena simply embraced the hate. Kane is pretty furious that Cena doesn’t want to turn heel, and he goes as far as saying that until Cena bathes himself in the jeers of the crowd that he won’t ever beat Kane, and he won’t even beat that hot piece of man candy, The Rock. Eve has her best confused/befuddled/scared soap opera faces going on, as she’s still in the ring. That referee who was checking on her? Oh, he got the heck out of there as soon as Kane’s lights came on. Coward.

Kane makes a pretty harsh proclamation that he will continue to ignore the Be A Star campaign and beat up Zack, all thanks to Cena’s refusal to become a bully. Eve doesn’t like the sound of that. What she likes even less is when Kane uses his mental thesaurus to pull out a word that I can’t even spell to threaten her. Tonight Kane is going to use Eve to hurt Zack.

Dammit, Cena.

Eve and everyone else is deeply troubled by this and to add some more drama, the pyro explodes signalling that Kane is on his way to the ring. There really is nowhere for Eve to go so she stands frozen in fear, staring at the entrance. The crowd suddenly gets loud and that’s because when Eve turns around THERE IS KANE! Oh my gosh! Creepy masked Kane is standing there and Eve screams in horror. She falls down and proceeds to play the part of damsel in distress pretty perfectly. Kane creeps towards. Eve scoots back. It seems hopeless. It truly, truly seems hopeless. That is until…

JOHN CENA MAKES THE SAVE!!111!!1!!!1111!!1

Cena rushes the ring and goes right for Kane, and Eve seizes the chance to get the hell out of that ring and to the safety of the Diva’s lockerroom. Not even Kane would dare stalk her there and while an impressive brawl between the men ensues, you just have to wipe the sweat off your brow and praise the wrestling gods that for another week, at least, that Eve is okay.

AMAZING!

This segment was so, so much fun, and believe it or not, it’s the only time I will ever condone such a short match. It would have made absolutely no sense to have a legit match between Beth and Eve. Eve was in no fit state to wrestle and should have absolutely lost as quickly as she did. The ending, continuing to use Eve in this storyline, and all the little details Eve displayed absolutely made up for whatever bit of a match we didn’t get to see. We already know Eve is a worthy challenger to Beth, but only when she’s got her mind one hundred percent on wrestling. From a character standpoint she clearly has other things going on in her life and this ways incredibly well done on the part of everyone involved. Beth looks like a heartless champion who only cares about her title, and with what little we’ve seen of her lately, that’s the best thing the WWE can give her.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next with all of this, but I know for a fact that I’m looking forward to Raw next week. The soap opera fan in me is eating up all of this. I love it and I hope you guys do as well.

Until next week… Cryssi out!

Discuss the show in the comments!

Why hello again, it is I, Bobby, and before you all accuse me of Redux hijacking I will inform you that Cryssi is not feeling her very best. Besides, I would never hijack Khaleesi’s Redux when that HHH (Husky Harris Hating) team member named Steven is an option. But enough introduction, let’s get on to this week’s showing from the flagship show of the WWE. We did not have a match involving the females, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t get some nice character development from Eve, as well as one of my personal highlights in the entire company, Planet Funk, consisting of Brodus Clay, Naomi, and Cameron graced us with their presence this evening. What are we waiting for? Let’s jump right into the fun.

… Did you really think I could force myself to type about anything but this first?

We head out to the arena as the angelic voices of both Cameron and Naomi introduce Brodus Clay to the ring as the only living… breathing… romping, stomping… Funkasaurus in captivity! His addictive music hits, as the two lovely ladies make their way out to the ring doing their finest dancing! They clap along with the music, as do I, and proceed to skip their way down to the ring making phone motions as they request for you to call his mama! Brodus walks down with them in a snazzy new white suit as he makes dinosaur claw motions to the screen, while they hold the ropes open for him to enter. As he brings the house down with his moves, the trio proceed to slide across the ring with some added dance steps. Once I’m able to settle down from imitating the entire act on my own floor, they pose as pyro goes off and we spot William Regal on commentary!

From there, we see Brodus’ prey for this evening, and it’s finally someone that pleases me to see dismantled… Heath Slater! He rudely cackles at Brodus and his dance troupe, before entering the ring and viewing as Brodus shakes his rump. Heath tries to run off the ropes, but he charges right into a brick wall as he crashes to the mat in pain. William Regal compares Brodus’ dancing to a walrus giving birth, which sparks me to pause the video and take time out to laugh, before continuing on as Heath hits a dropkick to absolutely no effect. He taunts the crowd before falling victim to a running splash by Brodus, who continues it up with the Shee-Plex! Clay runs forward with another splash into the corner, before coming off the ropes with his patented charging crossbody for the victory! Naomi and Cameron once again climb into the ring, as Brodus lets the ladies get some solo’s to the millions watching. William Regal claims that he could do things to Cameron and Naomi (which is still surreal to finally hear said on TV) as we end this miraculous segment with the three of them moving around the ring.

As Zack Ryder and Kane battle it out in a lengthy match which sees Zack’s “friend”, Eve Torres come down to ringside and try to will him on, we spot the two on the stage in which Zack is basically dead weight from taking such a beating. Kane lifts him up and proceeds to BRUTALLY chokeslam him through the stage. Eve can be heard screaming hysterically, as she walks over and tries to cope with what has just happened. Suddenly, Kane turns his attention to her as she quickly tries to run back away from him! She manages to step to the side of the ring, when John Cena walks out and somehow causes Kane to escape through the crowd. Eve runs back up the ramp to help check on Zack, who looks to be pretty much incapacitated.

A medical crew proceeds to stretcher Zack out of the building, which sees both Eve and John Cena following close behind watching in fear at their fallen friend. Once the team loads Zack into the ambulance (quick shout out to Kelly Kelly and the Bella Twins on a brief Raw appearance), the cameras focus on Eve and John, as she tells Cena this is all his fault! John tries to tell her he didn’t cause this, but she doesn’t let him continue as she cuts him off and says he’s done enough already. She tells the main eventer that SHE will be riding with Zack, not him, before climbing into the ambulance and leaving Cena to watch in agony as it rides away. Josh Matthews attempts to approach him with a question, but Cena shoves the microphone back and makes a weird looking face that screams constipation… but I digress. This segment comes to a close as our terrified philanthropist hopefully manages to help Zack not be seriously injured.

Thoughts: While there wasn’t a match, I thought Eve did great in her role tonight. Some may have questioned her acting, but I don’t know, I thought she did well in telling Cena that it was all his fault, and it’s remarkable to see a Diva being given air time with undoubtedly the top star the company has. She’s certainly being more focused on in this program, and that’s definitely a good thing. I’m intrigued to see if this leads to her turning heel any time soon, or whether or not it’s just adding fuel to the fire for Cena to make the turn with having his friends blaming him for stuff when he was only trying to help. I don’t know what’s coming next in this angle, and to be honest, that’s a good thing.

Funkasaurus… Oh, what can I say? I’ve worshiped this stable since the first second that disco music hit the sound system three weeks ago, and it’s finally given me something I can look forward to seeing every week. The crowd seems to be getting behind them, and judging from the fact they have been given time on BOTH shows, I’d say it’s definitely catching on backstage! Seeing Naomi and Cameron on TV is great for me since I overly love both of them, and I really hope they transition into the ring after the crowd gets to know them more because I think they would definitely be impressed with what they see. Naomi is insanely talented, and Cameron is already showing a great improvement down at FCW, so things can only go up for them. I’d take this over either debuting in an already (unfortunately) fledgling Divas division any day of the week.

Speaking of which, it is kind of a bummer to not see a match tonight. I know that it probably would’ve been forty seconds (counting entrances) but I wish they would’ve thrown something out there. This is now the fifth week of not seeing the Divas Champion on Raw, which really seems suspicious to me, but never the less, perhaps next week the females will get some ring time on the show. With that being said, tonight’s Raw was a nice showing for the Divas in terms of character progression, especially Eve, but not so great in the sense that they didn’t get any sort of action, especially after last week’s “highly publicized” angle.

Discuss the show in the comments!

Discuss the show in the comments!

So here we are once again, and I, your Khaleesi, is putting her fingers to the keyboard and doing her first Redux of 2012. I want to extend my gratitude to my sweet little Bobbita who filled in for me last week and wrote a Redux so beautiful it nearly made me weep tears of joys. And speaking of tears, there were many shed last night as I drowned myself in sloppy kisses and expensive tequila while watching LSU absolutely SUCK against the disgusting babyface team of the SEC, Alabama. Thanks to LSU FAILING I have to endure the heartbreak and trauma, and year-long idiocy of Alabama fans everywhere praising their Coach Nick Satan as the second coming of Paul Bear Bryant, and how Alabama is a juggernaut of superiority in the state, and blah blah blah. It’s enough to make any Auburn want to throw themselves off a cliff, but we shall overcome and beat those sorry pieces of sh-

Whoa… this is supposed to be a Raw Redux right? Yeah, well, back on track. I missed Raw last night thanks to the BCS National Championship game, and once again I stayed away from spoilers despite my longtime wrasslin’ buddy telling me how good Dolph Ziggler was in 140 characters or less. That means it’s time for another “live” Redux so to speak. So lets get to watchin’ Raw, so I can see how everything went down last night!

Thus far, there have been no Diva sightings, but I want to take a moment to congratulate Edge on being the first person announced for the 2012 Hall of Fame. As a life-long Edge fan, this means the world to me. We all know he could still be competing if his body would have allowed it, and as someone who was in Atlanta last year, I’m so grateful that I got to see his final ever match. This is so richly deserved even if it’s coming sooner than it should thanks to his abrupt retirement. Edge was someone who gave us memorable matches, wonderful moments, and let’s not forget that he was almost always involved with a Diva there towards the end. Congratulations, Edge!

Now, on with the show.

We’re brought almost immediately to our first Diva sighting of the night. Yay! Backstage, the United States Champion, Zack Ryder, is on the phone with his dad.

Zack is telling his dad that after almost losing his life last week on Raw, that he’s understandably afraid of what Kane might have in store for him this week. No doubt, the Long Island heartthrob has suffered from severe nightmares thanks to Kane’s violent antics, but at least his boo, John Cena, saved him. Nonetheless, Zack is pretty upset, but when he notices the lovely Eve Torres standing behind him, he promptly changes his tune. He hangs up and turns his charm on, but Eve’s not buying it. She wants to Zack to get serious for a moment and she asks him if he’s alright. He spouts some song and dance about not living in fear, and that brings him to something he wants to ask Eve. He takes a brief moment, and then finally asks her out. He says he doesn’t have a match and they can just go out right now. Eve looks like she wants to reject him, but she just blurts out yes. Zack can’t believe it, but he’s excited. Eve tells him that he has to wait because she has a match with Beth Phoenix tonight. Eve also reveals that if she can somehow beat Beth, she’ll get a shot at the Divas Championship. Zack wishes her luck and tells her he knows she can beat Beth. Eve gives him a flirty little sideways glance and goes “…you know it” before walking off. Zack stares at his crush, and then as if he senses someone has been watching them, he glances behind him. Not seeing anything, he just shakes it off and walks off.

Cue Kane being creepy and walking out from behind a door.

Let me play fantasy booker for a minute. Kane wants to end John Cena. Kane doesn’t seem to like Zack Ryder either. Kane tried to take Zack Ryder down to the fiery depths of hell last week but John Cena saved Zack Ryder. Now Kane is stalking Zack Ryder. Maybe Kane should go after Eve to get to Zack Ryder?

That needs to happen.

What never needed to happen, however, is the debut of Brodus Clay. Or maybe it did. I just never needed to write about it. But yes, here I am, about to sit here and embed a video with the debut of Brodus, and his dancers. Yup, you read that right… his dancers.

For weeks, the debut of Brodus Clay has been Raw’s long running joke. For seven hundred weeks now, Clay has been tapped to debut, or re-debut since he ran around with Alberto and Ricardo on SmackDown for awhile. Lo and behold we finally got to witness the massive beast from NXT make his presence felt on our favorite flagship show. And he didn’t come alone. The suddenly happy, jovial dancing ‘Funkasaurus’ busted through the guerrilla curtains in all his glory. In what is no doubt a tribute to the wonderful Flash Funk and the Funkettes, Brodus and his dancers, NAOMI and Ariane Andrew, surely made an impression.

