Thursday, December 7, 2023

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Impact Write-Up (April 5th, 2010): Are We Knockouts or Are We Divas?

Wow, I don’t even know how to start off this Write-Up. First, I guess, we all got a surprise last night when the 8-Knockout Tag Team match that was announced was mysteriously changed into this hot mess of a match with rules that were more confusing than a episode of Lost. If you want an in-depth explanation of what went down, please go and listen to the Post Raw and Impact Show or just watch this video of Christy explaining what’s going to happen with the Knockouts tonight.

So there you have it. The Beautiful People kick off the live Impact after Christy explains the rules and what’s at stake. Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne are looking adorable with their pink outfits and tag titles, but Lacey is missing in action interestingly enough. Velvet starts off by saying that the Knockouts continue to revolutionize this business and tonight the Beautiful People will own three of the four lock boxes. She claims they’re going to get the spider and squash it like they should have done ages ago. Then she says they’re going to get the open contract so they can dominate whoever they want, and last but not least, they’ll get the TNA Knockout Championship, which is apparently the highest honor for women in wrestling today. Madison takes her turn speaking next. She agrees with “Vel Vel” and says tonight the Beautiful People will get it all; everything they deserve and everything they are owed. While she’s talking, Lacey von Erich walks out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a smile and a fuzzy white towel. She takes front and center and says no one will ever forget the night they saw Lacey von Erich strutting around in her bra and panties.

LVE: “Tonight, everybody wins.”

Oh boy.

With the Knockouts basically spread through out the entire show, it’s awhile before we get another segment, but when we do, it’s Christy Hemme standing with Team Tara. Team Tara is comprised of soon-to-be former champ, Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, and Hamada.

Skip ahead to 3:50

Tara is the first to speak and she goes off on a tangent about how tonight’s match is an absolute joke and how it’s ridiculous that TNA is using her just to get ratings. She understands the stakes and what could happen tonight, and she promises she is going to go out there tonight and pin someone’s ass.


Angelina looks at Tara and reminds her that there is really nothing fair about wrestling and that sometimes life’s a bitch. They all have to deal with it. Angelina very confidently says that with the Knockout Title on the line tonight, she is going to be the one leaving with it and Tara doesn’t seem to impressed with that statement. Tara gets all huffy and basically tells Angelina that if she does win the title, it’ll be a cheap victory, and Angelina would have stolen it. She adds that if Angelina wants to role that way, then she’s game, and stalks off. Angelina gets huffy as well and she walks off leaving Hamada and ODB to just stand there.

Leave it to ODB to provide the most interesting promo of the night. She says “screw the knocked up title” which makes me giggle, and then says if she wins the open contract she’s going after AJ’s booty, and I can’t say I blame her. I love that little Georgia boy! After ODB exits to stage left, Christy turns to Hamada who says something in Japanese, and that little Knockout segment is now done.

After some more sweaty man action, it’s finally time for the match. After a shot of the Beautiful People backstage groping one another, Tara’s music hits and she starts to walk to the ring. She’s followed by Angelina, ODB, and Hamada. The Beautiful People and Daffney come out next and in a fun twist, all four actually coordinate their entrances to go together. That was pretty cool. Since there’s not really time for shenanigans tonight, the bell rings as soon as all eight women are in the ring. The rules state that once a Knockout is pinned and the one who was pinned, as well as the woman who pinned her, are both eliminated from the match. Madison and Angelina start us off.

They two former friends lock up and start to jostle back and forth for position. Angelina takes control and makes the tag to Tara. Madison gets the upper-hand on Tara and does some really unique and pornographic move on the poor girl. She seems very pleased with her effort and steps on Tara’s stomach as she heads for the ropes. Tara gets to her feet and meets Madison, scoops her up and positions her for the Widow’s Peak, and gets the pinfall. Tara and Madison are both out of the match now, with Tara earning the first key of the night.

Daffney charges in and pulls Angelina into the ring. She’s stomping away on the Canadian as TNA goes to commercial break. Super. When the show returns we’re missing two Knockouts. Apparently Daffney pinned Hamada during the break which shouldn’t shock anyone. Velvet has ODB down on the mat and is working her over. Angelina and Lacey are cheering on their partners from the outside, and ODB starts to throw her weight around and bully Velvet Sky. The popular ODB has the crowd going and Velvet is in pretty bad shape at this point. She’s giving up far to much size and strength to the bigger, stronger competitor. ODB attempts to pin Velvet, but the crafty Miss Sky manages to kick out after the two. ODB keeps the momentum going by attempting to slam Velvet to the mat, but Velvet wiggles out of the failed move and hits ODB with her own version of the DDT. Velvet goes for the pin and gets the three count, winning herself the third key of the night.

It all comes down to Angelina and Lacey for the final spot and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who is going to win this one. Lacey kicks ODB out for the ring and goes right for Angelina, who ducks the other blonde’s clothesline attempt. She knocks von Erich to the ground and starts beating on her, causing Lacey to curl up in a fetal position to try and fend off the attack. A pumped up Angelina Love motions to the crowd who are solidly behind her and throws Lacey into the turnbuckle face first. Lacey then finds herself whipped to the opposite set of turnbuckles and Angelina charges her. Lacey manages to get her foot up, and Angelina eats it and falls on her back. Von Erich climbs to the second rope and goes for her moonsault into an elbow drop, but misses because Love has rolled out of the way. Taz pokes at Lacey which I find stupid, but back to the action in the ring. Angelina takes advantage of Lacey’s mistake and hits her with “Lights Out.” It’s indeed lights out for Lacey as Angelina collects the final key. We’re treated to a shot of the lock boxes and their prizes backstage with a promise of the Knockouts opening them later on tonight.

