Saturday, September 25, 2021

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Impact Write-Up (January 26th, 2012): Tara Seizes a Title Shot, Plus More Intergender “Fun” Ensues

Greetings all my loyal bitches, and welcome to another delightful Friday. The birds are chirping, the work week is ending, and your talented and entertaining Knockouts division has just given us another week of treats to review. On this week’s episode, we were given a triple threat match in which the winner would receive a shot at Gail Kim‘s Knockouts Championship during the Against All Odds pay per view between Mickie James, Velvet Sky and Tara. In addition to that, Winter and Angelina Love teamed up to face the…interesting duo of ODB and Creepo Beard in what is sure to leave me screaming, “Thank god Winter’s finally back on TV!”

Enough of my babble, let’s get started!

Opening the show tonight, we head to the arena where Christy Hemme announces the following triple threat bout for the ladies. The theme of everyone’s favorite knockout to rock out with, Velvet Sky, hits, as the pigeons begin to fly and out she comes in some patented Beautiful People gear. She makes a title pose around her waist, as she proceeds to her trademarked side of the ring and bends over the second rope to step inside. Sky poses on the turnbuckle, as up next comes, well, normally I would say the veteran but I’m honestly not sure who in this match has been wrestling the longest so let’s refer to her as the Widows Peak Freak, Tara! She rides out on the side of the arena where her bike can properly be driven, before stepping off and climbing inside the ring to display a nice new bronze gear. HAAAAARDCURRRR COUNNNTREEHHHH proceeds to grace my ears, and out skips our peppy lass in her finest denim, Mickie James! (Note: I wrote her name while saying it in my head using the voice of a Madison Rayne country accent.) Nonetheless, the bell sounds and we finally get things underway!

The three move about the ring trying to get started, but they all agree to shake hands with each other to show their mutual respect. Suddenly, Tara takes it upon herself to kick our Pigeon Leader in the stomach, before trading shots with miss Hardcore Country. Mickie then flies off the ropes, but Tara dodges back into a Matrix (Another note: I love that Tara still adds new moves no matter how many matches she has) which allows Mickie to (accidentally?) clothesline Velvet Sky. Tara grabs her around the waist and rolls Mickie up into a pinfall which only amounts to a two count, as Velvet runs off the ropes and dropkicks her in the face to break it. Sky tosses James outside the ring and hooks Tara’s leg for a one count. Tara then uses her brute strength to hoist Velvet into the air and carry her back to the corner.

She rams her head into the stomach of Velvet a few times, before setting the plucky underdog up for the Widows Peak. Sky luckily manages to escape out the back as James runs back in and kicks Tara in the stomach. Another kick to the face follows it up, as she then connects with a roll up of her own for a two count. Mickie brings Tara to the corner of the ring and scores with a kick to the stomach until Tara manages to reverse the roles and send Mickie there instead. She takes control with a few strikes to the face, before shoving James down face first to the canvas and applying a head squeeze as the crowd gets behind her. Tara Irish Whips Mickie into the corner, and James elbows her in the face… as we head to a rather irritating commercial break to interrupt a match I was pretty invested in.

After an ad promoting the Knockouts (and Robbie E of all people) for Valentines Day, we come back to see a nice spot (unfortunately probably even better if we didn’t miss half of it) where Tara looked to have a Boston Crab locked on Mickie until Velvet charges forward with a monkey flip. Sky goes for the Sky High, but Mickie breaks it up and drops her with the arm trap neckbreaker. She goes for a pinfall, but Tara immediately breaks it up and lifts James up for a bodyslam. Tara shakes and shimmies, before going for the standing moonsault that Mickie rolls out of the way in time for. Velvet begins to chop Mickie and Tara as she is then sent off the ropes and comes back with a beautiful whirlybird headscissors takedown to the southern gal.

Velvet goes for a move, but is cut off by Tara quickly with a clothesline. The former Knockouts Champion turns right around into a flapjack by Mickie, who then kips up and heads to the top rope. James leaps off for the Thesz Press, but Tara dodges it and it hits Velvet for a two count! Tara, in turn, tosses Velvet outside the ring and turns right around into the Mick Kick…however, Tara manages to grab the ropes for the break in what was sure to be the finish. Mickie kicks her in the stomach and goes for the Mickie-DT, but Velvet runs off from behind with a bulldog! Tara then lifts Velvet into the air and hits an AWESOME sidewalk slam that drops Velvet onto a downed Mickie. She hooks James’ leg and covers… one… two… three! Tara wins a title shot! She celebrates to the overjoyed fans, as Sky and James try to recover from that sick finisher.

Out of nowhere, we head backstage to see Knockouts Champion, Gail Kim, as she watches the action on a monitor near by. She offers congratulations to Tara, by stating the best woman won tonight. Kim informs us that she’s looking forward to facing Tara and proving why she is the most dominant champion in this company! The camera guy brings up the history between the two, which Gail states is there, but the main point is that she’s the current Knockouts Champion and she’s going to bring it at Against All Odds to see who the better woman is.