They made an impression on me, anyway. I’m not entirely sure what to make of this. Maybe it’s a one-off thing, but I highly doubt it. A lot of time and effort appears to have gone into this and well at least it gets Naomi on the main roster. It’s kind of ironic that fans have cried and cried for the better part of forever to get this woman on the main roster so she can have actual matches and such, and she shows up in the role of dancer. I guess we all have to start somewhere, and if it’s as a dancer, then so be it. Alicia started off as a wedding planner, and then a manager for DJ Gabriel. Victoria/Tara made her debut as one of the Godfather’s “hos.” Kelly started as a stripper on ECW. And last, but not least, Trish Stratus once had to get down on all fours and bark like a dog. It’s wrestling, and it’s business, and that’s how it goes sometimes. Naomi is perhaps one of the most gifted pure athletes the WWE has ever had. I think that in the end she’ll end up being fine.

And before all the cries of outrage happen, just remember, you are all getting what you wanted: Naomi on Raw. And welcome to Raw to you too, Ariane! Both of them looked smoking hot in the little red catsuits and boots.

The Diva goodies keep on coming, but first an update on Zack/Eve. Zack is in the bathroom brushing his teeth when it finally dawns on him that he is indeed going on with Eve later on tonight. He’s praising himself for being the man for finally getting himself in her good graces when something eery comes over the bathroom. Zack kind of freaks out. I can’t say I blame him. Kane is messing with him.

Meanwhile, The Miz is continuing his quest for help in his personal battle against Uncle Troof. He was unsuccessful with Mason Ryan earlier, so this time he tries to convince Primo, Epico, and the lovely Rosa Mendes to help him.

All I have to say is that as brief as this was, it was pretty wonderful. Rosa’s broken Spanish/English always makes me laugh, and the fact she used it to curse out Miz is absolutely brilliant. Rosa was born to play this role and I’m so happy she’s finally getting used properly. I didn’t have to watch her dance, and her dress/fierce ankle bootie combo was hot. Loved this so much. I only wish these three would get more and more screen time. They deserve it, and a tag team title reign as well.

Goodness, so much epicness already and we haven’t even had that match yet! I’m absolutely loving this Raw so far.

What makes me love it even more is that it’s finally given me my first sighting of Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler, and Jack Swagger! With Ziggler facing Punk in three weeks at the Rumble, his stablemate, Swagger is squaring off against Punk tonight. Vickie and Dolph came to ringside with him.

John Lauricantbebotheredtolookuphowtospellhisname decides to rain on the parade, and since he is the special guest referee for the match at the Rumble, he wants to prove he can be impartial. He tells Punk that if he can beat Swagger, Vickie and Jack will both be banned from ringside come January 29th! I think we all know what happens, especially if you watched the video provided. A beautifully blown call leads to a Swagger loss, and both Vickie and Dolph are beside themselves. Lets be honest, Vickie is the key to Dolph’s success when it comes to title matches. She’s handed him a world title before and with her banned at the Rumble, our favorite heel’s back is against the wall. No doubt Vickie and friends will try and fight the call, but we can only sit on pins and needles and wait to see what happens. The match itself was amazing, and the next few weeks are going to be quite significant for Vickie and her men.

Up next, we have yet more Divas, and this time it’s my favorites! Brie and Nikki Bella, of course.

They are arguing backstage, as per usual these days, and Brie name drops Stacy Keibler. Before their argument can get any further, Ricardo Rodriguez walks into the scene and demands to know why the twins summoned him all the way to Raw while he was back home in Mexico. Brie tells Alberto’s faithful servant that they want him to personally deliver a message to his employer. Ricardo wants to know why they’ve never heard of cellphones, but Nikki cuts him off. Right as she’s about to give the message, The Miz shows up. He’s still trying to get people on his side in his feud with Troof, and this time he tries a different approach. He basically forgets about the STAR campaign and bullies Ricardo into doing his dirty work for him. He demands that the chambermaid head to the ring and offend R-Truth so bad that he comes out to the ring, presumably so Miz can ambush him. He threatens poor Ricardo with bodily harm and Ricardo, bless him, tries to get the girls to accompany him to the ring. They not-so-politely turn down the invitation, and walk off, leaving Ricardo with no other choice than to do the Miz’s dastardly deed. Oh dear.

Another home-run for Raw. Not only did this segment give me Bella Twins in fierce dresses, but it lets me know that the WWE hasn’t forgotten about their crush on Alberto Del Rio. This is the perfect example of storyline continuation despite the main player being injured. I love this Raw so much. Seriously, what else can happen?

I’ll tell you what… a Divas match can finally happen! It was teased earlier in the night, and now it’s time. Beth versus Eve.

Eve’s theme music starts to play and she makes her way to the ring. She actually gets a pretty good reaction from the crowd this week, and that’s nice to see. She plays it up, gets in the ring, and now we get to see Beth, who’s not been on Raw since being injured by Alicia.

Uhhh wait a second, that’s not Beth’s music!

Kane’s music starts to play and immediately Eve starts to panic. She looks around frantically trying to find the Big Red Machine, but to no avail. She gets out of the ring, crying from fear I assume, and Zack rushes to the ring. He grabs Eve’s hand and takes off running, not wanting any harm to come to his lady love. It’s so cute, yet so cheesy, and he takes her to the parking lot. They rush towards what can only be assumed is Zack’s waiting rental car, but of course, OF COURSE, it has a flat tire. Eve is freaking out and like any good, and when I say good I really mean bad, horror movie, Zack has a solution. He reaches in the back of the SUV, grabs a spare tire that just happens to be there, as well as one of those things you use to get the lugnuts off a tire. Eve is telling him to hurry, Zack make sure she locks the door, and he goes to work trying to yank the tire off.

Dun… duuuuuuuuuuuun… duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!

Cue graphic for John Cena versus Dolph Ziggler which is up next! We’re just going to keep going with it. I refuse to believe I’m going to be left with such a daunting cliffhanger.

Raw returns with Eve screaming at Zack to hurry. He’s still struggling with the tire, except he’s trying to get the spare on now, and Eve is growing more and more frightened by the minute. Dolph has made his way into the ring, back inside the arena, and he looks like he’s ready to go! Vickie is staring at her man with stars in her eyes, and I don’t blame her. Dolph is one hell of a man. Oh my.

Anyway, ahem.

Cena makes his way to the ring, and he has a thunderous ovation. He’s ready to rise above the hate tonight, I reckon, and get a victory over The Show-Off. The match gets underway after Cena proves that his skill set is not limited to running the ropes during his entrance. Dolph breaks a potential lock-up with a show of arrogance, and Cena just looks amused. The men lock up again and this is where I tune out and just picture my own wrestling match versus Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph is perfect. Grass is mostly green. Water is wet. The sun is hot. He keeps Cena grounded with a headlock and decides to see if he can do a headstand while keeping his grip on Cena. He succeeds. After dropping a series of elbows on Cena, Dolph decides to show us all the proper way to do crunches. The man does have nice abs. Vickie is swooning on the outside. Cena moves when Dolph goes for another elbow, and this gives the 23498203498-time champ time to get in the five moves of doom. He starts doing his thing and right when he goes in for the kill, or whatever it is that Cena does, he is distracted by the titan tron. Zack Ryder is still outside, unable to get that tire on completely. Cena stops to watch. Cena asks the referee what is going on, and suddenly we hear Eve’s shrieks of horror.

Kane has come up and starts beating the tar of out Cena’s bestie. He’s pretty much killing Zack in front of Eve, and Dolph uses what’s going on and Cena’s worry to his advantage. He locks in the sleeper hold and starts to bring Superman down to his knees. I swear I know how this is going to happen. SuperCena is somehow going to overcome this and save Zack. I can’t even handle this right now.

Okay, well, he may not save Zack since the champ just got choke slammed off the loading dock. For the love of God, can we make sure Eve is okay?

Meanwhile, Cena has indeed gotten rid of Dolph, and he’s looking at the titantron with tears in his eyes. Cena wants to go save the day (despite that fact it’s too little, too late for Zack), and he leaves. Dolph catches him and tries the sleeper hold again. He just ends up slammed into the steel ring steps. Cena takes off running to the back and the referee begins to count. Vickie begins to scream at Dolph to get in the ring, but he’s wounded and moving a little slow. Cena storms the back where Kane is waiting and they fight while the camera gets a creepy look at Zack Ryder’s unconscious body. Cena ends up getting choke out. Ryder is like I said basically dead for now. Eve is probably still in the car, with the doors locked, screaming. And my only question is, did Vickie urge Dolph into the ring so he could get another win?

Oh Raw… 2012 is being so good to you so far!

As hilariously awful as the Eve/Zack flat tire fiasco was, I absolutely love her being involved in this. If this wasn’t the greatest episode of Raw ever, then I don’t know what is. It’s going to be hard to top this, but man. I’m really excited for next Monday and I definitely won’t be missing it!

Until next week, Cryssi out!

Former NXT rookie Naomi and former Tough Enough contestant Ariane Andrew made their debuts on Raw tonight — as dancers for the debuting Brodus Clay.

Clay returned with a dancing ‘Funkasaurus’ gimmick complete with two backing dancers, played by the two Divas.

Naomi came second on the third season of NXT and is perhaps the most athletically gifted in-ring female in WWE’s developmental system. Meanwhile, Andrew was the first contestant cut on Tough Enough last year, but was still signed by WWE. She goes by the name Cameron Lynn in FCW. Andrew is perhaps best known for citing Alicia Fox vs Melina as her favorite match on the season premiere of Tough Enough.

Thoughts: My initial thought was, “Poor Naomi!” However, other Divas have debuted in silly roles but gone on to grow their careers. Victoria/Tara debuted as one of The Godfather’s “hos”, Kelly was an exhibitionist etc.

Discuss the show in the comments!

Greetings potentially new audience who has no idea that I ever existed at Diva Dirt, it is I, Bobby, here to take over Khaleesi Cryssi’s Redux this week. Thankfully, it was a week where the Divas segments of Raw weren’t too shabby and I was able to watch with a smile on my face as Brie and Nikki Bella took on the team of Kelly Kelly and Eve. If you’re curious as to the reason I was smiling, why it’s because everyone got — brace yourselves — an actual ENTRANCE! Yes, clearly a gift from the heavens above for the New Year, but don’t get too comfortable just yet as we all know it won’t last.

In other news, we had some brilliant backstage segments with the Bellas, Eve, and Vickie Guerrero, who also managed the Khal to Cryssi’s Khaleesi (Game of Thrones reference score for me), Dolph Ziggler in a WWE Championship match!

Now without any further ado, let’s kick off the first Raw Redux of 2012 with things that make Cryssi happy: Bella Twins and Khaleesi approved ring gear!

As we become informed that we can look, but can’t touch, out pops Brie and Nikki B (sorry, I have that Super Bass video stuck in my head right now) looking killer in their black catsuits. The duo shake and shimmy down the entrance ramp which nearly gives Jerry Lawler palpitations. They then flip inside the ring and taunt the fans, as suddenly it’s time to “holla, holla, holla”, and the crowd does just that as out comes Eve and Kelly Kelly. The two looks top notch in some awesome new orange/gold type gear. (I’m not the best with clothes, but per contract negotiations with Cryssi, I must acknowledge this.) They walk down the ramp and into the ring, as the fans continue to go wild for the two. From there, the bell sounds and we get underway!

Brie and Kelly start things off, as our Bella applies a waist lock to Kelly and smacks her off. This does nothing but anger the feisty K2, who in turn, smacks Brie across the face and on the booty! Kelly shoves Brie into the corner and proceeds to slam her head off the turnbuckle padding until she falls coincidentally in place for a good ol’ fashioned ‘raise the roof’ stink face! Kelly then signals for her trademark bulldog, but this Bella Twin has been hit with it so much that she has prepared herself! Brie proceed to lean back and shoves Kelly down by the blond locks. She drags the former Divas Champion to her corner and makes the tag in to Nikki, as the twins proceed to hit a fancy double team maneuver to Kelly. Nikki makes the cover, but only garners a two count.

