After a brutal tables match at TLC and a fun match on Raw complete with a heel turn twist, you’d think that on the live edition of Tuesday Night SmackDown, the great Diva match roll would continue on. You would think that after announcing a handicap match on Raw for SmackDown featuring Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero teaming up against Super John Cena that this week’s SmackDown would be the most epic SmackDown ever.
Oh it was epic alright. An epic fail.
Instead of greatness, we were forced to witness the complete violation of poor Vickie. Storyline continuation in the WORST way. And a reunion of sorts that the majority of the free world wishes wouldn’t have happened at all. With that kind of intro, you’re just begging to take a look at the action, aren’t you? Well sit back, grab some tissues, and get ready to weep. It truly is just that bad.
The first Diva sighting of the night involves Rose Mendes. She’s walking alongside Big Show Santa Claus and they’re handing out presents backstage. After Rosa says ‘Feliz Navidad’ to backstage worker and gives him a present, Hornswoggle pops into the picture. He has a toy bag over his head and when they pull it off, he is dressed like an elf. Of course he is. He places his hand on Rosa’s hip and the three of them continue to walk with the promise of more to come later.
Random Observations: Oh joy. I just can’t wait for more. On a more positive note, Rosa looks smoking hot tonight and her little Santa outfit is sexy! I wasn’t exactly a fan of the darker hair at first, but she’s working it tonight.
When SmackDown returns, Christmas music is playing (have I mentioned that I HATE Christmas?) and Big Show, Rosa, and Hornswoggle are making their way to the ring. A whole disgusting Christmas set-up has been arranged inside the ring and the three give our presents and candy on their way to the SmackDown winter wonderland. Big Show tries to sit down in a chair but of course it breaks because Santa has just gained so much weight this year. Hornswoggle and Rosa try to help him up but of course they end up crashing to the mat as well. Everyone finally picks themselves up and Big Show grabs a microphone. Rosa looks pretty in the background as she attempts to smooth out Show’s discarded Santa hat. Big Show says ‘ho ho ho’ and Rosa places the cap back on his head. Hornswoggle gives him another chair and this time he successfully sits down and starts to read. It’s a cutesy little WWE rendition of the ‘Night Before Christmas’ but it ends with a cheap plug for everyone to go buy ‘Knucklehead’. They wish everyone a Merry Christmas and leave the ring, throwing even more presents to the crowd.
Big Show and Rosa linger around ringside interacting with the fans while Hornswoggle plays to them from the ring via the top rope. All of a sudden, Cody Rhodes rushes the ring and begins beating down the little leprechaun who’s been the staple of so many Diva segments it’s almost sickening. Cody basically destroys ‘Swoggle and finally it dawns on Show and Rosa that there is something going on in the ring. Show makes the save but Cody is out of there before Show even touches him. Rosa rushes to Hornswoggle’s aid and starts checking on him, and that segment officially ends by fading into something involving Edge.
Random Observations: So a pointless segment, but if you’re like me, you enjoy seeing Hornswoggle getting beaten up. He’s ruined so many Diva segments over the years that this was a nice little holiday treat for us and for once in my life, I’m going to praise Cody Rhodes for doing the right thing. Cheers!
Up next for us Diva fans is a backstage segment with Beth Phoenix. She’s standing alongside Todd Grisham looking absolutely delicious. Todd takes us back to TLC and the nasty bump Beth took where it looked she could have potentially broken her neck or something. He asks her how she’s feeling after they watch the replay and Beth says that she is grateful she wasn’t seriously hurt. She says it’s taught her not to take anything for granted and she’s about to say more when Santino interrupts her. He’s in his wrestling gear and Kozlov is behind him dressed in a rather dapper looking suit. Santino excuses Todd and tells the Glamazon hi. She politely replies. Santino says that despite the two of them had a rather awkward break-up, he still cares about her and saw her nasty fall. Santino basically wants to know that Beth is doing okay. Beth appreciates his concern and she reassures him that she’s okay. She is a strong woman after all. Santino gets a dreamy look on his face and says that he remembers just how strong Beth is. She looks kind of disturbed, and he changes the subject. He says that he is happy for her, and that he is also happy for ‘us.’ Beth looks confused. He propositions her and says that for old times sake they should kiss. Beth is like “…..”. Beth is speechless and Santino calls for Kozlov. He produces mistletoe.
