Wednesday, August 10, 2022

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Impact Write-Up (January 27th, 2011): The Beautiful People Need a Wintervention

First, I want to apologize if I am running behind this week. Lack of internet and a brain on behalf of my internet provider has put me on a slow schedule. Nonetheless, I welcome you to another edition of the weekly TNA iMPACT Write-Up! Last week, we saw a fourway Knockouts match take place between four of your favorite Knockouts. A few delivered some new techniques while others fell short of their recent glory. We also saw a rather tumultuous and dramatic soap opera begin to unfold between TNA’s power couple and her ex-husband. It wasn’t pretty and it only lead to further development this week. We’ve got screaming, fighting and a whole lot of Knockout action on iMPACT this week so let’s get this ball rolling!

Our first major action of the night; a six Knockout tag team elimination match. Sarita is out first, doing her little shimmy to the ring, dressed in attire that I actually cannot disagree with this week. I can dig it a lot better than the long sleeves, which are not flattering. She’s working the cleavage, but I’m sure no one enjoyed it long  considering she almost killed herself trying to flip into the ring. Perhaps if she learned to put the “L” for loser on the other hand, that might not happen. Just saying. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Out next are her partners, the team of Tara and the Knockouts Champion, Madison Rayne. They come roll to the ring on Tara’s crotch rocket, in usual style and Madison is still wearing that crown and sash. But thank the queen herself! Madison has a new outfit this week! A whole new outfit! Black and white certainly fits her, especially with that coveted glove. Shock and awe!

A quick slap to the backside and a kiss for good luck, the Rayne of Tara duo(there you go) get into the ring and begin waving to their oh so dedicated fans. I’m not really sure what Tara is wearing this week. It looks like pajamas but the key is that elbow brace. We most definitely have to keep an eye on that. HARDCORE COUNTRY! On the other side of the ring will stand Mickie James, who bounds out to the ring like a child hyped up on pixie sticks. As usual, she is wearing her cut off daisy dukes and plaid tie up. Oddly enough, I just realized how much I actually like her boots. Huh. Anyway, her partners for the evening are the original Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. The music hits, lights go up but instead of an entrance, we’re taken backstage. TBP are ready go to and give each other a double high five to cement that. And yes, they are wearing Hustler dresses. Well, I’m assuming that is what they are. Why you would wear a dress to the ring, I’m not certain but if anyone can do it, they can.

They turn to leave to the ring but Winter appears out of nowhere, as per usual, grabbing Angelina’s wrist like a pimp on her ho. She can’t understand why Angelina would do this to them, being they are the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions. Angelina explains that she is aware of that, but Velvet is her BFF. She always has been and always will be. Winter tries to cry back like a scolded child but Mama Angelina isn’t having it. She raises her voice, telling the weirdo to stay and chill out. All the while, Velvet is looking at Winter like she’s some sort of odd science experiment, which amused the hell out of me. TBP turn and leave the psycho by her lonesome which sends her into a rage against the woodwork. Someone get this woman some lithium. Seriously.

Finally, we get a TBP entrance, one we’ve missed for some time now. Synchronized and amazing as always, they make their way to the ring and hit the side. Taz says you can hear the feathers and the wins, fluttering around. LET THE PIGEONS LOOSE! Every straight man in the world is jealous of that middle rope. You know it. I know it. Let’s move on. I love how Tara and Madison are both so nonchalant, nearly yawning at the TBP entrance. It gave me a chuckle. But laughing aside, it’s time to start this thing and before the bell can even ring, the Knockouts run wild. Almost like a repeat of last week, Mickie on Madison, Velvet on Sarita and Angelina on Tara. It’s a free for all and the poor little official almost looks like he has no idea what to do. The camera crew makes sure to get a good angle on every pair of Knockouts as they brawl around the ring. Finally, at some point, everyone separates and the referee calls for the bell, Tara and Angelina starting this match. Thank cheese.

