Friday, October 15, 2021

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Total Divas Redux: Episode Three, ‘Planet Funk is Funked Up’

Today, I think we need to start this off with a moment of silence. Last night on Total Divas we saw the tumultuous end of the relationship between JoJo and her boyfriend, high school quarterback Sebastian. You know a relationship is a big deal when the guy uses his spring break vacation to visit his wannabe wrestler girlfriend in Tampa, and Sebastian was none to pleased when JoJo decided to go to practice rather than spending time with him. Such drama. It was a pretty dramatic episode for JoJo in general, and it was needed. Other than Natalya, JoJo has been given the least amount of screen time and so far, viewers don’t really know anything about her.

JoJo’s saga kicked off with a training session at the WWE Performance Center where she was working with Eva Marie and the other women who train down there for World Wrestling Entertainment’s show, NXT. As someone who watches wrestling on a pretty consistent basis, I have to say that JoJo seems to be pretty natural when it comes to moving around the ring. JoJo herself said she was a natural athlete, but I like Eva Marie’s description of calling the young soon-to-be Diva a “firecracker.” Obviously wrestling training for JoJo came to a screeching halt when JoJo failed to properly protect herself during a basic move. Her concussion wasn’t surprising but her reaction towards it kind of was. It set the tone for the back and forth struggle JoJo would go through throughout the show. Sebastian’s presence didn’t help matters, especially when he pulled the total douche card and gave her an ultimatum.

Where the hell does this guy get off?

I wanted to slap JoJo when she called him the love of her life, but I had to take a step back and remind myself that she is so, so young. I’m sure most of us thought our first love would end up being the one, and nine times out ten, NO ONE marries their first love. Clearly this guy didn’t strong feelings for JoJo and that makes him a total idiot. Once his high school football glory fades, and he gets kicked out of his fraternity for doing one too many keg stands and streaking down sorority row, Sebastian is going to go back to his high school reunion and see JoJo, this stunning gorgeous female superstar with the WWE and wish to God he had never made the mistake of making her choose. Sebastian, my friend, you’re an idiot. YOU COULD HAVE LIVED THE WAG LIFE IF ONLY YOU HAD ACCEPTED JOJO TRAINING!!!

Sigh. It’s so depressing, but at least in the end, JoJo made the right choice. Not only did she get past her concussion, she got past Sebastien. She decided to stick with what was going to be her career and no doubt sent Sebastien into the arms of some cheerleader who had been lusting after him on the sidelines during those steamy Friday night football games.

The end.

Well, that’s the end of that anyway. The drama of the episode wasn’t just limited to JoJo. Oh no. The Bella twins had their own drama this week and it all centered around Brie‘s desire to move to Phoenix. Last week, we watched her come to the conclusion that Aberdeen wasn’t going to work for her, and Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson) was pretty supportive of that. They made a decision to move to Phoenix, which is where Mama Bella lives, and the reasoning behind that is it was for the greater good of their dog. Yes, you read that right. I’m not going to judge them because I also see my pets as my children, and I would want them staying with someone I trusted one hundred and ten percent. Brie’s drama with this was telling Nikki. Twins have a super strong bond, and Brie knew it was going to hurt Nikki that they wouldn’t be living close by anymore.

Nikki was hurt to say the least, but she decided to deal with by using anger as her defense mechanism. She showed up at their house, with one moving box, and flopped on the bed while Brie and Daniel tried to wrap up a statue. It wasn’t long before the twins were arguing and it was Nikki who lashed out the worst. She told Brie and Daniel that she absolutely hated them before storming off. Brie and Daniel kind of just sat there in shock. It took a heart to heart with her boo, John Cena, for Nikki to realize that she was actually hurting and they came to the realization together that Nikki uses her short temper as a scapegoat. Nikki ended up agreeing with him, and that eventually led to an apology.

It’s so cute how well John handles Nikki, and so cute that Brie revealed that Daniel talked to her and made her look at it from Nikki’s perspective. I love these two couples so much. They’re so sweet and so adorable, and I look forward to my weekly fix from them. Total Divas is doing so much for me in terms of looking at everyone differently and I’m pretty sure that was the entire purpose of the show. The show also gave us a big time look into the relationship of Naomi (Trinity) and Jimmy Uso (Jon Uso).

Where Daniel and John are sweet and adorable, Jimmy came off as bossy and kind of irritating. The whole problem with this couple is Jimmy kept pushing Naomi to set a date for their wedding, and questioning why she doesn’t always wear her engagement ring. It led to a lot of tension between the couple that even spilled over into a training session and later, a televised match. I love how this was edited, it seemed so real and dramatic, and Jimmy’s reaction to Naomi breaking out a move on him was brilliant! The two of them as a couple finally clicked for me, and when Naomi was finally open with him about her commitment issues, they had a cute little scene together. I will forever know them as filet mignon and chicken nugget. Sooooooooooooo sweet!

Just a word of advice for the future, Naomi. DO NOT ever sweep up broken glass in your bare feet. Girl, that is dangerous! But your maxi dress was gorgeous.

Moving on, there wasn’t a lot of Cameron, Natalya, or Eva Marie this week but Cameron stole the show, again. For those of you who watched the episode, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Cameron’s UTI and yeast infection kind definitely overshadowed most everything else, including Daniel Bryan’s brilliance: “You are a grown ass woman. Tell her, we’re moving bitch.” That’s probably not the exact line, but it’s close enough.

Another great episode! Next week we finally get to see some Nattie drama. The preview shows her looking absolutely fierce, like always (seriously, this woman has the best fashion sense of all the Divas), going off on her man about how he pays more attention to the cats than he does to her. Oh boy. I can’t wait!

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