Monday, July 4, 2022

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Total Divas Redux: “Diva Divide”

Okay… before we even celebrate the fact that Total Divas is back and that I have trashy reality television on Sunday nights through Thursday nights, let me just say….

Omfg at that Nikki Bella/Dolph Ziggler tease.

I literally can not even at that man telling her that he will give her babies and be a husband. I know it was only like two seconds of the preview for this season but seriously…. omfg. I mean, wow.

First of all, I’m basically over my entire obsession with Dolph Ziggler anyway. I blame his craptastic storyline with AJ Lee back in the day for ruining him for me. But isn’t fitting that he’s no doubt going to pop up in yet another write-up of mine for this wonderful website?

Ugh this season premiere was everything. It had Nikki Bella regretting her decision to walk away from the company, Brie Bella summoning her inner queen bitch, Paige and Alicia Fox throwing shade that would make our queen bitch proud, Naomi back as a full time cast member (thank you God), Eva Marie actually training to be a wrestler which is what brought out the claws for girls, and Natalya… well, lets just say we finally got to see how Nattie’s new fierce fashion choices came about.


First and foremost, like all of you, I kind of raised my eyebrows when I read the article about Eva Marie training in California with Brian Kendrick.

Why wouldn’t she just go to the performance center like everyone else? Well, our good friend Mark Carrano cleared that up. He ever so politely told Natalya, during a meeting with her about her new character (more on that later), that the company decided Eva would train in Cali and that she shouldn’t worry about it.

Of course Nattie worried about it and went to spread the news around like it was some type of airborn STD. And of course, all the girls found some reason to be irritated by it. Brie felt lied too, because Eva told her straight to her face that she would be working down in NXT. Of course, Paige and Foxy got vocal, brought out their mean girl side, and honestly, it was hilarious. Nikki wasn’t too impressed either, but Naomi did do her best to try and be the voice of reason.

No one cared.

Nikki even flat out asked Mark Carrano if he wanted Eva to take her spot. I’m pretty sure the whole Eva thing was a little part of why Nikki decided to stay. The fact that every girl seemingly wanted to take Nikki and Brie’s vacated spots just fueled Nikki’s competitive fire and drive. I’m not at all surprised she ended up changing her mind and resigning with the company. She said it herself, she worked hard to get to where she is and she wants to be like John Cena and The Rock.

Kudos to her.

I just wish Queen Brie would get over her baby fever and decide to stay as well. But hey, a Braniel baby could make for good television and the season is still young. Maybe Brie will change her mind =)

Things took an awkward turn when Eva Marie turned up at the Staples Center for the final Raw before WrestleMania. Why were they so awkward? Well seeing as how the Divas locker room is the equivalent to a high school popularity clique, the news reached Eva that everyone was talking about her. The culprit behind this seemed to be Cameron, but it was Lillian Garcia of all people who told Brie about it.

Well our fabulous, perfect Brie decided she was just going to confront Eva head on about everything and basically tell her to man up and go talk to the other girls. Eva took it to heart but when she did try and talk to everyone, it just erupted into a screaming match. Brie, Paige, and Foxy let Eva know their opinion of her and in not so many words let her know that no amount of training would ever make her a great wrestler.

It was kind of harsh, but whatevs. Eva seemes pretty determined and only time will tell. We all know that the Bella twins can do no wrong in my beautiful, hazel eyes, but everyone (including them) had to start somewhere and no one is great right off the bat.

With Eva Marie training and at least one Bella twin leaving the company, the rest of the girls made it known that they were thirsty for the spot[s] that would be open. Natalya decided to amp up the sexiness of her character by going with a dominatrix theme. Mark told her that wasn’t exactly PG, but Nattie assured him that it would be well within the guidelines of their company policy.

Well, Nattie’s research definitely wasn’t PG. She went with Naomi and Jimmy Uso to a sex shop to look at bondage gear and it went just as well as you would expect. At one point, Nattie picked up a buttplug with a fuzzy tail attached to it and thought it would be a fun toy for her cats. Obviously, she didn’t have a clue as to what she was holding.

To further her research, Nattie decided to invite the world’s creepiest dominatrix into her home and apparently Tyson Kidd wasn’t impressed with her either. He actually just got angry and stormed out, then called Nattie to scream at her for humiliating him. That part was actually kind of funny to be honest.

Nattie decided to forget the whole dominatrix thing thanks to the idea being far to sexual, but I believe it was Nikki who encouraged Nattie to just embrace whatever her personal idea of a dominatrix was. Nattie took that ball and ran with it, because now we see her every week on TV rocking fierce outfits and high heeled boots, and honestly, she’s never looked better.

It was a damn good season premiere and the tease at the end promises so much more. This season could end up being the best one yet and I’m personally super excited. Nothing makes me happier than ridiculous scripted drama and seeing other people’s personal lives exposed for my amusement.

Yayness! Until next time… xoxoxo

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