Hola my little churros! It is that time again, for another edition of the Diva Dirt TNA iMPACT! Write-Up! You all know who I am and I know who most of you who are. We’re forming a bond here so let’s keep it strong. Last week, I missed iMPACT! due to a bout of bronchitis that hit me like a speeding truck so I want to thank Melanie for filling in for me. She’s gorgeous. Much love to her. I do know that last week, we saw the highly anticipated debut of Sarita‘s familia in Rosita, the newest Knockout to grace the scene. That was a rather interesting eight Knockout tag team match.
This week, Muy Caliente(oh it’s gonna stick) is taking on The Beautiful People in a tag team match that is bound to be salsarific! We also got a random dose of fist pumpin’ this week in the form of hairspray highhats and self tanner. And we all know how TNA loves to surprise us, so if you haven’t watched by this point, buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride! Vamos!
Our Knockouts action for this week really starts out in a match between the X-Division Champion, Kazarian and the contender, Robbie E. We all know his loudmouth counterpart, Cookie from the Jersey Shore. Oh yes. She was most definitely there, dressed in all her drunken stupor glory. Before the match started, Robbie E. is seen cutting a little promo in the ring, talking about how TNA management through a grenade at him this past Sunday at Against All Odds. Oh darling, I would NOT catch a grenade for you. Sorry Bruno Mars. Anyway, he claims he was ready to take on two dudes, not one dude but TWO. But now, he’s ready. He’s got Cooks, his hairgel, self-tanner and random letters on his crotch that mean nothing to the world. He is so ready because Jersey’s in the house, bitches!
Backstage, we see Kazarian with his lips all over, who else, but his real life wife, Traci Brooks! This is the first time we’ve seen Traci on TNA television since February of last year and honestly, she looks great from the ribcage up. Haha. The two have a mini makeout session, no doubt a good luck before the match and Kazarian makes his way to the ring. It was a good going on Mike Tenay’s part, re-stating that Traci was the original Knockout. Indeed, she was. On to the matter at hand, Kazarian spends a little time pre-match, cutting a promo as usual. He says that TNA was built on the foundation of the X-Division. “Maybe not as much foundation that’s on Cookie’s face right now, but you get the point.” Oh how true it is.
Cue the major malfunction meltdown from TNA’s Jersey Shore princess.
Kazarian goes so far as to say that if Robbie E. sends his “sloppy little treasure troll” to the back, he’ll give him a shot at the championship. Cookie just starts freaking out but the two sneaky little snookers come up with a plan and she takes her booty to the back. This is where the match takes place. It gets about two minutes in before Snoo…Cookie comes running back down the ramp, enormous silver bag in hand. She slides into the ring and just nails Kazarian on the back of the head with her pocketbook. If she can fit that in the pocket of that hideous dress, I’ll give her a quarter. I can’t fork over much more. Naturally, this gives her beau, Robbie E. the perfect opportunity to take advantage. The referee has already called for the disqualification but neither one of them cares. All Robbie does is set Kaz up for a fiesty attack from Cookie, who takes far too much pleasure in choking the Fortune member.
This is where Cookie goes into mommy mode and scolds Kazarian for his name calling and joke making. She says she wants her belt and if he isn’t a good boy, he’ll get a good lashing. Okay. So I made that part up. SLAP! That acrylic tipped hand comes right down across the cheek of Kazarian and Cookie demands that Robbie get THEIR belt. And this is where things get interesting….
Down the ramp runs Traci Brooks, a worried look etched on her face. She wastes absolutely no time rolling in the ring and taking down Cookie, giving her a taste of her own medicine. Kazarian almost doesn’t know what to think but after a moment, he realizes he should probably pull his wife off the Jersey psycho before she does some actual damage. We all know how fragile Cooks can be. Ahem. Nonetheless, Kaz manages to keep the hellcat, Traci back in the corner while Robbie and Cookie scream from outside the ring. This match is over but I can pretty much say with confidence that this pot has just begun to boil. Kaz has been going at it alone against Robbie and Cookie for a bit now and his woman is back to help him settle the score. Is she going to make it full-time?! No one knows but all I can say is, bring on the catfights!!!
Backstage, we see Velvet Sky and Winter, face to face in the lockerroom. Velvet wants to make sure that no shenanigans are going to occur again this week like they did last week. Velvet tells Winter to stay the hell away from ringside, warning her that if she doesn’t, it will be the last thing she ever does in TNA. It continues on as Velvet tells her at first it was cute but creepy and no one knows where she came from. Behind Vel Vel’s back, Winter very insanely picks up a pair of scissors and strokes them affectionately. God only knows what she is about to try and do with those. Thankfully, in walks Angelina Love, asking if Velvet is ready for this match. I totally just had a Psycho moment, except instead of the Bates Motel, we get the TNA trailer park.