It looks like Tara has the upper hand but Angelina turns the tide, wrenching that injured arm. She twists and throws elbows until Tara can finally wiggle free, slapping hands with Madison. The champ enters the ring and gets taken down quick, no holds barred on Angelina’s part. A hip toss, flying takedown and a bodyslam leads them both back up to their feet. Madison attempts to go for some type of weird ass move that I can’t even describe. A knee to the back of Angelina’s neck but the tag team champion isn’t having it. She turns around and nails Madison with a rough clothesline, reaching for a tag. In pops Mickie James and away scurries Madison Rayne, practically horrified. Insert crude comment here.

Madison tags in Sarita, who gets rolled up like biscuit dough by Mickie as soon as she hits the ring. A half headlock turned into a twisted arm wrench and Sarita has the upper hand…or so it seems. A pop and elbow combination to Mickie that only sends Mickie into a rolling kip up. This puts her back in control, just long enough to tag in Velvet Sky. Vel Vel goes up to the middle rope while Mickie holds the Loco Latina steady. A double sledge to the back of Sarita’s head and Velvet is fired up. She reverses a kick to the abdomen and slams Sarita back, flipping her over to the mat. A swift kick to Sarita’s back and Velvet is loving this. So is the crowd. Every single connection gives a new sound and I love that they’re getting behind the women of TNA.

A rebound off the ropes and Velvet slams both feet into Sarita’s chest, not giving up. She stays on her, sending them both into the ropes. Velvet goes up, locks her legs and heads into a spinning headscissors but a counter backbreaker slam from Sarita knocks the wind out of her. A little celebratory shimmy and Sarita sends them back into the ropes. And here’s where I had to go back and watch a few times. Velvet rebounds, locks both of Sarita’s arms in front of her and connects with a reverse sit down slam. I love when the more inexperienced women wrestlers bust out something new and do it well. It makes my heart flutter. However, every Knockout in the match bum rushing the ring when Velvet goes into a pin attempt does not. They practically run over Velvet and Sarita, seemingly forgetting they are even there. Nice work, ladies.

Back to the match, Sarita gets Velvet up and holds her while Madison is in the corner, loading up that Fist of Fury. She shakes it up and reels toward Velvet, who ducks out of the way. Madison is barely able to stop herself from nailing Sarita right across the cheek. Velvet, realizing what just happened, slings Madison out of the ring but sets herself up for a sneaky roll-up from Sarita.

The first Knockout eliminated from this match: Velvet Sky

You know Velvet is surely pissed off about that one but the match must go on. Like clockwork, Mickie James pops into the ring and is quick to take Sarita down. They do a little do-si-do, which is right up Mickie’s alley, and work their way back into the corner. Mickie sets Sarita up for that tough headscissors but Sarita catches on, sending her to the apron. A pop to Sarita’s chin sends her back to the referee, whom she distracts just long enough for the Elbow of Tara to rear its ugly head. Mickie is down on the apron and the four other Knockouts left in this match barrel into the ring. Angelina goes right to the official while Madison demands her teammates to pick Mickie up. They set her up, Madison swings and FOUL BALL! Mickie dodges that fatal knock out shot and takes Madison down to the mat. Here’s the funny part, I’m pretty sure Madison just knocked herself out with her own Fist of Fury. Haha. Tara and Sarita take a second to adjust then head towards Mickie, both being taken down with a double clothesline. A cover on Madison and Mickie picks up the three count elimination.

The second Knockout eliminated from this match: Madison Rayne

I’m not sure what Sarita was really planning on doing here but it looked like a roll-up. Almost. They’re trampling all over poor Madison, who has no idea where she is. There is just some major rude action going on in this match-up, ladies and gentlemen. I’m still not sure but whatever Sarita did, she managed to pin Mickie’s shoulders to the match for a three count.

