Welcome, Knockout fans, to this week’s write up. Happy 4th of July to our American readers out there – have a lovely and safe day! We’ve got a fair amount to cover this week, so I won’t bore you with a long introduction. Let’s just get right to it.

Kicking things off, we’ve got some progression between Brittany and Madison Rayne. I won’t lie to you, in my absence from the Write-Up I didn’t totally keep up with this storyline, so you’ll just have to bear with me as I make the effort to catch up and figure out where we’re at.

Brittany’s in the ring, awaiting her lady love (Should I call her that? Are they there yet?) Madison Rayne. Brittany’s decked out in appropriate red, white and blue. She says there’s something she really needs to get off her chest. I say she needs to really consider getting her roots done. We don’t want another Cameron on our hands. Brittany calls out Madison, who meets her in the ring.

Madison’s ready to go. She says if fighting her is the only way she’ll get through to Brittany about how out of control things are, then she’ll do it. She calls for a ref and for someone to ring the bell. I can hear her engine revving – she’s itching for a fight.

Brittany talks her down and says that Madison was right. She says the Knockouts division can be very difficult to navigate through. Of course it can. There are sooooo many women there right now – oh, wait, what? There aren’t? Oops. My bad. Anyway…

Brittany’s still going on about how she was the naive new girl. She thought she could do anything and everything, and that nothing could stand in her way. Man she was a really drone-y voice… you know what I mean? Like baaaah baaah baaaah buuuuh baaaah. Zzzzzzzz.

Madison says she just wanted to keep her from making all the same mistakes that she made herself. Brittany says she looked up to Madison, that she wanted to be just like her. Madison looks so unimpressed. I can’t. Brittany says she’s sorry. She’s really sorry, and that she’s learned a very important lesson from all of this. I feel like I know where this is going…

…and I’m right.

Madison gives a little speech about how she sees all the potential in the world in Brittany, and they shake hands and hug. But Brittany’s not finished with her hero. The real lesson she learned, she says, it NEVER MEET YOUR HERO BECAUSE THEY ONLY LET YOU DOWN.

With that, she takes Madison down with a big clothesline and lays into her, throwing her into the ring post. She finishes up with a reverse DDT on the outside.

“I guess we’re not friends anymore.”

Mickie Brittany leaves Trish Madison lying.

(Oh lighten up.)

In other news, Samuel Shaw is back on Impact. If you’re unfamiliar with Sam, let me refresh your memory. He was a stalker, essentially, and a crazy person who took a fancy to Christy Hemme (who wouldn’t, lbr) and then took his crush a tad too far. Mr Anderson, a friend of Christy’s, became involved and helped oust Sam into a mental institution. But now that Sam’s back, he needs to make amends.

Christy’s not sure about this at all, you can tell. I’ve got a feeling this is far from over, and that’s super exciting to me. I’ve always liked Christy – I think she’s a natural in front of the camera so any time I can get her in a storyline, I’mm all for it. It’s a shame she had to retire from in ring competition so young, but you never know what the future holds. Even if it’s just a good slap to Sam for the hell he put her through, I’d like it.

Elsewhere on Impact, Angelina Love defended her Knockouts championship against Gail Kim. Gail’s been chasing the gold for a while now, and there’s a lot of history going into this match so I’m sure it’ll make for a good watch! Before things get going in the ring, we find Angelina and Velvet Sky backstage with their pocket referee, who’s concerned because people said he went too far at Slammiversary. The Beautiful People calm him down and remind him that he was only doing his job. Nobody puts Stiffy in the corner.

Before the match starts, the new man in charge, Kurt Angle, bans Stiffler from refereeing the title match because there’s too much at stake, and sticks a different guy in there. Something tells me TBP are not going to be happy about this.

Gail Kim’s out first, followed by Angelina – accompanied by Velvet – and oh God the boots are back. Looks like the skinned Bagpuss (British 90’s kiddies will get it.). I’m in tears. They’re so bad. TBP try and feel up Brian Hebner but he’s having none of it. Sorry girls.

The bell rings and we’re underway. Angelina’s not really feeling it and rolls out of the ring, but Gail goes right after her with a drop kick from the ropes. The ref and Gail both head to the outside, and as Brian checks on Angelina, Velvet shoves Gail head first into the ring post. Ouch. Angelina tires to capitalize on her partner’s dirty work but only manages a two count.

Angelina tangles Gail up in the ropes, then sends her out to the floor with a drop kick. Once again, with the ref’s back turned, Velvet gets involved and nails Gail with a huge clothesline. Another pin attempt from Angelina and another two count follows. Angelina sets Gail up in the corner once again and delivers some stiff boots, then slams the challenger’s head into the bottom turn buckle for good measure. A drop kick to the gut later, Angelina covers Gail for the third time but still can’t put the first ever Knockouts champion away.

Velvet tries to have her way yet again, but Gail has other ideas. It doesn’t quite pan out as she wanted though, as Velvet manages to bounce Gail off the ropes and knock the wind out of her. This time, however, the ref sees things clear as day. Velvet is ejected quite unceremoniously, and Angelina is left to go it alone. Gail goes for a quick roll up but doesn’t get the win as Angelina kicks out at two.

Gail finally mounts her offence and has Angelina right where she wants her. She hits a big missile drop kick on Angelina, but given the beaten she’s taken she’s slow to make the cover and only gets a two count. Angelina tries to fight back but Gail knocks her back down with a leg sweep before climbing the top rope. But Angelina’s up on her feet and hits a sick Botox Injection, knocking Gail to the outside!

The ref starts to count Gail out, but Angelina stops him, saying she wants to pin her. I feel like this is a mistake.

Gail kicks out after two. Angelina is absolutely seething as she sets Gail up for another Botox Injection, but Gail counters into an Eat Defeat! One, two, three! Gail has beaten Angelina Love to gain her fourth Knockouts championship!

Thoughts: You know guys, I thoroughly enjoyed this edition of Impact. I’m loving that we’ve got two separate feuds going on, and I hope we see something develop with Christy Hemme too. There’s a lot of potential all over the company right now. This week was missing Taryn Terrell, I think, given the way she returned and immediately had beef with the Beautiful People. I can understand them keeping her off TV in order for her to work off her ring rust, but I think it would have made sense to have her at ringside to counter Velvet. It would have been even better if she had been, and then stepped into the ring after Gail’s victory to make her intentions very clear. We all know she’s going for gold this year, right?

I’m looking forward to next week, truly, so fingers crossed it’s a good ‘un! Until then, ciao!