“How convenient.” – Beth Phoenix
Beth points out that Santino has a girlfriend on Raw, Tamina. Santino says he knows that, but this isn’t Raw. It’s SmackDown; and what happens on SmackDown, stays on SmackDown. Oh boy. Beth refuses to kiss him but Santino is pretty persistent. He closes his eyes and puckers up. Beth looks past him and at Kozlov, and she gets a mischievous little smile on her face. She moves the mistletoe, grabs him by the jacket, and kisses him full on the lips. The big Russian looks shocked and when Beth vanishes, Santino opens his eyes. He wants to know where his ex-girlfriend went and he turns to Vladimir for answers. Kozlov says he has no clue where Beth went. Santino demands to know what’s on Vlad’s lips. Santino says that’s Beth’s lipstick and he goes off on his tag partner for kissing his woman, ex-woman. He tells Kozlov he can’t kiss his ex because he has kissed Beth, and it’s like they kissed. Kozlov gets upset and Santino corrects himself before repeating that Kozlov just simply can’t make-out with Beth anymore. He stalks off in a huff and Kozlov just stares off in space. He mutters ‘Glamazon’ in a seductive voice and the segment comes to a close.
Random Observations: Ohmygod! The ending was just gold. Vladimir Kozlov is definitely something else. I’m not a big fan of Glamarella, but it’s just one segment. As long as they don’t make these things a habit, I’ll take this one for what it was and let it go. It was kind of funny. Loved Beth pointing out that Santino has a thing going on with Tamina. Love that Santino threw out the line that ‘what happens on SmackDown stays on SmackDown.’ Pretty darn clever. Not a bad segment. Beth is really great at comedy.
And from one backstage segment we go to another. Kelly Kelly is standing around texting on her phone when Drew McIntyre walks up to her. He says he’s glad he caught her because he wants to apologize for acting so weird last week. Kelly smiles and says that he was acting pretty normal, which was the weird part. Drew smiles and says that it’s like he told her last week, they’re a lot alike. He can’t help but want to hurt his opponent while inside the ring. Drew adds that there is something Kelly needs to know about him and when she wants to know what it is, he says that he would never hurt her. He walks off and lets his words linger, and Kelly actually smiles before turning back to her phone.
Random Observations: Cringe. Okay, so it wasn’t as bad as last week’s segment but it was still pretty awful. Both of them actually seemed to try this week but unfortunately it didn’t make it any better. I can’t believe that the ‘E is pushing this after last week’s debacle but Drew’s dramatic declaration that he would never hurt Kelly means that come 2011, we could very well see more of these two. Now excuse me while I go watch WWE High videos on YouTube.
Kelly/Drew cuts to Dolph/Vickie. The main event couple are getting ready for their handicap match against John Cena. Dolph wants to know if Vickie really wants to go through with this match and the cougar looks pretty pissed off that her boyfriend would even suggest such a thing. She says that of course she wants to go through with this match because she wants revenge for Cena embarrassing her on Raw. She says that if Dolph really loved her, he would get in that ring and defend her honor. And no, it isn’t a request. She’s telling him exactly what he is going to do later on that night. Dolph says he gets it, but he doesn’t look happy about it. Methinks our hot blond Intercontinental Champion wants no piece of SuperCena. Vickie demands that Dolph help her stretch and he puts down his championship and honors her request. He does what she says and Vickie keeps telling him more. Finally she snaps at him to get off of her and the scene fades. The main event is next.
Random Observations: I love Dolph and Vickie, but I would never tell him to get off of me!
As far as the handicap match goes, I feel like the video definitely speaks for itself. Vickie’s in-ring action was limited which is exactly what I expected. I love the fact she tagged herself in and stood on Cena for a bit. Of course, since he’s Superman, that was quickly stopped. She also broke up Cena’s attempt at making Dolph submit, and she got in a few cheap shots on her own when she could. This match was completely brilliant, especially if you’re just a general fan of wrestling. I can’t stress enough that Dolph Ziggler is the most improved superstar of 2010 and I wish this match would have had a different outcome. Poor Vickie, she was absolutely violated at the end when Cena forced a kiss on her, but at least savior CM Punk beat the snot out of Cena to end SmackDown.
The most shocking thing out of all this is the fact that Cena actually freakin’ sold for Dolph, Vickie, and Punk.
This was not a good episode of SmackDown. I’m still completely shocked that we had to see Drew/Kelly part two. I’m so not excited for part three which we all know is coming, and I hope that on Superstars the ladies of SmackDown have a really great match. It’s not like it’s going to be hard to top this.
Happy holidays everyone!