The third Knockout eliminated from this match: Mickie James

This leaves Angelina Love all by her lonesome. Both Tara and Sarita are left on their team and the Muy Caliente encourages the blonde Canadian to come into the ring. She does so, rather cautiously but Sarita makes a key mistake in turning her back. She converses with Tara for a moment and turns around to a pair of harsh blows from Angelina. Into the ropes we go and I’m sorry, Sarita but asking Tara for help won’t get you anywhere. A rebound into a roll-up and it’s only a two count. Quick on the defense, Angelina stays on her, going into a headlock submission. It goes all the way into the commercial and back again when Sarita finally gets back on her feet. She manages to get away from A. Love’s claws and send her into the ropes but whatever she had in mind didn’t work. A pick up and flip over the shoulders sets Sarita up for a nice spinning heel kick, giving Angelina another opportunity for a short pin attempt. You know, after all that has gone on, they are tired as hell. But somewhere, Sarita still musters the energy to kick out.

Back on it, Angelina sets Sarita in some sort of chinlock just long enough to lock in a body scissors. It can definitely be effective, especially if pressure is applied to the ribcage. Just in case you were wondering. Suddenly, attention is turned to the tron where Velvet Sky is shown backstage, crawling around on the floor. She has apparently been hit in the head by someone or something and can’t quite gain her balance. I don’t think Angelina is aware of it because the crowd is clapping, getting behind this headlock/body scissors combination she’s got going on. A glance to the tron and I’m sure she saw it but the match has to go on. No one is around Velvet so she must be out of danger, right? Angelina stays on Sarita until she gets a switch elbow to the jaw, loosening her grip. It was just that easy.

A tag is made, Sarita to Tara and in comes to the ring veteran who gets taken down real quick with a drop toe hold. Not very graceful, are we Tara? Let me point out the Tara chant flooding through the crowd at this point. And people say the heels don’t have fans. Tsk. Slowly back on their feet and Tara takes a giant handful of Angelina’s hair but the referee counts for release. A half circle around the ring and Angelina connects with a huge hair toss on Tara, who is quick to tag Sarita back in. Angelina goes for a clothesline but Sarita ducks, picking her up into a firewoman’s carry. A sideslam attempt and no…Angelina turns it into a hip toss, sending Sarita across the ring. Cue a very nice jawbreaker drop here and those two on one odds don’t look so heavy.

Round and round we go, back into the corner with Tara and her elbow. Sarita distracts the referee and WHACK! to the back of Angelina’s skull goes that Elbow of Tara. Is that cheering I hear? Oh yes it is. All of this for Angelina flattening to the mat like a stack of pancakes. Sarita drags her out, goes for a two count and the double team attack ensues. I’m guessing some tag was made at some point because Tara starts choking the life out of Angelina. Another tag and another double team, this time in the form of a suplex. Sarita is the legal woman in this and she goes for a hell of an arrogant cover, sitting on Angelina’s stomach. The official doesn’t count until she goes for a more official, albeit lazier, cover for a two count. Insert pointless Sarita shimmy here. Haha.

Pushing her into the corner, Sarita takes the fists to Angelina but doesn’t waste any time before tagging in Tara again. Tara, propping her foot up on the top turnbuckle, enjoys Angelina’s face smashing into the leather just a bit too much. The veteran comes in and gives Angelina a taste of her own medicine, a rough hair toss across the ring. But it’s that elbow that keeps her from staying on her. Or maybe it’s just the fact that the elbow brace looks like it weighs a good fifteen pounds. Either way, Angelina fights back but she’s starting to look like a ragdoll at this point. Tara pulls her up and holds on, tagging Sarita in just so they can keep hold of her. Double bubble, toil and trouble. Back and forth they go. Cheap shots, tags galore and finally, Angelina fights back. Here we go. Angelina fends off Sarita and out of absolutely nowhere, BOTOX INJECTION! to the face of Tara. A serious quick cover on Tara and this match has come to even odds.