Nikki shows off the personality that I know and love by screaming out, “Huh, you like that little girl?!” She applies a submission hold, albeit brief, as Kelly manages to counter it into a nice jawbreaker. K2 tries to slide over for the tag, as Nikki goes for a clothesline to stop her. Kelly, like Brie’s earlier bulldog counter, has studied her opponents well and ducks the clothesline to get the tag in to Eve Torres! Eve runs in with a clothesline of her own, followed up with one of the, what I believe are, best dropkicks in wrestling. She then kicks Nikki in the face and runs off the ropes with a sit down clothesline. With Nikki down, Eve pumps up the booty and pops for the crowd in attendance. I begin to fear whats to come because Nikki is not in the right place for a moonsault, but thankfully, the savior that is Brie Bella distracts Eve and prevents possible injury!

Eve sets her sight on Brie, as she charges forward and dropkicks her off the ring apron. This allows Nikki to regain composure and attack Eve from behind. She sends Torres into the corner, but Eve hits a beautiful kick off the ropes and starts to climb. We all know what’s coming… Can it be? YES! The Torresault connects. One.. two… thr… wait a second! Brie Bella just charges on in and breaks up what would have been a mirror end to most all of their other tag bouts together. Props to you Brie for this rapid improvement on stopping Kelly and Eve’s signature moves! Kelly Kelly runs in and gives me memories of her brilliant segment on NXT Season 3 (come on, you know I had to sneak in an NXT mention somewhere) as she screams out, “Are you freaking kidding me right now?!” Ultimately, this gives the Bellas enough time to pull out Twin Magic, as Brie rolls up Eve for the shocking victory! The twins celebrate their momentous win, as Kelly and Eve plot their next move of revenge!~

Now let me take you on a ride back in time to before the match we just recapped had yet to happen. Brie and Nikki Bella are seen sporting their ring gear backstage with The Miz, as they argue about whether or not the recent issues between Miz and R-Truth are the fault of well, Miz or R-Truth. The Miz interrupts them and asks if they’ve seen Truth, to which they proclaim they haven’t. Brie then adds that they did see Little Jimmy though (I laughed), which brings chuckles from the devious duo. This fool then tells the Bellas he’s glad Alberto Del Rio got hurt, which makes their jaws drop as he makes his way over to find R-Truth.

Again, this segment is back in time before the match took place, but after the Bellas segment with Miz did. Eve Torres is seen speaking to her recent fling, Zack Ryder, as he informs her that he watched their victory last week on loop. Eve admits that’s rather sweet, although kind of weird. Suddenly, Jack Swagger interrupts the two fan favorites, as Zack asks him how it’s going. Jack tells him there’s an impostor walking around with the U.S. Title, which ultimately fools Ryder into thinking someone swiped his belt (despite it being on his waist right that second). Our philanthropist, Eve, informs Zack of what he actually means, as Swagger calls him a dork. Ryder claims that just because both he and Swagger’s names end in “E-R” doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to send him to the ER!~

As Eve and Zack briefly fist bump each other, Jack says he will take Zack’s title and his girlfriend. (Just because I stand up for all that is right, I must inform you that Eve and Zack are not quite there yet.) Suddenly, the garbage that I refuse to name anything but Laryngitis walks into the scene and informs us of his unfortunate job title. He decides to book a six man elimination tag. This greatly excites me as I begin to think some midcard talents will be used! The GM then names the teams as Swagger, Mark Henry and Kane against Ryder, Big Show and John Cena. Welp, there went my joyous hope.

After a brief recap of last week’s monumental occurrence where Dolph Ziggler pinned WWE Champion, C.M. Punk, we are taken backstage to Josh Mathews as he stands by with the challenger in tonight’s title bout, Dolph himself! As I sense Cryssi’s Ziggler senses going off at the mere thought of his name being typed, the camera pans out to reveal Dolph (brilliantly) doing a headstand! He flips over as Vickie Guerrero enters the mix and Josh asks him if there’s any way he can become the new WWE Champion after the controversial finish last week. Dolph says that last week he pinned the WWE Champion just as easily as doing the headstand we witnessed. He adds that he believes if you got it, flaunt it, and nobody flaunts it better than he does every single night. (Insert Khaleesi Cryssi approval here.)

Dolph begins to explain how our country is in debt, and our kids are out of shape. He adds that they can’t read and test scores are brought down below Japan by states like Tennessee! He dubs himself a walking surplus of talent, athleticism, charisma…you name it he’s got it! Dolph continues on that everything he’s ever wanted, he’s got… except the WWE Championship. He tells everyone to hang on to their ticket stubs because they are going to want to know where they were the moment Dolph Ziggler became the new WWE Champion. With that, he and Vickie head out to the ring as Josh Mathews is left with a history lesson courtesy of Professor Ziggler!~

And, since Vickie Guerrero is present throughout, be sure to watch Dolph’s Championship bout against C.M. Punk below:

Thoughts: What a way to ring in the new year! I thought the match was better than usual for Raw standards, although I must admit I’m still in shock that everyone got an entrance. Somewhere, you know that backstage Eve, Kelly, and the Bellas were thanking all that is right in the world they went on before Chris Jericho hammed it up for 10 minutes. I loved that it was different than all their other tags though, like I felt like all of the Bellas vs. Kelly and Eve bouts have been the same formula with the Bellas doing submissions until Eve and Kelly fight back with their signature moves, so it was very refreshing to see something different. I don’t really mind what some may nitpick about the ending, it still worked and that’s good enough for me. Overall, I enjoyed the tag bout and thought all four ladies did stellar together.

The backstage segments were pretty fun as well. The Bella Twins shine on the microphone to me, and putting them in segments to continue their Alberto Del Rio stuff is what I want. I thought they looked great beside him and Ricardo last week, so as long as its occasionally brought up while Del Rio is out with injury, I’m fine with it because that way fans don’t forget about it. Eve also seems to shine in her segments with Zack Ryder. I loved the WWE.com one, and thought this was great as well. They seem to mesh off one another easily and she really seems to be coming into her own with both ring work and personality as of late. Kudos to Eve indeed! The Vickie/Dolph segment was beyond words brilliant. I like that Dolph shows off in both actions and words, because hell if I knew all that information he was spouting out. He taught me more than school ever did! Anyways, to sum this up, I thought the diva related portions of Raw were great for raw standards. I hope to see this trend continue (and please, give us entrances more often) .

Discuss the show in the comments!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to those of you still celebrating. As always, I am your Khaleesi, the one and only Cryssi, some people call me Cryssi Cryssi (when I’m drunk, usually), and today I’m bringing you a Redux full of Christmas cheer. I realize that we celebrated the birth of Jesus Christ on Sunday, but the WWE was off until Monday, and last night they had plenty of wonderful gifts to hand out. We got Divas galore in all forms; a backstage segment, a fun mixed tag team match, and a promo cut right on the stage. Vickie Guerrero brought the fierce, as we’re all accustomed to seeing, and overall it was just fun a night of pure WWE entertainment. Goodness, never thought I would write a sentence like that. But hey, on a night where people can suddenly praise Johnny Ace, if for one night only, anything can happen. If that’s not a Christmas miracle, then I don’t know what is.

Kicking us off tonight are former SmackDown buddies Kelly Kelly and Big Show. There wasn’t really a point to this segment other than for Kelly to put over the Diva fitness and beauty tips on another website. Big Show seemed shocked he needed beauty tips, and the segment was interrupted by my favorite referee Scott Armstrong. He told Big Show that Johnny Ace needed to see him in his office. Both Show and Kelly ignored the plucky ref, but Armstrong was insistent that it was incredibly important. Show finally relented and Kelly teased him that he was probably in trouble. Big Show handed Kelly back her iPad and that was that.

Nothing wrong with the segment. They put over something the Divas had done, and really, who can complain about that? Big Show and Kelly were also adorable on SmackDown when they had segments together. He always watched her back like a big brother and it was fun to see it again, even if it was so brief. Love it.

Moving on, we had a special treat last night with our match. It was longer than two minutes (because it was a mixed tag, I realize that) and it featured the reunion of two very popular stars – Miss Natalya Neidhart and Tyson Kidd! They took on the team of the new United States Champion, Zack Ryder, and his crush, the lovely Eve Torres.

Zack and Tyson kick things off for us, and Tyson shows off his ruthless Canadian aggression by getting Zack in the corner and absolutely pummeling him. Ryder is beat down, kicked, has his head stepped on for a count of four. It’s not pretty, but male wrestling usually isn’t. Tyson backs off, gets Ryder up, throws him across the ring, and takes him down with an elbow. Tyson follows it up with a sick kick to that spot right between the shoulder blades, and he goes for a cover. He barely gets a two count before Zack is kicking out. Tyson gets them both to their feet and he brings Zack across the ring again. This time, the champ slams into the opposite set of turnbuckles, and Tyson charges. Ryder manages to get his knees up and he catches Tyson in the face. Kidd stumbles back and that allows Zack to scale the ropes and launch himself off. He catches Tyson with a beautiful drop-kick and that sends Tyson to the corner to make the tag to his girl.

Natalya comes in looking to have some fun, and since it’s just a mixed tag, Eve comes in as well. Nattie screams at Zack to get out of the ring, which made me giggle, and she sorta locks up with Eve. It’s more like a shove, but then the ladies end up locking horns. Nattie gets shoved into the corner, and that prompts the referee to break it up. He forces Eve back, which also Nattie to collect herself. She goes right for the former 2-Time Diva’s Champion, but Eve is ready. She brings Natalya down with a nice little arm drag, and follows it up with a kick to the stomach and a snapmare.

(Don’t you guys love that I’m actually using the real names of moves this week?!)

Eve spins around and levels Natalya with another kick, and unfortunately that gives her time to do her God-awful booty pop. I hate it. Zack likes it. She adds a standing moonsault in there, and then goes for the second cover of the match. Natalya is able to get her shoulder up. The blond Diva crawls to the ropes, and Eve follows her. But Natalya is finally able to mount some offense and drops Eve across those very ropes. Eve is temporarily out of commission so Natalya takes advantage and kicks her opponent in the stomach. Eve flops over on her back and Natalya decides she wants to go for the Sharpshooter. She wastes a little to much time playing to Tyson, and Eve is able to kick her back. Natalya goes flying into the ropes. Eve makes the tag to Zack.

Zack comes into the match, and Tyson launches his own self off the top rope. The champ anticipates this and is able to duck, then catch Tyson with a clothesline. It’s a flurry of extreme fast-paced offense from Ryder, and poor Tyson is forced to suffer from it. Ryder has the crowd in the palm of his hand. He wants to finish things off, but Tyson is able to get in one last ditch effort of offense. Ryder ends up turning it to his advantage and gets Tyson in a pinning position. Natalya makes the save, but Eve makes sure she doesn’t do that again when she makes Nattie eat a drop kick. Side by side, Zack and Eve fist pump to the sky. They go for their respective opponents, and Eve ends up booting Natalya clear out of the ring. Zack gets Tyson in perfect position for his finisher, and he scores a huge win for himself, and his crush!

He got the win, but can he get the girl?

If some of you are wondering why they did such a random pairing with Zack and Eve, then just stop. It’s not random. If you’re viewers of the WWE.com videos, and of Z! True Long Island Story, then you’ll know that Zack has a little crush on Eve. She’s a pretty good replacement for the evil Princess Leia who dumped Zack a while back, so it’s cute that the WWE put them together in a tag match. I actually really liked this match, and this team. I hope we get to see more of it.

On the other side of the coin, Tyson and Natalya are so darn adorable. Having them reunite onscreen was such a treat. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of that either. Perhaps he can run around with Nattie and Beth? I don’t know. I just know it’s a shame the WWE seems to waste Tyson. Maybe this match will catapult him into a feud with Ryder for the U.S. Championship since my baby Dolph is now going to be involved in the main event?

The hits keep on coming. My girls, Brie and Nikki Bella, made their presence felt. For weeks we’ve seen them crush on Alberto Del Rio. And this week they decided to join him while he and Ricardo Rodriguez were cutting a pretty sad promo on the stage.

