Sunday, December 3, 2023

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Raw Redux (July 1st, 2013): Kaitlyn & Alicia Face Off, Summer Returns & AJ Discovers Photoshop

I delivered a Redux last week that could have quite easily been full of disgusting negativity that quite frankly crapped all over AJ Lee, Kaitlyn, Layla, and Big E. Langston. Instead, I decided to pick my words carefully, do my best to give the angle the benefit of the doubt, and keep in mind that all of these people are just making the best out of what they’ve been given to work with. That was an extreme effort on my part and what happened? I was being oh so overly dramatic. The opening of this Redux is quite dramatic, which is a good example of what I was accused of last week. Writing that the angle, acting, and potential storylines gathered from this were so bad I wanted to gouge my eyes out, pierce my eardrums so I would wind up deaf, break my own fingers so I wouldn’t have to write about it, and then set myself on fire because of it… NOW THAT IS DRAMATIC!

Having an opinion and expressing it in a mature manner is not dramatic. It’s called being a writer, and doing your best to write about something that you don’t necessarily like. So let me just end this with a warning, if you were a fan of last night’s segment, best not read any further. I would hate for my constructive criticism to ruffle your feathers any further. And always, ALWAYS keep in mind that there are alternatives out there should you wish to read the opinion of someone else.


So Raw was just darling, wasn’t it? We had another immature, LayCool 2.0 skit featuring an altered picture of Kaitlyn. We had the return of Summer Rae who was likely out Diva-ed (surely that’s not really a word, is it…) by Fandango’s DRAMATIC exit from his match. And we had Stephanie McMahon and Vickie Guerrero, together. On television. Again. If I have anyone left reading this, lets go ahead and get started shall we?

Sticking with the dramatic theme of this Redux, since that’s what I do really well apparently, talk about not realizing what you’ve got until it’s gone. The lack of Summer Rae and Fandango on my screen these past couple of weeks made me want to curl up in a tiny ball on a mountain of sequins, feathers, and glitter and cry my eyes out until mascara and spray tan ran down my cheeks. Their absence was like a black void in a world full of rainbows and unicorns. To see them both sashaying their way back to the ring last night was literally as exciting as when Melissa Rycroft won the All-Star Season of Dancing With the Stars. It was much needed, and just such a feel good moment. Who knew I would get so attached to a ballroom dancer moonlighting as a wrestler and his sassy little bit of blond arm candy who might not have the moves, but has the fiercest dance outfits since Stacy Keibler graced the ballroom?!

Welcome back Summer Rae and Fandango. This is the first week I haven’t missed Sasha Zamolodchikova. I know she’s in the process of accomplishing bigger, and better sparkly things anyway.

Again with the drama… how fierce was goddess Stephanie McMahon last night in that tight blue dress? Those power suits she wears on a weekly basis don’t do her stunning figure any justice and she was sooooooooooo close to getting everything right last night with her look. The thing that was off? Her hair! Girl… seriously??

When this whole thing started, I was super stoked to see Vickie back on television. Brad? Not so much, but that’s another subject for another day. Our poor Queen Vickie has been pulled in three different directions these past couple of weeks with the egomaniacal, power-driven McMahons all trying to rule Monday Night Raw vicariously through Prince Dawlf’s ex-cougar-with-benefits. My heart just bleeds for poor Queen Vickie because next week she is going to end up completely humiliated at the hands of the McMahons. To be honest, I don’t want to see any member of that family running Raw, as they’re much better when it comes to storylines. That being said, I’m sure the segment isn’t going to make me throw myself in traffic, so I’m totally going to smile, think of a fluffy puppy, and turn my gorgeous hazel eyes towards next week. =)

Oh, and we were also treated to a Total Divas cast meeting that looked more like a scene from Bring it On than any meeting I’ve been to. But, of course, that was the intention:

Brie and Nikki Bella had a merry time trashing Eva Marie and Jo-Jo Offerman until Cameron, Naomi and Natayla showed up to exchange “GIRL BYE”s and hand flips. I’m kind of disappointed no one dropped the “those damn Bella twins” line.

Also on the agenda for next week is more immaturity from our Diva’s Champion. Sorry AJ! I love you and stuff, but this angle is worse than when you were forced to be romantic with Primo back on NXT.

Such a shame to end the segment on such a sour note, and with such ridiculous tactics. Why does everything have to revolve around looks, body shaming, and whatever else people say is wrong with the world? Kaitlyn and AJ are so above this, and while it worked for Layla and ‘Chelle, it doesn’t work for AJ. She’s not a believable bully and at this point, Kaitlyn is no longer a believable victim. Layla as the concerned best friend is laughable to say the least because her history would prove that there’s nothing pure about her intentions, and yes people, I still believe this is going to lead to a Layla heel turn. It’s sooooooooooooooo obvious. Like, seriously. Oh my gosh.

That aside, it was nice to see Alicia Fox back on television. Her ring gear was horrendous, as usual, but she looked beautiful. And she wasn’t the worst dressed of the night. AJ’s jeans weren’t her best pair, and Layla’s bodysuit thing… just not my style. I won’t be adding any of the outfits from tonight to my Pinterest fashion board, but we all have off nights. Despite the length of the match, I did actually like it. Alicia is a sorely underrated wrestler and I hope we get to see more of her on either Raw or SmackDown. I don’t think we will, but a girl can always hope. Maybe if I pull the drama card again and threaten to slit my wrists until I bleed then Foxy will get on television?!

Let me wrap this up and go get my blade. PUT ALICIA BACK ON TELEVISION PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

I hope you guys enjoyed your Drama lesson for today. You have been such a good class! Hologram star stickers for each and every one of you! Until next time… Khaleesi out!

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