Wednesday, August 17, 2022

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Impact Write-Up (February 24th, 2011): I Hope ODB Knows How to Count to Three!

Oh what a week it has been! I am so glad that now is the time for the weekly Diva Dirt TNA Impact Write-Up! I want to thank you for joining me and strapping in for this rollercoaster ride! Last week, we saw a beautiful former TNA Knockout return to the Impact Zone in the form of Traci Brooks. She took out the mean mugging Cookie to help her man, Kazarian. We also saw a hot sauce feud begin to come to an end between two current Knockouts and we were given a sneak peek into this week’s Impact. This week, we finally get to see how this Open Challenge fiasco is going to work for the self-proclaimed “Queen” of the Knockouts division. We are also graced with a load of backstage happenings that I can’t even begin to describe so let’s put this baby in gear and get on the road! It’s time for some action!

Our first glimpse of the Knockouts comes in the form of The Beautiful People, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky in their dressing room(aka the trailer park). Angelina seems to be trying to talk her BFF out of the career threatening match with Sarita, a challenge issued last week. Velvet says she’s aware of what Angelina is trying to say but what would Angelina do in her situation? A. Love comes back with the fact that Sarita is the point and Sarita is just loco. Not to mention, her little chihuahua of a cousin, Rosita, running around behind her. Angelina even goes on to say that it isn’t Velvet’s ability(like everyone else thinks) but it’s Sarita and she’s crazy. Velvet says it’s nothing personal but she just needs to be alone. She needs to be alone to collect her thoughts and that’s just what she gets. Angelina leaves Vel Vel to pinch her nose and battle her demons on her own. Oh Velvet. I feel for you but I hate your outfit.

After a major dose of hoopla, we come back to the Knockouts with Winter backstage fixing her hair. Oh vanity, what a bitch you are. In stalks Velvet, who quickly turns around with her hands up, not wanting anything to do with Winter. However, the paranormal psycho beckons her return. Winter states that it’s simply time for bygones to be bygones, so go on get the hell on. Okay. Again, I made that up but it sounded good! She says that Velvet obviously has more important things on her mind than what is going on between the two of them, you know, that thing with Sarita next week. What about it, Velvet inquires and Winter says that between the two of them, now that they are friends, she hears people talking. She’s hearing voices, everybody. Imagine that! Haha.

Winter tells Velvet that she really wants Vel Vel to go out there and prove herself next week against Sarita. Just like when she and Angelina won the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championships, Velvet just needs to go out and do it. Velvet, the fiesty firecracker, whirls Winter’s chair around and tells her that when she’s done with Sarita, she’s coming after her. Bitch! Remember that! Seriously? Yes, Velvet. Seriously.

Cue a creepy smirk from Winter here because you knew it was coming.

Finally! Some real Knockouts action..sort of. It definitely isn’t a backstage segment so I have to give it some credit. Last week, we saw a short segment between Madison Rayne and her bodyguard, Tara, where Madison said that this week she was going to issue an open challenge. The contender brave enough would recieve a shot at her coveted TNA Knockouts Championship. Now, this should be interesting considering there aren’t many Knockouts left that Madison hasn’t competed against. I have to see where this is going to go. SHE’S A KILLER QUEEN! Here she comes, in all her beer wench glory! Madison makes her way down the ramp and waves her way to the ring, missing only a parade float for her descent. Inside the ropes, she takes a microphone and says that everytime TNA management has set up an opponent, she has taken great pleasure in knocking them out. A quick note on that, Madison is missing her loaded glove this week but she has a fresh manicure. That’s always a plus, right?

From Angelina Love to Miss Hardcore Country, Mickie James, southern drawl and all. Madison says that she has beaten them all and she has gotten a little bit bored. She reclaims that she is issuing an open challenge to any woman in the world willing to step inside the Queen’s court to try and dethrone her. That just sounds like a painful process but hey, I’m raising my hand! Madison says that her first challenger is waiting in the back and with a little sweet talk, she invites her opponent down so she can make her famous.

Cue the familiar theme music that brings shock and horror to the Queen’s face.

Oh sweet lard in fried chicken heaven! It’s ODB!She is brunette, dressed in purple and ready to kick some ass, REDNECK STYLE! Stopping only to take a swig from her flask, the Trailer Park Tamale gets a running start and slides into the ring, much to dismay of Madison Rayne. I think I would be pretty scared for my life if something like ODB came running my way. She makes Mickie James look like a debutante. She takes poor Madi down with a Lou Thesz Press and just nails her with multiple fists. Another swig from the flask and she is ready to take this motherEXPLETIVE down! Is it just me or are those monsters on her chest twice the size they were before? Just curious.

