Friday, September 17, 2021

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Raw Redux (February 27th, 2012): Eve Believes That If You’ve Got It, Flaunt It… and Use It!

So last night circumstances that were absolutely 100% under my control prevented my from watching Monday Night Raw. Therefore, each and every one of you are getting another one of those “live” Reduxes this week. I know how much all of you enjoy my unfiltered thoughts right has they run through my semi-messed up head so consider this a little treat. I’m all about giving except for last night when I got a little feisty on Twitter when someone tweeted me that they were disappointed in the Diva’s match. I replied back with a not too kind comment but hey, when I say no spoilers that means don’t tweet me at all. Because of that one tweet, I’m not going into this episode of Raw with high expectations. That’s a shame, really, because we all love the Reduxes that are full of rainbow glitter wishes and sunshine mountains. That really made no sense. Let me just cue up YouTube and get this thing started.

Oh boy, already a setback. Apparently I pulled up the wrong show. SmackDown…. ewwwwwwwwwwww! Lets try this again shall we? We all know I don’t watch SmackDown thanks to Christiangate Summer 2011. Again, lets get this show started!

(I think I know why I got confused. Christian appears in both the Raw and SmackDown openings. I am not complaining.)

Tonight’s first Diva sighting comes in the form of AJ. After a pretty amazing confrontation between CM Punk and Chris Jericho, World Heavyweight Champion, Daniel Bryan comes out. AJ, along with Johny Ace and Mr. Jennifer Hudson walk out with him, and the ringside area gets pretty crowded. That’s quite the entourage DB has seemingly built himself but what I really care about is how AJ always manages to look so freaking adorable. I love her skull and crossbones top with the jeans and boots. She’s literally the only Diva in the world who could pull that look off. that’s why, ladies and gentlemen, she’s my favorite.

Well that was a clusteryouknowwhat of chaos now wasn’t it? If you want to sit around and pick through the shenanigans, then by all means. That’s what I’m doing because hey, it’s what I’m supposed to do. There was a point in the match where DB was dumped to the outside of the ring by Punk, and he was favoring his knee. He called AJ over to him, and thanks to her unintentional interference, DB was able to gain the upperhand. What makes this couple so unique is the back that AJ seems oblivious to the fact Daniel Bryan is consistently using her to effect the outcome of his matches. I love it. They’re hands down one of my favorite storylines in the WWE right now and something tells me that in four weeks, we’re going to see AJ cost DB the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania. It’s building to that point and part of me finds it bittersweet. He’s just using her way to much and once she costs him that title (and I do believe it will be accidentally), he is going to drop her like a bad habit. It’s a great storyline, and it will be an amazing WrestleMania moment for AJ, who no doubt deserves it. Her story is well documented and the girl in me will probably cry when her childhood dream becomes a reality and she’s able to have some type of spotlight on what’s shaping up to be one of the biggest WrestleManias of all time.

Continuing on with the Divas after a highlight video hyping Triple H/Undertaker III, Kelly Kelly is in the ring to take on Nikki Bella. And yes, Brie is at ringside. This should be interesting since this is most likely what everyone was complaining about on Twitter. So before I watch it, lets play a game. I’m going to assume the match is super short (why else would anyone complain over Kelly versus Nikki?!) and I’m going to guess the length. I’ll say…. forty-five seconds. Alright there. My guess is in. Lets go!

Okay so it was two minutes long. That’s better than I thought so my expectations were surpassed. I can honestly say I liked it but there were a few problems. Kelly was a little sloppy tonight. Everyone knows how much I love her, but she wasn’t on her game tonight. The spinning headscissors was probably the worst one she’s ever done and Nikki was barely able to flip over. She looked like she actually hit her head in the process. I wish Kelly would just cut that move out because nine times out of ten it fails her. She’s better than that but I guarantee every single anti-Kelly comment is going to say she can’t wrestle because of that one stupid move. It is what it is. I still see no direction for WrestleMania yet, so I’ll just chalk this up as the Diva match of the night and be done with it. There’s really not much else to say when it’s a short match we’ve seen plenty of times before. It was good to see Nikki getting a chance to work the whole match rather than just the ending. So that’s a positive.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Raw is so awesome tonight. Cena versus The Miz was really good even though I’m left a bit disappointed that Eve didn’t come out. A tag team title match is announced involving three teams so naturally I assume this is going to include Prince Dolph, his squire Jack Swagger, and Queen Vickie Guerrero. Like usual, I am right. Vickie comes out screaming ‘Excuse Me’ before the delicious Kofi Kingston can finish his entrance. For the love of all things wrestling, can we please have a Vickie and Rosa Mendes catfight tonigh?

Can I just pause to say that I’m incredibly jealous of those people sitting in the front row while Prince Dolph is leaning on the guardrail? Ugh… I want to be there.

Totally just screamed at my computer thanks to the ending of that match. Vickie needs to get her men whipped into shape. Tired of them losing all the time. This is supposed to be an epic stable, right? I seriously doubt Queen Vickie wants a stable of losers. That said, I’d love to see Swagger and Kofi feud for the United States Championship. More importantly, I’m extremely disappointed there was no type of Rosa/Vickie confrontation. Lets be honest, all of us wanted that. Right?

Oh hell no…. Prince Dolph just randomly got chokeslammed by Kane. I can’t.

MOVING ON. Is there anything to move on too? Where’s Eve or Beth?!

Ohhhh! An Eve Torres video package looking back at last week. Hopefully this brings her to the ring in some capacity. And here some comes with some INCREDIBLE heat. Wow. This is going to be so epic.

Can I just say the Eve promo is legitimately the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life? It’s almost as if I wrote it while looking at myself in the mirror. Men were put on this Earth to be used by women because lets be honest, men would be lost without us. Women have always been the fairer, stronger sex and Eve is completely right when she says that it’s not her fault men seem to just fall in love with her. I’ve had this happen to me several times and it is a burden. It’s not our fault we’re perfect. Men are just stupid. They allow themselves to be used and lets be honest, the majority of them don’t mind. They relish it. Men were put on this planet to keep women happy. That’s really all they’re good for. I see a lot of myself in heel Eve Torres and that’s something I never, ever thought I would say.

In all seriousness, because that last paragraph was completely serious, in all seriousness… say what you want about this angle. Shame it. Slam it. Love it. Hate it. Do whatever you want with it. It’s a HUGE push for Eve and the defining moment of her career thus far. She’s clearly being groomed for great things in the WWE and hey, I’m jumping on the bandwagon right now. I want to see how far Eve can take this and I absolutely LOVE that she showed no shame in her promo. Why should she be embarrassed about trying to score with the top superstar in the company? She said it best, she’s a girl living in a man’s world. You gotta do what you gotta do. Eve just decided to do it the classy way.

Hashtag… HEEL.

Oh! Just when I think it’s over… we head to the backstage area. Eve is walking and here comes Kelly to finally confront her.

Eve doesn’t care about Kelly’s sob story. At least Alicia Fox is there to give the back of Eve’s head a bitchface with Kelly as Eve just walks off. Beautiful. This kind of makes me wonder if Eve and Kelly are now on a collision course? You never know with the WWE, but if Eve versus Kelly makes it onto the ‘Mania card, people are going to have a mental breakdown. For that reason alone, I think I’d kinda like it. Smiley face =)!

Until next week… Cryssi (@heelcryssi) out!

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