The fourth Knockout eliminated from this match: Tara

Angelina thinks to celebrate and the sneaky Sarita takes her down for a roll-up. But oh no! Angelina yanks the tights and reverses it, reversing the pin. One, two and three! Sarita is the fifth and final Knockout eliminated from this match-up. Sarita isn’t happy and she starts berating the referee, laying claim to the tights. They thought the double team effect would work but as Angelina easily puts it, waving her finger, oh no you weren’t.

The winner of the match: Angelina Love

A little later on in the show, Velvet and Angelina are seen backstage after the commercial and Velvet is livid. She’s still holding her head and she claims that Winter attacked her. Angelina wants to make sure it was her new “friend”. She questions if it was Sarita. Um, no, Angelina. You were battling Sarita in the ring at that time, remember? Lay off the bottle, darling. Velvet tells her BFF that if she doesn’t handle that bitch that she’s going to do it herself. RAWR!!

Velvet Sky is making her way to the ring, still holding her head. Whatever Winter clobbered her with, must have done a number on her. Velvet grabs a microphone and starts screaming at Winter, calling her a bitch and tell her to get down to the ring. If she wanted to attack Velvet from behind, then she’s got something to say to her. I believe “glass bottom, boat loving bitch” were the words used. Velvet demands that Winter get her ass to the ring. It takes a minute but finally, that creepy ass music of Winter’s hits. She struts to the ring, no hesitation and climbs up onto the apron, receiving a swift dropkick that sends her down onto the floor. Velvet is quick to get on her, all that built up frustration turned aggression coming out. She nails her with clubbing blows, using the ring as a rebound for Winter’s face. You would think her name was really Sarita, honestly.

A couple chest chops and angry screams later, Velvet sends Winter careening into the metal barricade. She wraps her hand around Winter’s throat and screams in her face, landing a huge slap across her face. Velvet is seriously just vicious with her kicks and slaps to the chests. Eventually, Winter rolls into the ring, trying to get away from her but Velvet isn’t going to let up. A low rebound dropkick and Velvet takes Winter down, choking her and screaming that she is sick of her. Angelina is her tag team partner, not Winter’s! Harsh forearms to the back and it looks like Velvet might actually get some redemption. Or not.

At this point, Winter finally shoves Velvet back and this beast rages out of her like a switch. She roars at Velvet and clobbers her like a lion on a gazelle. In a smart move, Velvet covers her face with both her arms but have to know that it isn’t doing a lot of good. Winter is ruthless and starts laying lefts and rights to Velvet’s head, slamming her on the mat multiple times. All the while, she’s screaming like someone tried to rip her child from her arms. It’s here that the Velvet chants start but Winter must be deaf, or still raging with jealousy because she is relentless on the attack. And I know you’re asking yourself, where in the hell is Angelina Love?!

Well, finally, after finishing letting her nails dry, Angelina runs down to the ring. She comes in and has to muscle Winter off of Velvet, pointing for her to get out. Winter seriously looks like a deranged horror movie villian, especially when she stands up and smiles down at what she’s done. Velvet, on the other hand, screams like a victim, holding her head. This cues the “She’s a screamer” chants. Oh the Impact crowd. Angelina does her best to check on her BFF but Velvet is just inconsolable. Her little confrontation with Winter didn’t quite turn out how she’d planned and I have a feeing she’s going to have one hell of a headache after this one.

skip to the 3:38 mark for the main event match.

Due to lack of video source, I’m just going to tell you what happened earlier in the show in regards to this particular subject. It was amusing. Karen Jarrett was seen in the halls, looking for someone. It turns out to be her husband, Jeff and she can’t believe he’s actually going to go through with this match. At the start of the show, Kurt Angle was talking about one more match against Jarrett so Ric Flair stuck him, along with Crimson, in a handicap match against Immortal. Just in case you were wondering. Karen is frantic, trying to talk Jeff out of it. She says that Kurt was on the phone, which sends Jeff into wild conspiracy talk. All this hoopla about “They are Coming.”, you know, again. He says he was probably just on the phone with Angle Foods and then wants to know if they get a cut of that. Alimony perhaps? Jeff says that Angle is a psycho and Karen needs to help him loosen up. She says she will but she knows Kurt better than anyone. He isn’t going to go lightly. Long story short, someone is coming and Jeff Jarrett doesn’t care. Karen isn’t happy and neither is her newly acquired southern twang.