Alberto is injured and apparently that means he won’t be around for awhile. He has a pulled groin. The Bellas come out and Brie is quick to get on the crowd. She wants them to show Alberto some respect. Nikki agrees, but she also says that once Alberto has fully healed, she is going to throw a party in his honor. I can only assume that it will be a welcome back party. Brie gets a little miffed and claims that she was going to throw the party. Nikki just shrugs and reminds her that basically anyone can throw a party. That leads to Brie accusing her sister of copying her, and the twins arguing over Alberto in his wheelchair. The former WWE Champion gets really annoyed by their bickering and sends them away.

It’s nice that the WWE acknowledged this storyline, instead of just pretending like it never happened thanks to Del Rio getting injured. I’m all for random segments, and storylines, especially when the Bella twins are involved, so this segment was a lot of fun for me. I like the twins constantly arguing and I’m curious to see if it will spill over into a future match. Surely if they’re not on the same page, or just fed up with each other, they’re not going to be able to get along in the ring? Lets hope this doesn’t just abruptly stop.

And speaking of things that should never stop, Vickie and Dolph. This week, our blond hero was involved in a gauntlet match along with his stable-mate, Jack Swagger, and the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. If any of those three men would be able to defeat CM Punk, they would become the number one contender to the WWE Championship. No doubt this left Vickie salivating, as she had a two out of three chance to get one of her men into the title picture. When Swagger failed, it was up to Dolph. Lets take a look.

Words can not express how perfect Vickie Guerrero is in her role. She’s the type of manager every heel wrestler should want, and they just happened to put her with the best heel on the roster. In my opinion, a lot of Dolph’s success is to her credit. She’s gotten him so over with the crowd. His wrestling skills just back up why he should be over. Vickie was perfect tonight. She saw Swagger eat defeat, and she certainly wasn’t going to let Dolph suffer the same fate. When things started breaking down Ziggler, Vickie involved herself in the match. She held on to Punk for dear life, giving her man another chance to try and make a comeback. She got caught, too. Johnny Ace stormed the ring and ordered Vickie and Jack from ringside. But lets be honest, he just wanted to distract CM Punk. It ended up working in Dolph’s favor and next week we get to see him in a championship match. I can only hope that Vickie plays a huge role in that match. Surely that’s not to much ask? As someone who has always been a fan of managers, she’s such a throwback to the glory days of wrestling. I definitely put her right up there with the likes of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Sherri Martel, two of the all-time great heel managers. Dolph and Vickie actually remind me of young HBK and Sherri in a lot of ways. The WWE needs to keep these two together, forever.

What a happy Redux this has turned out to be. See, WWE. It is possible to do the right thing when it comes to your Divas. Now just give us single matches that last for over five minutes on Raw and I’ll never write another bad word about you again. That probably won’t happen but I’m going to remain optimistic. 2012 is a chance to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. I have faith in this company. I have always had faith in the Divas. Lets see if next week we can ring in the new year right.

Until then… Cryssi out!

Discuss the show in the comments!

Due to the fact that I’ve basically been in a coma for the last 12 hours or so, watching Raw live last night was something that didn’t exactly happen for me. I’m sure the majority of you have already seen it, formed thoughts about it, and are so excited to read my thoughts on it to see if they match your own. They probably won’t, but you never know. Today you’re going to get a treat because I’m going to be writing while watching, so everything you get is going to be my live reaction. I haven’t a clue what happened last night, and haven’t been to any sites, not even this one, to see results. The last thing wrestling-wise I witnessed was the scary ending to Beth Phoenix-Kelly Kelly from TLC. I literally thought someone was going to die during that exchange but no matter, let’s just get on with Raw, shall we? I’m going to cue up  YouTube now!

I can honestly say that Raw has been amazing thus far tonight. It makes me kind of sad that I went to bed last night, but when you have a two-day hangover and haven’t had any sleep since Friday night, say the odd five or so hours, something’s got to give. Unfortunately, it was Raw last night. But nonetheless, backstage we see a split screen of Beth and Alicia Fox. That match is what we get tonight, and if you’re like me, you kind of hoped it would have been the TLC match. Much like the night before, Beth comes out solo and she looks great. Coming out second, is Alicia, and she has the dead animal on her head again. I do love her ring gear, so it’s okay this week.

Beth and Alicia lock up with one another, and Beth tries to work over the Foxy One’s wrist. Alicia nails the champ with a few decisive kicks, but Beth is too powerful to just go away like that. She ends up flattening Foxy with a side-walk slam. She begins punching her in the stomach, and kicking her decisively in the back. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler feel the need to tell us that Alicia is the number one trending topic on Twitter. That’s not a surprise, she’s been trending since her SmackDown days. Of course, Alicia is still on SmackDown but you know what I mean.

Is it just me or does the WWE make you hate Twitter as well?

Anyway, the match is still continuing and it’s gotten a bit dicey. Beth has picked Alicia up and looks to bounce her off the ropes. Foxy uses the momentum to stop the move, but she ends up losing her footing in the process. She recovers nicely, but the Philadelphia crowd isn’t impressed. She takes care of Beth and hits her finisher, then gets a huge pinfall win over the champ. Alicia celebrates, while Beth rolls out of the ring and is being checked on by the referee.

When the replays are over, Alicia has a mic in her hands. Oh wow. She gives a coy little “Hi…” to the crowd and they greet her with a barrage of boos like she’s the biggest heel to ever walk the face of the Earth. She just beams and tells everyone that she hopes they have a very “Foxy holiday.” Yikes.

I don’t know what’s more painful, watching Beth take the finisher or being wished a Foxy holiday? I have looked around now, and those pictures Beth posted of the injury are pretty nasty. But things like that happen in wrestling and the Glamazon is clearly fine. She probably just has a really bad headache today. That said, I wasn’t really crazy about the match. They tried to do too much in their little bit of time and it didn’t come off as clean. But as we saw at TLC, even having a lot of time doesn’t stop mistakes from happening. I’d like to see what Beth and Alicia can put together with more than two minutes allowed. I think it could be fun to watch, and it wouldn’t have to be so rushed or fast-paced. Alicia is not a bad performer, and Beth just goes without saying. She’s gotten amazing matches out of Kelly and Eve, why not Alicia?

The Diva goodness didn’t stop there. Rosa Mendes, the lovely lady who’s been accompanying Epico and Primo to the ring as of late, made an appearance with her men while they took on Jimmy and Jey Uso.

Managing is absolutely what Rosa should do. She’s great at ringside with her exaggerated reactions. These past few weeks we’ve even seen her get involved in Epico and Primo’s business and help them win. Her place in the WWE has always been hit or miss. Rosa’s never really had a solid role. She’s managed to outlast the likes of Maria, Mickie, Gail, Melina, and Maryse, so clearly there is something there that the company likes about this woman. She’s stunning to look at and having her as a manager is the best possible thing. I’m not entirely sure if this is a heel faction or a face faction, but I hope we get to see more of them on Raw in the future. I really enjoyed their match at TLC with Air Boom, so more please. And more Rosa with her Spanglish and horrible Latin dancing. It’s fun.

Speaking of fun, we have more Divas, which is a nice surprise to me. Brie and Nikki are backstage arguing with Johnny Ace in between them.

The Bellas go back and forth, apparently fed up with one another over who knows what? I suppose they’re tired of looking alike, because they talk about red lipstick and curled hair etc. I can see how that would get boring. Johnny Ace, ugh, gets them to settle down, and the girls tell him that they don’t appreciate how Teddy Long spoke to them at TLC. The SmackDown GM did seem to have a little too much spiked egg nog, and it’s understandable the Bellas are upset. They say they’re not floozies, and Nikki adds that at least she isn’t. Brie takes exception and this causes another argument between the two. Johnny Ace to the rescue again. He stops the fight, wishes them both a ‘Merry Christmas’, and they both kiss him on his unusually pink cheeks before walking away. Gross.

As the Bellas leave, Vickie Guerrero comes into the picture and she is irate. Her appearance wipes the smirks off the faces of Ace and his sidekick, David Otunga. Thank God. Vickie is violently screaming ‘Excuse me’. She’s pretty annoyed that Dolph was cheated out of his title last night and she demands that Johnny Ace book a rematch. Unbeknownst to Vickie, Hornswoggle has come up behind her. He has some mistletoe and when he finally gets Vickie’s attention, she turns around. He lays one on her, much to her horror, and that sends Johnny and David fleeing from the room. Hornswoggle scampers off too and Vickie stands there shaking and screaming from having just been violated. Ugh, poor woman.

I really do not like Hornswoggle one bit.

That said, Raw was a lot of fun tonight. For once, they had a great post-PPV show and I really enjoyed the added bonus of the backstage segment and Rosa. The match was eh, but it was what it was. It’s already caused a bunch of drama, and will no doubt cause a lot more.

Until next week, Cryssi out!

Discuss the show in the comments!

Note: Unfortunately, we’re still experiencing technical issues so won’t be able to host Diva Dirt Live tonight. Apologies!

I can honestly say that this will NOT be a Slammy Award worthy edition of the Raw Redux, but if Zack Ryder can win a Slammy for simply trending on Twitter (that was so not scripted, right??), then anything is possible. Alas, I’m not going to hold my breath and coincidentally, there’s really not a whole lot to talk about. We always knew there wouldn’t be, so there shouldn’t be any disappointment in anyone today. That said, I fully expect a barrage of negative comments and whiny moans over the fact Kelly Kelly won ‘Divalicious Moment of the Year.’ I’ve prepared myself, reminded myself that we all have the right of freedom of speech, and now I’m ready to get on with the show.

If only I could shake the visions of Christian from my head. Swoon!

Firstly, let me just say that Lita looks absolutely fabulous. She’s in great shape and still has a body to starve die for. I wouldn’t exactly call myself her biggest fan (except for when she got to have a live sex show with Edge, and then fandom was born from jealously and the need to wear my baggy skater pants low on my hips once again just to show off my thong…), but it was really great to see her last night. Obviously she was presenting the aforementioned ‘Divalicious Moment of the Year’, and the nominees were as follows…

* Beth Phoenix taking Eve Torres down and out with that most amazing Glam Slam from the top rope.
* Kelly pinning Brie Bella to win her first ever Divas Championship.
* Natalya placing Eve and Layla in a double Sharpshooter.
* And perhaps the most talked about Diva moment of the year, the debut of Kharma, or just anything involving her.

Lita announces Kelly as the winner, and the bubbly blond comes out looking absolutely fabulous. Love her dress, and well I just love Kelly. All you haters can just piss off. Anyway, fangirl aside, Kelly goes to accept her award and start her speech, but Beth and Natalya are quick to interrupt. Clearly, Beth feels as if she should have won (and since the award was for ‘moment’ of the year, and not for ‘Diva of the Year’, she has a pretty legit argument), and she snatches the award from Kelly’s hands. When Beth raises the Slammy in the air, Kelly takes exception and slaps her foe right across the face. She seriously slaps the heck out of Beth, like whoa. Beth is absolutely stunned, as well as Natalya, and Kelly takes her little gold statuette back. Beth has to be restrained by her bestie, and Kelly takes the chance to pose with Lita and give the crowd a nice photo-op.

Perhaps a teaser for a future match?

I definitely wouldn’t mind a Beth versus Lita match, or even a tag match. Any match with Lita involved would do it for me at this point. The Divas could only benefit from her presence, and she definitely looks like she would have no trouble getting back inside that right. As of right now, there’s nothing announced for the Divas at TLC (I think…), but we have SmackDown taping tonight. It will be interesting to see what goes on there, seeing as how they completely axed a huge angle that happened last week. Personally, I never thought it was a good idea to turn Kaitlyn heel. She has to way to much chemistry with AJ, and breaking them up would be a huge miscarriage of justice. I love the Chickbusters , and I know a lot of other people do as well.

In other Slammy news, Vickie Guerrero managed her main man and mine, Dolph Ziggler, to a win in a very impressive fatal four-way match that determined who would win a Slammy for the first superstar to trend on Twitter. To be fair, Ziggler and Ryder both trended at the same time, but since Ryder was higher I reckon he won by default. At least he lost, and Dolph won. And Rhodes and DB never once trended. Oh well. Dolph stole Zack’s Slammy, and proved once again why he is the most delicious heel ever.

Brie and Nikki presented an award, alongside Santino Marella.

He called them out on their Alberto Del Rio obsession and both girls got highly insulted. Both looked beautiful in red, which seems to be one of their trademark colors, and well, they were on TV. I’ll take it.

