Wednesday, September 22, 2021

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Total Divas Redux: “Divas Unchained”

With the past tension between Natalya and TJ (Tyson Kidd, duh) being highlighted, more specifically, the build up to their wedding, I think it’s safe to assume they’re going to be the stars of this episode. Remember when TJ wanted to go to the court house? Puh-leeeeeze. Of course, if you didn’t remember that scene, you got reminded, so whatevs. Oh relationship drama. How I long for thee.

What can I really say when it comes to Nattie and TJ? They seem so dysfunctional to me, that I almost can’t even. This week’s drama all began with TJ missed Nattie’s birthday, and no one would let him slide by with the excuse that they were on the road. Granted, we never saw TJ try and make that claim, but some of the girls tried to bring it up and Rosa Mendes, of all people, is the one who shot it down. When the couple finally returned to Florida, Nattie threw a small birthday party for herself which ended in hartbreak (see what I did there wrasslin’ fans?). TJ got her this strange exercise/jiggle machine as a gift, which lets be honest, was probably more for him than anything else. And of course, Nattie found a reason to be offended. They quarreled and TJ accused her of having a sour face, and that prompted Nattie to get off their property (I crack myself up sometimes). She checked into a hotel, hung out with Rosa, and later on in the episode, went out with some of the girls for her birthday.

Well things got weird at the little get together. Rosa, whom was seen hitting on Paige earlier in the episode, turned her lesbian on and started macking on Nattie. Apparently, Rosa wanted to make Nattie feel wanted and sexy but being a complete prude, Nattie didn’t deal with the unwanted female attention. She huffs and puffs about it, and eventually confronts Rosa backstage at SmackDown. Rosa explains that her intentions were completely pure and everything is smoothed over.

Well almost everything.

Nattie still has to go home and deal with her issues with her husband, so when they get back to Florida, TJ asks her to meet him. The conversation doesn’t really go well, and Nattie ends up admitting that she might not want to do this anymore (meaning their marriage) and runs off to take a phone call from Mark Carano. So yeah, nothing really gets solved there.

At least Naomi and Jimmy Uso fared a little better with their couple drama. Granted, their couple drama was a little more… er, dramatic, I guess.

Forgive me, my vocabulary and writing abilities are a little thin on Mondays thanks to me waiting up all night for the MAC Rocky Horror Picture Show collection to launch, only to have it delayed. Seriously. All nighter number two is well underway.

Anyway, the root of this evil stemmed from when Naomi had that damn birth control implant put into her body. She fell into the one percent of the female population who could have complications from the thing and had to have it removed. Because of said birth control, the Diva found herself on a two month long period which, for me personally, would cause most women to blow their brains out. Luckily for us, Naomi is stronger than that. But it was definitely causing problems with her man. Like most women, Naomi prides herself on being a dutiful wifey, capable of keeping her man satisified and since he’s hot, we get it. We really do. But unfortunately, unless you’re gross, you don’t really do stuff when you’re ragging.

After a doctor’s appointment revealed that Naomi had some horrible pollups on her ovary, she decided that surgery wasn’t a route she wanted to take. But she did want to do something to make her hubby happy. Cue Rosa (yes, the same lesbian Rosa from earlier) taking the girls to a pole dancing class. Summer Rae joined in these fesitivies, and well, lets just say that Naomi can work a pole. She prompted went out to buy one but ole Jimmy wasn’t as happy as Naomi would have thought.

After a confrontation that saw him violently throw the stripper pole (a stripper pole that never did anything at all to him except hold great promise for his sexual future) and get angry, the couple came to a realization. Well, at least Naomi did. All along Jimmy wanted her to have surgery to save her body and her health, so she could fulfill her dream of having kids one day. We also found out that Naomi already had one ovary removed in the past, so she’s definitely someone who needs to watch her female health. She finally agreed to have the surgery and one can only imagine that the two of them lived happily ever after, stripper pole and all.

Happily ever after was the ending for Queen Brie “Mother Earth” Bella as well. And boy, did we get to see our favorite eco-friendly role model in rare form. There’s really no nice way to say that it, so I’ll just throw it out there. Brie was a raging bitch the entire episode. The stress of not being on the road and getting a steady pay check caused Brie to verbally lash out at Nikki Bella and precious Daniel Bryan, both of whom just wanted to be there for her. Brie’s sharp tongue ripped both Nikki and Daniel to shreds in various scenes throughout the night, including a heated fight between the marrieds as they searched for an energy saving washer and dryer for their clothes.

I really don’t know if the thing they were searching for was an energy saving washer, and honestly, I don’t care. I just know that my beloved Brie Bella was a bitch.

She was so bitchy that she got completely disgusted when Nikki mentioned the drought in California, and how she was worried it would affect the wine industry if the grapes couldn’t be watered. C’mon on, Brie. We all have our vices. You have your lettuce and Fibre One bars. Nikki has super expensive wine. Let her be.

Luckily, Daniel and Nikki teamed up to confront Queen Mother Earth about her volcanic ways and by the time all was said and done, Brie went from spewing her ashes all over Iceland to being calm and serene again. And hell, she even got the call that she was going to go back to work after she took the intiative to call Mark herself!

All’s well that ends well.

Can I just say that Josie licking Daniel Bryan’s nostril was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen? Yeah…

Also, Sandra, shame on you for those tweets!

Anyways, that’s all I got for now. I think I’m just going to omit the hidden gem section for now, but if you have one that you spotted, sound off in comments. Trust me, I won’t read it, but the thought is there and with the holiday season upon, that’s what counts, right?

Until next time… xoxot

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