And TNA wasn’t kidding when they said the boxes would be open later on that night. In a surprising turn of events, the Knockouts were given the opportunity to close the show.

Skip ahead to 1:45

Jeremy Borash (playing the role of Ryan Seacrest) was the master of ceremonies so to speak and he did a lot of teasing before we even got down to business. To make a long segment short, Velvet got to open her box first and she recieved the open contract for a match of her choice. Tara went second and was gifted with her spider, Poison, which was bittersweet because it signaled the end of her Knockout Champion title reign. Angelina and Daffney were last and they opened their boxes simultaneously. Angelina got the championship. Daffney got the right to strip. Angelina was thrilled. Daffney, not so much. She was forced to go to the ring and reluctantly did her thing which was kind of funny and kind of not. Lacey put a quick end to it by running out, attacking Daffney with the ugly stick, and giving the males in the crowd what they wanted. Realization sunk in for Tara that she was no longer the champion and she started beating the crap out of Angelina. Velvet got upset that Lacey upstaged her so she cashed in her contract for a Leather and Lace match next week against Angelina. After that, the show finally came to an end.

The Good: Well, despite all the bull, the Knockouts were basically the entire show. I appreciate the fact TNA woke up and realized that their girls equal ratings, but the way they went about it was all wrong. The wrestling wasn’t bad, and everyone looked adorable. So I guess that’s a good thing, right? ODB’s promo and Velvet screaming at Lacey not to upstage her were my two favorite parts of tonight’s broadcast. I hope this whole Lacey upstaging Velvet is not a one time thing because it could very well lead to a great storyline between all of the girls involved in the Beautiful People. Personally, I would love to see Velvet and Madison turn on LVE and tell the world their feud with Angelina has been nothing more than a hoax and that Lacey being with the group was nothing more than a joke. It would be nice to see Lacey work as a face because I get the feeling the fans would likely back her because she is pretty and she does try. With the Angelina the champion now, the Beautiful People could be one golden stable and I would love to see the Knockout lockerroom led by Tara come together and try to decimate the powerful BP.

The Bad: There wasn’t a lot that was bad about tonight’s broadcast. We had our usual commercial break in the middle of the match, and the returns of Hamada and ODB were handled poorly. Hamada may very well be the best wrestler on the TNA roster, but those who want her to be a champion are in for major disappointment. The Knockouts are being turned into a better version for the Divas by TNA and Hamada is likely to be the Jillian or Katie Lea of TNA. It sucks and it’s unfortunate but like Angelina Love said, there is nothing fair about the wrestling business. We should all know this by now.

The Ugly: Tonight in general was an ugly night for wrestling. The Knockout Championship was downgraded to a cheap tool used for ratings and in my opinion, the belt lost some of it’s prestige tonight. For the past several months, this belt has been passed from girl to girl, and tonight someone won it because they stuck a key in the right box. That’s a terrible way to win a title. It sucks for Tara because she got the short end of the stick yet again and it sucks for Daffney because TNA basically told us they don’t consider her championship material. I have no idea what goes on in TNA creative meetings but this whole complicated storyline nonsense is basically what killed WCW and they’re going to end up killing TNA. The Knockouts used to be the shining light of the company but now they’re basically side show acts. Yes they got a lot of attention, but there are better ways to go about it. Telling someone to strip or be fired violates so many laws it’s unreal and before someone decides to comment that it’s only kayfabe, you need to realize that there has to be at least some realism in your storylines. You can’t make someone strip under the stipulation that they will be fired. It’s just not ethical and I don’t give a crap that this is just wrestling. The so-called “creative geniuses” who run the company can at least try and think with their brains and not their anatomy when it comes to the Knockouts.

TNA is the most frustrating show on television to me. They have so much talent but it’s going to waste on dumb storylines and degrading angles. Next week we get to watch what’s sure to be a thrilling Leather and Lace match featuring Velvet and Angelina. I don’t even know if this is going to be for the title or not. All Velvet wanted to do was show up Lacey and get her hands on Angelina. She didn’t even bother to make it a championship match. Thank goodness Impact is getting taped tonight so we will get some answers to our questions. I’m not sure if I want answers. I shudder to think of what’s going to happen to Daffney and Tara now. Weeks and weeks of great, dramatic build-up have potentially gone down the drain. Tara has spider back and no title, so there is no reason for her to interact with Daffney anymore. After this match with Velvet, Angelina is more than likely going to end up in a feud with Tara and that’s something we’ve already seen a million times over.

I can’t really justify giving TNA the benefit of the doubt anymore. They’re going to keep disappointing me so I have no choice but to lower my expectations. TNA is going down the trashy route, in more ways than one, and the girls on that roster deserve better than that. I don’t care that they may have gone for humor with Daffney being forced to strip. I don’t care that they tried to make things exciting. All they did was alienate the purist in me and a lot of others. Just let these girls wrestle. Let them cut promos. Don’t force us to watch uncomfortable segments and deal with confusing storylines that make little, if any, sense. TNA you are better than this. Start proving it. You wanted to be competition for the WWE. Instead, all you’re doing is becoming a laughing stock and dragging your gorgeous, talented Knockouts down with you.

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