Eve and Alicia Fox were stage escorts for the evening. Eve’s dress was so fetch (Mean Girls reference), but Alicia continues to disappoint me when it comes to fashion. I do like the fact she took a risk for the Slammys, but I wasn’t exactly fond of it. The glam pants outfit just wasn’t my cup of tea.

Vickie also took to the stage to present an award alongside Goldust for ‘A-Lister of the Year’.

Goldust cracked a mean joke at our favorite cougar, but we won’t give him too much heat for it. He is the Golden One, after all. The nominees for ‘A-Lister of the Year’ were Hugh Jackman for managing Ryder to win over Ziggler, and I guess for punching my boo in the face. Snooki for competing at WrestleMania and shocking the world with the ‘Snooki Splash’. Random Cee-Lo Green for performing at (uhhh, which PPV was that again? Meh, I’ll just make something up…) for his sequined preacher’s robe. And last, but not least, The Muppets for hosting the Halloween edition of Raw. Snooki snatched up the prize, but couldn’t attend the show. She did, however, send a pre-taped message to the WWE Universe.

I’m not happy with her Zack Ryder support.

That was basically it, folks. It was a night of glitz, of glam, the best of Johnny Ace video package, of Christian’s return, and Masked Kane. The Divas were always going to be an after thought, but at least we got a sweet little teaser of what 2012 could possibly hold. I’ll take it. And because I’m Khaleesi, all of you will as well. Good day!

Watch below:

Discuss the show in the comments!

Due to the spoiler-y nature of the news, click on to read…

As if Raw wasn’t already confusing enough with all these EPIC Diva matches to catch up with (who can forget the 48-second instant classic a few weeks ago?!), things got even more dramatic this week when Eve Torres finally returned to the ring, having last been seen eating a top rope Glam Slam, to team with Kelly Kelly in a tag team match. They were accompanied to the ring by Alicia Fox, clad in a sequined shirt sporting Beyonce’s face and accessorized by a pink tutu skirt (errrr yeah….), and they took on the Divas of Doom Sisters of Destruction Female Stable Name Goes Here team of Divas Champion Beth Phoenix and her BFF, Natalya.

The face tandem is out first, with Kelly leading the way. The Maxim covergirl and her friends are all smiles on this happy Monday night. They hit the ring and almost immediately Beth’s music begins to play. DoD makes their way out and shockingly enough, we’re taken to a video package that is brought to us via the Pin-Up Strong Movement. What’s not so shocking is the package is interrupted by another, yet slightly cryptic, video package. Ho hum.

What’s sad is that Beth and Nattie don’t even look upset that their video was messed up. Nattie is smirking at Kelly, ready to start the match. Since I’ve literally covered this match thousands of times, I feel like I can just close my eyes and write what’s going to happen. But nonetheless, here we go…

Nattie picks up Kelly and carries her to the corner, where she promptly tags in Beth. Reckon Nattie thinks the quicker she tags in Beth, the least likely she is to get pinned? Hmmm…

The champ comes in and goes after the former champ. (Side note: Every lady involved in this little feud has held the Divas Championship, with Eve being the only woman left on the roster who can call herself a two-time Divas Champ.) After a quick double team, Beth goes for an early pin. It doesn’t work in her favor. She stays on Kelly and keeps her grounded, while Alicia and Eve try to rally the crowd. Kelly seems to draw inspiration from somewhere and fights her way back up. The mood is promptly killed when Beth scoops Kelly up and lays her out with a back breaker, but at least the effort was there. Kelly withers in pain and Beth decides to ignore the “Be a STAR” campaign and kick the ropes at Alicia. Foxy backs up and when Beth turns her attention back to her opponent, a not-so-incapacitated Kelly rolls up Beth! She gets the three count and quickly rolls out of the ring.

DoD are furious. The faces are happy.

Same thing, but hey, Beth got pinned this week. That said, is Kelly now the rightful number one contender? We have less than two weeks until TLC and no Diva match announced. Hell, until last night we hadn’t really had any matches announced, but that’s another gripe for another day. It seems like Eve’s push is stalled for now, she didn’t even get in the match, but with Kelly pinning Beth, Alicia may very well get shoved to the side. Kelly, by rights, has a legit claim now, so what the ‘E does with it will be interesting to see. The match itself was fine. Not a lot went down, so there’s nothing to really pick apart or critique. It was what it was, and it was longer than 48-seconds.

As far as the rest of Raw went, well, it didn’t make me very happy. But it did have one sweet gem of a segment featuring our favorite cougar, Vickie Guerrero, and our favorite guy, Dolph Ziggler. (Jack Swagger was there too.)

If this man doesn’t lose that United States Championship and move on to win the Royal Rumble, I will cry tears of heartbreak. Not really, because I don’t cry, but you get my point!

Enjoy the rest of WWE programming this week, my friends. NXT always delivers, and SmackDown has the on-going Chickbusters saga going on. I’ll see you all next week.

Check out last night’s Raw After Show below. This week, Maria Kanellis is joined by Jensen Karp and Lilian Garcia‘s husband, Chris Jozeph. Plus, Lilian calls in to discuss her WWE return.

RELATED:
- Lilian Garcia Discusses Her WWE Return, Thoughts on Going to SmackDown

Discuss the show in the comments!

If the WWE is giving us the gift of amazing Diva matches this holiday season, then they fell short on Raw this week. I’d like to sit here and say that what was offered to us was short, sweet, and to the point, but it was just short. There was no point that I could find, and it was about as sweet as a piece of freeze dried tangerine. That analogy really makes no sense whatsoever, especially since I have no idea if freeze-dried fruit is sweet or not, but I’m grasping at straws this week for something witty to write and nothing is coming to mind. I guess that happens as you get older, or your brain gets fried from trying to think too much. Lets get on with it, shall we?

My beloved Bella Twins returned to wrestling this week in tag team action. Brie and Nikki faced off against Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox. All four girls started off by taunting one another, until it was decided that Kelly and Brie would begin the match. The bell rang, and the twins used stall tactics to delay the inevitable. While that mess was going on, the Divas Champion, Beth Phoenix, and her partner-in-crime, Natalya, jogged out to the ring. Yes, jogged. Work-out clothes, the works. Kelly got distracted and that allowed Brie the opening she wanted, and she attacked the blond from behind. Beth and Natalya continued their run around the ring, perhaps they were just bored that creative had nothing for them, and Brie threw Kelly in the corner. She tagged in Nikki, and they used the chance to double-team the Maxim covergirl. Brie stepped out of the ring and Kelly got back to her feet. She leveled Nikki with a hearty slap to the face, and tried to follow it up by whipping the sassy twin across the ring. Nikki was able to reverse it, but it still worked in 2K’s favor. Alicia was able to make the tag while Kelly took Nikki down with a spinning head-scissors.

Foxy bounded into the ring, Nikki withered in the corner, and Kelly called for her patent stink face. Brie ran interference and pulled Kelly out of the ring, and Nikki took advantage of Foxy and bullied her against the ropes. Foxy fought back, and Nikki sent the future Mrs. Husky Harris (that’s for you Bobby) across the ring. Alicia came flying back and smoothly slipped under Nikki, baffling the brunette, who then ate a face full of mat. Alicia pulled off a beautiful heel-hook take down and ended the match with a nice front somersault into a leg-drop. My favorite referee Scott Armstrong counted to three, and the tandem of Alicia and Kelly scored a nice little victory. The Bella twins went off to lick their wounds, and the victors celebrated their victory.

Just another day in Diva-Land I suppose.

The match was fine, just short and pointless, and I’m left with more questions than answers. That’s not always a good thing. There was no Eve-sighting this week, so I guess she’s still selling the top rope Glam Slam? With Alicia getting the pin, I’m more convinced than ever that she’s going to be the next challenger, but what in the bluest of hell was the point of the DoD around the ring jog? SmackDown is live tonight, so maybe something will happen there, but I’m not holding my breath. They seem content with continuing the AJ/Kaitlyn storyline, and I’m fine with that. Whatever gets AJ and Kaitlyn more TV time. Sadly, I’m more interested in AJ/Kaitlyn right now, than anything going on with Raw, and yes, throw Daniel Bryan in that mix as well. Who even knows at this point what will happen. I certainly don’t. Maybe next week will be better.

On a more happy note, Dolph beat Randy Orton. I’m still working on that honorary Diva Dirt tag.

Until next week… Cryssi out!

Former WWE Women’s Champion Trish Stratus stepped into the Afterbuzz studio this week for the Raw After Show hosted by Lilian Garcia and Maria Kanellis. Check it out below…

Speaking of Trish, the Diva Dirt Legacy Award winner also featured on The Fight Network’s Review a Wai last week to mark the 10th anniversary of her first Women’s Championship at Survivor Series 2001. Trish talks about the six pack challenge here. Skip to the 65 minute mark.

Discuss the show in the comments!

Once upon, in a land far away, two Divas stood backstage, viciously playing the new WWE ’12 video game. Kelly Kelly, clad in designer jeans, jerked and yanked at her controller, while she played herself on said video game. Alicia Fox stood at her side, direwolf absent from the top of her head. She was playing as Beth Phoenix, but not faring so well. With every enthusiastic ‘bam, bam’ Alicia as Beth continued to go down. The game paused as the champ and Natalya arrived on the scene. They plugged the game, bragged about beating everyone, not really mentioning Eve. That was it, it was all said and done. Beth and Natalya took their leave. Alicia and Kelly went back to their game…

That was it. It truly was. I was shocked, but not for the reason you’d think. Let’s be honest, last night’s Raw was about two people, the newly crowned WWE Champion, CM Punk, and the delicious United States Champion, Dolph Ziggler. The match they put on last night was simply spectacular, and something all of us need to feel fortunate that we got to see it on free TV. And honestly, having seen it, nothing else really mattered to me last night. That’s why the Divas appearing in a commercial for the new WWE ’12 game didn’t bother me. I actually kind of liked it. Kelly was adorable and both Beth and Natalya fared way better this time. They have a right to brag after Survivor Series. They put Eve out, even if it’s just temporarily, and now they get to move on to whatever challenge awaits them next. Sometimes a pointless backstage segment is a hell of a lot better than a stupid, 48-second BS match. Survivor Series pretty much spoke for itself. Eve took one hellacious bump and it was the right thing to keep her off television. It was also the right thing to just halt the storyline for the time being and leave us all to ponder where DoD and Kelly/Alicia go from here. Should Survivor Series hadn’t gone down the way it had, and had Ziggler/Punk not given us one orgasm of a match, then perhaps Raw could have been different. But alas, what’s happened has been written in stone. And we can’t go back.

But what should happen next?

We have a lot of Divas, but not very many will be pushed. That’s just how it is in Diva-Land. The most obvious scenario in my opinion is that Alicia will get the next crack at DoD. Beth has taken care of Kelly and Eve, so it’s natural that the third member of the model trio gets the next shot. I’m not for or against this, but I think the possibility of an Alicia/Beth match is amazing. We’ve not really seen Foxy in a proper match in quite some time, and with the Divas actually getting time on pay-per-views, I’d be very interested in seeing it. Foxy is underrated as a competitor and Beth has the ability to bring her opponents to a whole nother level. Her matches with Kelly and Eve, two people who are constantly criticized for their so-called lack of skills, were nothing short of amazing. And that’s a testament to Kelly and Eve, as well as Beth. Alicia can only benefit from working with Beth in a couple of lengthy matches. These girls should benefit from working with Natalya as well, but the WWE has seemingly forgotten how to use their third generation Diva. It’s really unfortunate.

Should Alicia not get the rub, then perhaps AJ and Kaitlyn can step up. I refuse to believe the ‘E would do something as stupid as try and split up the Chickbusters, but if it comes to that, then it better be one damn elaborate plan concocted by AJ and Kaitlyn, to throw everyone else off their game. They can have this pretend feud which spills over to DoD when AJ randomly wins a title shot at whatever the December PPV is. Kaitlyn could seemingly help on the AJ beatdowns and make her presence felt in said title match. Botched interference could lead to this shocking victory for AJ, and she could look at Kaitlyn with a smile on her face. Kaitlyn smiles back, they embrace, and hold up AJ’s newly won title, having pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes. I will throw myself at Uncle Truth in Miami — should he not be suspended — if that scenario actually happens (sorry Saint Tyler Black), but it’s not likely. It would be so much fun to watch though.