Skip to 4:35

We continue backstage to see my “favorite” person, Creepo Beard, as he warms up for the tag bout later tonight against Winter and Angelina Love. Suddenly, a worker comes to remove a stage light, and Creepo Beard somehow mistakes him for Sammy Davis Jr. I believe. (I need to brush up on my jazz.) This poor, obviously frightened, employee simply goes along with the act, until the beautiful Winter and Angelina Love cut him off as they try to seduce Creepo Beard. Love tries to apologize for her actions last week, calling them “not lady like”. Winter proclaims that this is not a trick, citing his beard as beautiful?! Making up for that lie, Winter dubs herself and Angelina as being beautiful too, and claim that they aren’t that hard to get.

Suddenly, Love tries to knee him in the groin, a trend that seems to be happening a lot this week, but apparently he has a cup on considering she grabs her knee in pain and almost falls down from hobbling! Winter begins to scream at him, as he says something about a yeast infection and starts sniffing his cup. (Lord, help me.) ODB then walks up to him and states that she wondered who took this from her locker room?! What on Earth is going on here? Never the less, the two leave the room and talk about taking out those “hussies”.

Skip to 1:13

We trollop off backstage once again, thankfully to see no more talk of yeast infections or cup sniffing, but to see Tara, as she shows her elation over the victory earlier tonight where she became the number one contender to Gail’s Knockouts Championship! She brings up the memories of facing Gail before, asking the champion if she can “remember me?!” Tara continues on about their tremendous matches together, stating that they know each others repertoires which is unfortunate. She adds that she will have to work very hard to change things up, but that Gail’s gold is going to look good around her size 28 and a half waist! She states that it’s hard to read Kim’s body language and her facial expressions, which can be dangerous, and that she (Gail) is going to do anything it takes to leave with the title. Tara claims that she will as well, and if Gail wants to play dirty, so will she!

(Skip to 04:37 in video above.) Returning to the ring, we get a great pan up shot of Christy Hemme from head to toe, as she announces the following intergender tag team match scheduled for one fall. The best darn theme song in all of wrestling hits, as out walks the team of Angelina Love and Winter! The two creepily step out onto the stage and pose together, before continuing down the ramp and climbing inside the ring. After some added posing, the upbeat music hits and out walks ODB and…sigh, Creepo Beard. They slide into the ring, as we go to a commercial you know, at a GOOD time to do so before a match gets started. Unfortunately, we return to see Creepo Beard basically hugging Earl Hebner, who, much like I would do, simply exits the ring and wants no part in this!

Hebner finally climbs back in, as Beard steps outside, before climbing back in and locking up with Earl. (What gets me through times like this is telling myself “Winter’s back on TV!”) Winter steps into the center of the ring and stands off, as Creepo Beard does some more stuff I don’t understand to stall time…but hey, Winter’s back on TV! Thankfully, she shoves him in the back, but unfortunately, it does nothing but make him strip down to his trunks. Angelina steps back inside, and THANKFULLY ODB tags in and we get to see something happen. She takes Angelina down with a clothesline and splashes her in the corner, before running forward with the bronco buster!

ODB takes Winter down, but this allows Angelina to come back as the two trade shots and well, try to wrestle if a distraction wasn’t leaping into the ring every five seconds. Winter attempts to trip ODB up, but she stops herself in time… only Angelina charges forward and pulls her down by the hair. Love hooks the leg for a two count, as she tags in Winter and the two take control with a double team move in the corner. Winter scores with a nice backbreaker to the knee for a close call, as she takes ODB back in the corner and locks her in the proverbial tree of woe.

She chokes ODB with her boot, before distracting the referee long enough for Angelina to do some damage. A kick to the stomach gets a near fall, as Winter then applies a choke hold and the crowd gets behind ODB. She starts to power out of it, and finally does after a jawbreaker as Creepo Beard slides in the flask and ODB gets some liquid courage. Angelina tags in and goes for ODB, but she blocks Love’s attempt and fires up with some forearms and shoulder blocks! She lifts Angelina up and connects with the fallaway slam, as Creepo Beard and ODB hit stereo airplane spins on Winter and Angelina, which ends with ODB hitting the TKO on Angelina for the victory.

Thoughts: I’ll start with the triple threat match, which I thought was very entertaining. I don’t like that we got a commercial break during it, but surprisingly, it didn’t really stop me from getting into the swing of things. I thought all of their moves came off great, and they each got some proper time to shine. Seeing Tara win was really enjoyable for me because I like surprises and I definitely was not expecting her to take the victory. Also, she and Gail always put on great matches together and I’m definitely looking forward to another. It’s something fresh and new, and I like it!

As for the tag team match. Ignoring the first few minutes, they actually got to wrestle some this week which is a big step up. Honestly, I know there are people who like these two together, and in all fairness, I wouldn’t mind a man being in the division if it was just someone other than the one who’s involved. Heck, I liked Cody Deaner! I’ve just never been a fan of Creepo Beard at all, so having to recap him weekly isn’t really a fun thing for me, but hey, Winter’s back on TV and that’s what matters!

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