The Tiffany Guide to Impact: The Ladies in Red

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Last night’s edition of TNA Impact sought the anticipated return of Christy Hemme.  Impact kicks off with Christy making her ever so energetic way to the ring (still donning her Smackdown vs. Raw 2006 attire) to an ever accessible Sojourner Bolt.

The match starts off with an exchange of hairpulling and headlocks as a test of strength.  Christy takes Sojo down for the headlock, but Sojo counters into a headscissors submission.  Christy powers out and puts the split-legged boot to Sojo for the 2-count.  Christy takes a moment to situate a wedgie as Sojo finds her way to the ropes.  Sojo runs the ropes and then proceeds to slam Christy down onto the mat.  She takes her down for a backbreaker that renders a near-fall.  Sojo leads Christy into a choke against the ropes.  Some chants “Lets go Christy” chants resonate the arena as Sojo nails a slingshot elbow onto her opponent.  She sets Christy up for a powerbomb, but Christy sandbags and sends Sojo over with a back drop.  Sojo lands rather…dangerously and nearly on her head.  Unconcerned, Christy riles up the crowd and then drops Sojo with a forearm and a spinning kneel-out facebuster.  Christy misses a clothesline, but manages an uninspired cross body block.  In what seems to be some failure in communication, Sojo cannot seem to muster up the strength to lift Christy, which results in a blown spot.  So, Sojo charges Christy into the corner, instead.  Sojo heaves Christy to the top turnbuckle.  She attempts a superplex, but Christy knocks her down.  Christy lands the “Flying Firecrotch Guillotine” (yes folks you read that right, the FFG) onto Sojo for the win.

Watch the match below:

Not the most impressive match, and we all pretty much knew the result going into it, but it was decent for what it was.  Christy and her boobs looked good (can’t really comment on the firecrotch, though).  Plus, Christy looks extremely pleased to be back home on the active roster:

I’m sure fans can’t wait to see what just might be in store for Christy now that’s she’s back.

Next up is the Four-Corners match among ODB, Victoria, Awesome Kong, and the Knockouts Champion Angelina Love.

Watch that match and more after the cut:

First, Lauren interviews Victoria backstage, questioning her relationship with the Beautiful People and feud with Awesome Kong.  Lauren (with her oh-so-obvious Bumpit Full-Hair-Volumnizing-Insert in place) manages to keep her composure despite the creepy-crawley on Victoria’s arm.  Victoria likens her encounter with Kong as “being run off by a 2-ton Mack truck,” and even goes as far as to describe Kong as “possibly the greatest wrestler in the history.”  By which Victoria poses the question of Kong’s fear of tarantulas.  Notwithstanding Kong’s reaction to Poison several weeks ago, Victoria teases some sort of revelation, tonight.

Interestingly enough, each competitor for this match has her cortege in tow – some less clad than others.  Regardless, everyone looks dolled up, refreshed, and ready for this match-up.

The fight breaks out with Awesome Kong and Victoria in one corner, and Angelina Love and ODB in another.  At the start, Victoria somewhat dominates Kong, but Kong overpowers her with a corner foot choke.  Meanwhile, ODB tosses the champion over with a fallaway slam.  With Angelina Love out the picture, ODB helps Victoria conquer Kong in now a tag team attempt.  However, Kong uses their momentum against them with a double clothesline.  As the Beautiful People cower from Cody Deaner on the outside, Kong charges at Victoria, only to be outsmarted over the top rope and out of the ring.  On the inside, Victoria and ODB partake in a little boozing and stripping.  Soon, both Knockouts are perched on the top turnbuckle.  ODB takes down both her buddy Cody Deaner and Awesome Kong from the top.  Victoria reciprocates with a crossbody onto the unsuspecting Beautiful People just before Impact cuts to commercial.

Back from the break, we see Awesome Kong once again dominating Victoria in the corner.  Victoria drops to the mat and finds herself on the receiving end of a massive running hip attack.  The commentors take another look at Victoria’s previous daredevil move that took place before the commercial break.  From an angle, it does look like Victoria landed flat on her head, much worse than Sojo did earlier that night.

Seemingly unperturbed, Victoria drags Kong to the outside and lays a series of slaps onto her.  Meanwhile, Angelina Love takes it to ODB.  The Botox Injection (bicycle kick) onto the number-one contender and Angelina Love goes for the cover.  ODB kicks out at 2…twice.  Momentarily disoriented, ODB recollects herself long enough to deliver a running powerslam onto the champion.  Kong breaks up the count in an impressive and rather hilariously speedy manner.  “That is the fastest I’ve ever seen Awesome Kong move!”  Don West said it, I didn’t.

Kong tosses Angelina out of the ring walks into a few shots from ODB.  Kong almost effortlessly counters ODB into a Richter scale stimulating scoop slam, much to the dismay of a distraught Cody Deaner.  A leg drop onto ODB, and Kong goes for the cover.  ODB raises her shoulder up just in time.  Victoria handles her former adversary on the outside, as Kong takes ODB out with a chokeslam.  A fed-up Cody Deaner has some choice words for Kong on the apron.  Uh-oh, the cap is turned around!  You know what that means… In what seems to be a stance of courage, Cody pulls Awesome Kong into a liplock much like Angelina Love suffered weeks ago.  As we all know, Kong doesn’t play that.  She pulls Cody into the ring by the ears and drops him mercilessly onto the mat, followed by an absolutely authoritative Awesome Bomb.  From behind, Victoria takes Kong by surprise with a roll-up and the 3-count.

Watch the match below:

Looks like there won’t be a match between Kong and Victoria at Hard Justice (as far as I see), so I’m not sure what this does for the morale of the actual Knockouts match being featured at the PPV.  Neither the champion nor the challenger look very strong going into their title match.  It was nice to see the competitors reach beyond their distinctive feuds. I would have liked to see Victoria and ODB duke it out a bit, but it was clear that TNA was not willing to breach that unspoken babyface association. Otherwise, this was a very entertaining and effective match.