Angelina tells Winter to please remember what they talked about and to keep her cray cray ass away from ringside. If she doesn’t, they are going to have a huge…huge problem. Winter tells her she would never have a problem and that Velvet does not care about Angelina like she does. Velvet starts freaking out, asking if Winter knew their history. “Very, very well.” Angelina has finally had it and she tosses down her compact, begging to know what Winter’s obsession is with her. Winter simply replies with “You don’t understand it yet, but you will. All will be revealed.” Dun Dun Dun!
And now, ladies and gents, it is time for the match of the evening. The Beautiful People, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love are set to take on the team of Rosita and Sarita. Earlier in the night, the latina cousins were seen at ringside during a Hernandez match and Sarita just couldn’t help talking trash about Vel Vel. Little did she know, Velvet planned on running her down at ringside. This prompted little cousin Rosita to step in on the action and she did a little choking of her own to Velvet’s throat. Naturally, like dominoes, Angelina runs in for the save and the four women end up battling to the back. It was all leading up to this point.
Out first are TBP, dressed in matching hot pink and white attire. Holler holler..hollering! Everyone’s favorite entrance comes into play and in the words of the lovely Taz…LET THE PIGEONS LOOSE! Gosh golly gee! I cannot get over how cheesy that man is when it comes to that middle rope. Moving on! It is time to raise the latin fever in the iMPACT! Zone with a little flava. With her lovely shimmy and new tag partner, Sarita makes her way to the stage and does a little dance as always. Trying out their own gimmick, in what we saw in the ring last week, Sarita flips little Rosita over her shoulder and dances her back, bringing her down to sit on her knee. Add a little noogie to that for good measure, something we’ve learned Rosita absolutely does not like. Ya know, there just comes a time to grow up. It’s called puberty.
Muy Caliente is barely able to make it halfway down the ramp before TBP sets this thing in motion. They attack the fiery familia with attitude, obviously still pissed off about earlier in the night. Velvet goes right after Sarita, rolling her in the ring while Angelina drops Rosita off against the barricade. Things really start off in the far corner, Sarita’s back to the turnbuckles while Velvet just looks to punish one of her worst enemies. Geez. You’d think Sarita had been tormenting Velvet for weeks or something, the way she’s reacting. Tsk.
Shoulder block after shoulder block with a foot to throat choke, followed up by a slap to the chest. “Oh yeah?! You think you’re cute?!” Across the ring they go and Velvet is on fire as she plants Sarita with a nicely executed running bulldog. The official comes down for a count but Vel Vel is not ready for this match to end that quick. She takes two handfuls of Sarita’s hair and just starts smacking her head against the canvas, intense. But the fuel doesn’t burn for long because as soon as they are to their feet again, Sarita sends an elbow back into Velvet’s face, giving her the chance to tag in little Rosita. God, she’s freaking tiny. I can’t get over it.
She tries to run in on Velvet but she gets dropped with a clothesline and dragged over to the corner. “Give me the midget!” Angelina wants in on this and Velvet gives her the tag, pulling Rosita over to the middle of the ring. A nice flip to the bottom and Velvet stabs a boot right to the back of the newcomer. A rebound off the ropes from Angelina and one half of the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions sends two boots right into Rosita’s chest. A nice little double team effort from TBP and Angelina goes in for a pin, only coming out with a two count thanks to Sarita’s interference. For some reason, this match feels like it’s going in slow motion. Am I the only one who feels that way? Not a bad thing but yeah. Spooky.
Anyway, Angelina isn’t one to take it lightly so she sends Sarita through the ropes to the outside. This gives Rosita just enough time to get up and right back. throwing some harsh forearms and kicks at her opponent. A little merry-go-round and Angelina goes into the ropes, coming back with a fierce takedown. I’m seriously afraid they are going to break this girl in half everytime they touch her. Picking her up, Angelina casually walks around the ring with Rosita in her arms before slamming her down to the mat with a thud. Holler! Angelina does a little showing off and behind her, Rosita makes the tag to Sarita who gets dropped with a crisp falling backbreaker across Ange’s knees. Very nice. A tag to Velvet and Sarita wants out but Vel catches her by the bottoms, only to get a back kick to the lady part for the effort. I’m not exactly sure if that shot would hurt in that dynamic but okay, I can go with it.