Whether it’s Alicia or AJ, or maybe Eve or Kelly again, the fact of the matter is, the ‘E needs to add a little spice to DoD. They shouldn’t just be getting pay-per-view victories, and AJ and Kaitlyn don’t need to be the only Divas they can collectively beat as a team. Whoever gets the next shot and whatever direction the ‘E decides to go in, I truly hope they do everyone involved justice and let them have a proper storyline. That said, let’s have a moment of real talk. I think we can all agree that no matter what happens next, the end result of all of this needs to be Beth vs Natalya at WrestleMania. There’s a reason they’ve never faced each other and I like to believe it’s so they can face each other on the grandest stage of them all…

Goosebumps.

And speaking of goosebumps, as well as other immediate reactions, the aforementioned Punk/Ziggler clash is worthy of a spot right here in my Redux. I realize this is not Diva-Dirt-and-Dolph.com (can it please be, Melanie?) but Vickie Guerrero, our favorite manager, got involved. So yes, I’m using that as an excuse to pimp this match to the masses who may not have seen it last night or may want to watch it again. If this were ESPN, it would be an instant classic.

Enjoy my friends. Until next week… Cryssi out!

Former WWE Diva Melina was the guest panelist on last night’s episode of the Raw After Show hosted by Lilian Garcia. Maria Kanellis was absent this week.

Check out Melina’s guest appearance below:

Discuss the show in the comments!

Welcome everyone to the ‘blink and you missed it!’ edition of the Raw Redux! I’m doing my best to sound completely peppy, because if I don’t try and fake it, I’ll end up drowning myself in vodka and Red Bull while listening to depressing emo music courtesy of my favorite local indie bands at the moment. Yes, Raw really was that bad for our girls but with a three-hour long song, it’s hardly surprising. Logic dictates that more time equals more opportunities, but not in the spandex-clad realm known as the WWE Universe. More time devoted to the show, means less time devoted to the Divas, as was the case last night. Instead of our usual one or two minute match, we got exactly 48-seconds of in-ring action (thanks to Jim for that fact) and a lengthy video package that showcased Kelly Kelly‘s Maxim cover shoot. So without further… ahh hell. Screw it. There’s really nothing to recap.

I want to recap this, I really do, but what can I possibly say? Alicia Fox‘s dress looked like a palette of children’s make-up? Natalya spent 30-seconds of the 48-second match teasing the Sharpshooter on Kelly? Eve Torres and Beth Phoenix looked smoking hot in their gorgeous outfits, but fierce fashions doesn’t make for an exciting build-up to a title match that is apparently happening on Sunday. For all I know, they’re fighting for the coveted title of Best Dressed Diva of the Week. The state of the Divas division is pretty sad right now, and I don’t know how I can sugarcoat things anymore. Each and every one of them deserve so much more than what they’re given. They really do.

Kelly versus Natalya had potential to be interesting but with the way things have been booked lately, you go in not expecting much. Natalya hasn’t won a match in a million years and Kelly is a promoter’s dream girl right now. You know how it’s going to end before it even begins. But it’s sad when even your low expectations aren’t reached. The last thing I ever expected was such a short match with such a cheap ending. Kelly getting a roll-up after Natalya held the pre-SharpShooter pose for such a long time is ridiculous. I really can’t find any positives.

What’s even more sad is there wasn’t much of a saving grace. We got a glimpse of Brie and Nikki backstage with Zack Ryder, and then Alberto Del Rio. They turned up their hooker charm (and believe me, I’m the queen of hooker charm), and that was it.

Sigh. I remember the days of the Bellas wrestling and I enjoyed those days. The Bellas should be in the ring, having storylines, not standing around backstage flirting with Superstar/guest host/random celebrity #2340978120492834. I guess I should be happy that they got a backstage segment. It lasted longer than Kelly’s promo/match combined. Maybe they can just hook up with Albie and Ricardo, or just use the butler to get closer to the lap of luxury. The butler is oddly endearing, and the power-hungry Bella Twins could end up falling for and fighting over him much to the chagrin of the champ. Hey, that storyline needs to happen. I need to work for the WWE.

Moving on and on a much sadder note, Vickie Guerrero made a wretched announcement. She stabbed my cold, black heart with a wooden stake when she announced that bb Christian (hottest of hot, the captain to my khaleesi, future accidental baby daddy) would be unable to compete at Survivor Series due to an injury suffered in a match against Fella. She blamed it on Teddy Long’s incompetence. I blame it on the fact I wasn’t able to run in the ring and distract The Great Ginger from hurting my man.

Ho hum. Taking bb Christian’s place this Sunday, since blondes are a dime a dozen and interchangeable, is the United States Champion, Dolph Ziggler, who I’m still desperately trying to get an honorary Diva Dirt tag for. The very, very fickle part of me is happy that Ziggles will be competing on Sunday now, especially since he has new-found facial scruff. It’s hot, he’s hot. I’m happy.

The only downside is that Mason Ryan is on the opposing team, and unfortunately that’s who Dolph faced tonight. By some stroke of luck, the match lasted about as long as the Divas’ match, due to wonderful Vickie slapping Welshtista across the face. Things got a little fuzzy after that because the guy on the cover of the book I’m reading ran down to the ring shirtless to interfere. I’m not sure why the wealthy Greek tycoon, who’s supposed to be seducing his new virgin bride, got in my man’s business, but it happened.

Oh, that was John Morrison?

I seriously thought it was the guy on the cover of my romance novel. Why else would he be topless and wearing tight jeans?

Good grief, I was so into that previous paragraph that the FedEx man just literally scared the crap out of me. But that also means my new boots are here so lets just wrap this up. In case you missed it, Eve and Beth will square off for the title on Sunday. Their match last month was pretty damn good. Can they top it?

Until next week… Cryssi out!

Check out the latest episode below:

Discuss the show in the comments!

Last night’s Raw from Liverpool, England seemed to work on paper, but in execution, fell flat. A nice break from the standard two minute tag team matches, last night’s Raw instead featured an in-ring segment positioned around Kelly Kelly‘s unveiling of her new Maxim magazine cover. With the Divas rarely getting mic time, this segment could have advanced the storyline, pushing the upcoming Eve vs Beth title match or setting something up for Survivor Series, instead it didn’t really accomplish anything. Well, it made this writer yearn for LayCool, but that’s about it.

Let’s watch:

We see Kelly Kelly with a huge grin on her face walking to the ringside area, and she has good reason for the smile — she’s on the cover of Maxim! As Jerry Lawler introduces her as his “favorite Diva” (hmm, we’re sensing a pattern: The Kat, Trish, Kelly), Kelly comes out to a big applause from the crowd. (Fashion sidebar: I’m not feeling Kelly’s dress.)

Kelly begins giving us an Oscar speech about growing up in front of the WWE Universe and having her ups and downs. That’s great, Kelly, but this isn’t a retirement speech. You’ve still got plenty of years ahead of you. Just show us the cover!

Of course, you can’t have such a joyous moment for one Diva without another crashing the party. In fact, make that two, as out come Beth Phoenix and Natalya taunting little Kelly and calling her a Barbie doll. Kelly’s comeback? “I wouldn’t interrupt you if you were on the cover of National Geographic”. Womp womp.

Beth says that Kelly being on a magazine cover is a false impression of what it takes to be a Diva. “A WWE Diva is more than just a pretty face and a bucketful of perkiness”. Beth and Natalya attempt to corner Kelly and tell her it’s “cry time”. However, before they can lay a hand on K2, out come Eve and Alicia Fox (Fashion sidebar: Alicia looks fierce), making the save, as the Divas of Doom flee the ring.

Alicia & Eve tell Kelly that this is her moment, not Beth and Natalya’s, unveiling her cover for all to see.

Thoughts: Two words: Not impressed. I’m not impressed by the direction that WWE has taken Beth and Natalya, having them come across as a LayCool tribute act, mocking Kelly as they came down the ramp. I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy it. Layla and Michelle McCool were great at what they did because they had the snobby heel routine down pat. Beth and Natalya are not snobby heels. They are physically intimidating, break-a-b*tch-if-she-looks-at-you-wrong heels. At least they should be. The theatrics that WWE had Beth and Natalya do as they came down the ramp fell flat, if you ask me. I just don’t believe that this is the direction these characters should be going in. I much preferred the second half of Beth’s promo, talking about how magazines covers etc. give a false representation of what a Diva should be. It felt more “true” to their characters.

Comparing this to the Christy Hemme Playboy unveiling in 2005, this segment lacked. Trish Stratus had the charm and flair to really put a verbal hurting on Christy (as well as a physical one), but neither Natalya or Beth are Trish on the microphone. That’s not a knock on them, because the Divas can’t get better unless they’re given more mic time to improve, but it just didn’t have that wit to it in the same way as Trish had, nor did it tick the “annoyingly heel-ish and snobby” box like LayCool.

I would have liked to see Beth cut the second half of that promo, and then have them physically intimidate Kelly, perhaps put her in that stretch submission until Alicia and Eve made the save.

I love Beth and Natalya, but WWE seems to be missing the boat on what these characters should be.

And what about Eve’s title shot? No mention of it at all last night. They could’ve done something with Eve and Beth to tease their title match, such as Eve & Alicia making the save, and then Eve and Beth having some sort of altercation.

Cryssi will be back next week, but for this week… Melanie out!

Discuss the show in the comments!

Spoilers below:

I’ll be honest, it took me a good minute to find the motivation to begin this Redux. Lack of motivation had nothing to do with the fact that the Divas were in Halloween costumes, or the fact that the entire match was predicted by yours truly in last week’s Redux. It had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact I trolled YouTube for videos of Tristan MacManus from Dancing With the Stars because I have a thing for a hot Irish man, and my God. He’s pretty much as hot as they come. What it all comes down to is quite simply a Halloween hangover, and the fact that I absolutely despise the Muppets. They’re scary, and weird, and I’ve never really been a big fan of puppets. I don’t like cartoons, really, except for Archer and South Park, and it’s absolutely unnecessary to have them on Monday Night Raw. I suppose it’s only fitting that the best video I could find has Kermit and Miss Piggy on it, so lets just get on with, shall we?

Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are out to kick off Raw or whatever it is they’re doing, and luckily for me, Vickie Guerrero comes out alongside Jack Swagger.

Uhhh… where’s my Dolph?

Vickie is shrieking excuse me, and Swagger just looks a big blond hulk. Vickie complains about how bad it was when Hugh Jackman took over, and she’s even more miserable that she has to share the stage with livestock. I’m going to assume she’s just directing her comments at Miss Piggy (God, I can’t believe I’m writing about a freakin’ puppet) because Kermit is an amphibian. But anyway, Swagger decides to speak, which is always hit or miss. He brings up frog legs, and ham sandwiches, and says ‘wocka wocka’ which I’m going to go out on a limb and assume has something to do with said Muppets. This is so painful. Vickie and Jack deserve so much better than feuding with puppets. Miss Piggy fights back, and Kermit tries to play peacemaker, he tells Swagger he doesn’t want anything to do with him or his mother.

Okay, I kind of giggled there. Ugh.

Vickie is irate over this, but hey, the crowd pops and that’s what the WWE is going for I guess. Vickie ends up in a chest bumping match with Miss Piggy and as if things can’t get anymore random (especially since the title of this video was Diva Halloween Battle Royal), Santino’s music hits. I can’t.

He tells Swagger he needs to go warm up because they have a match, and Kermit basically pops for this. Swagger shuts him up and starts to brag about himself. He claims he doesn’t need to warm up because he is a former World Champ and an All American American. Of course that’s not why he doesn’t have to warm up. Because as if his resume versus Santino’s wasn’t enough, he drops ever so coyly that he will have Dolph Ziggler in his corner. Having Dolph in your corner is a heck of a lot better than being a champion and a collegiate champ, isn’t it?

Of course Santino has a rebuttle for this and it basically rip’s poor Swagger’s heart in two. Ziggles won’t be at ringside because he has his own match tonight. And then Santino drops the bomb. It’s against the notorious, the popular, the amazing internet sensation… the guy who lost to Ziggler at whatever the last pay-per-view was (apologies for not knowing the name, still on a Tristan MacManus high)… ZACK RYDER!

