Tuesday, December 3, 2024

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SmackDown Redux (May 21st, 2015): I’m Rubber, You’re Glue…

Another SmackDown, another Thursday night without a Divas match. Perhaps the WWE just didn’t think they could follow the epic Women’s Title match at TakeOver. Surely, it would’ve been like following up college-level mathematics with an introduction to long division. If that was their fear, then maybe it wasn’t wise to instead book a segment that only furthered my belief that the main roster Divas are being treated like children.

Yes, in lieu of a match, Paige and Naomi took to the mic to build up Elimination Chamber’s Triple Threat Divas Title match in the quick-and-dirty way the writers have come to love: getting uncomfortably personal. Watch, if you must:

Once in the ring, mic in hand, Paige tells the WWE Universe that it’s good to be back, recapping the events that lead to her month-long absence. She directs our attention to the Titan Tron, where we see video of Naomi’s post-Battle Royal attack that put her on the injured list.

Paige refers to that moment as when Naomi “finally became relevant”, offering up some sarcastic applause. She says she had a weird admiration for Naomi, because she took what she wanted – something she herself has done countless times.

She says Naomi then went and found herself a “boyfriend” in Tamina Snuka, taking the insult a step further by asking Tamina if she’s wrestling in the right division.

Paige gets angry again, laying claim on “my division,” “my championship” and “my house.” This brings out Naomi, who has a microphone of her own.

Naomi muses that she might have hit Paige harder than she thought, because she’s forgotten where she stands in the Divas division pecking order. She says she deserves to be the top Diva, unlike Paige, who’s made a career out of screaming.

Naomi says Paige doesn’t know what it’s like to struggle and be overlooked, claiming that Paige didn’t deserve or earn her first Divas Title shot. As she’s been around longer than Paige, Naomi says she’ll fill her in on how things work: you have to take your opportunities. She tells Paige not to take her attack personally – she was just removing her from the equation in order to take an opportunity.

Paige fires back, saying she’s taken plenty of opportunities, accomplishing more in a year than either Naomi or Tamina have in their entire careers. She zeroes in on Naomi, asking her if she got the memo that Divas are supposed to have personalities.

Paige tells Naomi to stop making excuse and “get over it.” Naomi says she’s going to get over it by running over every Diva who gets in her way. She’s going to start by cleaning house now.

Naomi and Tamina rush to the ring to beat down Paige. Though she fights mightily, Paige can’t take on both of them, and is soon needing rescue. That rescue comes in the form of Nikki Bella, who chases after Naomi and Tamina. She tosses Naomi back into the ring so Paige can kick her in the face and take her out with the RamPaige.

Before Paige can hit the RamPaige, though, Nikki forearms her, making her drop Naomi. Nikki then hoists Paige up and hits her with the Rack Attack, getting the last word without uttering a single syllable.

Nikki did say some words later on, giving her thoughts on the conflict on SmackDown Fallout:

Nikki tells Eden that she’s excited for the Triple Threat match at Elimination Chamber. She says Naomi’s running out of excuses for why she’ll never be Divas Champion and that Paige will realize why she runs the division.

Elsewhere, Lana and Natalya made appearances, Natalya standing at ringside for the Four Corners tag match:

Lana, meanwhile, continued her flirtation with Dolph Ziggler, applauding his victory over Wade Barrett and speaking to him in a pre-match interview:

Dolph tells Lana that he knows she’s just using him to get back at Rusev, but he’s cool with it. She doesn’t deny this and smiles at his compliments.

I’m not feeling this turn of events for Lana, mostly because I was hoping her babyface turn would be the result of a badass and well-plotted-out act of revenge against Rusev. This, however, is more lazy writing, the creative team assuming that a woman’s primary weapon against an ex is jealousy. It’s two dimensional and boring. Lana deserves better. The fact that they’re acknowledging that this is what she’s doing doesn’t make it any better.

Now, I may eat my words if there’s some unexpected twist here, but given that this is the WWE we’re talking about, I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for it.

Thoughts: I heard a lot of negative buzz about the Paige/Naomi segment from the moment it was taped, so I knew I was in for some trouble. Paige’s remarks about Tamina being Naomi’s “boyfriend” and wrestling in the wrong division are awful, to say the least.

Again, we’re at a place where we’re supposed to root for the people saying shitty things, merely because they’re directing their words at a heel. We had to do that back during AJ Lee and Paige’s feud with the Bellas, and it seems as though the writers haven’t learned their lesson – or gained any semblance of awareness – since then. Sure, Paige can be seen as a tweener, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s saying these things to full-fledged heels in a jaunty manner. There’s no two ways about it: we’re supposed to cheer her on in this promo.

Obviously, I don’t need to explain why Paige’s comments were terrible. I’m sure, though, that Tamina will enjoy all the colorful tweets Paige’s young, impressional fans will send her.

Even discounting the childish insults, Paige’s promo sucked. It was a lazy, half-assed recap of what happened a month ago, capped off with a petulant “my this, my that” spiel. Are we really supposed to rooting for her?

In the end, I’m left rooting against Paige, merely because she was the one unfortunate enough to be made to parrot these words. Whoever wrote them, okayed them and thought they were a sensible way to get over an ~edgy babyface are the ones that deserve my ire, but unfortunately, I have no idea who they are.

Naomi’s promo was better, content-wise, but again we’re at a place where the heels make more sense than the babyfaces. Sure, it’s less black and white, but it’s also counterintuitive. You can’t tell me the WWE is aiming to make fans sympathize with heel Naomi’s struggle. Her delivery was better than ever, though, so kudos to her for that.

I did like Nikki’s involvement, unexpectedly not letting Naomi and Tamina run off. It’s typical of these types of segments to see the babyfaces just chase off the heels and stand triumphant. Instead, though, Nikki made sure they didn’t escape. That was a cool touch. The unapologetic Rack Attack on Paige was nice as well.

Overall, this segment, held up against the fantastic stuff we saw only a night prior at NXT TakeOver, only makes the comparison between the main roster and NXT Divas more stark. The NXT Divas are wrestling in the Match of the Night, while the main roster Divas are trading tone-deaf insults that would get side-eyed in a high school cafeteria.

Those booking the main roster Divas seem to think that Diva feuds only get “personal” when they get catty. To them, feuding women have one setting: bitchy. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with barbs being traded every now and then, but when every Diva-on-Diva exchange turns into blantantly obvious attempts at buzzily breaking kayfabe, it becomes clear that these people have no idea how to write for women. Get your heads out of your asses, writers: Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch proved that Divas don’t have to go all Mean Girls on each other to raise the stakes and have a personal, brutal match.

So, in case you needed another reminder that the main roster’s Divas division needs to be retooled from the ground up, this was it. Tear up the floorboards, people: we need to gut this place.

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