Up Madison goes, straight into the corner and ODB is stomping the champion like a toad in a crick! Sweet potatoes and cornbread! I have no idea what that means but whatever it is just lead ODB to a rather unconventional landing on the bottom rope. She went for that roughhouse bronco buster and ended up getting her bronco busted. Madison moved just in time to skip the vision of her life flashing before her eyes. While the Old Dirty Bitch is holding onto her nether region like she is fatally wounded, Madison gets back in the ring and gives a royal wave to the fallen contender. Time for the rebound! She lays the harsh fists and forearms to ODB’s back, getting in a nice offense while the Moonshine Mama is down. I guess now would be a good time for a headscissors stomp, don’t you agree Madison?

Of course she does because there it is and she could not be more proud of her actions. Naturally, her boasting leads her to a shot to the stomach but she is quick to come back, nailing ODB with a nice falling backcracker. The referee asks ODB if she wants to give up but all we can hear is a nice “KISS MY ASS!” from the returning Knockout. This gives Madison the idea to go for another headscissors stomp but ODB isn’t giving in this time. She muscles her way out and tosses Madison across the ring, slapping herself in the face. I’m going to safely assume it is some backwater alarm clock technique. However, I could be severely mistaken.

Left hands comes flying and with a slap to her only two friends in the world, Ole Dirty pumps herself up. Back and forth across the ring, taking Madison down each time she comes back around. Hehe. I made a rhyme. Four slamming takedowns in a row and the crowd is just loving the return of ODB to the Impact Zone! This is where it gets a little comical for me. ODB picks Madison up, setting her up for her signature fallaway slam and the look on her face almost gives me the impression she’s about to have an aneurysm. I half-expected her to go cross-eyed and fall back herself but she follows through, tossing Madison back behind her with attitude. A little shaky leg and face slapping leads to a classic kip-up from Ole Dirty, who is ready to take this one to home plate. Madison is in the corner and ODB sets it up, running across the ring and there it is! She busts that bronco all over Madison’s chest!

But it isn’t quite enough to put the champion down. Ole Dirty lifts Madison into a firem..wom..no man’s carry but Madison throws back a couple of elbows, fighting out of the hold. Both Knockouts are down on their feet and Madison turns ODB just the right way, landing a very crisp Rayne Drop! A rollover, hook of the leg and the official counts the three count for the win.

The winner and yet another victory comes to the hands of Madison Rayne, the TNA Knockouts Champion!

Backstage, promptly after the match, Velvet Sky is seen talking directly to the TNA camera. She tells us all that she is tired of people talking shit about her and she wants what is about to unfold to be documented. The giggles and voices in the background we were hearing turn out to be Sarita, whom Velvet approaches with a purpose. It takes two seconds for little Rosita to take off her earrings and step up in Velvet’s face, only to get pushed back by her older cousin. “Settle down, Mini-Me. Settle down.” Haha. I choked on my soda. It’s so true!

Sarita wants to know if Vel Vel came to wave the white flag but Velvet stops her quick, telling her that she has accepted her challenge and looks greatly forward to wrestling her next week. Sarita cements the fact that it most definitely will be Velvet’s career on the line. Velvet determines that it will indeed be her career on the line and without the little chihuahua out there. Turning to walk away, the bitchy BP gets pulled back by the Loco Latina, who apparently had a humble taco salad for lunch. Sarita tells Velvet that she is impressed with her and she wants to give Velvet her word. She is not going to pull any tricks, she is impressed and one on one, just a wrestling match. Give it a handshake and Velvet agrees, leaving the locker room. This leads Sarita and Rosita to hysterics that Velvet would actually believe anything she said. Sarita says that she is going to screw her up so hard, she’s going to have trouble walking. If you could only imagine the images I have in my head right now. Leather strap. That is all I am going to say. Give it a little bit of spanish and next week seems to be shaping up to be an interesting show.

Thoughts: Oh yeah! You saw it here…that is, if you didn’t see it on television! ODB came back with a vengeance and then..got pinned. But hey! It is always nice to see an unconventional female contender come back to our screens. ODB has always been a riot in my book and even with a love/hate thing going on, I love her style. She is who she is and there is no shame in that. Good to see her back and trashy as ever! Now, as for all these backstage segments we received, well…

I don’t know. They are building up to the biggest match of Velvet’s career. I get that. It just would have been nice to see something else but hey! At least we got something, right? Not a lot to cover this week aside from the latter mentioned so I am going to make my closing thoughts short and sweet. Loving all these Knockouts returning. It gives me a bit of nostalgia and deja vu but we won’t discuss that. I am curious to see if it is a permanent fixture or if it is going to be a random one time thing. We never know with TNA. Anyway, my lovelies, it has been interesting this week. Don’t forget! Next week, we’re going to a wedding so dress sharp! But until that time, may you all be blessed with glitter gumdrops and rainbow candy canes! xoxo

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