Friday, September 17, 2021

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Impact Write-Up (March 22nd, 2012): Knockout Tag Titles Up For Grabs, Plus More Dixie Drama!

Hola everyone, and welcome to this weeks Impact Write-Up. Much like always, the recap you are about to see is my live reaction to everything so you have been warned! Upon hearing that we would be seeing ODB and ODB’s partner defend the Tag Titles against Sarita and Rosita, I had mixed feelings about this. It’s no secret which one of these four I utterly cannot watch, but can the mere sight of Sarita be enough to overpower that burning rage?! And in more positive news for me since I worship her, Miss Dixie Carter is back on our screens with some drama for us all to take in. Let’s get started before I simply skip ahead and take in all this juicy Dixie goodness by myself!

Up first we’re greeted with Taz’s personal money shot of Christy Hemme‘s body, before I immediately burst into fits of tears and happiness at the sight of SARITA and ROSITA back in a ring where I have so longingly missed them. Looking tremendous and phenomenal as ever, the two shining stars of the division step out and taunt the fans, before heading into the ring. As I notice Rosita’s large hoop earrings that I’m hoping she removes before starting this match, the music of ODB hits and out she comes (to my happiness as well), alongside her partner (womp womp). Wait… wait a second! How can I forget? I must also mention the phenomenon that is Sarita’s “soccer mom” dancing. Oh how I have missed those salsa moves…

Anyways, out come the Tag Team Champions… and oh lord, a wedding announcement pops onto the screen. Immediately, I begin sorting out which drinks I’ll be stocking up for on that night, but then I remember I still have a match to recap and thus we return to the ring as they pose. My eyes can not be taken off Sarita and Rosita being in an actual ring, so I try to not notice what ODB’s partner is doing, if anything at all. Rosita starts the match up, and YES! She obeys my wish and removes those hoop earrings. ODB then tags in and chest bumps Rosita to the canvas which actually does make me erupt with laughter.

She hoists Rosita onto her shoulder and slams her into the corner, where she then runs forward with an avalanche. She goes for the Bronco Buster, but Rosita dodges out of the way and quickly tags Sarita in. WAIT… SARITA IS IN A RING WRESTLING! Mark this moment down in history, please! She bangs ODB’s head into the turnbuckle post, and proceeds to grace us with some beautiful soccer mom dancing. God, I love this woman! Sarita quickly continues to beatdown ODB, hitting a beautiful handstand senton into a boot. ODB tries to tag to her partner, but the brilliance that is Sarita makes sure this doesn’t happen.

Tag back into Rosita, who picks up right where Sarita left off with an assortment of kicks. The crowd gets behind ODB, who boots Rosita right in the stomach and hits a huge spear. The two try to keep ODB grounded, but she kicks them off and makes the tag. Her partner runs in and my IQ lowers as God Sarita and God Rosita are forced to try and seduce him. ODB suddenly regains her composure and doesn’t approve of what she sees, which sparks her to take both women down. She drops Rosita with the BAM and the partner gets the pin after some arguing with his spouse to be. Beggars can’t be choosers. At least I got to see Sarita (with soccer mom dancing) and Rosita (with hoop earrings) compete. Embrace the positivity!

Now… On to the Saint of Impact, Dixie Carter!

We join Queen Dixie in the ring, as she discusses how disrespectful Bobby Roode has been to everyone. The crowd continues to chant for me to be fired (hopefully none of the DD staff hear this!), but Dixie claims he has done nothing but disgrace this company. Dixie lists off the people she’s talked to in trying to make the right decision in this mess. She continues that Bobby Roode has only given her one option to do, but she is then cut off by the music of Sting (who I STILL do not approve of for firing Miss Karen). Sting walks out and hugs Miss Dixie, which gets him a few points back in my book for earning Queen Dixie’s trust.

He tells her that he’s never given her a reason not to trust him, and that she should do so this time because firing Bobby is letting him get off the easy way. He claims that they won’t get any revenge by just releasing him from his contract, claiming that they must get the right kind of revenge on Sir Roode. Sting continues that the other choices being made need discussing. He claims that the GM position is just not working for him as we head to a commercial break of doom!