“Woo woo woo you know it.” Kermit/Miss Piggy zing Swagger/Vickie.

Cue ‘ha ha I got you’ laughs from the faces and shocked/angry looks from the heels.

Kelly Kelly‘s theme music!

The former Diva’s champ walks out dress in a snow pirate costume and holding a sword. I reckon this battle royal is next? Kelly walks over to the gaggle of random on stage left and kisses Kermit right on the lips. Well that was just rude. How you gunna make out with another woman’s man? Or frog… or puppet. Oh Lord. What is this recap?

Cut to commercial break as the snow pirate makes her way to the ring.

When Raw returns, all the Divas are in the ring with Robin Eve Torres being the last one out. Standing around we have Cave Woman Rosa Mendes, AJ as Mortal Combat’s Kitana (my favorite costume), Kaitlyn as Dog the Bounty Hunter (epic), Brie and Nikki Bella as Mario and Luigi, Tamina as Cleopatra, Natalya as the Queen of Hearts, Alicia Fox as a sailor (the cutest costume), and Aksana as Morticia Addams. I think I got all of those. We already know Kelly is a snow pirate.

Anyway, Beth Phoenix is on commentary with huge hair and a gothic looking queen dress in my favorite color purple (the color of royalty might I add) and she is the Queen of the Ring tonight.

The bell rings.

AJ is quick to try some video game moves out in the ring, but the other Divas don’t react kindly. Rosa gets dumped over the top rope first continuing her streak of being the first woman out in every battle royal, sans a few. Kelly, Eve, and Alicia team up to try and get rid of Natalya. Tamina is going after AJ and the Bella twins work together to get rid of Aksana. Kaitlyn comes to AJ’s rescue, but it’s a little to late. Tamina rids the ring of the popular SmackDown cutie pie. Kaitlyn does end up dumping Tamina out, which is good for her. The Bellas get rid of Kaitlyn, which brings Eve and Kelly to their neck of the woods. The BFFs go for the sisters, which leaves Alicia and Nattie alone in the corner. The Bellas end up slammed on top of one another, and Eve just has to booty pop. She also does a standing moonsault which is kind of pointless because you have to throw your opponents out of the ring in order to win. Oh well.

The poor Bellas end up whipped into the corner where they become victims of a 2K stinkface. After that, the twins are eliminated which leaves us with Natalya, Alicia, Eve, and Kelly. It’s three-on-one which is kind of funny since Natalya is supposed to be the heel in all of this. The three faces slap her around, and Nattie fires back with a spinning clothesline to Eve. Alicia and Kelly jump her and want to throw her out of the ring, but Nattie is able to dump Kelly, who hangs on, and then Alicia who doesn’t. Nattie sends Kelly out of the ring, but while she’s doing that, Eve comes from behind and gets rid of her.

Eve wins!

I’m going to assume Beth is furious because she has to face Eve again, and I know. This Redux has me assuming a lot of things. Natalya just can’t believe that she continues to lose over and over, and finally both Divas of Doom get in the ring to give Eve a piece of their mind. Kelly and Alicia hit the ring which causes DoD to retreat. Robin and her band of friends, the snow pirate and the sailor, end up on top on this Halloween night.

I honestly don’t think I need to make any comments tonight but since that’s my job, here we go. The Battle Royal was completely predictable but I didn’t mind it. Halloween is fun, so that’s what they went for, and it was a good time had by all. If anyone expected anything other than Divas in Halloween costumes, then I feel for them. It was never going to happen. Lets see if anything happens on SmackDown this week.

Discuss the show in the comments!

If you’re anything like me (and if you’re not, you should be) then you came away from Vengeance on a Diva high, having thoroughly enjoyed the Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres title match. It was hands down the best match of Eve’s career, as well as my personal favorite Diva match this year. Both girls put on one hell of a show on Sunday, and it actually made me excited for Raw. Now as I’m typing this, I’ve yet to watch the match, but knowing that Natalya is in the ring is a step in the right direction. Much to my delight, the rarely seen Alicia Fox is her opponent tonight so let’s see where this match goes. Follow along with me and enjoy the live commentary! My gift to each and every one of you on what has been a fun-filled birthday week thus far. Anyway…

Natalya makes her way to the ring and I can only assume that Beth is with her. We don’t see the Divas Champion, but regardless, Nattie looks fierce tonight. Her opponent, whom I affectionately refer to as Alicia Fierce, is out next, and duh, she always lives up to her name. I also believe she has new theme music, but of this, I can not be sure. She’s only been off my television screen for the past 23947203947239057 days. Slight exaggeration but you get the point. Oh! There’s Beth. She’s joining the commentary team tonight and oh my gosh… I want her dress more than any other dress in the world. Good grief, that garment is stunning. I don’t want to turn this Redux into a fashion blog, but Beth has NEVER looked better. More pink, more sequins, more glam, please Beth, on the off chance that you’re reading this! P.S. What store did that come from?

Ahem.

So Nattie and Alicia get set to square off, while the champ puts herself and her victory over on commentary. Natalya is quick to try and get the better of Alicia, but the leggy Diva unleashes a flurry of offense on Natalya. But that’s only temporary because Natalya manages to push Alica off into the corner. Alicia, thinking the third-generation Canadian is behind her, jumps on the ropes and wants to leap frog over Nattie, but the smart blond isn’t there. She immediately takes Alicia out at the knees, and Foxy is down in the corner!

Natalya takes advantage by driving Alicia face first into the mat, and follows it up with an unnecessarily painful stomp to Alicia’s poor hand. Nattie’s heel tactics are legendary. She mounts the Foxy One and begins driving her head into the mat, and once Alicia is able to force Natalya off, both women get to their feet. Alicia doesn’t stay up for long, though as she eats a clothesline. With Alicia down, Natalya has the opportunity to reach into her pocket of submission holds. I think she’s going for the Sharpshooter, but apparently she’s not done with Alicia. Nattie begins softening Alicia up. To her credit, Foxy tries to fight out of it and manages to nail Nattie in the face, but that just infuriates one-half of the Divas of Doom. Natalya verbally rips Alicia a new one and locks that leglock in even tighter. Poor Foxy.

She doesn’t give up though! Alicia fights back and slips under Natalya’s leg, effectively reversing the hold, and forces Nattie to fight to the ropes. Once the blond grabs a handful, Alicia has to break her own submission move. Nattie is livid and kicks Alicia half-way across the ring via the ribcage, and forces her back into the corner. She’s screaming and yelling, and probably telling Alicia mean things. The ref forces Nattie back, but she charges forward anyway. Alicia puts a stop to that and is able to flip over Nattie, getting her in a pinning position.

Oh wow. She got a three count.

Cut to backstage where Eve and Kelly Kelly are watching on a monitor. They’re pleased, to say the least. Alicia goes to celebrate but a furious Natalya (and she has a right to be pissed seeing as how she’s not won a match in years it seems) attacks her from behind. Beth ditches her heels and is quick to back up Nattie. They want to double team Alicia, but Alicia hangs on to the ropes for dear life and manages to escape! Score one for Foxy. Divas of Doom are not happy campers.

Hmmm. Well, I’ll be honest here. The match was kind of decent sans the ending. I’m not a huge fan of surprise victories, especially when Natalya and Beth are trying to push this pin-up strong movement. But, Alicia winning was completely huge. It was big for Foxy and I hope it gets her into the title picture with Beth. The more opponents Beth gets, the better it is for the division and for the belt. She’s so experienced and so accomplished that she can have a match with anyone. And all it does is help these girls as they try and improve in the ring. I’m a huge Alicia fan so I want more from this.

That said, I’m not convinced we’re going to get it. They were all to quick to cut to Kelly and Eve backstage. I think next week on Raw, we’re going to get some stereotypical Halloween costume contest battle royal, or whatever, because it is Halloween and it’s an excuse to get Divas in costumes. I’m okay with that since Halloween is my favorite holiday. What I’m not okay with is that Alicia probably won’t be winning said battle royal, which could very well end up being for title contendership. I think they may push Eve for another month, or Kelly could get the nod one more time. I just don’t think we’ve seen the last of the Divas of Doom versus Kelly/Eve.

Personally, I’d like to see Alicia get the nod this month, or have a DOD versus Chickbusters feud. I’d also love to see the Bellas versus DOD. There’s so much they can do with Beth and Nattie. The possibilities are endless so Johnny Ace, if you’re trolling my Redux, which you could very well be doing since this is DIVA Dirt, make the creative team CARE ABOUT THE DIVAS. They’re more than just pretty faces and really ridiculous hot bodies. They can wrestle and they can fight. And Beth and Eve proved that they can produce great matches given the chance and the time.

That’s it for this week… Cryssi out!

P.S. More Vickie please. I miss writing about her.

Regular co-host Lilian Garcia was absent from this week’s episode but will be back next week.

Watch below:

Discuss the show in the comments!

It’s that time again. Time for another awesome rendition of the Raw Redux! This week, our match features Eve Torres and Natalya in singles competition while Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix are at ringside, and it came with a surprise announcement of a match this upcoming Sunday at Vengeance. Beth will defend against Eve, in a match I called happening thanks to Eve’s recent string of pinfall wins in tag matches.

Eve and Kelly are out first and I love 2K’s dress. She’s usually pretty spot-on with her out of the ring fashions, so my love for that little black dress does not surprise me. The crowd gives them a pretty warm greeting, and then the ‘Sisters of Salvation’ (coined by Sir Michael Cole) come out. I love any chance Nattie gets to wrestle so this should be fun. DoD (which is what us normal people call them) pose with the belt on the outside of the ring. After a moment, everyone gets settled and Eve versus Natalya is about to kick off!

The Divas lock up and jostle for position, with Nattie pinning Eve in the corner. She levels her with an uppercut and talks some trash, which does nothing but annoy Eve. Eve fights back against Natalya, gets her in the center of the ring for her bicycle kick, and goes for the ropes. Nattie is able to spina round and flatten Eve with a pretty clothesline, then hooks the leg for a pin. It’s only a two count.

Natalya maintains her control by locking Eve in a painful abominable stretch. After a moment, Eve fights out and tries to take control, but Natalya is able to lift her up in the air. Eve slithers down Nattie’s back and tries to bring her down for a pin, but Natalya heartlessly stomps down on Eve’s chest. While Eve is down for the count, Natalya adds insult to injury by spanking her opponent, something 2K doesn’t seem amused by. Natalya starts trash talking again and she follows it up by slamming Eve’s head into the mat, and then kicking her half-way across the ring. Ouch.

When Natalya comes at Eve in the corner, the brunette tries to fight her off. Unfortunately she misses a kick off the ropes thanks to Nattie ducking it, and that allows the third-generation Canadian to scoop Eve up in the air. It appears Nattie wants to take Eve down with some type of power slam, but Eve wiggles out of that and crushes Nattie with a clothesline. Or maybe it was just a club to the chest. Either way, I’m trying to right this while my DayQuil is kicking in and it’s making me sleepy. Eve jerks Natalya into position and goes up top for the moonsault. Kelly makes sure Beth doesn’t get involved and Eve picks up a huge victory days before her title opportunity against Beth.

After the bell rings, Beth comes flying into the ring and that sends Eve right out. The champ is pretty horrified that Eve picked up that victory and rightfully so. Perhaps she’s having visions of her future?

I don’t think Eve will win Sunday, especially after seeing SmackDown results, but it was nice seeing Natalya in a singles match against the challenger. For me, the match was kind of basic wrestling 101. There wasn’t anything special to it. It was pretty even, way too short (but isn’t that always a complaint?), and both of them are capable of more. I would have liked to see Beth and Kelly get into it, but that didn’t happen. It was just basic and that’s a shame. It was the second week in a row we were getting something new. I suppose we should all just look ahead to Sunday, because Lord knows I don’t want to talk about the Bella Twins being reduced to a segment with Johnny Ace.

Beth and Eve started off in the ring pretty bad, but lately they’re getting better with each other. I hope that SmackDown ends up being good, and that Vengeance is even better. Eve is still hit or miss for me, but she’s clean in the ring for the most part, and working with Beth again will only help her keep improving. Working with Beth did wonders for Kelly, and Eve always has something new anyway. I’m actually excited to see what she can put together with Beth for Sunday. It should be a good match.

