Monday, September 25, 2023

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Impact Write-Up (June 30th, 2011): Trouble in Psychotic Paradise?

Oh what a week. But I know you don’t care about that so I won’t even scratch that surface. Haha. Last week, we got had a couple of rather quirky, yet violent brawlesque matches. Rails belts and flasks got involved and we all know, when that happens, it isn’t going to be pretty. This week, we’ve got a rather odd set of teams pitting against one another in a 6-Knockout tag team elimination match that is bound to be nasty. We also sit down with one of the other Knockouts who is set on proving that she belongs in Impact Wrestling. If you’re curious, and I know you are, then stick with me and we’ll go on this magical journey together. If not, what are you doing here? Get to Disneyworld.

We start out backstage, where Madison Rayne is primping in front of the mirror as usual. A Queen must stay on top of her appearance. Nice to see the weave hasn’t come back. She is talking smack about Tara, go figure, saying that she’s the reason Tara has a job back in TNA. She’s seemed to forgotten that but Madison, being the kind person she is, will remind her in two weeks when they face each other on Impact. Shameless promotion. By the way, has anyone seen her lip gloss? She hates sharing a locker room with the “skanks” and obviously, someone has stolen it. If you find it, please dial 555-N01CAR3S. Thanks.

Speaking of those “skanks”, in walk Winter and Angelina Love, who seems to have finally gotten back into her normal routine. She has an amused look on her face and when Madison raises her voice, tells her to cut the noises and they didn’t take her lip gloss. But it’s a plumper! Madison, as astounded as anyone, takes notice that Angelina is speaking now. She tells her to speak on and NEVER touch her lip gloss again! Ugh!

Cue the dramatic scene exit.

In a very creepy way, someone standing on the other side of the room behind the camera, busts out a random question. Since when are camera men allowed to speak? And if it isn’t them, who is the creep walking around with the camera man? That’s what I would like to know. Anyway, he asks Winter what her predictions are for the evening and she tells him there is only one. She says she’s going to make the Knockouts champion squeal like a little mouse. She’s already done it and she she be the champion now but she’s going to make it official at Hardcore Justice. With her beautiful minion in her corner, how could she possibly lose? Well, I thought Angelina would have something to say about that but instead, she starts talking about their relationship status. She goes on the record to say it isn’t “synthetic” anymore, it is very real. She says that a lot of Knockouts really need to be put in their place and it is going to start with Mikey…, Mickie. It doesn’t matter. Either way, it is guaranteed not to end with her.

Just to start things off, major props to Christy Hemme on that outfit. Love it. So much in fact, I’m coming to steal it. Just to let you know. Anyway, out first in this match are the dastardly duo themselves, Morticia and Minion. They make their painful slow motion entrance to the ring. At first, I thought my video was lagging. Maybe I just hadn’t realized it before, who knows. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Out last for this team is Madison, sash and crown intact and she makes her way to the ring, posing for pictures and waving to her fans. And yes, I agree with Taz. She is freaking hot and she knows it. She was also the longest reigning Knockouts Champion ever and she will never let anyone forget that. Moving on.

For the other team, out first is Miss Tessmacher, who has awesome theme music, by the way. I think this is the first time I’ve really actually heard it. She pops up on the stage and tosses her glasses at the camera, strutting her way down. She’s back to the fuschia this week but hey, I’m not angry. Neither are all the men in the audience, so we’ll just leave it at that. Tara rides out next on her crotch rocket, dressed in an extremely cute black and red outfit that I love. I have always been a fan but I think out of all the Knockouts, Tara is the one I respect the most. HARDCORE COUNTRY! Last but not least, Mickie James bounds out to the ramp, almost a little reluctant to hit the ring. It could be she’s rethinking the fringe but one may never know. The “heels” look rather disgusted at all the love given to the “faces” and implode amongst themselves over it. Madison even goes to her own corner, which she sets up rather nicely.

Starting things off, whether Winter wanted to or not, is Mickie. Winter tried to peace out but she pulls her back in and tosses her by the hair across the mat. Then it’s on! Mickie is on top and is just pounding into Winter with purpose. She stands up and whips that belt off Winter, ready to use it for retribution. We all know how many times that’s been used on the champ in recent weeks. But the referee takes all the fun away, which brings Angelina in. She immediately drops Mickie with a kick to the abdomen and a side jaw drop against the shoulder. Very nice maneuver. This puts Mickie to the outside and Tessmacher invites herself in, going right at Angelina. But all that fire and moxy isn’t going to stand up against the former five time Knockouts champion. You need a lot more than that.

And it shows when A.Love overpowers her, slamming her back off the rebound. She slams her back into the corner and tags in Winter, adding cue to the double team. Meanwhile, Tara and Madison are screaming back at forth at each other like an old married couple. A flip over and Winter does her best to wear Tess down but the exchange leads to another corner and I become really confuse. Taz says he talked to Tessmacher about it earlier in the day. What exactly did you talk about? How many times she should pop her ass against Winter’s chin? I realize she is bodacious in that area but seriously. Seriously?! I can’t even right now. Asstastic. I shake my head.