Sarita goes with a back hair slam and lays the boots to Velvet, giving her a lap dance for all the trouble. Shimmy shimmy coco pop! Wanting her little cousin to get a piece of the action, the Loco Latina rushes over for a tag and in comes Rosita, making things a little confusing. But it all comes in for a tag team attempt that goes sour when Velvet fights back, sending them both rolling to the mat, Sarita to the outside. Rosita is the legal woman and drops Rosita with a sitout jawbreaker, quick to go back to the outside with a tag. Sarita is set to come back in, however, very unceremoniously by Velvet jerking her over the top rope. The landing was most definitely far from graceful, let’s just stick with that. But they’re in now and Velvet stays on her, no matter how hard Sarita tries to fight away. She tries to kick Velvet down but she gets tripped up again, dropped on her face once more. Ouch.
Velvet goes for what looks like a DDT but Rosita pops in and clubs her from behind, fumbling that idea. This prompts Angelina to come in, tossing her to the outside like yesterday’s trash. I had to close my eyes. I thought she died there for a minute. I guess that’s why they are wrestlers and not ballerinas. No grace whatsoever. Haha. In the ring, Velvet keeps it to Sarita, tossing her around with a spinning headscissors takedown. Back in for that DDT, Rosita fumbles Velvet’s attempt yet again, dropping her down from the outside. This gives Sarita the perfect spot to stay on top of Velvet with her foot on the ropes, picking up the three count for her team.
The winners of this match: Rosita and Sarita!
Velvet and Angelina are not happy and Velvet is going to speak about it. Velvet says that she knows and everyone else knows, that Velvet has had Sarita beat every single time. The only way Sarita has been able to beat her is by cheating, every single time. So Velvet wants to end this whole thing, once and for all. She wants a one on one, no outside interference, no cheating. Bring it. BRING IT! Sarita takes a microphone and asks Velvet if she has any idea what a joke she is. Everytime they get in the ring, she beats her, just like she beat her again! Sarita says Velvet is a loser and fires off in spanish that Velvet apparently can’t understand. Sarita says that if Velvet wants her to get in that ring with her again, she has to up the ante a little bit. She pulls a Madison Rayne and tells her to put her career on the line, going so far as to call her a chicken. Demonstration included. She says the next time they wrestle, if..ahem, when she beats her, it will be Velvet’s last match in TNA. Velvet tells her to just bring it! Major stipulation against Velvet Sky from Sarita but that doesn’t keep her from celebrating on the ring with Angelina Love.
Finally, we have a segment between Madison Rayne and Tara backstage:
Thoughts: It’s nice to be back this week. Haha. So sorry for disappearing on you guys but I caught whatever bug was floating around and it was not pretty. But I am back and firing on all cylinders…sorta. I rather enjoyed this week. I missed the debut of Rosita but went back and watched when I felt a little better. She is so damn tiny but she definitely tries. I like the dynamic she has with Sarita. It certainly made the tag team match interesting. As for this whole career on the line, FINALLY this Sarita and Velvet feud is coming to an end. I know. I know. You guys think I don’t like long feuds, which isn’t the truth. I just think this particular feud has gotten really dry. Time to spice things up. All pun intended. I have to hand it to Velvet because she definitely held her own in the ring, even if the match didn’t last that long. Disagree or not but I think she’s definitely gotten better.
Now, onto the surprise of the night, for those who don’t read spoilers. I don’t ninety-nine percent of the time but since someone informed me, I was vaguely aware of the Traci Brooks return. However, it didn’t spoil it for me. Traci is a TNA staple and I think bringing her in to further the whole foundation of TNA deal is a really bright idea. Fortune consists of TNA originals and Traci is an original Knockout. She cemented herself as a major fixture in TNA and will forever be etched in its history. It is good to see her back on iMPACT! and fighting for her man. It’s about time someone got ahold of that loudmouth Cookie and taught her how to shut up. Haha. Welcome back, Traci.
Just a heads up for the next couple of weeks. I have started a new job so the Write-Up is probably going to be going up later than normal but once my schedule evens out, it will be back to normal. I have to get up insanely early so it means going to be earlier. Half the time, I’m not even able to watch the show on Thursday nights so expect the Write-Up to be posted late Friday afternoons. Like I said, it will only be for the next couple of weeks. A small sacrifice so I can make some major moolah! I promise to buy you all Butterfinger candy bars! Until next week, my lovelies, may you all be blessed with peanut buttery goodness! xoxo