Saturday, October 16, 2021

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GLOW, episode 5 review “Porn you can watch with your kids”

So Ruth has finally established her wrestling persona, and it turns out to be a bad Yakov Smirnoff impression.

Inspired by the neglectful hotel manager at The Dusty Spur, Ruth unveils a Soviet shtick at the opening of a new Patio Towne store (the number-two purveyor of indoor/outdoor lifestyle in Southern California). The franchise owner (Patrick O’Towne, naturally) flatly says he isn’t interested in sponsoring women’s wrestling.

“I get it. Lady wrestlers. Women can do anything men do, blah, blah, blah. I appreciate it. But it’s not going to help me sell lawn chairs,” he says.

Ruth goes off-script, spicing up a dull ribbon-cutting ceremony by cutting an off-the-cuff promo on the sins of capitalism before segueing into a commercial for Patio Towne, winning over Mr. O’Towne and seemingly landing GLOW its first corporate sponsorship.

Sam Sylvia and Bash managed to sweet-talk the TV executive into providing a time slot with a multi-faceted pitch. “They are going to be wrestling with their own female stereotypes, metaphorically,” Bash says. “Porn you can watch with you kids,” Sylvia adds. Something for everyone.

As Bash and Sylvia are schmoozing the suits, the GLOW girls are beginning to go stir-crazy, holed up in the Dusty Spur. Justine has develop da crush on the local pizza delivery boy, a Flock of Seagulls-wannabe wonderfully named Billy Offall. Melanie is dying to get out, but Cherry is watching her like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t break curfew. Rhonda reveals she is “shagging” Sam. And Debbie is frustrated that her nemesis, Ruth, seems to be learning the ropes much faster than she is.

Carmen decides to take Debbie out to see her first pro wrestling show, and Melanie tags along. Christopher Daniels makes an in-ring cameo showcasing his Best Moonsault Ever, but the main event is Mr. Monopoly (played by Joey Ryan) against Steel Horse (played by Alex Riley). Carmen explains the intricate backstory of their feud, when Debbie – the former soap opera star – has an epiphany.

“Oh my God, it’s a soap opera!” she exclaims. “This whole things is a soap opera. I understand what I’m doing!”

Once she sees Steel Horse bare-chested, Debbie has forgotten all about the husband she just left and breaks curfew for a backstage romp with The Steel Horse. The next morning, she calls Sam, rejuvenated and saying she is “all in” with GLOW. The only thing she needs now is a strong heel … and there’s no stronger heel in 1980s America than an old-fashioned Communist.

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