Tuesday, September 28, 2021

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Raw Redux (March 25th, 2013): The “Hamster” May Be Dead, but the Division is Showing Signs of Life

FINALLY!!!!! The Raw Redux has returned to Diva Dirt! This is truly a momentous occassion. I was starting to wonder if I would ever write one of these things again, truth be told. Khaleesi-esque Reduxes are about as rare as the WWE Champion appearing on WWE programming these days, and that is a whole lot of rare. I reckon with two weeks until the big show, the WWE decided to throw us Diva fans a bone, much like The Rock decided to show up to work. Good things come to those who wait, right?

While the Diva road to WrestleMania is still up in the air, last night provided us with some nice little teasers so to speak of what could potentially be our Diva match (should we even get one). The Funkdactyls, Naomi and Cameron, continued to build their mini-feud with Brie and Nikki Bella with a catfight at ringside. Then something happened that all Divas want to see. AJ Lee, our resident “it” girl (who isn’t really the “it” girl anymore because her storyline with Dolph Ziggler and Big E. still sucks), reminded us as to why she was so awesome this past summer in a backstage segment with Kaitlyn, the girl who holds the Divas Championship. Remember her? Anyway, lets kick things off with the Bellas and Funkdactyls.

It was inevitable that these two duos would end up feuding and even though I haven’t really seen the SmackDown segments, it seems like they are developing a nice little feud. I really liked the catfight, but I’m a bit confused as to why Cameron and Naomi were the ones who started it. They’re the faces, correct? The Bellas were checking on their man, and not trying to intentionally interfere in the match. That’s probably the only thing about this that bugs me. Picking a fight for no reason seems more like something Brie and Nikki would end up doing, rather than Naomi and Cameron. The distraction ended up costing Brodus and Tensai the match, so I’m curious to see if that’s going to go anywhere. I highly doubt Brodus will get on to them for starting something on purpose, but you never know with the ‘E.

Other than me probably over-analyzing this situation, I really enjoyed it. No one was more excited than me when the Bellas returned because I love them. And Cameron and Naomi as a tag team is exciting. Having seen them compete together in person made me a believer. Cameron can play the face in peril really well, and the crowds LOVE Naomi. I think a match between the Bellas and the Funkdactyls is on the horizon, and I think it’s going to build towards ‘Mania. But more on that a little later! The backstage segment between AJ and Kaitlyn planted some seeds for the future, and led to a match. Lets take a look at the segment first.

First of all, as much as I loathe the fact AJ and Dolph Ziggler are in this terrible relationship together, I really appreciate the fact that the WWE isn’t simply forgetting all of AJ’s many ex-boyfriends. To me, it doesn’t make sense that Ziggler and Big E. have this tag team title shot at WrestleMania, but it does. At least it’s not completely random, even though it is. That’s a mouthful, I know, but follow me.

The segment itself was golden. Granted, I’m not sure why Kaitlyn was randomly in the lockerroom with Daniel Bryan and Kane, but like everything else, we’ll roll with it. The greatest line I have ever heard, “…the wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead,” was spoken from the mouth of our champ. And I’m not even going to lie, I laughed. I laughed by butt off, and it was great. I also made a mental note to use that line one day. It was brilliant. The catfight was nice. AJ attacked like a rabid little dog, and I loved the water fountain spot. I also like the fact DB dropped the line that AJ hadn’t targeted Kaitlyn’s title at ‘Mania. She just might down that now, especially since she got another victory over the champ. Lets take a look at that.

This match was basically exactly what it needed to be to leave us wanting more. Kaitlyn clearly dominated from the short time they were in the ring together and rightfully so. Despite her lack of television time, she’s still the champ and holding that title means that she is the top Diva on the roster. She’s beautiful and powerful, and she tossed the smaller AJ around like we would expect. It made sense. What also made sense was the way AJ ended up getting the win. Side-stepping a spear attempt to send Kaitlyn into the barricade was brilliant. It came off looking sick, and it made this current incarnation of AJ look so, so smart. And in my opinion, since she just has to be a heel right now, that’s the type of heel she needs to play. Her being able to score an easy count out victory gives Kaitlyn an opportunity to try and rectify that and prove AJ’s win was an accident. It also gives AJ a rightful claim at the number one contender’s spot.

We all want to see a match between them at WrestleMania, right? Do I think that’s going to be the WrestleMania match?

I won’t be a total jerk and answer my own question, but I will say that if that is our ‘Mania match, I wouldn’t be shocked to see Kaitlyn score an 18-second victory over AJ, giving her a dose of her own medicine. To be honest, I would love that scenario. Dolph could kiss AJ good luck, and Kaitlyn could just nail her with the spear as she turns around, a la Sheamus and Daniel Bryan last year. A furious AJ could blame Dolph for her loss, and in retaliation she costs him and Big E. their tag title match. That is a dream scenario for me, mainly because it would end the bad storyline, but it’s still an option.

However, I don’t see that option being the one we end up with. I do believe with two feuds now, we will end up with AJ and the Bella Twins (and maybe Aksana) take on the team of Kaitlyn and the Funkdactyles (and maybe Natalya). I just don’t see the WWE pulling the trigger on a singles match for the Divas at ‘Mania, which sucks, but meh. We’re used to it. I can also say that as much as I love the idea of AJ losing against Kaitlyn in 18 seconds on the grandest stage of them all, I would hate if that were the only Diva match of the night. If maybe they book the Funkdactyls against the Bellas, or some other multi-Diva tag, I’d take it.

But such is life, we just have to go with what we’re given.

Knowing our luck and how badly we want these girls to get the chance to shine, we won’t get anything at WrestleMania. I’m going to hope for the best and keep my fingers crossed because if we end up with just AJ at ringside for the tag match and Fandango and his dancer getting the only Diva ‘Mania paydays… oh dear. Speaking of Fandango’s dancer, does she even have a name?

I want to call her Sasha Zamolodchikova and pretend her backstory is that she’s a rejected member of the Dancing With the Stars troupe who was wronged by Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke when he competed a few seasons ago. That way it isn’t all about Fandango’s name. It’s all because Jericho was rude to Sasha Zamolodchikova.


What if the match turned into a dance off with a shiny mirror ball trophy on the line? Dear God, I think I’m having a moment.

[This part of the Raw Redux has been brought to you by the Bobby Lea Burchill Foundation for Randoms Everywhere.]

And that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Until next time, whenever that might be… Cryssi out!

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