But it all leads up to this. There’s a big Immortal mess that goes right here but where some of them may act like women, they are not. So I won’t talk about what happens. We are a women’s wrestling site, after all. Just know, there is a major beatdown on Kurt Angle in this huge handicap match. I’m just waiting for Karen Jarrett and I know you all are too. Finally, after everyone gets the best of Angle, here comes The King of the Mountain, tagged by his wife, Karen Jarrett. She does not look happy to be at ringside for this so-called match. But Jeff is ready to take advantage of a beaten Kurt Angle. Naturally, after everyone has already picked him apart and sucked the life out of him. Now Jeff Jarrett is ready to fight. Whatever. Karen watches as her husband taunts and beats on the father of her children. Oh the script I could write for this one.

Obviously, after the massacre, Jeff Jarrett gets the three count on Kurt Angle. This sends everyone into celebration mode, Karen included. That frown turns upside down when she slides into the ring and raises her man’s hand in victory. Have I mentioned that I like her being the only woman of Immortal? She keeps that smile in tact while Immortal taunts and goes back on the defensive, staying true to nature with their rough tact. Even when Matt Morgan runs down to the make the save, Karen just stands by and watches, admiring the work being laid out before her. She is the Queen of the Mountain, after all. But even the Royal family has to pay the light bill and apparently, this family, did not.

During the beatdown, unecessary as it is, the lights go out and all of a sudden, a loud siren echoes throughout the arena. For weeks, Crimson had been telling the members of Immortal that “They were Coming” and given Angle’s talk on the phone earlier, he was calling in back-up. Sure enough! When the lights come back up, there is none other than “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner standing in the middle of a ring with a lead pipe. It’s like a game of Clue but he already knows the answer! He clears the ring within a flash and Immortal is quick to gather together. It’s like their worst nightmare come true. Could it be that Kurt Angle is banding together the Main Event Mafia once more? Could it be a battle of the stables in TNA? All I know is they better find one hell of a woman to compete with Karen and her mouth.

Thoughts: Damn, there was a lot to cover this week. Haha. I apologize once again for having the write-up posted so late this week. My internet completely went out on me last night while I was going back over the videos and nothing would work. I finally, after two hours on the phone with my provider, got it back on. It’s still a little slow but at least it’s working. I’ll deal with them later.

This week was such a rubberband ball of action. Granted, I am all for having the Knockouts all over the show but damn! It’s tiring. I got a headache just trying to keep up with everything that was going on last night. The first time I watched the match, it annoyed me. There was just too much going on and I just couldn’t keep up in writing. However, after going back and watching, despite a couple of spots, it was a really awesome match. Hell, the Knockouts got a quarter of an hour JUST for a match. You gotta love that. I don’t think WWE would ever think of giving that to their Divas. It’s one of the reasons I love watching the Knockouts. Major props to all involved on that one.

Finally! FINALLY! We got to see some reason Velvet and Winter altercation material. It has been a long time coming and I am so glad it finally did. I can’t wait to see what unfolds with this one. We all know it isn’t over. It’s never over. I’m curious to see which side Angelina picks but I have a feeling, whatever it is, she’ll surprise us. As for Karen and her spot, she didn’t have a whole lot this week but I had to include it. It’s like being addicted to soap operas. I’m dying to see how this whole Immortal/Main Event Mafia deal unfolds. I want to watch Karen catfight with someone. Haha. Anyway, I’m tired now so until next week, my darlings. May you all be blessed with yummy pasta and cheesy bread because that’s what’s for dinner!

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