We return to Sting letting Dixie know that something happened at Victory Road with this company, in that both it — and he — came alive! He realized that he can’t be part time GM and part time wrestler, thus he had to make a choice. Sting announces that he has decided to go home and rest due to the concussion he received, and he promises her that he will get better so that he can come back better than ever! Queen Dixie nods on in approval as I admire her beauty. Oh, and Sting claims that when he comes back, he will be nothing but a wrestler. He will fight for Dixie! You get my approval for now, Sting! He states that he has to step down as GM for now, and this does not please Queen Dixie.

Sting then adds that he won’t leave us all hanging, stating he has the right person to take this company to the top: Hulk Hogan… Gross. Dixie, please don’t do this. Sting needs to take his hands off Queen Dixie so I can attack him for continuing to make bad choices. WHY CAN’T YOU BRING BACK MISS KAREN? This crowd chants what I believe is “We want Karen”, and I must say I agree with them completely! We want Karen! We want Karen! This segment then comes to a close as I beg Dixie to give us what we all want, and that’s Miss Karen!

Backstage, we spy Queen Dixie stating that she has no response to this dilemma, but that she understands why Sting feels the way he does. Miss Carter, seeming perplexed, claims that she has no idea what she is going to do about this, eventually excusing herself to tend to the business of Impact Wrestling. She makes me so proud.

We head to the ring again, where Sting is now the first person standing there. He asks Queen Dixie to step out… and YES! THE THEME SONG! Dixie makes her way back out to the ring as I form the biggest smile on my face that I’ve had in some time. Of course, I’m singing along with her theme song… ahem. “I won’t evvverrr give up…You know it’s never enough…You’ll never breaaakk me downnnn…I’ll never fall to the ground”. I could legitimately go on and on, and yes, this theme song is in my iPod. Saint Dixie grabs a coveted microphone, and after I replay her entrance five more times, we listen to Sting continue to pitch this bad idea to Lady Carter.

Sting discusses how as of late, we’ve gotten to see the real Hulk Hogan (which I’m sure springs a lot of thoughts into one’s head), and he basically sells Hulk to her even harder than I try to pitch Cougar Town to all of you… that’s just sad. Lady Carter is asked to trust Hulk, and she reiterates how Sting has always steered her in the right direction so if he believes in Hogan, she does too. Dixie, no! Just… Dixie… No. Sting asks him to walk out to the ring, as my eyes stay firmly on Dixie and Dixie alone. Some talking goes on, but it’s not from Lady Carter, therefore I am not contractually obligated to speak of it if I choose not to. The segment ends with all three in the ring, even though Dixie is the only one I’m sure all our eyes are glued to. Sheer brilliance!

Thoughts: Lord, tonight was really probably my favorite Impact in a long time. While I’m sure the reasoning is not shared with most of you, I really do honestly love Dixie Carter and I think she is phenomenal. I consider her the face version of Miss Karen, and both of them have been two of my favorite females to hit wrestling in a long time. I love recapping her segments, so if TNA is going to continue giving us ODB’s partner, I will continue to outweigh that with more and more Dixie talk! I like to focus on the positives, and if I’m not really getting them in what we see of the division on a certain night, I’d rather choose to make my own with someone who pleases me to see on TV.

The tag match was… what all of these tag matches are really. I did like that ODB was more focused upon wrestling-wise, but I don’t like her partner pinning all of the Knockouts. They are built as “the best women’s division in the world” and I don’t really see the point having a comedic male pinning all of them. It’s not like in the WWE where some girls don’t have prior training experience and thus it’s not as bad seeing something like this happen, because all of the Knockouts come from wrestling backgrounds. I try not to harp on things I have no interest in watching, but I just don’t see the point of it at all. I like ODB and I’m happy she’s finally getting a lot of screen time after some rocky points like when she was with Jacqueline, but jeez, all I can say really is that it was phenomenal seeing Sarita and Rosita in a match and they both meshed well with ODB.

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