Either way, Angelina Love tries to bust this up but she gets a forearm for her efforts. But the distraction proves enough that Winter manages a fisher-lights suplex of sorts, leading to the pin. Tessmacher has been eliminated. This sends Tara into the ring and she is on the attack. Laying hands to Winter then dropping her down with a stiff clothesline. Tara tosses her cap to the audience and goes in for the shimmy, OH! standing moonsault! A pin but only a two count. Are you serious? Yeah, he’s serious! I love the banter. It slays me. Tara takes Winter to the ropes and uses them as leverage, locking in a very nice tarantula submission from the outside. Her legs are wrapped around Winter’s arms and she’s got her locked in but this leaves her vulnerable. Madison takes notice and storms across the ring, slapping her with a baseball slider to the face. Tara drops like a sack of potatoes and Madison just rolls her into the ring. The momentum has shifted and Winter is back in control.

A pair of hammers to the back and Winter lifts Tara into a firewomans carry position. Angelina creeps into the ring and DAMN! She hits that Botox Injection kick and I cringed. But time doesn’t stop and Angelina knocks Mickie to the outside. Winter goes for the pin but Madison sneaks in, tosses Winter through the ropes and steals the pin on Tara. Morticia and Minion are not happy. They stalk her, cutting her in a corner of sorts while Mickie gets ready to set up for that Mick Kick. Madison attempts to feign innocence but this is Madison Rayne we’re talking about here. She turns around and SLAP! goes the foot against the jaw. So powerful, it caused Angelina to do a hair flip. I had to watch that part multiple times. Oh yes.

Mickie, ever so reluctant, goes in for the cover and Winter tells Angelina to just let it happen. She gets the three count and charges Winter like a bull. But the numbers game comes into effect and femme fatales are in control. The classic double team beatdown presses play and they’re on her like a pair of thugs. Finally, Winter picks Mickie up into that carry position, going for what they did to Tara but Angelina kicks….and misses. The champion counters into a roll-up on Winter but Minion gives her a kick to the back, breaking things up. Oh no, she says. Angelina tries to set Mickie up for that back knee drop but Mickie reverses, trying to set up for the jumping DDT. Winter isn’t having it. She pulls her back by the hair, dropping her down across her knee like a disciplined child. Then Winter presents Mickie to Angelina like a gift. Minion sets her up and OOF! drops her down like a ton of bricks.

…that awkward moment when you don’t know who should make the pin.

It looks like it’s going to be Angelina but as soon as she makes the move, Winter stops her. She tells her she had her turn and it’s her turn now. Alright?! Angelina does not see it that way and for the first time, we’re seeing tension between Morticia and Minion. But while they’re having this conversation, Mickie James is back on her feet. Winter tells A.Love to get her but it backfires. Mickie starts throwing elbows from the corner and jumps up, sending Winter across the ring. A neckbreaker drop to Angelina and she is out of this game! A behind roll-up from Winter but Mickie kicks out on the two. The crowd is going apeshit. I’m just saying. Now it is one-on-one with Winter and Mickie. Champ goes up for the DDT, jumps and executes. A pin on Winter and Mickie James has won this tag team effort. Neither Angelina or Winter can believe it, which brings heat between the two. Morticia looks to be blaming Minion what for losing and well…I guess we’ll find out.

Later in the show, we get a video reminder of this feud that has started between ODB and Velvet Sky. Again, another reminder of the hypocritical BS that comes out of ODB’s mouth. Stating “It isn’t who Velvet is, it’s what she stands for with the makeup and fake eyelashes.” Someone needs a mirror. That’s all I’m saying.

A flash to Velvet in the back and she’s talking to the camera, stating that most people think the beef with ODB is recent. But what people don’t know is that she’s been dealing with bullies and being pushed around her whole life. When she was a kid, she was always the runt of the litter. She’s always had to fight for everything she’s wanted to accomplish, Impact Wrestling is no different. She says that Jacqueline and ODB want to come in and “prey on the weak” but she isn’t as weak as she once was. I can definitely agree with that but it’s my opinion. She says that next week’s match is very important for her.

Next week, she’ll be facing Jackie and ODB in a handicap match, two-on-one. The stipualation being, if Velvet beats them and she feels that she will, they are no longer allowed back in Impact Wrestling. And she really, really hopes that since they had that woman to woman agreement, she hopes they live up to their end of the bargain after she beats them. She’s had it. She’s done. No more pushing Velvet around. She’s starting a new chapter and she’s done being the prey, the weak. She’s done with it and she’s going to do something about it. Next week. Oh boy.

Thoughts: I loved this match. The spots in this match were incredible and I can’t even describe that lifted bicycle kick. The baseball slide to the face? Loved it. Definite awesome showing from the Knockouts this week. I’m dying to see if this tension between Angelina and Winter becomes stronger. I know some of you are all dying to see them implode on one another. I think it will come down to jealousy. Angelina is a strong competitor, former champion and I think she’ll see it as Winter trying to hog her spotlight. But we never know until it happens. We’ve got a couple of great weeks ahead of us so until that time next week, my lovies! xoxo

What did you guys think about this week’s Impact? Tell me about it!

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