Discuss the show in the comments!

RELATED: Raw Spoilers: October 17th, 2011

This week’s Raw was pretty lackluster in terms of storyline continuation and just overall performance, and honestly it has nothing to do with the ladies involved. We were actually treated to a fresh new match-up that I kind of enjoyed, but there was something lacking. Can’t quite put my finger on it, but lets just take a look at how the match played out. This week we saw Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres take on SmackDown’s Rosa Mendes and Tamina.

To start things off, we were treated to a video package highlighting what happened between Kelly, Eve, and the Divas of Doom last week. It set us up for the match, which had both teams already in the ring. Rosa decided to start things off against Kelly. She begins her attack by shoving the former Diva’s Champion, which does nothing but infuriate the blond bombshell. Kelly takes Rosa to the corner and starts working her over by slamming the brunette’s head into the turnbuckle. Kelly resorts to kicking, as well, until the referee gets involved and sends her back. A feisty Kelly goes to the opposite side and comes back with her handspring/back elbow combo which Rosa nearly mucks up by coming out from the corner too early. No surprise there. Kelly’s not fazed and simply climbs to the top, wraps Rosa in a choke, and bends backwards over the ropes. The referee counts down and the Florida native flips onto the ground, reaches in, and jerks Rosa’s legs out from underneath her. Kelly climbs back into the ring, stomps the crap out of Rosa, and eventually has to be restrained by the referee. That allows Rosa to make the tag to Tamina.

Tamina lumbers into the ring but is met with a Thesz Press. Kelly takes some of her aggression out on Tamina, but the stronger competitor overcomes it and finally knocks Kelly off her game. She clubs the former ECW dancer in the back to bring her down to the mat and drops a knee across Kelly’s throat. Tamina backs up to the ropes and uses the momentum to go for a splash, but Kelly is able to move. She crawls to her corner, makes the tag to Eve, and for some reason, Eve hesitates before getting into the ring. Tamina, who is back up to her feet, brings Eve into the ring herself, but Eve dodges the flip attempt by landing on her feet and turning Tamina’s offense into a beautiful arm drag takedown. Both ladies get back to their feet, but it’s time to show off her flash. Tamina is sent to the mat and Eve backs against the ropes only to come back with a front somersault. She lands squarely in Tamina’s mid-section and hooks the leg for a cover. Rosa makes the save.

As Rosa is celebrating, Kelly takes exception to her actions, and lets her know about it via a running bulldog. She kicks Rosa out of the ring, follows her to the outside, and lets Eve have the spotlight. Eve brings Tamina up, but the daughter of WWE Hall of Famer Jimmy Snuka drives Eve into the corner. Eve battles back with an elbow to Tamina’s jaw and springs off the middle rope with a fancy little kick that sends Tamina into the perfect position for one of Eve’s finishers. Eve checks behind her to make sure all is well, and then she climbs to the top rope. One perfect looking moonsault later, Tamina is pinned, and the tag team of Eve and Kelly have picked up yet another win.

Kelly climbs back into the ring to celebrate with her BFF, and backstage we see that Beth Phoenix and Natalya, fresh from the Occupy Raw rally, are watching and making faces at the monitor.

I had kind of hoped we were past the point of DoD standing backstage and making faces, but that’s what we were treated to tonight. Their outfits were lovely if I could be superficial for a moment, and Beth just look fantastic. Normally, Nattie is my fashionista, but I think she got upstaged by the champ tonight. That aside, the match wasn’t bad sans Rosa’s timing issues. Tamina has improved a lot, and I noticed that last week when I watched her match with AJ in person. I think she’s going to end up being someone I like watching, and I will say that this match-up was truly a breath of fresh air. It was different, and the chemistry was there for the most part. I kind of want to see Eve and Tamina in a singles match. Tonight was the first night Eve’s moonsault blew me away. It was picture perfect. The match was good, it sucks that it came at a time where it meant absolutely nothing. I wish the Divas would have had more time, and I wish there was actually more for me to write about.

Sadly there’s not. It was just a throw away night for the Divas, and a perfectly good match ended up wasted. Lets hope SmackDown is a little better. Until next week… Cryssi out!

Discuss the show in the comments!

Tonight, Vickie Guerrero and her stable of mostly hot men, aired their grievances to the world about why they’re suing the WWE. Vickie’s main claim was that she felt that as a woman, she was especially vulnerable to the supposedly unsafe working conditions that the WWE represented. It’s a fair point, right? Taking a look back at Vickie’s history in the ‘E, she’s been involved some questionable angles to say the least, and out of everyone in that ring, she has the best argument for their case. Of course, Triple H comes out and he doesn’t care about what they want. He just tells them that they have to fight in their 12-man tag team match tonight, and leaves. As long as these people keep making him money, I suppose?

There’s a commercial break and before I can rest a bit, Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres come out to the ring. It’s going to be yet another Diva tag team match, and my concern with these ring entrances is that Kelly is smiling. Do we really need to get into the argument as to why babyfaces shouldn’t smile immediately after losing their title? I want to sue the writers. Paging Harvard grad David Otunga!!!!

Nevermind Otunga, Jim Ross and Michael Cole just covered for Kelly saying her smile is a front for her fans and that’s she extremely upset and hurting inside. I feel a little better now.

Anyway, Eve and Kelly play to the crowd and then wait for their opponents. I’m just going to take a wild guess here, but I bet they’re facing Beth and Natalya! Oh look, I’m right. Beth sure does look pretty with that butterfly belt. Can we please decorate it with spikes now?

DoD plays with the title outside of the ring, much to Kelly’s disgust, and she gives them the glare of DEATH! Seriously, if looks could kill, Beth and Nattie would be six feet under right now while Kelly tried to send them a few more feet under. Sheesh. Beth and Kelly start the match off and Beth happily throws the lavendar clad 2K outside of the ring. As Michael Cole tries to make the comment that Beth will make an example of Kelly tonight, Kelly slams Beth into the announce table. That was unexpectidly fun. Go Kel!

Oh look, she does it again. Oh wow, Kelly goes completely ape shit on Beth and starts screaming bloody murder. Google translate says she was saying all sorts of things I can’t write about, so lets just say she called Beth a very mean person for beating her last night. Natalya attempts to save her girl, but Eve uses her cat-like speed to break that up. She goes nutso on Natalya and begins beating the crap out of her. Meanwhile, Kelly is still in the midst of her psychotic breakdown and my goodness, that poor referee. He just tried to get in the middle of things and Kelly busted his eardrums with more things that Google translate won’t allow me to post. Thank goodness JR, Booker T, and Michael Cole have on headphones.

The deaf referee calls for the bell, having no other choice. Psych Ward Kelly and Crazy Eve Torres have lost their minds. I’m actually scared for criticizing Kelly’s smiling now. Please don’t hurt me, best Diva’s champion ever. Kelly doesn’t stop on her attack. Oh no! She slams the back of Beth’s head into the front of the table and when the new champ slumps to the ground, Kelly gets on top of her and starts punching her in the back of the head. She’s absolutely snapped. It takes the ref and Eve to pull Kelly off Beth and for some weird reason, the sound guy starts playing Kelly’s music. I’m in tears of laughter and amusement because this is honestly the greatest thing I’ve ever seen on Raw.

MORE OF THIS EVERY SINGLE WEEK AND ON SMACKDOWN TONIGHT BECAUSE I’LL BE THERE LIVE TONIGHT.

Wow.

Now that is logical Diva booking 101. Nothing else really needs to be said.

The 12-man tag team match seems like it’s next on agenda and as far as cluster-you-know-what tag matches go, it was pretty epic. Vickie was ejected mid-way through the match but it’s still worth a look if you want to see pretty good male in-ring action. If for nothing else, just enjoy Vickie rocking her adorable little black shorts.

As far as the rest of Raw goes, I reckon it’s time for Triple H’s vote of confidence. I don’t really care about this, but we’re going to watch it and see if the Divas get a chance to say anything. You know, I’m only going to assume that people will be allowed to speak. If they don’t, well never mind this at all. We are live, for the most part, after all.

The Raw superstars are led to the ring by the coalition against Triple H, sans Christian and Cody, as they’re SmackDown talent. Vickie is there and it switches to SmackDown. Still no Christian and Cody, but here come the Divas! They’re out to Beth’s music and its a mix of SmackDown and Raw girls, including Beth, Nattie, Brie and Nikki Bella, Aksana, Alicia Fox, AJ, Kaitlyn, Tamina, and Maxine. The referees follow out the Divas and now more Superstars from SmackDown and Raw come out. Jerry Lawler, for some reason, gets his own ring entrance, and we’re still missing a few main eventers. We have a commercial and now I see Christian! I’m happy Cryssi again, and now it’s time to wait for Triple H I suppose.

TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!

Upclose camera shot of Christian. I approve. I also love how the Divas are out too. It’s their lockerroom too. Triple H starts to talk and says that everyone has a chance to speak about his job tonight. Please let a Diva talk so that this entire part of my recap isn’t pointless. Triple H continues to speak and Wade Barrett tries to interrupt. Trips puts a stop to that despite the fact he said everyone had a chance to speak. He finally allows the talent to speak. Wade Barrett has apparently been appointed the spokesperson for the talent. Oh dear. Thankfully his accent is so sexy. What he says doesn’t even matter at this point. Barrett makes some valid points. Now Triple H is going to run him down. SHOCKER!

A referee starts to talk and since it’s not the hot one or Scott Armstrong, I don’t care. This guy doesn’t like the fact the refs have to take bumps. Good point, I guess.

Hunter wants to reply to the refs, but Beth tries to get his attention. Phew. This isn’t pointless on my behalf. Yay! She calls his name but he continues to try and address the angry referees. Beth finally does get The Game’s attention and she’s speaking on behalf of all the Divas. They’re worried that since they’re girls something will accidentally happen to them, or worse, something will intentionally happen to them. She has a good point but personally, I think it would be awesome to have Divas and Superstars mixed up in some type of storyline. Hunter replies with all due respect to the Divas, he wants Beth to name one thing that has happened to them since he’s been in charge. Beth replies that she’s just saying it could happen, and that’s a great point.

Triple H kind of brushes her off and he wants to know if anyone else has anything to say. Jerry Lawler, the victim of anal bleeding just a week ago, takes the microphone. Actually no, he gets in the ring and then takes Hunter’s microphone. I really wish Stephanie were involved in this. Anyway, Lawler thinks there’s a conspiracy involved. He thinks someone is behind the scenes, pulling the strings, trying to sabotage Triple H’s reign as COO. I vote Stephanie.

Anyway, my boyfriend gets the mic and says it’s time for the vote of confidence. Christian votes for the Superstars and says no confidence. The referees vote for no confidence. Beth votes for the Divas and they also have no confidence in Triple H as COO. Jerry Lawler puts the final nail in the coffin and also votes no confidence. Lawler says that actions speak louder than words and he is reluctantly walking out. Who will follow him?

Our stable of Vickie and mostly hot men follow out Lawler. No surprise there. SmackDown goes, no shocker there. Raw isn’t even their show to begin with. Beth leads the Divas out. The Superstars crew, as well as FCW/NXT, and the referees leave. Mark Henry and Barrett leave, and all that’s left around the ring are the Raw stars who are seemingly never pushed. Michael Cole walks out, and finally what’s left of Raw disperses as well. Booker T tosses down his headset, gathers his things, and starts to head for the back as well. Jim Ross is shaking his head and Triple H looks so bummed out. The cameramen put down their equipment and they hit the bricks as well. All that’s left is good ole JR and Triple H.

Damn, who’s going to be at SmackDown tonight?! Want to cry right now.

Double damn. You know it’s bad when even Jim Ross decides to get up and walk out on you. Oh God, here comes Johnny Ace. Should we just end this Redux right here? Yes, because his appearance was completely pointless.

Well that was one interesting edition of Monday Night Raw. I’m kind of excited, nervous, and confused to see what happens on SmackDown tonight. I’ll be there live and tweeting what goes on, so if you want to know follow me @HEELCryssi. Until next week where the Redux won’t be live, Cryssi out!

Also on the hosting team is our friend Dave Lagana of IWantWrestling.com.

Check it out below: