What’s is in a name? Does it define who and what we are? What we mean to people? Or what we mean to ourselves? In some cases I think so… Krissy Vaine was a character that I conjured up in my imagination about eight years ago. She’s been to a lot of places and done a lot of things. She has been a WWE Diva (for a hot second) and spent many hours on the road working the independent circuit. She has made friends and enemies. She has seen the good, the bad and the ugly (and has been ugly herself) of the wrestling world and still managed to come out alive, yet different if that makes sense? All of these experiences must have an effect and change a person, right? I hope so. Otherwise what has all this been for? Krissy Vaine, eight years ago and Mrs. Vaine of the present are two completely different people. I’m now older, wiser and much, much more patient. All of the ups and downs and the crazy rollercoaster was for the better good of my growth — at least that’s how I’ve come to look at it. Slowly but surely, I’ve begun to resonate less and less with ‘Krissy VAINNNNE’. After 29 years, I believe that I’m actually comfortable with looking in the mirror and saying, “Hello Kristin, how the heck are ya? Glad to have ya back.”

Krissy Vaine was a mask. A facade to cover up the fact that on the inside, Kristin was a real hot mess. Krissy Vaine had confidence, while Kristin did not. Krissy Vaine had many people who loved her, while Kristin did not, Vaine knew who she was and Kristin did not have a clue… I knew who and what I wanted to be, but I was far from attaining it. The thing about masks and facades is that they only last for so long. You can only attempt to be something you are not for a certain period of time before it’s so hard on your soul that you snap. I fortunately got to snap in front of the whole world… Yay me! Haha. Something else that began to happen was that I really started to believe I was the ‘fake replica’ that I had conjured up of myself and I became that monster. I was lost and needed to find myself again. And with a quickness.

If not, the gremlins were gonna have me for breakfast! This was the hardest thing to break free from, for me. To separate from the persona. But I have been/am determined to keep doing it. I don’t want to be Krissy Vaine anymore. Vaine, ala the name, only cared about herself. Was only affected by what what she looked like, what happened to her and certainly didn’t care about others. I do however care about others and I’d like to impact the world if only in the smallest of ways.

I would compare the last few years of my life to that of a butterfly. I have been in my cocoon, learning, studying and dropping all that which no longer serves my purpose. It’s important to get rid of any excess baggage whether it be family, friends etc. that can impair your growth. Though not easy, in the long run, it’s worth it. Energy vampires, as I like to call them, prey on those they can take, take, take from. Possibly even wolves in sheeps’ clothing — so be careful! I can’t tell you how nice my days are now, to not be bothered with useless nonsense. The last few years have been cleansing, rejuvenating and idle at times. Boring even, but I knew that one day I would be ready to leave the nest. I’m ready to drop the last bit of the old me and emerge better and stronger than ever before. I’m standing on the mountain I’ve built for myself. Ready to spread my wings and fly.

Letting go of Krissy Vaine won’t be easy, but I believe it’s the last step in this chapter of the journey. Vaine has alot of baggage, cords and unneeded scrap metal in her arsenal. KRISTIN ASTARA is a fresh start… a new beginning. One filled with light, a path of illumination and knowingness — not darkness. Astara reaches for the stars with integrity and vigor and believes she deserves what falls at her feet, but what doesn’t, must not have meant to be. I hope that the death of Krissy Vaine and the birth of Kristin Astara is as exciting to all of you as it is to me.

Until next time,
Kristin

Well, this has been the last edition of Vainety Fair as Krissy Vaine is put to rest. Do you have a name suggestion for Kristin Astara’s new column here at Diva Dirt? Leave your ideas in the comments.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment” could not have been a more perfect title to Vainety Fair today. Just the thought made me double over in laughter to put a light spin on what could be considered a painful day. You see, I was rejected today. Yes me, Krissy Vaine, rejected for the millionth, bazillionth time in my life and it was not fun! Honestly, rejection never gets easier, but the amount of time I take it personally has reduced drastically over the years. Thank goodness! Fear of rejection is what I believe, keeps many people in their same redundant ‘safe’ life. Scared to come outside of their box, scared to spread their wings and fly. Luckily, I think of myself as pretty resilient, though it’s not always easy to be so! Human nature craves acceptance and it is one of the best feelings in the world when we do get it. But not everything can be rosy all the time! That wouldn’t even make sense… how would we grow? As a wrestling diva, model, actress and person who’s chosen to be in the entertainment business, I’ve had my fair share of both. But to be honest with all of you, there are many more nos in this business than yeses. That being said, it still doesn’t make it any easier.

Last week, I had an audition here in the town where I live for a big production that would be taking place in the springtime. Funny thing about these auditions is that you are often in a waiting room staring at your competition. Sizing them up. Wondering what their credentials are in comparison to yours and of course, if the role calls for a certain ‘look’, trying to figure out who is the best fit. Of course in my own mind, I was above and beyond the best person for the role. I nailed the audition, fit the character prototype perfectly, and honestly in my opinion, was the bomb diggity and a shoe in. (At this point, a piece of humble pie would be appreciated.) Good grief!

You can imagine my shock and utter amazement when I am informed by email that someone else was given the part! Grr, what?! EXCUSE ME??? In 0.2 seconds flat, my ego began to take over; tears started to well in my eyes, my bottom lip started to quiver and the waterworks started. It took me back to the 10th grade when I was cut from the cheerleading squad. In 10th grade, I thought my life was over. I had been cheering since I was practically born and what would I do for the year without it? And why me? What had I done to deserve that? However, somehow I got through that year and I expanded my horizons and branched out to learn things I never would have if I had been busy with the squad. I traveled with a theatre group and I started my first job that would teach me to work for my independence. The next year, I made the squad again as if a beat had never been skipped. The year without it had actually been a blessing and many lessons had been learned.

So back to the now. I cried about that silly email for about an hour. The first emotion was sadness, I had really wanted to be a part of this and they didn’t want me! Then I felt sorry for myself and I can imagine my neighbors could hear me playing the tiniest violin in the world for myself. And then it gets better, this is good, seriously… Then the girl who thinks she’s ready to start reading ‘The Course’ (in Miracles, I’m reading the intro now) goes to the darkest part of herself that she can find and thinks the ugliest thoughts possible. Even though I knew what was happening, it was impossible for me to stop it. My ego had taken over and she was relentless. Remember I told you guys that I was in a room with my competition? I was able to look them up and down, study them, pick them apart and I had put myself as ‘better’ than them. I’ll have you all know that nasty little gremlin part of me that I try so hard to keep buried deep, deep down came up from the wenches to try to console my bruised ego. Gremlin Krissy put thoughts into my head such as: “Really, did they see what those other girls looked like?” and “Um, hello! Did you not see my headshot?” and “Uh, yeah, do you not know who I am?” I’m completely ashamed by my thoughts but I tell the story because it happens to the best of us… I think. Thank goodness I only let the gremlin have me for about five minutes and then I squashed her to a pulp and told her we would not be going ‘there’. Funny thing is that the gremlin is cute and harmless to the untrained eye. She looks just like, well, me. It’s just the state I choose to live in. The gremlin has had me before and I won’t let her have me again. Everyone has that choice.

Just because this group didn’t want me or doesn’t want me, doesn’t mean that in a week from now someone else won’t. They say when one door shuts in your face, be ready for another to soon open. Before I recieved my contract with WWE, I had something like 12 tryouts over the course of a year and a half, if not more. If you want something, go after it and don’t let one little pebble in your path cause you to trip and fall. And if you do fall, pick yourself up and try again. A little bit of Neosporin will heal those cuts and bruises right up and down the road, they will barely be visible, but they will have left their mark. I decided that this rejection was meant to be a lesson for me and hopefully give me an opportunity to teach. It’s been a dream since I was a little girl to change people’s lives and I believe I’ve been given the gift of my own ‘truth’ so I can share it with all of you. Embarassing as it may be, sometimes to share with you all so many of my personal stories is cleansing and maybe helpful to someone out there. Divas don’t necessarily get everything they want, even though gosh darnit, we sure try! I guess we (me included) should focus on enjoying the journey and picking up the pieces along the way rather than freak out about getting to the destination. Just a thought.

For now I leave you with a brand new picture from my latest photoshoot shot by photographer Mary Haywood. Hope you like it!

Until next time,

Krissy

For more on Krissy follow her on Twitter and add her as a friend on MySpace.

“Who believes in me?”… A question I have often asked myself and at times had a hard time answering, just as I’m sure many of you have. Sometimes I don’t even believe in myself. How can I possibly say that? We should all believe in ourselves. Have faith we can attain our goals and achieve our dreams, but what blocks us from doing so? I’m a prime example of fear over running my life and letting it get the best of me. How do we, myself included, keep from living a “fear based” life in a fear based world? Turn on the news, the radio, open up a newspaper and all you see is trouble, sadness, and anxiety that brinks on paranoia. I try not to watch or read any of these things at this point in my life. The human race has become so focused on what is negative and fearful that we almost don’t know how to receive positive and good in our life. We don’t know how to accept “great news” for fear that we don’t deserve it, and something bad may be lurking around the corner. We walk around with the attitude that mediocrity is ok. That we are supposed to go to school, get a good job with “benefits” and live the same doldrum life until we die??? What about finding true happiness? Realizing what makes your soul sing and come alive!

Whenever I think of someone who always believed in me a loving, no GLEAMING, thought of my grandfather “Alvin” comes to mind. He called me “Hollywood” from the time I was a tiny tot. This was before I had dreams or aspirations to become anything at all. He always acknowledged something special about me and was never afraid to tell me. When I think back was really a rare thing in my family. He was such an amazing man.. The most loveable, fun and young spirited man I’ve ever met to this day. In his sixties he was watching “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” and would keep me updated if I missed an episode. I still eat cinnamon raisin toast on a regular basis in his memory because when he was sick that was one of the few things he still had a taste for and we would eat it together. Grandpa lived a happy life and he was always whistling and smiling. And drumming on the wall while watching TV because he couldn’t sit still. I believe I may have inherited my attention deficit from him, but I’ll take it. When he became ill and thank god it was short and sweet, he would ask me.. “Child why are you still here?” You need to be off in Hollywood somewhere making movies!!! Well I don’t know about all that, but he meant it wholeheartedly. And it meant everything to me. Not because he was feeding my ego, but because he was preparing me for success. He believed in me. Children as well as adults need for someone to believe in them, it’s detrimental to their success. No one can tackle this world alone. When I need to pull strength from somewhere to be brave I ask him to come down and help me. And he does -just as he is helping me with this column.

Life is hard and if you let them, people can make it harder. The naysayers and the energy suckers want to take, take, take. Why not become powerful for giving? DING, DING DING – A NOVEL CONCEPT!!! Sure you can give yourself an ego boost by putting someone down, but wouldn’t it benefit the both of you so much more by bringing someone up? I have tried to make it a daily habit, thru much self awareness and lots of hard work. It is hard work to remain positive and loving!!!! And it is very easy to fall into a “defeat” pattern. But that’s not how the universe was meant to be. And that’s certainly not how I want to be. I want to be remembered in the most loving way just as I remember my grandpa Alvin.

So think back or think to the present about who believes in you.. Who has picked you up after falling down? First off THANK THEM if you can.. Then try to fullfill your universal duties by “paying it forward” and doing the same for someone else. In wrestling and in real life there are not enough people doing this. I hope to be the “light” in my business- why don’t you do the same in yours? Until Next Time.

Krissy

PS – I would love to hear your stories!!!! Share in comments :)

Let us know in the comments!

Gosh, where do I start? Everyone prepare themselves for a random column this week! First of all, hey y’all! How you doing? I hope everyone is doing great this holiday season! I sure am! Whew, I have been slammed recently with my business and it has left me little to no time at the computer! I’m not complaining though — I feel totally blessed. We are in a recession, you know! So much has been happening, I don’t even know where to start.

Well here’s some good news — I have started working out again (first time in a gym in two years) lol. Gosh, that is totally embarassing and a true athlete would never admit to that, right? Oh well, I’m honest, like me or not! It feels good though. I enjoyed being ‘skinny fat’ for the last two years but honestly, I had taken a long enough break! Speaking of ‘breaks’ I’ve also had a pretty long one from wrestling… I think now that I’m training to become to become a 5-star athlete (wink,wink, hee hee hee) again maybe I’ll give wrestling another go. I had a ‘semi-comeback’ last year but that wasn’t really working out the way I wanted. You know by the time you get to a certain age, you just really like to march to the beat of your own drum. Actually I’ve always been like that lol! So I’ve taken some time and regrouped. Oh I’ll give you a lil spoiler, you won’t be seeing Krissy Vaine at TNA for the tag tournament next week. That synchronicity thing I’ve talked about before is so funny! Timing is everything and unfortunately I was already obligated to something else by the time this idea came to fruition. This go round, because I have looked less than professional in the past (and that is not my nature) I have to do things the right way. It’s really important for me to do so. So whomever I’m with, I’ll be giving that company 100%  — no more one show appearances for me. Its not fair to anyone involved. I do have some very exciting and interesting things going on in the New Year.

I think I’m going to set up a Twitter so that I can keep everyone updated. Fun! Tweet tweet! My bedazzled BlackBerry is never far from my side and I’m not having as much time to blog as I’d like. I love the interaction and I think it would be fun. Oh by the way, expect a much more grown up and mature Krissy in coming months… character-wise anyways ;)

Anyways, trying to think if there is anyone I’ve been uber impressed with lately. Still keeping my fingers crossed Angelina returns to TNA. I’m totally hoping she returns at the tag tourney as a good girl! Would be an amazing comeback and I’m rooting for her. Please, please, please! Madison Rayne is coming into her own and settling in nicely. Proud of her! I think WWE is wasting Savannah’s talent right now. From what I’ve seen, this girl can go. But hey, she is collecting a paycheck every night and isn’t having to kill her body for it. This is ‘just business’ when it comes down to it. She is doing a great job on the mic. Oh, Kristal Lashley may be one of the best females to cut a live promo I’ve ever heard. And she looks like a woman! Very womanly and va-va voom, I like that. She’s a great addition to the Knockouts division and could very easily be the Halle Berry of wrestling. The Bellas have the best gig on the whole WWE roster. Get pretty, sit with important people all night! Can’t imagine the hatred those two have had to deal with from fellow employees!

Umm, let’s see what else? See how I blab and jump from subject to subject when I don’t have a real topic… and I’m just blogging lol. My ADHD is in full force tonight and I am all over the place!

Oh, I also got certified in Reiki since the last I wrote, that’s been a fun experience! So if any ‘rasslers need some healing, they can call me! :) I have also been seeing an angel reader, she is amazing and has helped me through quite a few business propositions lately. I’ve also sent her a few fellow Divas who have enjoyed her guidance! If you have anyone around you locally who does angel card readings I highly suggest seeing them. Word of mouth is best so you don’t get a faker. For me it’s really nice to hear that we (as humans) are never truly alone. Gosh when did I get so ‘granola’? Hahaha, I’m about to go hug a tree! :)

So I guess I’ll stop with all the randomness and finish with a quote, this is one of my favorites. I think I heard it in the movie ‘The Peaceful Warrior’. “We only have this very moment for sure. Be present”. If you really think about that, it’s so true. We never know what tomorrow brings so why do we obsess about it? Until next time…

Love and light,
Krissy

How many of us actually follow our fate? Our life purpose? Or our path? The signs seem to always be there, but do we listen or pay attention? And how long can you ignore what keeps being put in front of you by something that is bigger than you. My signs have always been pretty prevalent and loud, sort of like my personality. There have been times when I have paid attention and there have been times when I have chosen ego over a divine purpose. I believe we are all here to do something, but how do we grasp what that might be?

We can pay attention to synchronicity for starters. Synchronicity happens all the time and there are constantly ‘hints’ being thrown in front of us to help us to us reach our potential. If something drops in front of your face more than three times, I’d rest assured someone or something is trying to tell you something. For me,  it’s always been the wrestling business. No matter what I do, it always calls on me — even if I’m attempting anonymity. This business has given me a platform to reach and touch many people and it continues to do so even as an inactive performer and jobberette extraordinaire ;) I have not had that kind of success in any other business (as hard as I’ve tried), it just hasn’t happened . I used to think it was the devil on my shoulder, but I’m beginning to wonder if my ‘plans’ and my ‘path’ are two different things. You see our ‘egos’ plan. They instill us with fear, induce anxiety and promote worry. Our ‘paths’ just take us where we are supposed to go with no ulterior motives. Our path just wants us to have the peace that we are doing what we are supposed to do and the universe is thrilled by it. When this happens we are truly in sync. I’m working on it but definitely not quite there myself.

So what happens when we choose not to follow our path? Statistically depression, anxiety, illness. I have most definitely been there! And what about timing? Wrestling seems to keep whispering in my ear, but WWE wasn’t right for me. I felt it in my gut and I became one of the above statistics. Can timing be everything when it comes to your path? And can you be put in certain situations, that you can’t possibly understand to prepare you for what’s next? A wise woman recently told me ” It’s your time now, you have learned all of your lessons and you are READY.” ‘Ready for what?’ I thought, she then went on to say keep writing and follow your heart. Keep writing? I didn’t even know this woman (first time meeting), I guess I should mention. How in the world did she know I wrote anything? Honestly, that’s why I haven’t written in a few weeks. She put alot of pressure on me not to suck (hehe). I’m still not completely sure what she meant or how this will effect anything but I’m heeding her words.

I have a firm belief that you can ‘have it all’. I don’t believe that you have to live life being unhappy and I believe that every single one of us deserves happiness. So why do some of us work jobs that we can’t stand, or continue to stay in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling or become wallflowers when we are meant to be a rainbow of bright light? I left WWE and could have potentially lost everything. However, I didn’t — in fact I gained so much more by my decision. Without even realizing at the time I was just following my path. My path is laying itself out in front of me every day and I’m just on that journey. It’s actually kind of exciting not knowing what’s coming next and watching everything unfold! The universe is happy and it has rewarded me in so many ways. I don’t have a clue what the next step for me is. I know it’s gonna be BIG and EXCITING though. I’m just along for the ride and what a rollercoaster it will be! Each sign is leading me into my best future. I’m continuing on my path and the prize keeps getting greater. If everyone did this, imagine how awesome life would be! Try to hop on your own rollercoasters and see what happens — even if just for a day. Try it out and see if you are presented with any signs. And please share! These are always so exciting to hear about! Until next time…

Love and light,
Krissy

I’d like to think that I have a knack for knowing something or someone special, or seeing something worth looking at or paying attention to. I believe everyone has that power. Whether or not we pay attention to it is our own decision. My time as a full time Diva made life very interesting as there were always those coming in and out of the system and I would pretty much be able to peg them and their future. Although I could always see the fate of others, I never was able to do the same for myself. Lord knows I wish that I could have. Life would have been much simpler. So I guess the question is what makes someone special? It seems that everyone has something to give to the world. Those who know that gift are unstoppable, normally they can be seen from a distance and seem to ‘glow’ and bring ‘light’ into your life when they are around. Those who don’t know why they are here are lost and also easily recognized. They walk around sad with a ‘gloom and doom’ negative, nasty attitude. I’ve been both of those people. I prefer what’s behind door number one, however! Not that we all don’t get lost, I think the best decision we can make is one with our hearts and not with our heads. Our human egos get us into a lot of trouble and can cause a lot of unhappiness. If you’re not doing something for the ‘right’ reason, then why do it at all? It’s bound to eat you alive in the end, right?

Many examples in my life have shown me where I was supposed to go. Odd coincidences, random run-ins and lots of trials and tribulations. Each for their own very good reason came into my life and then at some point exited — or I kicked their jabroni butt out for bringing down my vibe! We all know people like that. They suck the life out of you and take, take, take. Never giving back to you what you give to them. The feed off your energy to make themselves feel stronger or more powerful. Be it a boss, a family member or a friend. These people are leeches and not good for any of us. It’s okay to take a stand and say to that person or just do it without saying, “You are not good for me, I’m taking my energy back!” Wow, will you feel better after you take that first step!

I’ve found that every time I start to feel down or am starting to feel sad, I pick up a book. I tend to gravitate towards healing and self help books (I admit, I need them lol!). Just like I’m prone to write stories that make everyone seem more relatable or hopefully tell a good story that means something. Divas, just like Hollywood starlets, are just regular girls who get great makeup and hair for TV. Bet you wouldn’t recognize most of them walking down the street because we all look so different without our ‘masks’. That’s another thing I struggle with — I’ve always felt like such a misfit because who I am on the outside does not match up with the me on the inside. Being judged stinks, I think we can all agree. I’ve mentioned before that being ‘pretty’ gets old and stagnant and what does that really mean? What difference is that really going to make when I’m not in this world? Sometimes it feels like a curse, but I know it’s not. I find myself constantly on a mission to show that ‘pretty is as pretty does, and I’d venture to say that is one of my life’s works. Pretty girls can be nice and it is totally refreshing when they are! Like a tall glass of water! Some of the other “grizzled Divas,” can now officially start taking notes, wink wink.

Karma can be a great thing or an ugly thing. Mine is fear based and anytime it even crosses my mind to ‘play the game dirty’, my fear of a cosmic crash stops me dead in my tracks. I’ve seen it happen before and I’ve heard it mentioned recently related to one of our beloved Knockouts. I’ll be the first to stand up for my friend Angel. Here’s what has gotten me in trouble my whole life — opening my mouth. But I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, only those I love and those who love me. I’ll admit that I had many reservations upon meeting her when I reported to developmental over four years ago; repuations can sometimes exceed people, myself included. I can only speak for how she has treated me, but I can honestly say that Angel has been one of the people in this business that I believe to be good. She has always been honest (to my knowledge) and upfront with me about our friendship. So that’s how I judge her. Based upon how she treated me. Not on what others say! Naive Lacey — Girl, DTA DTA DTA doll face! Watch for the daggers… seriously.

I’d imagine that many of Angel’s sheep friends just stayed with the herd. I don’t know what happened in ‘that situation’, I wasn’t backstage but I think I would’ve paid good money to have been. Nosy — another thing that gets me in trouble! Not nosy for malicious intent, but I do have a little southern ‘busybody’ in me, though I’d like not to admit it. Just curious, maybe? Nah, just nosy. I wish I would’ve been a fly on that wall! The karmic crash on this one could be substantial and I hope the story we all have heard is what really happened. However, knowing backstage politics as I do, I have my doubts.

Pretty is as pretty does… Who falls into that category as far as the Divas go? Yikes, nevermind cannot go there. But wouldn’t the world be such a great place if that were the case. It seems like in life, attractiveness — both male and female — rarely equates to nice. I’ll tell one more story before I finish. This one stuck with me and still makes me nauseated when I think about it. Here goes…

So I’m backstage at a WWE Raw and before the show, everyone is preparing for television and gathered around the ring. Now I’m just the jobberette trying to stay out of the way, keep to myself and blend in with the herd. Keep in mind I didn’t say follow, I said blend. I’d had my 12 Xanax for the day so I’m pretty relaxed at this point (wink wink). Just sitting back and observing, which I often did. Vince is in the ring and there are a couple of guys that have been brought over locally to be ‘squash guys’ for Umaga that night. These local guys are literally grinning from ear to ear, thrilled to death to be inside a WWE ring! I rmembered that excitement, I too had once felt that! I believe that they could’ve died that very moment as happy men. Vince is talking with them about what he wants for the show and how he wants it done, respectfully I might add and is not talking ‘down’ to anyone. I never witnessed him do that. Then a certain ‘top guy’ comes strolling over acting like his ‘poo doesn’t stink’, shall we say. He looks the squash guys up and down in the ring and starts to laugh hysterically! Now this is a grown man, laughing at a couple of guys who could’ve died and gone to heaven right then and there, just because they were able to spend one day backstage at a WWE event. I sat and watched in horror as the herd started to join in, and everyone around ‘top guy’ began to giggle. He then said and I quote: “What the f**k are those guys doing in my ring? Get those disgusting slobs out of my ring,” he announced haughtily. And then he waited for the sheep to follow, and one by one they each started chiming in and I watched it circle the whole way around the ring. Each person, whether they agreed or not, said something ugly or at least laughed at the expense of others and in hopes of getting ‘over’.

Eff that! I was repulsed and embarassed that I was an employee for WWE at that very moment. Who gives Captain Douchebag the right to treat anyone like that? What we are given can be taken away so easily and in the blink of an eye. A true class act and champion would’ve taken the time to bring those guys up, rather than trying to squash their self -esteems and kill dreams. This goes back to my energy stealers. He was trying to steal the energy (probably unknowingly — I hope at least) of those poor guys to make himself feel more superior. They didn’t even know it, though I’m sure they felt it! It’s probably just become his way of life. Saddest of all, his peers just fed right in… Ugh, gag me with a spoon! A real champion, not one that is ‘worked’ or champion via storyline, would never do that! But too often this is the case. It’s sad that some feel like that is the way they have to co-exist.

Wrapping up with a favorite quote, I don’t know who wrote this but it hangs in front of my bed as a daily reminder to myself. It reads: “Those who always give, will always have.” Until next time!

xoxo
Krissy

I had been stumped as to what to write about this week. I’m one of those people who have to be ‘inspired’ in order to speak or write in this case. I guess I feel like if what I have to say isn’t interesting or if I can’t be passionate while writing, then it’s just best to sit back on my pink aura lol (insert joke here) and simmer. But alas, something came to me tonight; I felt fidgety like I needed to talk but couldn’t tell if, maybe, it was just the full moon coming this week that’s throwing off my balance or what the reason for my restlessness was. And then it came to me… this week in the ‘Fair’, I’m gonna discuss heroes in the wrestling business.

When I started out many years ago, I was a bright eyed, naive, sheltered teenager eager to jump feet first into the world of pro wrestling. Being a North Carolinian, I grew up knowing the names of Ric Flair (fave wrestler ever), Ricky Steamboat, Dusty Rhodes and many others. With Crockett Promotions taking place practically in my backyard I couldn’t help but be educated. I would not have called myself a fan, however. My quite ‘southern’ father, an avid fisherman, hunter and ‘rassling’ fan made sure to keep me updated though on all that was professional wrestling. He would turn on wrestling every Saturday morning and make me watch Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. Repeating to me weekend after weekend: “Kristin, you’re gonna grow up and be a rassler. You’re just as strong and as pretty as those girls.” I would always retort in my prissy way: “No I’m NOT gonna be one of those girls Daddy! I am a lady!” I couldn’t have been more than ten years old at the time, but my father had just predicted my future. Well to a point. Becoming a wrestler did become part of my path and I’d like to think I remained a lady while doing so. But we are talking about heroes right? I guess in the GLOW era it would’ve been Tina Ferrari but Barbie was my first love, not that you can tell that by looking at me (wink wink). As I grew up, the Saturday morning tradition faded however it apparently stayed with me through at least my late-teens when I decided to give up my budding modeling career and pursue wrestling. Hey, if Trish could do it, so could I! Here was a girl who looked like a Barbie (my first love)  but was a wrestler. I thought back to my father’s words… he was right! And I had found the person who would become my guide… or so I thought.

Ahh, silly, clueless, overzealous Krissy Vaine. I jumped in and I moved up. I had a drive and a determination. It was calling to me and I knew it. Great things would lie ahead, hard work and dedication would get me to the big show! I just knew Vince would be calling me at any minute. No one on the independent circuit looked like me and I knew it. The ball was in my court. Five years into my venture I received the call. I was brought in for my first tryout…

Long story short, I was entirely too ‘green’ and not ready for the big time yet. However, they did like me and continued to bring me in for tryouts and watch me progress over the next year. Each tryout allowed me to be nearer to my heroes that I watched on TV every week. I got my first taste of being let down by one of them during the tryout I had a year prior to my signing. I was like a kid in a candy store and was thrilled to be in the locker room with all the beauties that I watched on TV every week! I wanted to be just like them. And I thought everyone was friends! It was so exciting being a kid in that environment. I was on top of the world and just made myself right at home. I was gonna be one of the girls, we were all gonna be BFFs and travel and see the world together while performing and doing what we love! Ahahaha, silly Krissy Vaine.

I didn’t know that you weren’t allowed in the locker room unless you were ‘over’. I think I’ve mentioned before I was one of the lucky ones who didn’t have my stuff thrown out into the streets. And then I saw her, she might as well have been radiating because she was the be all and end all as far as I was concerned. My holy grail, the one I so admire! I was screaming inside with excitement! It was TRISH! The wrestler who looks like Barbie and the one I want to be just like! Oh my god, she’s putting on her makeup right in front of me. What do I say? What do I do? Breathe. Okay, I can do this. This is my chance to form my bond, my lasting friendship with my hero and future mentor! And then I started talking.

I introduced myself to her and started carrying on a conversation about how she had influenced me to get into the wrestling business and how I had followed her since her Muscle Mag days and so on and so forth. She talked back, but not graciously and I could sense that but I just thought maybe she was concentrating (makeup) so I continued. Molly Holly, who was also doing her makeup, getting ready for TV jumped in and started asking questions about me. Where was I training? how long had I been wrestling? So on and so forth. She seemed to be genuinely interested in me and totally sweet however, I really wasn’t that interested in Molly although it was super cool she cared about me, but hello… Trish was in our presence and she is the queen of my wrestling world. Molly, you’re really sweet but reall… Ahem Trish, Trish? Where was Trish? She had snuck off for a moment. Where did she go? What was she doing? We were having a great conversation… or so I thought! Eventually she came back and approached her mirror again, quiet as a mouse and picked up where she had left off five minutes earlier. Within 10 seconds of her return, a burly woman came in and escorted me out of the area and told to me go to the ‘extras’ locker room, which was a broom closet by the way. Grr broom closet? Do you know who I think I am? I’m Krissy Vaine!!! And then it hit me. Oh no. Did what I think just happened, really happen? Did she just ‘strategize’ me? Did my hero just have my jabroni butt kicked out of the locker room because I was admiring her? It sure looked like it! But it was so slick, so smooth — maybe I was mistaken? Maybe I was just paranoid? But no, I hadn’t reached the paranoia state in my career yet — that came a few years later. Molly on the other hand, as I was being taken out, said: “No, she can stay, she’s not bothering anyone. She’s fine, don’t worry.” But to no avail. Thanks anyway, Molly.

So that was my first taste of it. That first bit of sadness you get when someone you look up to disappoints you. But there would be plenty more to come. I’m not blaming Trish, if you let it, the wrestling business can bring out the worst in you, I know it did with me. I acted so out of character so many times, I’m ashamed. I became a sheep in the herd, rather than the leader I was born to be. Upon a return (if and when it were to ever happen) I would be okay. I would remain aligned with myself and stay true to me. After all, I’m the only person I can truly count on. I learned that from my hero! You see, it’s lonely at the top. Yes, you get all the glitz and glamour or so it seems, but it’s like Stone Cold says: DTA. And its the God’s honest truth. Don’t trust anybody. Trish was just protecting herself and her property, it was nothing personal and I feel for sure, that she’s a great person. But DTA apparently really works well for her as it does the many who master it. I was foolish and Krissy Vaine at the time was ‘TE’, trust everybody! Unfortunately that was the only experience I had with my her. Others who I wouldn’t have been a fan of or ‘mark out’ for on TV became my heroes in the locker room. It’s always the ones who never got the ‘big push’ who are wonderful mentors to the younger generation. Molly, Victoria and Dawn Marie all made an impact on me in one way or another that they probably don’t even remember. It may have been just a smile or a helpful hand but they were kind to a newcomer who was very nervous and just wanted to fit in. I’m so happy to see Victoria getting the push she deserves at TNA, she is beyond bomb! I try to carry on that tradition when a newbie crosses my path. Exceptions to the prior rule in my experience were Melina and Torrie. Both are/were ‘over’ on TV and both seem to be wonderful people. Melina talked me through an awful night where one of the boys had ripped me a new one for having a boyfriend. She’s really sensitive and beautiful. She did not know me from the next blonde over, but was a shoulder for me to lean that night. It meant the world. She probably doesn’t even remember. Torrie, as has been well documented, is an angel. She only dealt with me for a short period but it was when I was at rock bottom. Instead of kicking me while I was down (like many others), she helped me to rise above and be great. I could have never done that without her. Actually, she pretty much did everything. I was a zombie just going through the motions by that point.

So I guess the moral of the story is your heroes may not be who you think they are. And it’s okay if they are not. We are all just human and no one is perfect and we shouldn’t expect them to be. Look for heroes in your daily life. When you find one align, or as we like to say, ‘tag team’ with them and do something great! They come in all shapes, sizes, colors and forms. You just have to look. I’ve made a habit out of looking and its brought such amazing people to me. Look up to someone you would never even think to look up to and tell them you admire them. There is great power in our words. Now when I think of heroes, I don’t look to the top Diva or Knockout — I love real people. I love people who make real changes in the world or in others’ lives. I love humans who make a difference and I hope that in some teensy weensy way I can be one of those people too. Until next time y’all!

xoxo
Krissy

Hey y’all, sorry for the delay! It’s been a crazy few weeks but I saw this on Facebook and thought it would be a cool thing to do for Vainety Fair. Hope I don’t bore y’all too much!!! It’s called “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me”…

1. I love coming home to a clean house!
2. I don’t mind my car being dirty…
3. I could definitely be described as having OCD.
4. I’m a workaholic and FAILURE is my biggest fear in life.
5. Rejection is hard for me to deal with but I believe it builds great character and it makes me try harder.
6. I love Japanese food!
7. I hate beef stroganoff and liver pudding! Eww!
8. I’m a homebody and my animals are my babies!!!
9. I constantly have to tell myself to get off my ‘high moral ground’ [aka high horse] and not judge others.
10. I’m a huge believer in karma and sometimes I sit back and watch it work.
11. When I think about doing something I shouldn’t, my fear of karma will keep me from doing it!
12. I despise liar, I would rather be spit on than lied to.
13. At the age of 28, I decided to cut people out of my life who didn’t bring something positive into it. It’s made a huge difference — eliminate negativity, it does a world of good for the soul.
14. My closest friend doesn’t watch TV and doesn’t even have one hooked up in her house. She instead increases her knowledge by reading 3 or 4 books at a time. I look up to her greatly and think she’s brilliant.
15. I don’t really like massages, but I’m trying to get over it. I think that alot of healing can be done with the hands.
16. I was told recently that I had a ‘beautiful bright pink aura’. Too terrified to ask what in the hell that meant, I went home and Googled it haha! After Googling, alot of things in my life began to make sense.
17. I believe everything happens for a reason and that you should follow your path and that EVERYONE has one.
18. I never do what anyone ELSE wants me to do, only what I want to do — it’s true!
19. I’m going to take a Reiki course soon and become certified!
20. I believe that I’m here to do something GREAT and have believed that since I was a small child.
21. I’m insecure that most of what people say about me has to do with my looks. The biggest compliment I can recieve is that I’m smart or talented.
22. I’m constantly trying to prove that I’m much more than just ‘pretty’.
23. I hate flying and I have to take a ‘swig’  in turbulence! Sad but true!
24. I hope to be a homeowner this year!
25. I’m so lucky to have found my soulmate in the very strange and whacky way that I did! (Remember what I said about paths?)

Also wanted to congratulate Lacey VE — she’s a doll and has a great heart. So happy for her!!! Congrats girl!

Till next time, love y’all!
– Krissy

Hey y’all and welcome to the first Vainety Fair! We can all applaud Melanie for the clever name for my new column. When I was pondering about what to write for my first contribution to Diva Dirt, I thought to myself… what can I talk about that would be interesting to the masses? I want to keep my audience captive, but I also want to keep it real. So I decided after much deliberation to use myself as the ‘butt of the joke’ and talk about the aging Diva. During my tenure as a full-time entertainer, I look back and believe that in the span of only about two years, I aged at least five to ten! How does this happen? Good question! I lived it and am still not completely sure but the proof lies in the pudding. Of course, I can look back now and laugh (I’ve managed to ‘de-griz’) but as this was going on in front of me, it was not so humorous and damaging to be truthful. It was heart wrenching and terrifying! You have to understand your ‘beauty’ tends to be the most important thing you’ve got as a female in the wrestling business. Unlike actresses, females in wrestling can never be too attractive. Jessica Biel has often stated that she hasn’t gotten specific movie or television gigs because she is too easy on the eyes… How is this possible, you ask? In acting there are different roles, different characters — the most beautiful woman in the world will receive an Oscar for dimming herself down to look ‘homely’ and ‘unattractive’. Now count how many homely women in wrestling ever ‘get over’, or better yet are ‘pushed’. Bet you can count them on one hand. I am happy to see that some places nowadays are thinking outside of the box and that is refreshing. But I can only speak of what I know…

I, one time tried to pitch a ‘nerd’ character while I was under contract and was actually quite good at it. Think Neil Goldman from Family Guy. I have a retainer I still have to wear at night, y’all! No joke! I sound ridiculous and look even more silly. However, it was kind of funny in it’s on way and I had an idea. Possibly a very good idea. Never have I been comfortable with being the so-called wrestling ‘sex kitten’, so I decided to suggest something different and actually portray that awkward stage that at some point in our lives, we all go through. I thought it would be brilliant for a babyface female to become this character’s ‘protector’ and help her emerge after many trials and tribulations as a beautiful swan. Redemption right? Wrong! Needless to say this ‘character’ did not go over so well with management… in fact, it was more like a turd in a punch bowl. So I was told to drop it and become as ‘sexy’ as I could be. Ugh. I was not happy, but this is the way you’re making a living so you do as you must. As I said on the Roundtable, it’s either be a ‘perfect 10′ or buh-bye Diva wannabe. Is this ridiculous? I think so… I conformed for a while, tried to be sexy. Eek! I’m not very good at that. Yes, I photograph well, but am I a sexpot in the ring? No and I don’t want to be. I think its tasteless and if you are talented, you are selling yourself short.

