Raw Redux (May 27th, 2013): Happy Birthday, Natalya! Or Not..


Happy Memorial Day, y’all. This is another live Redux and it should be a doozy. I have a bottle of cheap, sour apple Johnny Bootlegger and a bag of cheese puffs beside me, so lets hope we just have a ton to report about tonight! I do want to start off by saying that only the ‘E would broadcast their Memorial Day episode live from Calgary. Alberta. Canada. Home of the Hart family, and lets just go ahead and wish their first lady, Miss Natalya, a happy birthday! Happy birthday, Nattie!

Thankfully, tonight it doesn’t take long for us to get into our first Diva sighting of the night. And no, I’m not talking about that wannabe girl, Ryback. I’m talking about our number one contender, the apple of Prince Dawlf’s eye (until I reclaim him, mind you. Right now, Dean Ambrose is my priority), the one and only, AJ Lee. Prince Dawlf is still in recovery (please get well, and don’t come back too soon despite the fact Raw sucks without you) so as of late, AJ has been managing Big E. Langston (so jealous of his chest, tbh). Tonight, Big E. faced Albie in a rematch from last week.

Hmmm… well that didn’t work out for you, now did it AJ? Perhaps you should be at home taking care of your man, or focusing on your upcoming match with ex-BFF Kaitlyn. I’m just saying! I still stand firm in my belief that this tag team, trio, whatever needs to be over. The only saving grace is that Prince Dawlf isn’t involved right now. Thank God for small favors. I miss the days of AJ shining on her own. I’m also ready to totally watch her beat Kaitlyn’s behind. When will this title match take place?! WWE you are kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilling meeeeeeeeeeee.

Oh my. The Shield is on. How yummy. Dean Ambrose is ridiculously sexy and I don’t even get it. I think I’m going to just go ahead and make them honorary Divas much like Prince Dawlf. I get that Saint Tyler probably won’t approve… but meh.

Looks like Fandango is going to be taking on Wade Barrett here in a few. You know what that means, right? More “dancing” from Summer Rae. Lord, help me please. With my brand new boycott of Dancing With the Stars thanks to Val and Zendaya being robbed of a much deserved mirror ball trophy, this will be the only ballroom dancing in my life from here on out. Can we please bring back Miss WrestleMania, a.k.a. Dancing With the Stars troupe reject Sasha Zamolodchikova?! Please? Seriously?


I just don’t get why Summer Rae fans are okay with her being on television like this. I am her fan and I am not okay with this. Sigh. It’s just a gimmick… it’s just a gimmick… IT’S. JUST. A. GIMMICK. Oh yeah, you can also vote on what Miz can do in this match. I’m pretty shocked that bring Maryse back isn’t an option.

Clever little ending there, I guess. I do love when Summer Rae gets to show her personality. She wasn’t too happy with Miz, now was she? And sadly, all that made me want is a Maryse return so they could feud. A girl can dream, can she not?

The Diva goodness keeps on going after that. Naomi, Cameron and Natalya end up at ringside for a match where Khali teams with Tons of Funk. Their opponents… 3MB. Yes, I’m lulzing.

Not much to really report on here during the match, but the ending was sweet. Kind of. After all the shenans and dancing, someone got the bright idea to turn the microphone over to Khali (glaring at you Brodus) and give him the go ahead to lead the arena in singing “Happy Birthday” to Natalya. As unfortunate as that was, I reckon it was a nice gesture. No, really. At least it was brought up, and now just in a little WWE App segment. And in case you haven’t heard of the WWE App… well just watch Raw. They mention it every freaking five minutes.

I kind of wish the Bellas would have come out just then. If for nothing else, then to have a Total Divas’ moment. I want drama on and off screen, dammit!

Be careful what you wish for!

To quote the great Erin Lynch, “Having a Divas’ match on Raw is like finding an Easter egg in June. It’s amazing, but you’ve had to search a little too late for it.” Or something like that. It also leads to a somewhat rotten egg, and well this match wasn’t the best. My beloved Brie and Nikki Bella are so sloppy in the ring now, that it makes me kind of sad.

OMG BRAY WYATT. Excuse me while I go grab young Bobby and freak the hell out.

Okay… okay. I’m alright. You know what? I’m really not because that promo made my entire night and single-handidly made this the greatest Raw I have ever seen in my life.

Now back to your regularly scheduled writings/musings.

So yes, my beloved Bellas are now sloppy in the ring. Yes, I’m still sad, but only about that. The match was just kind of blah to me. That being said, I loved the twist with Kaitlyn spearing Nattie. That was brilliant and I HOPE that it leads to something. Triple threat between Kaitlyn, AJ, and Natalya? Yes, please. I don’t know of anyone who would complain about that, and if you do, then you aren’t a real Diva fan.

Of course, it could also lead to Nattie feuding with the Bellas. Their rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday” to fallen third generation Diva was just so full of hate and bitchyness. It was perfection. They are so good at being so annoying and hateful, and poor Nattie. Who didn’t want to hug her after all of that?

I loved Raw tonight. I really, really did. And before I depart, I’m going to leave the ‘E with one little storyline suggestion. It’s the brainchild of our very own Bobby, and on the off chance someone from World Wrestling Entertainment is reading this, you can find me on Twitter; allHAILkhaleesi. I will be more than happy to sign my contract sooner rather than later.

“He (Bray Wyatt) will spot you out of a crowded room and instruct the security to bring you in the ring like Brodus does to children. He will then get down on one knee, propose, and announce the wedding will take place right now as they decorate the ring during intermission. When the show returns you are turned into a bride and you officially join the Wyatt Family as they replay the footage on Raw come Monday night.”

I’ll be front row at the WWE house show on June 21st. Lets make this happen. Until next time… Cryssi out! ;-)

I also wanted to add a more serious side note here. I want to say thank you to all the men and women who have given up their lives and/or placed them on hold in order to protect our country. Like every red blooded American I am grateful for all that you do. Thank you troops, past and present, for fighting for our freedom and protecting our country. Your selflessness, spirit, courage, and heart doesn’t go unnoticed. Thank you.