As far as careers in wrestling go for women your ‘look’ is the most important thing. Should that be put above talent? No, but alas this is the nature of the beast. Pictured, is a series of shots explaining my condition. You see this is the “Anatomy of a Grizzled Diva.” This is what long nights, even longer days, lack of sleep, dehydration, lack of nutrients, lack of food (may or may not be accompanied by an eating disorder), stress and no off season will do to you. I cringe sometimes looking at some of these photos but this is for the greater cause; to shed light on this condition and to help other ‘grizzled’ girls like myself. So I’m opening up to the world for a very good reason — to spread awareness about this ‘condition’. One that so many suffer from yet it goes untreated, unnoticed and undiagnosed. You see when things began looking better on the outside I had begun to get a little help from my local doctor. I guess you could call him an expert in perfection and beauty. I called him my savior.

My first visit to this miracle worker came in Atlanta, GA. A year and half after signing a ‘deal’, my face began to look every bit the age of the 26 years old that I was. If not much more… I began to see wrinkles I had never seen before. What was happening?? I had always prided myself on being so fresh faced in a sea of “rode hard and put up wet!” But this was all in the past. I was now beginning to become hardened and aged. Whether it be the training, the stress, the hard rock and roll lifestyle… whatever it was, it was it was evil and I was going to bury it. Grizzle, you will not get the best of me, I said to myself. I won’t let you! And then I discovered it! The answer to my prayers and my weapon against gravity itself. It was the ever so wonderful Botox. Quite possibly the most useful form of paralysis I had ever encountered and I was in wrestling! It was ingenius and glorious and I’ll have you know that within two weeks I was unable to make an ugly eyebrow furrow. Wow I had it figured out! I was onto something. Injections are where it’s at! Where my girls at? I had to tell everyone I knew about ‘the secret’.

So I decided to share the wealth, so I went and told one of my fellow Divas about my conquest and she too was enthralled. We all are looking to get that ‘edge’ after all, aren’t we? The two of us then decided that we needed lips and big ones at that. All the sexy bunnies and pin-up models had them. But what if you were like me and you weren’t blessed with full luscious lips? Well guess what? My ‘guy’ can give you what you want. Who cares if you look like a duckbill platypus when you leave the office? Girl, you are gonna be so fine in a week when those puppies settle down, so don’t you worry about the quacking noises you receive while walking down the street! They are just haters. And it doesn’t matter what God blessed you with, you can have whatever you want! A credit card is all you need!

Did it matter to me that the cost of these procedures were more than half of what I was receiving in salary a month? Or that the procedure itself generally wore off in about 2 months? Heck no! I didn’t care. I looked good… or so I thought and at that point in my life that was the most important thing. The girls on the main roster were long ‘in the know’ about my findings and all of the miracle ‘juices’ there are out there for us females. How do you think they stay looking good on the road over 300 days a year? Not by themselves, I can guarantee. They could’ve shared, but oh yeah, then they might lose their job to one of the younger girls. Tsk tsk. Now it never hurts to help someone. (I hear my mother’s voice in the back of my head right now!)

I feel it’s important to share this story and let everyone know that no one is perfect. What you see on TV is normally a lot of work, figuratively and literally. No one is a ‘perfect 10′ and if you see an image in a magazine that appears to be perfect it is normally Photoshopped. Wrestling Divas are especially prone to going to see the doctor frequently because when it comes down to it, our ‘look’ is really all we’ve got. And once that’s gone, what do you have at the end of the day? I got very caught up in the demon that is beauty. It’s a nasty, vicious cycle that ends every night with you trying to go to sleep, alone in a hotel room & wondering what good you really are? You are not what you may have been before in a prior life; whether you were a good student, an athlete, a nurse or a nerd turned into a lovely swan. What is so interesting is that these are the things that make you feel like a person and not an object. We take great pride in our attributes and virtues as human beings, so how empty must it feel when your only attribute to the world is looking good? Empty and unfulfilling. Unhappiness seems to find a way to seep through that Restylane, Botox and Juvederm. The ugly will eventually begin to rear it’s head from the inside out. And no amount of fillers can cover that up. I see this on television a lot. Look closely and I bet you can see it too. Ugly seeps out from the pores and you can see it. This is coming from someone who knows… it happened to me.

This is not an ‘anti -plastic surgery’ article. I’m very much pro-plastic surgery. However, “nipping, tucking and sucking” as the great Dolly Parton would say, will not fix all of your problems. I’ve taken the last few years to fix not only the outside but the inside. I’m still nipping, tucking and sucking — just not too obsessively. I don’t get judged on a daily basis on how I look. I’m in the fashion industry, so I use my knowledge to help others realize the own beauty. This is my small contribution to the world and though it may be miniscule, I’m making a difference in my own way. This does more wonders for my outer beauty than any ‘miracle doctor’ could do for me. I still believe in a good lip plump and chemical peel… Hey, you could never take all the “vain” out of Vaine. But overall I’m pretty happy with where I stand — a former ‘grizzled’ Diva!